NewStats: 3,262,720 , 8,177,942 topics. Date: Tuesday, 03 June 2025 at 11:04 AM 665469

She's right on one fact.

"Never force a man to marry you, or you'd keep wearing that engagement ring for 10 years".

Well,

Almost right, because mine wore it for 7years.

As an eligbile bachelor with the sole aim of chopping kpekus and not the slightest intent to commit, I was privileged to use an engagement ring to handcuff the devotion of an evening newspaper's kpekus to my dictates since she won't let me rest on the marriage matter.

Even after I got married to the lucky one, this lady who was more interested in wearing my ring, still wore the same engagement ring for 7 more years, serving me exclusive kpekus on a platter on a regular till I relocated.

It was even the little fear of God I had in me that made me tell her to throw away that ring and forge ahead with life because there was no marriage future with me.

She rained curses on me and swore I won't turn out well in life. But because I am wired differently, such curses always have the exact opposite on me. I've never known a better yesterday and my life is almost as perfect as in the movies.

Its' been donkey years now and I've not read of her suicide, so I can only believe that she's fine somewhere. Kpekus must have met it's actual owner.

Ladies should learn to go with the flow, curses from a scorned woman do not work. So never pester a man to marry you or he'd marry the one who even doesn't want to get married because men are irresponsible creatures who hate to be bothered.

Some wives are just evil.
What is this world turning into?

Why will you report your husband, a man that toiled his life away to be able to afford your brideprice to the police for a matter that can be resolved amicably within the family?

If any of my relatives' wives reports them to the police, I will personally see to it that that union comes to an end.

Because a woman that can report her husband to the police can as well connive with strangers to murder him.

The name of that snake is Echieteka.
When trained well, it makes a good pet but a very bad meat.

Amongst all the snake species to eat, this one tastes the worst, at a point you can't tell if it's plastic Tilapia you are eating or a Wall Gecko.

But when cooked with the spice from Indomie Noodles, it can confuse your brain to think it is an underaged catfish you're eating.

Such a shame. All this gunfire, yet they could not kill a single journalist.

How do they hope to win the war if they suck this much at shooting?

This is sad.
Please did he leave behind any widow?

God provides for us in the strangest ways at the peak of our needs.
He did it for Abraham, used Ravens in feeding Elijah so he can as well send spiritual alerts.

My Bible tells me that the steps of the righteous are ordered by the Lord.
He has ordered mine a million times but I'd just narrate one.

One day, I was so sex starved.
I left home to visit my friend who lived in the same county. Luckily he wasn't home but his wife was. One thing led to another and we ended up having sex.

Till today, I believe that kpekus was divinely arranged.

Do not shortchange yourself with this premarital sex nonsense.

Conji kills.
Have sex responsibly or just masturbate.

Excessive semen retention can make your scrotal sac so heavy and once the spring suspending the sac snaps because it's hydraulic release has not been serviced by frequent ejaculation....all hell will be let loose, sperm will flow into your artery and mix with oxygenated blood and get circulated round your body.

Sometimes the sperm gets to your lungs and even your ears, nostrils, your brain or it becomes the pus in the acne, boils and pimples on your skin.

Well, this is what my mom told me, that's why till this day, I always lick my catarrh just to taste it and be sure that it is not sperm coming out of my nostrils.

Now this is what is called a worthy adulation.
Alex Reports needs to learn a thing or two from Dele Momodu.

It's one thing to praise-sing for someone who you know does not deserve it and to praisesing for someone whom everyone knows deserves it.

There should be some professionalism in this oti mkpu business and that's why Dele Momodu remains a shameless veteran.

Things are relatively affordable in Kebbi State.
I know someone who paid 700naira for TDB sex with a married woman in Bin Yauri.

But, if the cost of living is so cheap, why would they rather flood the South where the cost of living is so expensive just to be a nuisance.

If Lai Mohammed did it Kwara, T.A Orji did it in Abia, Tinubu did it in Lagos, why shouldn't the Onoh's do it in Enugu?

NwaAmaikpe s Nwanne Bianca to take over from underperforming Gburugburu.
I can also see the grooming Okwesilieze's son Ikenna is getting for this same post in the nearest future.

Time will tell but like Ukpabi Asika rightly said, "onye ube ya ruru, ya racha".
It's about time we stopped hating people because they are privileged. We'd do the same if we were in their shoes.

The Western world recycles waste, Nigeria recycles wasted leaders.

What do you hope to achieve?
To get the lost information back or to extort the school?

Now, nowhere in your story did you mention that your wife saw someone operating her device thereby breaching her privacy, technically that puts you on a lower ground legally because it's all assumptions.

Phones can factory reset themselves when the limit of wrong input has been reached.
It could be this.

