NewStats: 3,263,953 , 8,182,072 topics. Date: Monday, 09 June 2025 at 02:33 AM 5w2z2c

But why would i follow his desires? He is not my maker.

I am a white American Lady and my husband is Nigerian. Now i can be honest about the paper thing. First off we did not marry for just love and papers paid a large part. We do have a sincere love for each other and if not for papers that may not exist as it is hard to love an unemployed/under employed man. But we both seen benefit in getting married. Yes he gained his papers...yes i gained a provider. Now for most people who think they will marry for just papers without, love will find themselves in a hard situation. As a white American woman and not African i will not tolerate cater kiss his butt worship him etc. i am loving i work and we can build a life. Because he is African and doesn't care if he is here there as he can survive and build a life anywhere he acts exactly like an African man. His affection is fixing something in the house buying something that benefits the home... Flowers as he has explained is goat food and we have no goat. Cooking as i have explained is for a woman that has a husband that can't afford to pay to have that done besides he has sister i am more then happy to pay. So neither of us pretend to be people we are not for the generous we both gain by marriage. Therefore sometimes interracial marriage is neither papers nor naive blind teenage love.... Its sometimes done as a functional thing that benefits the life of two people.
Now further on when you marry a us citizen your first two years you only have a conditional green card. The conditions of being married... In 21 months the citizen must again file additional paper work to remove conditions. Then a 10 year is granted... After 10 more years they can apply for citzenship. now most people tell a lie or two in their intial interview to get here which is fraud....so during the process the non citizen will usually have to let their citizen know because an interview with immigration to get papers. So most likely the lies will be used against them if the marriage ends and they will find themselves back home with nothing. Or best case after 13 years divorce so that everything you have worked for will be divided by half or more. If there are children plan to give.30% or more each week of the check until the child is 18-21 to the spouse..... But hey they can stay in the US where living is very expensive.
Now i know there are people to try to marry for papers it but the situation will only result in one in slaving themselves and theywill not accomplish their initial intended purpose..... Gaining a better life.

Why i mention i am white is not out of superiority its because if someone reading knows much about Americans they know black American and white American carry a different culture/view/raising.

Lol i don't attend church so i can't finish the Bible verse. Do you know what the person has done? Lol

Hello,
To start with I am a white American woman and my husband is Nigerian. We have been married for almost a year. Anyways my husband claims to be frustrated with me disobeying. Frustrated enough he left and went back to Nigeria but returned after a little more then a week.
Now most of the time i don't think in my mind think to just obey him. What he says or we talk about well to me is only his opinion. I don't see anyone as authority to obey. I see people as people with opinions. My personality also contributes to this problem because i am spoiled, spontaneous, and well my husband says i think too much of myself... I say he doesnt think enough. I am not a disciplined person... I have lived my life doing what i want when i want and how i want.
Then other times i will very clearly purposely obey him. However.i only do this if he has upset me so that we may both be bothered and these times i clearly intend to anger him and frustrate him.
Now i have a problem that he wants me to obey him. I have several problems with this.... 1. I can't obey... I can Try.... But its not in me. 2. When we married our vows were messed up so i feel that is my escape clause that prevents me from really having to up hold to the martial vows. But most of all I just can't obey him. I could name many reasons why i won't or can't but i know myself well enough to know there is no situation with anyone i am going to obey.... Its just me...
Now my real problem is he is threatening to terminate the marriage if i don't obey... And i know he will.
I don't want the marriage to end but i don't want to obey him. And its probably easy to say obey him if i don't want it to end but i can't obey i don't know how and i don't even knowmost of the time when he expects me to i think he is just giving an opinion as no one not even my father would ask let alone demand me to obey.
So does anyone have anything they know i can do or any way i can alert.his mind on this obey thing?

This has been some good advice he only likes to challenge the things he sees as a challenge. But we have the same personalities with different cultures... We don't have the same expectations

I only bring up my culture when he tells me about him being African as if i could miss it somehow .... But now as of today he wanted to know what meal of his i have learned to make and called his sister to try to send me over there to learn.... Which has me even more upset... He pretends to come to an understanding butt as time goes on he changes the agreements

Yes but ultimately me giving up my culture because i am married to him won't happen as my culture is largely who i am. Its my core and our life around us affirms what i believe. But how do i get him to have underfunding

Married because of jungle fever...

Well how do we decide who is right? Who decides which part of their culture to g give up? How do we live together? what can we do? I am ready to file an annulment because all of the differences cause many problems.

