NewStats: 3,263,887 , 8,181,772 topics. Date: Sunday, 08 June 2025 at 03:51 PM 373f1l

Roki:

This is sweet - you are being toasted and you have an irer.

pendo89:

^^ she needs to go to mexico.

Excellent and on-point - Mexico - if the proposal is voted into Law would be great for those that "bed hop" - Had it been adopted - that should have been where Kim Kardashian went.

"Good Lookin Out"

Lax75:

Honestly, I think this thought process is the same for many women, but they would rather live in denial and quickly jump under the new man just to make this statement that they have moved on. Sad truth is that all they do is compare the old to the new, whether vocally or implicitly, but always do. Why? Because they never took time out to reflect and recoup. And what you said about sharing your body being sacred is so on point! Many of these women who jump from bed to bed with no time out don't realize that they deplete themselves in the process, over time. But you know, same goes for men too. Maturity has made me view sex differently. I see it as sharing yourself with another person and yes it is a sacred thing for those who don't do the casual sex thing, that is.

pendo89:

Thank you. Happiness does not come from without but within.
What makes you is you,Not anybody else. They can only add or reduce what is already within you.
And yes sex without connection is no different from what the wildebeast do.
Making love is what humans are supposed to do.

Seconded.

A prime example is Kim Kardashian.

Though I truly do ire her in certain areas - her RAPID relationships with men is destructive to everything she is seemingly trying to build for herself.  (An empire for financial stability - I do ire her efforts in that area COMPLETELY IRE HER EFFORTS IN THE AREA OF FINANCIAL CREATION)

However, her non-ending history with man, after man, after man - is liable to destroy her NOW current weeks-old marriage to Kris Humphries.  Reggie Bush (Miami Dolphins Running Back) (Miles Austin (Dallas Cowboys Wide Receiver), Shengo Simon Deane (her ex-Austrialian bodyguard)--she dated all of them within a 1-2 year frame of time.

Already reports are surfacing that she is still in with both Reggie and Miles.  I don't know about Miles - but I can believe the reports on Reggie.  They were together too long and have a great deal of history with each other.  Neither she nor he allowed for any alone-time before dating other people RIGHT AWAY.

It's a train wreck waiting to happen--her personal life will affect her financial life if she isn't careful.  I sincerely hope not and wish her the very best.  But we are all human - emotions and feelings don't go away overnight and don't just stop.

However, on the other hand, there can be a definite beauty in being with someone who is "completely different in ALL THE RIGHT WAYS" from a previous ex - those differences could actually really work as those characteristics could answer some long-desired yearnings that have yet to be fulfilled residing just under the surface of any one of us.

So if you actually meet someone who naturally provides the bolded text above ^^^ - I would say that a relationship definitely could work - even if "no time has elapsed between relationships" (See how I constantly weigh ideas - one against another?  That's the Libra going on inside).  However, I just feel for optimum achievement[b] it is still better to allow time to grow and self-evolve prior to jumping too soon into another relationship.[/b]

I also like the idea that being in a friendship or a business relationship with each other prior to a marriage is excellent fodder for accessing each other's reaction and behavior in a kaleidoscope of varying situations.  It allows you to absorb in front row seating - the object of your affection: how they respond and interact both professionally and not-so-professionally on ALL SUBJECTS.  

You can and will see 80% of what you will marry prior to marrying and you will be able to get a "prime view" of that person's family as well - your prospective in-laws.

^^^^

Amen to that - I have never understood women who are quick to spread their thighs for a new man - I just never could get the philosophy behind it.  Your own sense of Self-worth should prevent your allowing man after man after man from sampling your delectables.

Also - if too many to count can announce to others how many moles you have and their exact location - I would be humiliated.  Also, sharing yourself sexually is sacred - can make a person feel like they have touched heaven - so to make the act of sex,  so "unspecial" by having it with this one, that one and the other one.  Is just a huge turn-off.

