NewStats: 3,264,786 , 8,184,705 topics. Date: Thursday, 12 June 2025 at 11:25 AM 4w2z1u

Good writing. Just a few words rendered wrongly and some punctuations off. Partly explains why that oyinbo was quick to locate it within the "Nigerian dialect of English" even though there is nothing like that. Unfortunately, most Nigerian writers are yet to appreciate the importance of good editorial intervention to prevent worries about mistakes. But good story here still. I like the way it's developing so far.

The Brothers Karamazov, by Dostoevsky
Page 50

Good start. I'm looking forward to a great story. But you should practice proper spacing for elegance and correctness - space after full stops and commas.

ayodeji230:
Let me know my flaws in the writeup...part 2 coming up tonigh

Well, there are lots of flaws. But then I don't know if you're writing for fun or if you intend to get serious with writing. Or, even, if you intend to get serious with writing but for pulp journals and campus stuff.

Take a look at my two interventions below which cover paragraphs 1 - 3 only. If you intend to get serious with writing you might adopt the second. Otherwise, the first might do.

*

1. I had just finished writing my diploma exams in Unilag - glory to God I ed. I was gonna be staying at home for six months.

2. What to do? I faced chatting online like it was going to fetch me money. Then I met this gal.

3. Amazing personality, fantastic talker. She was exactly like me. She could talk fire.

*

It was not long since I finished writing my diploma examinations at the University of Lagos. The results had just come out and, thankfully, I had ed. Now, I was uneasy about the prospect of staying at home for six months. I threw myself into online chat as if it was some money-making endeavour.

It was during my second day at the cyber café that I met this lady. She was fair, of average build and well proportioned. She had an amazing personality and was a great person to chat with. She was like me in several ways.

Good writing. But you may want to consider getting editorial intervention. I think you can use it.

texanomaly:

It depends on the type of poem one is writing and the knowledge one has. The examples I gave were for those who would like to start writing poetry, but don't know how.

The first poems I ever wrote were in school. Whatever was assigned, I wrote. The same with any writing. I found I liked writing. After that I would pick a style and let that guide my writing.

Back then the challenge was just knowing I could do any style I wanted. Now I think more about what I'm trying to say, "letting it out", than the style.

I changed my presentation as quickly as I could, when I discovered we were no longer using the comments thread. In the process it lost any semblance of order and sense. I apologize for that.

Here is something I failed to add.

http://grammar.yourdictionary.com/grammar-rules-and-tips/tips-on-writing-poems.html

"There are a few things to think about before you start writing your poem. The following tips on writing poems will help you get started.

Know your purpose. Why are you writing a poem and what do you want it to do?
Pick a subject. You do not have to pick a stereotypical poetry topic such as nature, animals, love, or some sort of darker topic. Poems can be written about any topic under the sun.
Choose a pattern. You might choose to use free verse, rhyming couplets, or an epic poetry style. It's better to let the words flow with the style, than to return later and try to fit your already-written ideas into a totally new scheme.
Avoid clichés. These are sayings that have been overused, like busy as a bee, or blind as a bat.
Use imagery. Paint with your words and use concrete words that appeal to the senses. Abstract words can not give the reader a good picture of what you are trying to say.
Use similes and metaphors. Similes compare two things, like “you are sweet as honey” and usually use the word “like” or “as.” Metaphors state that one thing is another thing, like “you are a pig.” Things being compared in a metaphor have at least one thing in common but are very different in other ways.
that poems do not have to have rhymes or meter. If a poem is too much like a nursery rhyme, it can distract from the poem’s purpose.

Revise your poem. You should put it away for a day or two, then read it again and try to make it better. You may want to have a friend read it and get his opinion.

Get Creative
Now that you have some tips on writing poems, you need to get those creative juices flowing. Poets see the world in a different way. Look around and try to get a different perspective.

If you stand on your head, you will see things differently in a physical way. A poet does this figuratively by imagining what people are thinking about or why they are doing something. If a poet saw an apple, he may wonder why it is there, who put it there, what the apple is thinking, or what it will become, like applesauce or pie.

Take a walk and try to experience every physical sense: touch, smell, hearing, taste, and vision. Watch people and animals and imagine their feelings and perspectives. Get silly and make up crazy stuff. Loosen up, have fun, and start writing."

Here is a link with types and forms of poetry. Pick a few, and give it a try. I've forgotten how fun that can be. Maybe I will too.

https://www.youngwriters.co.uk/glossary-poetry-types

That's right. I don't do much poetry but I've read The Poetry Home Repair Manual by Ted Kooser (former poet laureate of the United States) and he wonders how anyone can write good poetry when they're hemmed in by rules. By the way, I like your signature - that's something I'm learning to do.

Touching story. I don't review poetry but this is good. And since you're writing from her point of view shouldn't "her voice" in the third stanza be "my voice"?

You've got considerable pen power. I've been in the editing business for over a decade and one rarely comes across text so nigh flawlessly written. Maybe a little closer attention to punctuation, as a comma or full stop appears off somewhere. But excellent writing. I will stay glued.

A spy thriller! Hmm. Already smacking my lips.

Crowny1:

Wow r u an English professo or what.

I'm a professional editor.

Good writing. You need to pay closer attention to the small matters, though. Let me do a medium-level edit of your first post to illustrate what I mean.

*

Faint footsteps could be heard across the street despite her attempts to cover [muffle]1 them. Rachel walked hurriedly home[,] glancing back every 2[two] 2 seconds to make sure she wasn't been[being]3 followed.
Walking Gangster street[Street] at night was g your own death sentence. But it was already 8:15pm.[replace with a comma] 15 minutes past her curfew and that was the shortest route to her house. She began to walk faster when she heard a sound like someone had mistakenly kicked something. She increased her pace. [this is a bland repetition] Meanwhile a boy had also turned at the sound. A boy that had been following her. He looked at her. She was fair with short black hair that just reached her neck and an oval face with a cute nose and beautiful eyes. But he was too far away to know the color.
Then something else caught his eye. He could see two silhouettes just behind her. His heart raced. He wanted to scream and tell her to run but that would give away his position. He was [was soon] brought back to reality by her scream. He looked back and he was right. There were two of them. He weighed his options. With the way they were struggling to silence her, it was obvious they were inexperienced [amateurs] and he could take them [the both of them] down easily.

____________
1. You cover the marks made by your footsteps. You muffle the sound made by them.
2. Always spell out zero to nine. Spell out all figures whenever they occur at the beginning of a sentence.
3. The continuous verb "being" is used when expressing an action as it was taking place. The past participle "been" is used when expressing an action in of its being past or completed. Rule of thumb: "Being" is normally preceded by the auxiliary "to be" (am, is, was, were), while "been" is usually preceded by the auxiliary have (has, have, had).

giftforlife9:

eerrrm maybe yes, i want to improve my english and prepare for the big one i want to write, so i want to do it by writting a short story to see if i can write story of my life

In that case, I suggest you PRACTICE good writing. I mean capitalisation in every place it should be, punctuations, no textglish, etc. In fact, you can't be aspiring to be a writer and be writing textnglish.

For example, here's how I would have written your first post:

After school hour, Ese and John are discussing in an empty class:
John: Ese, how far na? I can't hold myself any longer; I want us to meet again today.
Ese: What do you mean you can't hold yourself?
John: I am telling you the truth. I need to feel your beautiful body again.
Ese: Please I don't want to do it.
John: Why na? Or you don't love me anymore?
Ese: It's not that. I'm just scared.
John: What are you scared of - is it pregnancy?
Ese: Yes, of course. And, besides, you know our final exams are around the corner. I don't want any distraction for now.