But,

You have evidence of messages that didn't originate from her to her s. But that is no proof either.
A good lawyer could pin those messages on your wife, claiming they were sent by her with a malicious intent to blackmail the school or that she has a dissociative indentity disorder which would further cast aspersions on her sanity as well as her credibility.

So,

As long as your wife does not have nudes of you or herself on the phone or any other incriminating file, you should not be bothered.

If she does have nudes or other vital information she wants back, I could help you retrieve those lost information.

But,

By default, I do not trust women.
I'd advice you not to.
Do not excavate a graveyard except you are hunting for skeletons.

Apparently, your wife is a threat to the HM who does not want her taking advantage of connections she garnered in the course of working for her.

Just let sleeping dogs lie.
So you do not go and find out that the preek of a rich parent is the reason behind your wife and her HMs' squabbles.

I'm not saying that teachers are as wayward as nurses, I'm just saying I know someone who is a big benefactor in his kids' school; the story of his goodwill and philanthropy brought the Proprietress and most of his kids' teachers to his bed.

The proprietress found out she was was sharing his preek with the same people she was paying salaries and it brought about squabbles amongst the teachers and most of them just like your wife, tendered resignation letters but never told their husbands the true reason behind their leaving.

Those husbands till today see their wives as victims of unjust treatment in the school they served in not knowing that they, the husbands, are the actual victims.

Russia and Putin's advisers are very stupid.
They're are just playing around with key Intel.

You know U.S, U.K and NATO are acting like bandits and you haven't still begged Sheikh Gumi to help you intercede with the bandits.

If my parents are dark skinned and we're all dark skinned in my family, I'd be very skeptical about my light-skinned sibling.

Because asides Gregor Mendel's genetic laws, it means one of either two things.

I'd pardon it if it were Cobhams who said Princess was his lover knowing he can't know better but for Baba Ijesha; a full-fledged, able-bodied man without a vision impairment to have a romantic relationship with a lady who looks like the carcass of an ogre beats all rationalization.

Even if dragged by a crane, or fitted on springs, NwaAmaikpe's preek will not raise half an inch for a million Princesses trying to rub some life into it.

How did Baba Ijesha lose it?
How?

And for this reason a wise sensei once said,
Never underestimate the great lenghts the human snake will travel just to spit out some of its' venom.

Princess must have been overfed with pure scorn. I can't even imagine the pain she felt knowing her toyboy would rather lust after her underage adopted daughter than her wobbly, repugnant self.

Baba Ijesha may have given out this information to save face, but the fool doesn't not know that for brothers with taste like myself; having sex with an ugly woman is just as bad as having sex with an underage girl child.

I've never been a fan of Orubebe, but I will not take this list.

Onyeka Onwenu is conspicuously missing.

Ekwe, Iyogogo, One Love, You and I, Dancing In the Sun, Odenigbo, Ochie Dike and a few of her other works were global world-class masterpieces.

She gave Hugh Masekela, Miriam Makeba, Thione Ballago Seck, Youssou N'Dour and Salif Keita a run for their money and made them look like learners.

So good she was that Almighty Fela wanted to marry her just as exploitation to boost his global music ratings but she turned him down.

Without sentiments, ask yourself this question.
Was Sunny Ade globally reckoned before his duet with Onyeka Onwenu in "Wait for Me"?

If you are unbiased and a true global music critic, you'd understand why I feel that this award is meaningless if Onyeka Onwenu is not on it.

An Afrobeats Hall of Fame without an Onyeka Onwenu and a Sir Shina Peters is worse than an expensive wedding hall without guests.

Till you see my point, argue with my semen.

Some sculptors are just mischievous.
Why are his shoes obviously oversized?

Maybe that was were he hid the rat poison he'd later in life drink.

It does not sum up to me.

Does the God of Chosen choose the people he heals because there are lots of disabled people in front of The Lord's Chosen Church at Owerri Road, Onitsha still unhealed.

Don't do this to yourself.
I understand the urge but do not succumb.
If your self-control is weak, indulge me as I lead you through hypnosis.

Close your eyes,
Psych yourself that your preek is a snake, and you need to run away from it.
But do not run brother.

You are a man.
Hold that snake by the neck so it doesn't get away,

Grab it.
Strangle it,
Roughen up it's sides; from the neck to it's midbody so you can weaken all of it's bones ,
Don't stop,
Just don't stop till that snake spits out all of it's venom.

Open your eyes,
The snake is limp and dead.
You feel much better.
Rub the mess evenly on your body as a skin lotion.

Then thank me later.

It looks a like a conji-related death to me.

Excessive semen retention can make your scrotal sac so heavy and once the spring suspending the sac snaps because it's hydraulic release has not been serviced by frequent ejaculation....all hell will be let loose, sperm will flow into your vein and mix with oxygenated blood and get circulated round your body.