I had a female friend (more than one) who would break up with a guy on Tuesday morning and be underneath a new guy Tuesday evening or Wednesday (the next day) - I just get stunned looking at it.  There are many women (too numerous to count) that do believe to get over a man - they should get under a new one.

I always wondered when it would kick in to women and men that sex,  doesn't make a relationship and it definitely doesn't make you forget about a person you were with,  if anything it should make you the person you were with, me personally, if not enough time has elapsed between the end of one relationship and the start of another relationship - I would be in serious trouble because I would be thinking about the other guy while I was with the new guy - that is ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS I can't use a guy to get over a previous guy. 

I need some space and separation time to focus on myself and to work through the previous relationship so I am mentally healthy enough to focus on a new relationship and on the new guy.  I don't want to find myself comparing the new guy with the previous guy.  Time has to elapse so I am not comparing or missing him.

Mrs, Chima:

Duh and I could care less.

ok

@ Poster

Complaining is one thing - but maybe my memory fails me - but it seems as though all of your threads but maybe one has been opened to complain about him on different levels.

So I'm not trying to come down on you.

I have been with my guy going on 2 years and have opened 1 or 2 threads about him that were to gather information to help me deal with areas where I was unsure.

The majority of my posts have been in of him and/or actually to celebrate him in some way shape or form.

I guess what I am saying is that from what I have read - it seems like you been asking for help in almost every thread you have opened.

Please correct me if I am wrong. I just think that a new relationship or a young relationship should be more about enjoying each other vs. constant problems. Which is what seems like is going on with yours.

I agree with Roki

First of all - I too am in a serious long distance relationship and my friend I can tell you that it has been quite challenging to say the least, especially because we "communicate quite differently"

Also - my guy is a very devout traditional individual - he spends a great deal of time (I have observed) - outlining what is wrong with this and what is wrong with that - very judgmental

I am a traditional "Trouble shooter" - I am going to spend very little time pointing, judging, highlighting where this went wrong or where that went wrong.  I "right wrongs" - on the job and at home.

Therefore I detest complainers and whiners.  So our interactions many times moreso than ever before has been challenging for me.  If you are based in the U.S. and he is based in Nigeria - you need to "suck it up" - basically the Nigerian infrastructure is so fraught with issues that more times than naught - you will be the person in the relationship that will "endure more on an emotional level because he is enduring more on both an emotional and a physical level" - you will need to be the one who gives more understanding, more patience, more emotional .  Because he is surrounded by bombs ready to explode and I am not speaking about terrorism (though he at any time could encounter that as well) - but systems are not in place in Nigeria that are in place in the U.S.

You are quick to complain from what I have noticed.  Are you sure you should be dating a Nigerian who is based in Nigeria?  You sound like you are to eager to throw in the towel and give up.  Are you worthy of him? If he is being loyal to you with all that is going on around him - and this is the kind of /encouragement you give.  I pity the guy.

No offense to you intended.

rokiatu:

Yes but no liplock.

I agree with ^^^^^

I do understand your take on this proposal.

sexkillz:

^^Still doesnt sound right! How long is marriage suppossed to last? Why dont they just stay unmarried then? It's better than making a mockery of marriage! Very soon, they all see this as a viable way to jump out of Marriage, instead of trying to work on it!
If there are only 2 people that would object to this law, i'll be one of them!

hmmmm

now that's interesting.

sexkillz:

@ Topic!
Very Bad Idea! And smacks of selfishness! it's as if they are hoping all marriages will end up in divorce! What of cases where one still loves the other, but the other insists! Where is the fairness? What if there were kids? It's quite stupefying what this world is turning to!

Unfortunately, Not all But a very large percent of marriages DO END IN DIVORCE and/or separation - this law is being proposed in Mexico

The fairness here - is that It would cut down on divorce that is a reality for many, many couples, if the couple is INTELLIGENT they would wait a while before they start popping pregnant regardless of divorce - just to spend some alone time and get to know each other as husband and wife before just starting a family.

However:

A package in a mate? Would dictate what each person needs in their own video.

