NewStats: 3,259,662 , 8,170,657 topics. Date: Sunday, 25 May 2025 at 06:27 PM 10c2h

Women KNOW THY husband!!!!

What works for A does not necessarily work for B!

Do unto others as you want others to do unto you.

@ op...If sides were switched and you were struggling under financial burdens and your 'supposed better half' has been there all along, not ing but fronting that she also doesn't have and then she later shows up with a house that she has spent millions on saying it's a surprise, will you be happy

And the money laundering continues.....

If you know you know

DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB!!!!!

Whatever you do, don't quit your job....That man wants to break you finally, don't allow him.

You're really lucky, those children are a testimony of God's love towards you, don't let anyone make you lose sight of that.

Even people that have only one child don't stop living because of that, how much more you that have been blessed with 3.

It's God that takes care of children whether you quit your job or not. Let him know this!

Don't let anyone steal your joy... He is not your God.

Anyone that cannot forgive and let go has no business getting married in the first place.

@op,

Your wife isn't happy and she is most likely depressed. This may be due to the fact that Marriage hasn't been what she expected it to be.

All hope isn't lost yet....your marriage can still work. You will have to eat the humble pie and be extra extra patient with your wife.

You need to try get to the root of her depression which is most likely due to unmet expectations. Until this is addressed, she won't be motivated to seek any form of treatment.

A lot of prayers will make this phase in your marriage smoother as you both need God's grace at this point.

Best!

tboy2233:

my brother usually come back to Ibadan everyday after work ,I've already suggested that before but the wife never ed the idea since she want me to be helping her with chores (I got to know why she always pressurised my mom to allow me come was because of those chores), going back will be better since nysc is around the corner..all I just need to do is stay away from old friends who may not be too clean,most of the school I went to here told me they can't employ someone who has not yet served..thanks

Alright then....BE SAFE!

All the best!!!

I would suggest you ask your brother if you can him in Lagos rather than go back home. There are better opportunities there and it will help you be closer to him.

You can also ask your mom to suggest this to your brother. I think that's a better option for you.

If you also have friends in town in Ibadan or Lagos who you can share with that's another option since your mom thinks staying at home isn't safe.

Anonymn:
Thank you all for your sincere advice. Has anyone experienced this before? I will like to hear one or two stories, maybe that would encourage us

I know about four different families that this happened too and they're doing well. It's nothing new! It has happened before and it will continue to happen and most times the kids are usually of same sex.

Life happens....everyone knows that, no biggie!

DON'T ABORT! If your wife had twins the first time, would you have aborted one? So just see them as twins and you will be fine. Make sure you zip up after this to avoid same story again till whenever you're ready.

In of cost, it can actually help save more as you can use same things for the second one.

You and your wife will be fine. each other very well and surround yourself with positive people and you guys will be good.

This too shall ....all the best!

yankison:


Thank you .... Right now she doesn't work so I'm going to be footing all this bills ....how do I break down the expenses ..I can solidly afford the 1.5 milion and it wouldn't affect me, but the problem is she telling me things are too expensive now and can't be enough ..

I'm about switching to bachelorhood again

She doesn't work , she isn't contributing and she's saying it's not enough

Best of luck bro

Awww... So glad it went well.

Your husband is the real MVP!!! He is matured and he loves you...thumbs up to a good man!

Keep doing each other good...God bless your home!

SifonAbasi:
Thank you all for your kind advice yesterday. May God in His infinite mercies continues to bless you all and increases you all in wisdom and strengths.

I am highly grateful specially to:
donstan18
edoman2016
appsdope
Eketem
Merimental
bukatyne
eniolorunfe
ceeceeuwa
Quiescere
Tunmise100
gaby
Acidosis
Dyt
eyinjuege
Alaadin
sisisioge
azelab
Cruchenutii
Cococandy
EfemenaXY.

God bless you all.
Have a brighter week ahead.

You all are blessed beyond a curse.

Thank you.

