NewStats: 3,259,516 , 8,170,397 topics. Date: Sunday, 25 May 2025 at 12:25 PM 4d4q6d

omooba969:


Your epistle shows you have the energy for writing, but it's unfortunate you're very incoherent. You're all over the place, therefore, use your energy wisely.

Secondly, you're very disrespectful making a comparison btw your examples and Yul's position, while ignoring the fact that all the active players in your examples have been in their marriages previously but Judy wasn't in a marriage.

Lastly, it's sad to see how you Nigerians, who don't know how to vote honest and credible leaders, want to determine how two consenting adults live their lives happily.

Yul and Judy are genuinely in love with each other, and that's all that matters!

#EOD

But, sorry to burst your buble...Judy Austin-Obasi was very much married and a mother to 2 children when she started her affair with Yul. Her husband literally put out a video begging her to let him collect his kids. Yul is her 3rd husband, her kids from her 1st marriage are teens (she probably married straight out of secondary school, common in her tribe), her kids from 2nd marriage are younger

I mean, their pictures are on the Internet...🤷🏽‍♀️

Greatmec:


Hahahaha my story is weird and fascinating if you are reading or listening to it. Just that it's better you don't experience it, because if you do, I assure you that it will seize to be fascinating and become life-threatening.

Anyway Lagos is too far for me. I need solutions that could be found here at Aba or in Abia state or it's environs. Thanks.

Bro, enter night bus to MFM o.

I don't attend that church but when I went there, solutions started coming into my life. Infact, if I give you my story, you'll be at Ekene DiliChukwu park tonight. As I walked in, the Lord convicted me of my sin. I sat on the floor and wept.

The person that told me to go there, her friend went there and found solution

Please note that it's not the church alone. When my problem had issue, I went to Our Lady of Perpetual Help's altar with my kids and lit candles. Reprieve was given to us in an hour.

God needs to sometimes take you to places where you can hear Him and He can talk to you with sense.

Oya, open YouVersion app. Prepare your heart first.

Greatmec,

This is just so weird and fascinating. I really need popcorn for your thread.

Anyhoo, please start reading your YouVersion bible app daily. And then go to MFM Headquarters in Lagos for prayers. Sha know you go confess all your sins, because your heart must be clean for the Lord to be invited in.

(And you've definitely been cheating so... )

Lots of people have done this successfully.

There are a lot of Asians moving here for odd reasons and I think it is because Nigeria has lax law enforcement so even if they're caught, they'll be released. In their countries, it's jail straight.

omooba969:
Guy-man just dey load this woman steady.

May don lose o.

Strong something!

May has lost nothing.

Yul has lost out.

My Uncle did the same thing, 51 years ago. Ahswwear.

He was married, had one son with his pretty wife. Then started cheating with a married woman who had a son for her husband. And was denying it upandan and swearing he was just giving her ride to work.

Until her belle begin to swell and nobody was sure who the father was, her husband or my Uncle.

My Uncle moved her into a house and she became 2nd wife. She born and after a while, it was clear that the child belonged to her 1st husband, so they returned him there.

That's how this woman started pregnancy competition with the 1st wife (like Judy Austin, who has gotten pregnant 3 times in 3-4 years, even Dr's will be warning her for her health, but she must match May's children number for number so that Yul doesn't leave her).

My Uncle's wife will born this year, 2nd wife will born next year. Before you know it, 9 children in total.

And then IBB hit, economically. All Oga's money dried up.

When a man's eyes clear, it is a terrible thing. He will never accept blame for his bad choices, he will look for someone to blame.

2nd wife was right there, to take the blame for his poverty. He dealt ruthlessly with her. He moved her and all her kids into a one bedroom BQ, begged his 1st wife to forgive him. Then disowned each child once they turned 18.

Infact, till this day, the repercussions of that madness is still being felt. Those other kids are not seen as his children. They hate, positively hate their father and are angry at their mother:

"What were you thinking, leaving your husband to chase a married father because of money?? Look what you did to us!".

There is no older person who looks at Yul, May and Judy and not shake their head. We have all seen this story play out several times:
My family friend's Mum was the 2nd wife, she wanted to kill herself to born son so she can be secure in the man's house, she ended up with 5 girls. The 2 sons from the 1st wife collected every piece of their Dad's properties when he died.

When you snatch another woman's husband, you will be sleeping with one eye open, doing everything to secure your position.