I think however, that universally speaking everyone should have:

a basic education that includes college

a sincere relationship with God (should draw lines that aren't crossed - and encourage a high level of ethics that would exist in your acts and deeds)

a base of income (job or entrepreneurial spirit that is actively bringing in income)

similar likes and dislikes (I cannot marry or date a man that doesn't enjoy physical exercise, owning their own business, educational advancement, reading, humorous and lively interchange, like to talk, home construction, travel) - those are areas that I enjoy and have been actively involved with for quite some time.

Lax75:

Sister Shy,

What package would you recommend for us Naija men who have to deal with those women that have more game than the entire NBA (group/species name witheld  )

Game is a turn off to me - totally

I guess that is what seems attractive to me about the 2 year agreement - I don't want to co-habitate without being married so I don't want to live together w/o marriage.

As soon as I sniff it - I'm gone like the wind.  It's such a mood killer both sexually and financially and logically.  No reasoning at all.  Calling game a time waster is an under-estimation of its VERY DEEP REACHING negative effects.

Life is for the living - and "quality of life" is so important to me.  How do you plan or work towards anything AT ALL if one partner is "playing games" and the other partner is "seriously involved in furthering the relationship"?

I don't think there are any plans of engagement that can be undertaken with a "game player"

I think all should end.  If the game player 'finally wakes up' to realize that you exist no longer in the relationship and finds that they really "do love you" - I think that the relationship should be revisited by both parties and start anew "if possible"

However - me, personally?  I just cross the game player off completely and move on - not to another person - but to my own growth.

I have never been one to jump from person to person - I always allow for separation time between any relationship - you can't focus or bring your "ultimate talents" to a new relationship if you just left a previous one a few weeks or even months earlier.

Well that's my 2 cents anyway.

Lax75:

Thank you. (bows). Thank you (bows again).

Mine are:

Lefulefu (alias Lefu-Swag)
Shy-One (but only if she finally agrees to whoop some chicken biscuit's @ss for me  )
Pendo89 (Even though she tries to deny this lovechild/chosen one we are destined to make)
Mr. Cork

Just to name a few.

You crack me up - too funny - my friend - too funny



Let me add to the list as names are rushing at me even moreso:

Ogugua88
Outstrip
Obowunmi
iice
mukina2
Odunnu
kingsleyinfo

pendo89:



mexican food is the best.

And now this mexican law is just ok. Wouldnt mind and am serious about it.

I see not much difference btwn this and prenup cz both are meant to avoid the hustles that come with divorce.
If you dislike this kind of arrangement then you would not settle for prenup either because no one like I said has divorce in mind at the time of tying the knot.
keep it with the laywr and keep renewing the contract. who knows you two could last forever!
What is the big deal.

I like your thought process in this vein.

But there is a different between prenup and this - prenup still entails going through a divorce.

This agreement - there is no divorce - you just go your separate ways after the end of the 2 year period. It ends expensive, lengthy court battles and long drawn out episodes that involve families, attorneys, 1-2 years in court, etc.

That is the beauty of this arrangement.

But I definitely do see where you are going with the prenup thought.

Lax75:

Sister Shy,

Are you implying that we should all put a remix to our sexy after every two years? Hmmm. Almost like taking an exam every two years to renew your real estate license.

Brilliant!

@Pendo Love-boat,

With me, you won't have to worry about my sexy fading. I'd radiate my sexy. Represent sexy and remix my sexy everyday on this earth with you.

This is word to your fore-father's god father baby!

yes - definitely - always work to keep things "fresh" - couples "renew" their vows every 10 years and have "renewal ceremonies"

There is a completely idioti.c " Basketball wife - smh - though I "call names in my descriptions" - I don't like calling them - though I do

This id.iot gets married EVERY SINGLE YEAR - THIS YEAR IS HER 15th or 16th wedding.  Her philosophy is "if we are always busy getting married, we don't have time to divorce"

That is good and all but A SERIOUS WASTE OF RESOURCES - just throwing money down the drain - her husband pays for each wedding, the dress, the minister, the hall, the reception.  I wonder do they get different rings and do they pay for a honeymoon as well?