I recently married a Nigerian man. I am a white American girl. He is a great man but we have so many differences that we can't come to any understandings. We don't even see the Same shade of red.
He hasnt been in the states too long and doesn't have any American ways down to the underwater he wears is Nigerian.
I am the poster child of an american girl. Or as he says a spoiled brat. I think i am just used to getting way especially with men. He is the first man to not just give me my way for everything i want. i am not taking this very well. And i doubt i ever get used to it like he thinks i will.
However when i come to him with my complaints all i hear is did i not realize i Married an African man, if i want to convert him then y nor just marry an American, or how an African wife isnt this or that or does this or that... And like i have told him he married an American in America....
I have no clue what to do and the major issues we have are divided by our culture....
The things i want/ expect is no different then what any other American would ask for and for him the way he treats me is probably no different then any other Nigerian husband... But both are so opposite help please

All his family and friends in the states was there he wants to go home this summer for a wedding...the sister is his sister she is married and we talk... We have finally hit the culture difference issues living together...and there are many.

31 so we are close in age.

Well this is my final update.... I am officially Mrs and have been now for 11 days. It had been great but also a little rough over culture differences. But i am looking up feeling like i have the world

!!UPDATE!!!
Well I was asked to update as of today we are engaged and set the date 19 days and I will be Mrs and cant wait!

UPDATE......its been a few weeks now and wanted to update about my wonderful man and I

So we have spent a lot of time together enjoying each other had a couple arguements but over all tjings are great but it is no longer any question as to how this man feels about me.

There has been several times I needed some help and without asking my babes been there. Ii was real sick woke up to my baby at my house which was a great surprise!
After an arguement he says he loves me and wants me to be his wife! But needs to talk to his sister not sure what this means. But I think we are getting close to a real engagement. I am really happy but kind of nervous.

I usually know a mans occupation before I his name. His income is the most impoimportant thing about him. If he is unemployed or under employed why do I even care what his name, name not like I would ever call him. But on the issue of illegal money... all money spends the same.however if a man makes illegal money we have no serious future but in the mean time he is free to spend on me.

God is love and we were created in gods image. All the characteristics of god is what love is. God is angry god is forgiving never ending patient kind almighty jealous vengeful slow to anger most powerful and much more. I believe the traits that we would use to define god happen to be the same traits that would completely define love.

I have never been attracted to my own race (white men) although I have tried dating some. I have dated a little of everything but in the end I love black men. There are many reasons why I will only date black men.
1. Size matters but its not what makes it count. Out of the many d!@#$ I have seen black men and any other man when it comes to length no one wins. Its random on who is extremely long but it is true that on average black men are thicker. But this isnt what makes the black mans sex better compared to other races. Black men are usually more ionate and work hard to please. They take pride in how good they are not in how they got to hit it. They are more talented and intune with a womans body.
2. Black men have a great balance for affection. They will not cling to u and kiss u repetitively like tLatinos but arent cold and distant like white or asian men. They will give you enough space to breath but not too much you feel alone. They are more emotionally sensitive but also can control their emotions more.
3. Equality...black men will almost always treat u as a partner with equal say and equal feelings. Where as many other races will treat u as either a prize/trophy or will treat u as a financial investment and only equality u know is that he values u and his 1000s of other possessions the same...he owns them.
4. They will equally help in daily task....cooking cleaning and child care.
5. They are more intimate and understanding. Of any issue.
6. Romance is not a chore. Black men usually equally enjoy romance with their partner.
7. Better body build...muscle mass. Not all black men are in shape or cut up but they have a natural definition to their muscles. White men dont usually have big muscular thighs and butt latinos have to kill themselves to have nice strong defined arms...asains are short and skinny nothing to them. Not only does a black mans muscle mass make him more attractive but it makes a woman feel safe. I like knowing my man could protect me if he needed to.
I could keep going on and on...many men from other races but have these same qualities but its not as frequent. Not all black men have these traits but its less frequent they dont.

I don't want him going at me or trying harder to get me to eat....it is already frustrating when I show up and he always offers me food and we get into a debate about it...I say no thank you I am not hungry he says u dont have to be hungry to eat I tell him I do he says that is silly....we go in circles for 15 mins.
I don't want him playing doctor and trying to get me to eat but most of all I dont want it to b an argument or something that pulls us apart. He is not going to like it if I tell him. He stays on me about smoking. No way he is going to understand. Its not like smoking I can't just quit. I have went to many doctors but they dont help.
I only want to not offend him or make it so he doesn't think I don't want to learn about his culture. ...

I dont mind learning to cook something for him but I dont want to eat it. I have a schedule and rules about what and when I eat. And like I dont like anything that makes me feel full even if its healthy. I just want him not to be offended when he doesnt want me to try stuff he has.

I can't tell him that though....

Yes but it will take much rime before then. I figure I am 2-4 months from a proposal, a year until a wedding after that, 6 months after until he becomes suspicious, and 1-2 years after that until I cant hide it anymore so that gives me almost 4 yrs...by then I might be o.k who knows or maybe it wont matter to him by the time he figures it out
So I don't think I should tell him...
I just dont want him to think I dont care about his culture because of this. ..

I am absolutely not telling him...

He said I would only have to cook once a week...right now I cook none. I have never dated a man that cooking was important. But I can try to learn for him but no way I will cook daily.
I am definitely not telling him. I dont want to hear all the speeches I have heard before. I definitely don't want him trying to make me eat. There is no way he would understand it for what it is.