I'm a bit perplexed as per this your story

How difficult is it to cut off your ex? Except he has some dirt on you or you still want to keep him as back up plan, eventhough you're now married.

Cutting off your ex can be as simple as changing your line... especially if the guy doesn't know your present whereabout.

If your husband married you as a non-virgin, then he should know you have had past relationships and it shouldn't come as a surprise to him when you tell him about the latest development regarding this your ex.

It's better you let your husband know now, to avoid any form of BLACKMAIL from this guy in the future so that you won't end up giving your husband your ex's child.

Also, I would advice you to keep this between you and your husband. No need involving your pastor's wife or any third party.

FTC....Yipee!!!

Follow your heart...you know what to do!

Why are you discussing with strangers what you should be sharing with your wife? Issues like this create opportunities for couples to know and understand themselves better.

From your write-up, your union is less than a year meaning that it's still young. Sit your new wife down and discuss with her all these you typed on NL and reach a compromise that will work for both of you. Marriage is a marathon!!!

There is no way your wife will know what you're not okay with in your union if you don't let her know.

Rather than shy away from things, learn to face them squarely!

@ op,

U better go and learn how to give a woman ASSURANCE!!! If you knew how, you wouldn't find yourself in this type of situation.

Men that marry "liabilities" know how to do this, how much more you that your wife is an "asset" .

This story brings to mind the story of King Solomon and the two women with the baby. The person who has made the least sacrifice always finds it easiest to walk away or destroy what has been built.

You know the right thing to do but it seems you still have some people on the sidelines massaging your ego. When all is said and done, na every man for himself last last.

A man is a COVERING for his wife and children. If you cannot be this, you have no business being married in the first place.

Whew!!!

If I were you, I would be in church first thing tomorrow morning to thank God for His deliverance.

This is a real blessing in disguise!!! So, you would have been on the streets with your children begging a man to let you into a home that you used your share of funds to build.

What if you also spent your share on your family, what would he have done Abi you sef no get family weh need money?

Be Wise Woman!!! God just exposed his heart and delivered you.

I doubt if this man ever loved you sef. It's time to wake up and sharp up.

Don't put your family in the dark about this happenings, they are probably the only ones that love you geniunely and have your real interest at heart.

TUBLEZ:
I know post like this will come up but no offence, just to let u know that this is the same person i hv been with since uni days and that's over 10 years now

Over 10 years and you still haven't put a ring on it

Brace yourself...your lady has most likely decided to move on.

You should have done the needful teh teh, at most before she travelled out.

becca2011:


Calm down and don't conclude yet. My 2 pregnancies, hubby didn't release inside me, we practiced withdrawal method and I still got pregnant. So don't conclude you ain't the father yet. How did you even come to the conclusion sef, best bet is to undergo DNA when d child comes, even though they say DNA ain't cheap

He didn't release inside you and you got pregnant...U be Mary?

Finally the nation can focus on pressing issues
God cannot be fooled nor cajoled!!!

Heroyalhighness:
Warriz all this (HEART TO HEART) talk self......... he said he has talked to her about it and she refused saying she will rather quit the relationship than have sex before marriage,, is that not HEART TO HEART enuf?

Why don't you try to profer solutions rather than trying to quote a few words out of context?

There are different levels of "talking" in case you don't know and what works in a relationship is when both talk openly and freely, not hiding their feelings.

The fact that he said he talked to her about it doesn't mean he shared his heart with her. Go figure!

Try and reach a compromise. Have a heart to heart talk with her and let her know the situation of things.

You both can decide to get married earlier than 3 years if you don't mind holding off pregnancy till then....that may be one of the reasons she doesn't want to go ahead yet.

Look out for sexual compatible by asking her what her sexual orientation is. This is to avoid stories that touch when you eventually get married.

Self control is also key!!! This is because your wife may not always be available when you're married for one reason or the other. When that's the case, are you going to start looking outside

I would suggest you set a SPECIFIC time(s) when you will be calling home which you and your wife will agree on.