SMH - unbelieveable

I definitely don't mean go to that extreme.  But if my relationship goes to the level of marriage, I would like my guy and I to have a renewal ceremony every 2 years and a 3-5 day getaway to a romantic location for some "us time."

There are also other names but they escape me at this time.

Best Posters:

Mz. Darkskin
Orikinla
Kokoya
Chima (sometimes)
MBJ (most times)
Harikiri
Annawhite
Lawyer
Chaircover
Lax
Rokiatu
Princek12
Nayah
r231
Sagamite
2buff

The above is listed in "no certain order" - I don't place any poster above the other - I think that grouping above have been invaluable in their contributions to the forum on many different levels.

I know I have learned alot from them on different topics.

^^^

I think your outfit is sharp too.

pendo89:

cool

am on my way to mexico.

I agree

Lax75:

Pendo Love-light,

So is Mexico the chosen place where we are gonna make this chosen one? Please no ing gas during our night because I heard mexican food can make you do this

This is exactly what I am talking about - in the dating stage you don't " Gas" in front of each other

In the lacksaidaisical stages of permanent marriage with no "temporary tag attached" - we are killing each other with "gas" that will knock a cow to its knees.

Not brushing our teeth any longer or dressing to impress each other.

All romance just leaves and excuses and apologies take precedence.

I love the "temporary tag" and Davidylan's suggestion to keep renewing the 2 year tag - works fine by me.

Lax75:

Here I was all excited because I thought you were my homie. Thought you were volunteering to whoop the b'jesus out of that chicken-biscuit!

ahahahahah - your homie? you are soo funny

All I can do is fight next to you or on your behalf - I never said I WOULD WIN. ahahahahaha

Shy can't fight - but as in MOST THINGS IN LIFE - I WILL GIVE IT MY ALL.

"Chicken Biscuit" - what kind of name is that?

Dis Guy:

did you tell her you were getting a new job? or travelling

she wanted to bill you depending on your current status


thou shall not fall mugu

You are something else.

whatttt? lolol

nl

Lax75:

Can you whoop her @ss in the process too? Hahahaha. No, but on the real tho' this temporary marriage license will never work with a Naija woman who has an agenda!!! The FBI doesn't have ish on a Naija woman with an Agenda. Hahahaha. American women tend to think Naija women are weak and silly because they play the submissive role. Little do they know that the Naija women understand that to catch bees, you have to use honey, not vinegar.

I think the 2 year marriage license would be best in the US/UK where women tend to show themselves.

She will probably beat me to a pulp - but I won't run - I will still defend myself as best I can. I can promise you that. I actually akin to the "chihuahua" - my bark is more ferocious than my bite. And similar to the "chihuahua" - I fear NO ONE.

Wow, I need to learn from those Nigerian women - really? I didn't know. Shy is learning more and more.

In the U.S. huh? Oooo OK - the pictures are becoming clearer.

davidylan:

you're giving women way too much credit here. Keeping up appearances for 50 yrs?   The man must be chronically unable to understand simple nuances.

I think you may be onto something - I don't think you can keep up appearance for 50 years - but I do understand what Lax is saying about keeping up appearances.

I have observed very close associates who work constantly - they are spread so thin that they really don't know their mates because they spend too little time together and can go for years - and not really know each other and then when they retire - do they get to see each other FULLY.

I have heard of couples wanting a divorce and they are 50, 60 or 70 years old - they now have enough time to sit down across the table from each other and spend time together and can't stomach the product that looks back at them.

I know I am over exaggerating a bit - done for effect - but do you get my drift?

Lax75:


I'll tell you something. A woman has more game than the entire NFL. She can put on her best behaviour for 50 years IF she has an agenda!

Bloody unbelievable!