And you go still lose am, one day. God no dey bless tief. See King Charles and Camilla: till tomorrow, everyone is still calling her "Olosho" and Diana na "Princess of Our Hearts". Every day, people say Jeff Bezos traded down from his wife to Lauren Sanchez. Eventually, the comments will get to the man, he won't show it but imagine the whole world calling you a fool, constantly. It's galling.

The whole world is seeing the "lurve", they will not see the demise.

alizma:

I need the advice too cos this is not funny any more. For people like us, I hereby announce to others that the 23 time sex per money is not within our reach, make una help o

Please read my posts.

It's a challenge, not a problem.

OnyeAghaJesus:
Another unfortunate incident of plane crash is recorded yet again in USA. Certainly, this one too many.

Follow : https://bbc.in/43GmSeT

Hello,

Please could you mail [email protected]. Thanks

Phabulous4:
I see why you’re called on this matter. Not only are you knowledgeable, you also have first-hand, raw experience and a ion for young marriages. May God continue to bless and keep your home. My love to the little one (the fresh certificate you just acquired), lools!. Those kids are rockets, quite restless!

As for me, I’m very well domesticated. I do a lot in the house. I started bathing our child at 3 months, and I still do so even now, I back him when he needs to sleep, help to feed him, we did the potty training together, and even now, I still wake him up at nights to pee! I cook sometimes too, and all of that. I was out of the country for the past two weeks, and they could hardly cope without me around. That’s how connected we are, a perfect triangle. My wife can’t drive, so I handle the driving and school runs whenever I’m working from home.

My wife just categorically told me that we were not married primarily to have sex, i.e., sex is a secondary need. I’m trying to adjust to that reality, though it’s hard! Some things I won’t say on record!!

I'm not optimistic about any change, but might take few learning from you advise and try them out. The problem is if I even want to try at all despite all that I am doing now! l just want to leave things the way they are!

Thanks once again. You should have a channel where you do this and earn something on the side. Lols!

I'm glad you shared more.

Please read my posts on this thread.

https://nairaland.unblockandhide.com/8405652/why-want-separate-wife/7#135187294

I know it seems like I'm asking a lot but truly marriage takes work and you're willing to do it. And that work is not gendered.

If she's saying sexx is secondary in marriage, she's not really being truthful about what is going on. Whatever is wrong, she doesn't know how to communicate it yet.

I know for a fact that Married women actually love sexxx more than singles, so for your wife to be declaring that she no wan do, something is up.

I've seen someone say she was fasting and giving her life to Jesus rather than it that she felt unsexy and unattractive, to her husband.

Another story I heard, she was refusing sexx to her husband. It later came to light that "Prophet" told her to abstain from all worldly desires and "reap spiritual rewards". The wife had to be gently reminded that Esther didn't just pray and stop there, she wore perfume, did makeup and a skintight mesh lycra dress, with chunky gold accessories and 22" bone straight, then twerked and sat on his lap and played with his bear-bear, to ask the King to save her people.

A lot of times, what comes out of our mouths isn't what is in our hearts. We are all so scared of being vulnerable.

Please be optimistic. Once you believe it and set out with conviction, change will happen. I'm living testament.

And it's only Nairaland I have sense, I don't have sense in real life

And that's it from me, Phabulous4 and apprentis and every other husband with young kids and a dwindling sexx life out there.

It's not really her job, because even when she's at work, if Junior runs a temperature, it's Mummy the school will call, not Daddy. So her mind is never really there (women take a career hit when they have kids, globally).

So with kids, then work and life, you, her husband, will get neglected.

I'm sorry it happens but that is Life and we can't be selfish and choose our happiness and then destroy our marriage over pleasure that was just there in your house, if only you could have safeguarded your marriage.

Phabulous4, you even itted you're losing your libido small. That is so very common for men, same life and stresses are getting to you. Start planning where you will ditch those kids in August for 2 weeks and save up money for Netflix and Chill with your baddie wife. Get some "Me Time" with her and remind her you're still her boyfriend

I hope this helps and this is the start of a new, wonderful journey and season in your life.

Sorry for breaking my replies into several places. Not only were they long, the circumstances that led to the hot fok of 7-8 yrs ago with my spouse, were repeated (almost, he stepped up domestically) in August 2022 and now the Consequences Of My Actions is scribbling with red crayon on the floor, he just decided to start jumping onto the floor from a chair laughing hysterically and I'm hiding to type this. You don't wanna be me and be doing Primary School runs at age 50.