This will help her to know when to expect your calls and even if she can't pick at these times, the phone will be within reach for any of your children/cousins to pick so you can speak with them.

This should help pending when you all can be together.

juddaxx:
Hi Gurus, I am 40 yrs old, I have done my WES, applied for EE, my score came out as 345, I have a profile number, I scored in IELTS L8,R6,W7,S7, I have master's degree in engineering. over 15 years working experience. I was applying Sask PNP, got stuck in the second part where they are asking about bank statement and some forms i don't see to . I wanted to improve my scores with Provincial, not married, what is your best advice, cos I am tired of IELTS and I don't think even if I score a band of 8.5 it will land me in 430+ on EE.

Oga, go marry!!! What are you still waiting for....

Therein lies the solution you seek, just make sure you shine your eyes and choose better wifey

Some women will just be complicating their lives for nothing.... smh

Ejadike:
Bro, how can I go about processing a visa? I'm a polytechnic graduate, and can I gain ission or scholarship for Masters with an HND?

Use WES to evaluate your HND degree and then you can apply for ission for Masters.

To get more information about WES evaluation, search via Google & the USA student visa thread in nairaland etc etc

Why didn't you go for the vigil with her? Abi you no need prayers? Prayer is never too much....

You better go back home to your wife and stop being petty! You should be happy she is a praying woman because it's for the good of your family.

Desperation at its peak!!!

Just 25 and you're this desperate.

Getting married this year is one of your criteria for getting a spouse....I laff in spanish... are you for real

Go get a life gal....

Marriage is not ticket to heaven!

@Op,

This is not about crying or being emotional. It's okay but you shouldn't stop at that.

You've got to read the handwriting on the wall, your husband is clearly letting you know that you're OYO especially as regards this 3rd child.

You've NO EXCUSE not to have savings or take care of yourself. It's time to wise up and take responsibility for your actions or inactions to avoid stories that touch.

BE WISE!!!!

kapelvej:
She has the kids, I am not even home , I work in a different country. She and the kids are in Norway, I work in malta

This new information brings another twist to your story.

What are your plans for keeping your family together after relocating? How long do you think you can sustain your marriage while shuttling from one country to another even without this issues you're presently having? Was your wife fully in of this new move?

I won't be surprised if this is the reason for your present issues. It's possible your wife feels that you value your job more than your family.

I suggest taking a leave and going to Norway to see your family and find out the answers you seek face to face. No be fight o... See your wife as your sister and try to understand her angle to whatever issues you're both having. If possible, plan a family outing before going and after the outing everyone would be more relaxed giving room for talking as husband & wife.

Has it occurred to you that she may be having a tough time adjusting to your relocation? Go get the book on the 5 love languages, find out her love language and show her some love in a language she can understand.

She probably needs some reassurance that your family is still your first priority. Also have a plan in place for keeping you guys together and discuss this with her so, this separation can be for a short while. Try and reach a compromise as a family.

Relocation isn't easy on anyone if you're truthful with yourself!!!

I know you said most of the issues didn't start today, but we didn't see you on nairaland opening a thread and asking questions about your marriage before now. That means you were able to handle your issues before relocating.

Hehehe

Issa sewious sometin...Oga you no want make change dey remain for your babe hand. No let am go find substitute for you oh....

Hmmm.....

People are in their BEST behavior when they are dating. If the above is your fiancee's best behavior, I wonder what will be after tying the knot.

U are not yet married but you have started calling your parents upandan. When you marry nko

Marry someone that understands you even without saying a word.

All the red flags are right before your eyes, if you like ignore it... Don't say you weren't told! If you don't value your PEACE, kindly go ahead with the wedding.

I know people will come hear and start advising you on how you can change her and what you need to do to change her....listen to them at your own peril.

A word is enough for the wise!!!

Instead of focusing so much on what your wife does or doesn't do, you need to FOCUS on your hustle and pray that God will lift your head and bless you.

That is what will end all this drama, you won't believe the change you will see in your wife. Na you go start to dey do yanga.....