NewStats: 3,264,394 , 8,183,589 topics. Date: Tuesday, 10 June 2025 at 09:35 PM 5zd1g6z3e3g |
(22) (of 22 pages)
![]() |
Op no mind them jare. ![]()
|
![]() |
Simpsonrocket: Akpors went to a software store, on spotting a brightly coloured software disc with inscription Mozilla Firefox 4.0 . Akpors said to himself ' Nna men this war film na die' .Akpors called the attendant ' Plz o my son, do you have the season one and two of this movie?' The attendant fainted. O_o the hell? na joke be that again? 1 Like |
![]() |
BlackTechnology: ![]() |
![]() |
![]() 2 Likes |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
This one too easy i choose seyi shay tiwa savage is too ugly and her talent is generic
|
![]() |
![]() Just goes to show that with a good lawyer and money, you can get away with aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanything! |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
Airforce1: ive been noticing this .... why is it ? how do they get upsidedown ? ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
publicenemy: ![]() 1 Like |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
People do make noise and smuggle snacks into movie theatres its not just a nigerian thing Besides the ![]() -call the next few scenes when the movie is still in its pre title sequence and laff my head off when it happens just like i called it ![]() -make the other viewers look dumb by laffing at the movies implausibility,enormous plotholes,covoluted plots and super cliched storyline Certified fun except no one will ever want to see a movie with you ![]() |
![]() |
![]() Tbillz be like eleran tiwa savage come be like witch Dreyl: That first pic get as e be. 1 Like |
![]() |
Aprime: When will Nigeria starts manufacturing public accessories like phones? U know, there is no rule that stops you from manufacturing phones ![]() 2 Likes |
![]() |
iamord: I can see how cool it feels to you making fun of the country. Whereas you just made Yourself look dumb.. No one may tell u tho..and even if they discover oil and so? I think what airforce1 is trying to say is that ghana's economy has plummeted into the ground so deep that it can find oil 4 Likes |
![]() |
@op so any suggestions on how nollywood can resolve the problems you have with them? cos i'm more of a solution oriented guy ![]() |
![]() |
Thought about a black garrotte ![]() ![]() 1 Like |
![]() |
![]() Nice one sha |
![]() |
33117: Wow that's 9ice but why did it take you so long to finish? ![]() |
![]() |
hugh jackman ![]() audience ![]() micheal fassbender ![]() narrator Meanwhile in the future the sentinels finish their lunch break and return to blowing the sh*t out of everything at sight shawn ashmore Uh ellen i think we need to teleport again the sentinels are............(Gets blown to mars) ellen page (Still laying hands on hugh's head rather than running)*Stuck on you I've got this feeling down Deep in my soul That I just can't lose Guess, I'm on my way* halle berry Wow! I guess this is my chance to at least throw a punch must take advantage of it(gets blown to venus) omar sy Finally i get a say something ![]() ![]() ![]() sentinel #1 Wait a minute, haven't we killed these guys already what are they doing here again? *sigh* its getting really old killing the same people sentinel #2 Here's someone we haven't killed before (blows ian mckellen to smithereens) ellen page Can't let go of hugh the bridge will close patrick stewart Wait a minute are we supposed to believe that you have been standing here for all the time hugh has been taking trans-atlantic flights, having lunch and taking naps? Do both worlds operate parallel time variation? Aren't you supposed to be like dead by now from all that blood loss? ellen page Well actually the time in hugh's journey is much faster than in actual time hugh might have spent three days so far but actually it's been only ten minutes here -inception theory patrick stewart[\b] ![]() ![]() [b]bryan singer ![]() narrator Micheal is about to drop planet saturn on the government, when nixon of all people steps out to talk to micheal richard nixon Don’t do it! Kill me if you have to, but spare the others! micheal fassbender ![]() jennifer lawrence ![]() narrator nixon turns into jennifer, who pulls out her bra and sling shots a pebble that knocks micheal down then she kicks him into a coma micheal fassbender When will they stop making me go out like a bloody i*iot?