So my last advice to you is: Gold Circle, Kiss, Durex or Trojan. Very important.

Good luck, bros. You got this 👍🏽

Phabulous4 and apprentist,

Please don't let her quit her job with pressure from you.

In Life, once you have kids, your expenses balloon up until they're at least 18-21 ( you were both young and students). Plus, Nigeria, inflation is always going up, not coming down.

So money is going to be tight and you don't want to be the sole provider because it is exhausting, you'll get resentful and the Enemy will play on you mentally and you'll hate her and find yourself looking at girls on Facebook (who will start looking like "Angels" and then blow up your marriage.

Even if your wives start a business, make sure you see her paying some bills (could be NEPA o, even if na Netflix subscription and buying gas monthly). My friend said something to me: "I like knowing that my wife can handle some things around the house, by herself".

Financial independence is important.

So why not ask her "what do you wanna do, do you need another job in the same field? Or you wanna quit and build something that will give you fulfillment and a source of income, because I do want you being an adult who is independent".

Again, can you see how that's you being a ive husband?

And yes, once a week, do Date Night. Like I told someone on another thread, when your wife says "I want to eat grilled fish and sharwarm", what she's saying is "I want to get dressed, look pretty and go out". So do that.

Also know that her body is out of shape after childbirth, so many women lose themselves with kids. She's definitely not dressing like her hot self and she's not feeling like her hot baddie self. So you come in and rizz her from time to time.

Again, that's how a loving ive husband do.

You gotta love her like you love yourself.

Phabulous4 and apprentist (and every other man who is in this situation),

Here's what to do!

Firstly, you're going to ignore almost all the men on this thread. Why? Because I've noticed that in general, Nigerian men give advice like Thanos:

You know, "everyone is starving on this planet so rather than try and help them develop their economy, I'll just kill half of them. Problem solved!"

Nigerian men don't start giving advice with sense until their 50s (and that's only half), they fully come into maturity by their 60s. So they're here telling you to cheat or become polygamous. And if you follow that, I will tell you this confidently, you will need N2-N6mil to file for divorce at Lagos High Court and it will take you 4 years minimum (Separation and Divorce), you will be paying 2 sets of rent and having 2 household expenses.

Meanwhile, "Power Of A Praying Husband" is N3500 per copy.

Which idea is smarter to do?

Now, let's get serious.

Yes, get a Nanny.

Yes, upgrade every appliance you need to get.

Absolutely drop all expectations of her and tell her to do the same for you. What is required is a neat house, hot meals and children who are alive (not even well-behaved, just be alive ).

Tell your wife: "babe I am THE HEAD OF THIS HOUSEHOLD!" If you need me to back thr baby so you can go and make your hair, bring that wrapper! If you need me to be the one fueling the cars so you don't have to worry about that chore, let me have the keys! If you need me to listen to you after you have been stressed at work and be nodding my head and saying "eyahhh!" I go do am!"

Your wife needs time and space to adjust and grow into her new position. You gotta be ive of that, that is an Ephesians 5 husband: loving her like Christ loved an (unwilling, struggling, not even-existing) church.

You have to step up.

Phabulous4 and apprentist,

Let me give you small gist.

Like 7/8 years ago, my husband and I lived in a 3 brdm very small apartment. Very messy (because I'm not a Domestic Goddess) and we had 2 kids under the age of 4 (nightmare).

And then our Nanny's uncle's father's grandmother died (translation: she had found a higher paying job) so she quit abruptly.

Leaving hubby and I. That man rolled up his sleeves and became a house-husband after office hours were done.

That particular day, he swept, I cooked, he mopped, I bathed the babies. After that, I looked at this man in his faded tshirt and boxers and he was suddenly looking sexier than Rege Jean Page. And that's how we had unbelievably hot fok, in the corridor of that small flat, no fan, no mattress, nothing. Do you know how hard floor tiles are on your knees when you're blowing off a man Do you know how hard a concrete wall is on your back?? I fokked that man's brains out that night and I would have kept going, if he could do upto 3 rounds before midnight. Even ing that night still makes me Hot.

Now, why did my man get himself a Por.nstar that night?

Well,because of this really old Christian book "Se.x Starts In The Kitchen".

That book said that when you're married, romance is one thing that ignites ion but security and is what keeps it alive.

A woman turns from a Wife to a Mother and everything about her changes.