Sometimes the sperm gets to your lungs and even your ears, nostrils and the brain.

Well, this is what my mom told me, that's why till this day, I always lick my catarrh just to taste it and be sure that it is not sperm coming out of my nostrils.

I really think you should dump that girl and go for her mom; she's the honest one.

I'd have just said throw some poisoned fish in the ceiling or simply fumigate your house but no.

I've scanned my head, racked my brain, undressed my senses and rearranged my understanding to ponder over your post but I still have not and may not understand the essence of telling us about the girl who slept over in your house in this 'cat-in-my-ceiling' tale.

How does that relate to the subject matter?
Apparently to recieve accolades that your girl-game must be good if you could consummate new kpekus within a week.

But if your game was that good, a girl who came to the night in your house won't be sleeping already at the middle of the night,

If you were a maestro in the sheets, just the intensity of that lady's moans would have driven even evil spirits away from your roof.

The sex must have been really awful for cats and rodents to cry out in protest for the poor girl.

Too bad you made a mess of your shot, I doubt she'd visit again.
I can only imagine the sore sight the unlucky girl must have had to endure, limp preek dangling in an oversized boxers as you poked the ceiling with a mopstick.

Next time you're going to be shagging a girl, use a hotel.

It's not fair that a lady would climb three flights of stairs just for a poor shag.
Tomorrow, you'd in complaining about women with yam-legs.

Not so far from the truth.
I cohabitated with someone's daughter as an undergraduate.
She was God's gift to me to use in rehearsing what married life feels like.

Got her pregnant at least five times and served her as kola to a few of my cousins who came visiting.
She was so virtuous that she'd rather stay awake washing my underwears than reading for her exams.

It was through her that I perfected the skills of female manipulation.

I do miss her. She was such a good girl; but I'm glad that I wasn't the unlucky man she ended up with.
Because till today, she's still believing the Lord for a child.

If only she had a dad like KOK who'd check up on her unannounced, she wouldn't have misused her life in the University.

Thank you for this update.

I was really concerned about your predicament and was going to reach out to know if you'd need help with printing obituary posters or "gone too soon" tshirts because I didn't see him being found alive.

We can only be grateful that he is alive though not well, get someone to give him a wad of cash, that should help trigger his speech.

That's why I don't feel a thing when I am accused of being a tribalist.
It's in all of us.

And just like everyone is entitled to their opinion. I will not let their opinion be a distortion of the fact.

Peter Obi NEVER woke up and asked the Northerners to leave his state. The context of this fallacy has been tweaked to achieve divisive intents.

I stand to be corrected..but as usual, the facts will be twisted.

But why won't Tinubu who is famed not just for pillowing and owning the Commonwealth of his State but also for making derogatory comments about the Igbos be rated higher than a Peter Obi simply because he is of the same tribe as the poster?

I'd never understand the extremely low tolerance threshold of the new generational woman.

What ever happened to "for better, for worse"?
How did the abdication of the tenets of endurance that our mothers abided by in their own marriages become a norm today?

While we condemn bad, we must chastise evil as well.

Bad is, when a wife wakes up in the middle of the night and flees from Iran to Turkey, away from the confines of her marriage apparently in pursuit of a new preek.

But evil is when a religion makes it okay to decapitate the head of another just because their views oppose with ours.

This is what I'd never understand.

Shop owner will bring his 'sister' from the village to serve as salesgirl, two years later, she'd be the mother of his kids.

Baby girl will introduce Chief to you as her father's elder brother only for you to find out she's been sending nudes to him.

Same way Rosy told us she couldn't feel anything for Churchill because he was like a brother to her. Today she's the mother of his child.

Fear women.

Na today?
Chioma did a better job when Davido featured her in "Assurance".

Common sense should tell Baba that frequent diarrhea is a symptom of HIV.

Baba should run a HIV test first.

I relate to Ubi's post. The scriptures can never lie, for it is written in the Gospel of Future
Chapter 1:1-3

"From the streets did she emerge; and to the streets she will return,
For I say unto you, she is for the Streets,
So be not weary for she shall return from whence she came.

It is a shame this man allowed himself to fall for this and make a mess of himself by wifing an item that belongs to the streets.

Chai.

I wonder how autopsies are even done in Nigeria.
Is it not the same Nigeria where every fever is either caused by malaria or typhoid.

Or the same one where crime scenes are distorted by the first responders to see if they can find loose money or jewelries?

Even if you drink two litres of arsenic and died from a ruptured bile, a Nigerian autopsy will at best say you died of COVID that's if they don't say you died due to death.

I've learnt to take such advise with a pinch of iodine.

That's how Azeez filtered out the young girls that beg him for airtime, data and new phones, today he is left with evening newspapers that only beg him for a ring or his sperm.