What happened?  WTH did she do?  Tell Shy - I will her and tell her to "straighten up her ish"

I think the "temporary" could be good

Your wife or husband would work harder NOT TO BE:

lazy
eager to lose their shape (become over weight)
complacent towards each other (keep each other FIRST in the marriage)
argumentative
so judgmental and overbearing
controlling
un-caring
ALL ABOUT SELF



the more I think about it - I really like this idea - I wonder will my guy be ok with this?

freecocoa:

I don't think its a good idea,there would be a lot of pretending in the marriage and what happens if the couple want kids?would they wait till after two years?  

If you are a very young couple just starting out - I think that kids - should wait - but that is ONLY MY THOUGHT - I think that when you marry - you need to focus on each other for a while - make sure that you are both growing as a couple and enjoying each other fully before you start crowding your space and your relationship with others - that includes children.

BABIES change EVERYTHING they require constant care and constant attention - I WOULD want to enjoy my husband for a while. The memories you make with your husband you will look back on those first few years 50 years later.

You have plenty of time to start having children. Get the marriage off to the right start FIRST.

davidylan:

then you simply make the marriage license a 2-yr renewable license. A couple that truly wants to stay for a lifetime should have a waiver to apply for a permanent license.

wow - that is a great idea on top of the great ideas I have heard to this point.

I wonder if I can get married in Mexico and live in Nigeria and would Nigeria honor my Mexican Union?

Can we get some NIGERIAN petitions going to this effect?



I think this would be grand.

Lax75:

Very interesting perspective. Talking about your appraisal of the advantages of the "temporary aspect." This could also help those rich men who are afraid that their spouses might take half of their goods if they divorced. Hmmm. Almost like an implied pre-nup.

Then again, women have more game than the entire NBA. I see a woman in this situation (mentioned above) being on her best behaviour for those 2 years. Hahahaha!

A very good path you took in your line of thinking.  Sooo true.

But it is very difficult to live together for 2 years and not come "unveiled" unless your mate works ALL THE TIME.  From what I see of Nigerian men - that actually could be the case.

If you have a hard and long working husband or wife - they actually could go for 2 years or longer living together and you not see many of their faults.  I have an Igbo male friend here in the U.S. and a Malawian male friend who are both married and they work 17 hours a day or longer most times - so their relationship with their mates - the side effect of those long hours is they do see each other much - so keeping a "good behavior" when in each other's presence could last for years.

They may not truly know each other and can keep "pretenses" ongoing for quite some time.  Maybe using the word pretenses is inaccurate.  Let's say that their income is of such that they aren't placed in situations that would "allow them to see each other in challenging situations" - so they won't really know each others "less than desirable sides" in that 2 year period.

I know, I sort of  had 2 conflicting views as well.

One part of me liked the "temporary aspect" - it gives you the option to end a "bad mating" - lots of people marry too fast or for the "wrong reason" and yet at the time "it seemed so right" - and then further along into the marriage - they become increasingly aware that they just cannot continue to suffer "the bastardo" that they married.  So they start cheating, playing mind games, become staid, bitter and full of vengenance.

Also the "temporary aspect" - deletes the necessity of "playing house" - many people live together instead of marry - they think that living together will give them an idea of whether or not they can marry each other.  It also deletes the "rose colored glasses" - many people don't really know each other until they live together.  In the "engagement stage" - they usually are in school or working and only see each other for limited periods of time and have their "best foot forward" so you don't see them during times that are negative, stressful or challenging.  You can unknowingly be engaged to a "screamer of a woman" or a "coward of a man" or a "control freak" - you knew they were controlling to a degree, but you were not aware that they were "freakishly controlling" - until after the vows have been made and room assignments have been issued after crossing the residential threshold.

Also the "temporary aspect" - allows you to marry instead of fornicate. 

So I really like the "temporary with the option to permanize the union" aspect that is going on here.

But the flip side of that coin - my thought ruminates, wondering on exactly "how would God" view this?  The bible is full of God being a God of vengenance - but it is also full of God being a loving and an understanding God as well.

So - I just am not really sure on how I view this.  I need to let this marinate some more and hear NL's views.

I do think it would be good in many areas - but also could be bad.  I can envision Year 2 being full of one or the other spouse "lording the deadline against the other," those type of scenarios.