Mentally, she shifts into Mama Bear and Protective mode for her kids, her entire existence becomes keeping them alive. Especially when they're young (once they hit 8, 10, she couldn't care less if they burn down the house ).

Nothing else matters, because most women are wired like that so that the human species survives. In Nature, the human child is one of the weakest young out there. Antelope are born running, tadpoles swim at birth, but human babies are helpless for 5 years. They require the most protection.

And then add the stresses of work and society and social media being overwhelming.

Your wives are basket cases right now, running on vibes alone. She herself doesn't even know it.

And that's where you come in.

Brothers, your job, your mission (should you choose to accept it ) is to be her PROTECTOR AND SECURITY DURING THIS PERIOD, SO SHE CAN DO WHAT NATURE INTENDED HER TO DO, FOR YOUR CHILDREN.

Which is why sexx starts in the kitchen, which is why I rushed my hubby: because he was ing me so I could be a better Mum.

And that made him so, so sexy in my eyes.

And I am not the only woman like that.

So that's my explanation for what's going on, my next post will be "here's what you're gonna do".

Phabulous4 and apprentist, I have been summoned.

Oya, let me drop my 2 kobo, get a big sheet of pen and paper and write this down:

Go and buy "Power Of A Praying Husband" by Stormie Omartian.

Read it, with your bible close by.

You're welcome

(In my next post, I'll share all my thoughts).

Helpout12345:


Apply all of her advise up there except the part that she said you should bring out all your assets and table them to your wife. DON'T DO THAT.

From other past experiences in western countries, that method is a highway to divorce courts. She will now have full information about your assets home and abroad that can be used against you in divorce court. Her lawyers will apply their regular "wish list" divorce settlement templates against your asset and you will lose bitterly.

With all due respect, you're wrong.

When misunderstanding starts, everyone becomes suspicious of each other. We all go "shields up!", summon our dragons and assume the other person is attacking.

And that's exactly how my newly-divorced friend ended up divorced: he and his wife were having problems, he (foolishly) decided to move out for a year and people told his wife "he's gonna clear all the s and file and screw you over!". So she filed immediately.

Of course, divorce isn't nice and rarely amicable (forget the lies you hear people spout online, once lawyers are involved, it will get ugly).

So after they were done fighting (correction, they're still fighting, he just got back the house), there's too much bad blood and bad experiences, that have happened and neither of them is truly happy, their kids certainly aren't happy, but they're still divorced.

There's no "Me" or "Shields Up" in a Marriage.

My sibling is a 54-year old Dr in Nigeria, do you KNOW how many people, men mostly, that have been brought in DOA or almost and nobody could identify them, their families or even access their financials because their phones are PRIVATE PROPERTY from their wives?

Do you know how many bankers love Nigerian men because of the numerous dormant s they are stealing from quietly because the wife has zero idea of her late husband's finances?

If you don't plan on trusting your husband or wife fully, stay single.

Even the Apostle Paul recommends Singleness because he knew how hard and committed Marriage was.

onuku:
Thank you so much for the kind advise. I will do so.

In addition, please add the questions WhiteIverson mentioned to your conversation.

"Is this a debt issue?"

Super serious Q, because y'all are going into a recession in the US of A.

BTW, this may be a good time to look at buying a rental property. Extra income for the retirement for BOTH of you. Tell her this.

Rooting for you two ❤️

Onuku, your financial talk should include:

Investment s,
Roth IRAs
529s
Retirement s from your respective companies
Medicaid (it may not exist by then )
Investments back home
Investments in the US (a 2nd business)
Spending money (for when your midlife crisis hits, you buy a motorcycle and carry her across Route 66 on a road trip and get her pregnant at 47

In other words, show her you're still committed to building a life together, it's just her turn to pick up that financial section and maybe your turn to take care of the domestics.

Infact, call her "the Man of the House" as she dey pay bills, buy an apron and serve her food wearing only your boxers and the apron, shake your bumbum in front of her and tell her "baby plis can you pay for my Netflix??"

Laughter will always be the best medicine.

, Ephesians 5: 23-33. She's your body, treat your body right

Onuku

A lot of times, our insecurities and fears are triggered by an external factor.

We can't start saying "I may not trust my spouse" so we get defensive and then protective of ourself. Our spouse sees that and reacts to it.

The Enemy of course is working overtime because he loves misunderstandings, he's broken up so many covenants with that. he will water that seed of misunderstanding and mistrust until it grows I to a tree.

God doesn't want that and once you go to Him, He will help you uproot that seed before it becomes a tree.

Because every marriage dies by a 1000 cuts and finances, lack of communication and mistrust are 3.

Something, maybe a combo of what she saw and something you did, has triggered her defenses. She's not going to tell you, but she's forgotten she's part of a triple team. You need to reassure her and calm the muddy waters.

I edited this to add:

I didn't read any of your other replies on the thread when I typed my earlier response.

It's scary I'm right. You're about to retire and she's feeling like you're about to take care of yourself whilst she shoulders the bills. She's finally seeing how hard it is to pay bills and the Enemy has planted a seed in her head that you will soon buy land in Nigeria in your name only and begin to build whilst she is doing jackie and dodoyo.

It's a Trust issue.

If you call her family or yours, you will love divorce court by 2027.

Fix this with God and love. Come back, drinking your Caprisun and eating your biscuit and update us.

onuku:
The marriage is over 15 years. Husband was taking care of everything throughout the period during the marriage. She started working last year's January, and started doing feeding for a family of 5 last July. 3 months ago, we agreed that she will also contribute some money towards utilities. She contributed towards utilities for 2 months and stopped. Reason being that she doesn't have money

Hallo

May I chip in?

This is not a money issue, this is a Trust issue.

And if allowed to fester, could get ugly. So here's a game plan.

Step 1: Sit with the Lord. Commit your marriage to prayer. Ask Him to guide the family and blessing He gave you. Tell the Lord to show you what an Ephesians 5: 23-33 kind of husband looks like, because it's time to love your wife like Christ loved the (misbehaving) church.

Step 2: print all your financial documents, every bank statement, retirement , even the one in Nigeria. Any document showing whatever property you own, print out a copy.

DO NOT DARE ATTEMPT TO LIE BY OMISSION ON STEP 2. BECAUSE I ASSURE YOU, THE ENEMY IS BANKING ON THIS.

Step 3: send your wife a text "hey, I would like us to sit down and have a talk this weekend, please schedule 3 hours for it. Love, your husband".

Some authority with a sprinkle of love. We are leading gently, leading though. that.

Step 4: make sure the kids are not anywhere around during those 3 hours. No distractions, phones on silent. TV off. Nowhere to go, nothing to do.

Step 5: buy 4 Caprisun and 2 packs of biscuits.

D-Day

Come to the meeting place, sit down beside Madam, folder of papers in hand.

Modulate your voice, monitor your emotions, tell yourself "I'm talking to a white surbodinate, not a Naija woman". You should be THAT calm.

Gently yet firmly bring up "what's going on, we had an agreement, you're backing out, the family finances are getting hurt. What's happening?"

She has her shields up, so she's going to say "nothing".

You continue, press her gently. Keep mentioning the phrase "Family Finances", "Team Work", "US against the problem", "Our Money".

Show her your folder and be open about your finances with her. Encourage her to do the same, maybe at a later date. Explain to her that if you work together, everyone will achieve their goals together.

Be firm yet gentle. Show her you're an open book.

After the meeting, continue to be an Open book. Now is the time to let her have your phone s. Whatever income comes in, she should know and she should have a say in how she spends what she earns and also have a say in Family Financial planning.

Now, everyone will tell you I'm crazy, that you should never trust a Naija woman like that, lots of bad experiences will be shared with you.

Ignore it all.

Because when your Trust issue with your wife escalates, none of us will be there to hold you as you fall apart. And it will be UGLY.

In 3-5 months, one day your wife will gist you about Ebele or Modupe, whose husband suddenly emptied their s and cleaned her out and filed for divorce and remarried or built house in Nigeria in his name alone, after she was contributing to the bills loyally.

Please go and get that Caprisun and biscuits,sit beside her, open it for her and you, eat,drink and go "ehhhh! Aahhhhh, that's bad o"

And thank God that you avoided that.

Kindheartedd

If you're in Lagos, please go to General Hospital Lagos Island and request to see a Paediatrician. The Paediatrician will be able to diagnose for any medical condition and even will know Educational Consultants to send you to.

Once you can meet an Educational Consultant and they worked with your son, you'll have a plan on how to and push him further.

You're strong, mama. You got this. Always rely on God when you have bad days.

And , his path may not be academic and still be great.

Another reason this may be happening is that the Wife may have a medical issue and the couple have decided that this is what is best for their family: selecting a new wife that will not maltreat the kids, together.

There's more to the story but OP won't see it until she dey inside and trapped with one baby.

Because again, you're hanging out happily with a woman taking your husband's attention? Even the Pastor's wife who said she was ironing her hubby's clothes to meet his side chics, wasn't doing it happily o.

Sterope:
It actually happens far more than you think.

There I nothing wrong with these women. There are those of them that are independent, intelligent and successful.

However, it still feels and sounds abnormal.

The only one I've ever seen was an IG reel of a young Saudi babe who was delighted her bestie married her super rich husband a year later. And honestly, the 2 girls were unbelievably hot and looked like a magazine catalogue, so who knows what is really happening in that house.

The ones I know in real life, they are successful women who bond over a man and it leaves you scratching your head...until you meet the man . Right now, Babe no.3 is trying to Wife and she's defending her man and the 2 previous women are laughing together, because the broom they used on them dey under bed for No.3

I have seen and heard of Muslim women, whom are trained from birth to expect to share their husband with 3 other women, still struggle with that decision when it comes up.

I have seem 2 women who had kids for the same man bond and become friends. Because most times, the man is a problematic man and they gang up to save their kids and deal with him.

But I have never seen a woman go "my husband is excellent, come let me share his affections and attentions for me and my kids, with you, a younger woman".

Never.

Not even in the Mormons of Utah, those women smile for the camera but there's always issues below ground.

But here you are, being fattened and led to the slaughter, gently.

Wish you all the best.

Hello Onatounkiki,

How are you today?

I'm a storyteller, can I share this very old story my neighbour told my mum? I'm talking about a story from the 1980s or early 1990s.

She had this cousin from a somewhat struggling home. The girl was young, pretty and not a bad human being.

Nigeria was hard so her family had it rough: her dad was a transporter and he had a car accident on Lagos-Ibadan expressway and was now bedridden. So things were financially tight for them all, but they managed.

In walked in this middle-aged man (I won't mention his tribe). Doing well, had a Family, had some business in Lagos.

He met our heroine and promptly fell in love.
He was gentle, tender, mature, the couple got along very well. He started picking up her dad's medical bills, helping out and her family was grateful.

But the girl was worried about his marriage and didn't want to be a 2nd wife.

The man's mother asked the girl to come to their house and was warm and welcoming to her. She assured her that the man's village, he was a Chief and was entitled to 2 wives. His wife knew and had accepted this. They did several visits and the young girl even met the wife, no quarrel there.

So everyone started gathering items in readiness for her traditional wedding, you know back in the day it was Parlour and canopy they used to do wedding.

So the wedding was celebrated and our heroine moved into her husband's house. And all was well.

6-8 months later, Oga asked his young wife to follow him to the village. She complied. When they got there, he took her from the main village and into his smaller village, inside one bush. No quarrel, there was house there.

His extended family and other Chiefs were there, with families. Our bride settled in. She befriended some of the kids. She noticed one or 2 people treat her odd, but hey, people don't get along, amirite?

Anyhoo, she went to the main village, bought sweets and snacks for the kids and went back to the bush village and shared it. One of the kids ate it and sat with her, calmly looking at her. Then said:

"Shey you know it's your turn this year".

Our bride went "my turn for what?"

The child took her into the bush further, to a hut, with grass and statues with nails on them and a reddish stuff all over them. With skulls inside.

"Aunty, it's your turn to enter this place. My mummy said so".

Our bride became to shake and shiver. She couldn't talk, she couldn't cry. A quiet voice whispered in her head: "start running!". So she took off, didn't even pack her things, just ran until she got back to the main village. She got even more scared and went to the park to beg a transporter to take her to the nearest main town.

When she got there, she went to the Parish in town and asked for a place to sleep and narrated her story.

And that was how she found out her husband belonged to a secret society and each member had to sacrifice a wife when it was his year. So the devised a plan to marry poor girls not from their villages and sacrifice them, then tell her family she died of sickness or accident and settle them financially.

Our bride eventually found her way back to Lagos.

Perplexingly, her "loving" husband, his "understanding" wife and his "accepting" mother never came to look for her again.

Ever.

ebubeson:
Parents be a light to your children so that they will want to marry someone like you if possible.

Way too many women would rather die than marry men like their fathers.

And that is very telling.

But men won't it it.

My uncle told me, 5 years ago, "Nigerian men don't make good husbands until they move abroad. Even me, if I and my wife lived in Nigeria, she would have suffered. Nigeria has no consequences for bad behaviour, even the church will tell her to apologise to me if I beat her up".

His wife is a biracial Naija babe and truly, had they lived in Nigeria, she would look like a typical Naija wife in her 50s: broken internally, with eyes full of pain, managing her life, focusing on her kids and surviving. Instead, she's a glowing sexy babe in the UK, always beaming happily when you see her.

You haven't met her in real life, so there should be no talk of marriage for now. Go and meet her in real life, see her in person. Come back home and have a long think (over several weeks) and speak to your family again.

Best of luck to you, no matter your decision

You have no money. You're not married to this woman so you don't legally own those kids (poor choice of words). Forget about custody for now please.

Calm down. No, seriously, calm down.

Put the children first. Neither you nor the woman are putting your kids first.

Focus on bringing your Baby Mama and her Mother to the Ministry of women's affairs.

When you get there, politely ask them to help you guys sit down and draft a Child Arrangement Agreement. It will cover: shared custody, schoolers, Medicals, Upkeep. Ask if later when you are financially stable, you can offer a house for your Baby Mama's and kids only (to keep them away from the Ogogoro selling lifestyle).

You should get a Lawyer to do this running around for you, they will most likely take the case to Magistrate's court.

Please calm down and put your ego aside and think of your children.

Namaster:


You got married in Nigeria, DON'T divorce her abroad.

That's what DETTY DECEMBER is for.

"Yes Honey, your Christmas gift is at Ikeja High Court".

You have to be STRATEGIC about these things.

Errr, don't think this always works. I know a couple that the man is divorcing his 2nd wife here and she's filed abroad (and sued him for a bazillion $$). As long as both of them are domiciled abroad, the other person will have her lawyer argue that the man filed in Nigeria because he's trying to take advantage of a corrupt judicial system (which is exactly what the 2nd wife argued in US court and she got that).

I mean, what oyinbo judge won't hear that and nod in agreement, especially now that people are now faking legal divorce documents because they want to japa and they're rejecting them abroad because of verification?

Goshen5,

He needs a Family Lawyer.

What I can recall is that because they're not married, legally child belongs to the Mother. However, if he has the DNA and can prove he is a very active stable parent (financially, morally) and had enough evidence of his Baby Mama's lifestyle (sleeping around with men and women isn't a crime but smoking drugs is and then the possibility that her lifestyle may expose to the child to pedophiles)...

...he should be able to fight for custody.

And since she likes money and a fast lifestyle, he can offer a humongous amount of money and get lawyer to draft sole custody agreement with visitation rights for her. Dunno if that will work so that's why you ask a Lawyer for all options.

Brandiebird:


😂 😂 😂

Intimacy has been turned to rubbish by both genders.

We took something beautiful, generous, joyous and sanctified and turned it into a Biological Need and a Lustful and Manipulative Want and a Way to Fight For Power. We tainted it.

QuinQ:

What she instinctively wants is ONE good man who impregnates ONLY her and stays to help raise and protect her children, assuring her genes survive.

Do Urhobo women know this?

Do Ondo women know this?

Do Isale Eko women know this?

Maybe someone should tell them it's only one man that should father all their kids. I don't think they got the memo.

Like I said, it's amazing to see men believe they're the logical gender yet spout stuff like this.

All the runs girls who are masquerading as decent chicks on Facebook and LinkedIn just read this post and swallowed their laughter. Like literally, all of Lagos, Abuja, Port Harcourt, Ilorin, Warri and Awka are reading this and rolling inwardly with laughter. I'm sure Kano would too but those ones code like mad.

I seriously don't understand how men think they're the logical gender and believe stuff like this. C'mon, fellas...

The Bible is full of manipulative women using sexx and sexx appeal to manipulate men into doing what they want, yet men are still there, 3000 years later, saying and believing: "women can't have casual sexx, it must mean something to them!"

Ogbeni, even your mum cooked a nice pot of egusi soup and nacked your dad because she wanted to pay for aseobi and buy you guys new textbooks one day and her money wasn't complete. She promptly went back to side-eyeing him and hissing in her mind once the deed was done.

They have a baby. Please think of the child, it needs 2 parents and right now, they love each other. You should have spoken up since, no hints, straight up tell him the truth. Because it was obvious the girl wasn't planning on being entirely truthful with your cousin.

And here's a crazy thought: what if she already told him about you and hers' past and your cousin went: "ehen and so?"

Let sleeping dogs lie.