(es out) loki ![]() jennifer lawrence (Turns into arrow and Points a gun at dinklage) PETER DINKLAGE YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CITY peter dinklage Failed the city are you kidding? Look around you are the ones scaring everyone here i created earths last line of defence against you creeps and i was right to do so there are two mutants here today one tried to throw a planet at us and now the other is holding a gun to my face and talking to herself any reason why i'm still the bad guy here? jennifer lawrence I'm not talking to myself i'm talking to my bone head brother through our mcavoytel ![]() james mcavoy (On mcavoytel) Jennifer don't kill peter so they can see you as a hero and automatically trust us jennifer lawrence ![]() james mcavoy ![]() bryan singer Yes i love this more despair more suspense more ............ ![]() writers Dude we've written ourselves into a corner bryans singer Aw man already time to employ hollywood's secret weapon writer ![]() bryan singer I said secret weapon not common enemy push the magic reset button writer Are you sure this will work? bryan singer Damn right it will now hurry up before tim allen and the cast from galaxy quest notice that their reset props is missing. writer Its been an honour working with you guys(push button) narrator We see white for a few seconds then it resets everything but unfortunately doesn't take hollywood back to its golden age in 1997 ![]() and we are back at the start of part 1 where anna paquin who rules in favour of yep you guessed it mutants back at xavier school fourteen years of hard work is flushed away and everyone is holding hands and singing the aquarius sean ashmore *when the moon is in the seventh house and jupiter aligns with mars* famke janssen *then peace will guide all the planets* james mardsen *And love will rule the stars* hugh jackman ![]() patrick stewart Well we are having a happy ending we totally won hugh jackman Really? Is stryker dead? patrick stewart No hugh jackman Is sabretooth dead? You know he had a taste for killing people in xmen origins right? patrick stewart Em nope hugh jackman Is magneto dead? patrick stewart Nope hugh jackman Do i have my memory this time? patrick stewart ![]() hugh jackman ![]() patrick stewart Well you didn't ask for your memory to be preserved i asked you if you wanted anything? bryan singer What did i say? what did i say? Anything that has the bryan singer touch always needs a REBOOT! ![]() narrator back in the 70s we see stryker fish out hugh from the river jennifer lawrence Haha its me again! Rewriting history again no adamantium experiment for you hugh you are stuck with that disgusting bone claws forever and when we have a duel at the statue f liberty spoiler alert i shall have adamantium claws muahahahahahahahahah! hugh jackman But i still kinda have amnesia which was caused by stryker adamantium bullet to the brain after like giving me adamantium bones and sh*t jennifer lawrence Er........we are destroying that timeline but dragging some of it back ugh! This is the most confusing movie ever i'm out Academy Awards And the award for movie with the most inconsistent timeline,convoluted plot,thin storyline and all in all a waste of your 2hours goes to Xmen: days of future past skyfall ![]() Academy Awards ![]() bryan singer That's right B-R-Y-A-N-S-I-N-G-E-R franchise destroyer look me up ![]() END |
![]() |
patrick stewart Well you can't use cerebro anymore because you have become a human hater somehow your hate for humans has affected your powers and you can't function normally james mcavoy Hate for humans? What does that have to do with anything? And since when does hatred for humans interfere with my powers ian mckellen ![]() james mcavoy Anyway supposing i hate humans now how do i stop hating humans patrick stewart ![]() ![]() james mcavoy Start loving humans? Are you kidding? When they hate us and have begun exercises to extinguish us have you seen the skyscraper robots they are building just for us? patrick stewart ![]() james mcavoy Then you get my point how can i possibly love humans patrick stewart *sigh*Just chill till the screenwriters say its okay to get your powers okay? Okay gat to go now (Call terminated) screenwriters Epiphany time in 3,2,1 james mcavoy ![]() ![]() narrator next we see a train carrying Dumb Did you hear that? Dumber Hear what? Dumb That horrifying metallic bang and magnetism that just shook the train dumber You mean that horribly-fake SFX they use when magneto is bending iron. Why does it even make noise? dumb Well according to stan lee that's what magnetic attractions sound like micheal fassbender (Rising behind them) i'm back b*tches dumber Shhhh!Okay i think i just heard a dudes voice micheal fassbender (Facepalms) narrator back at the james mcavoy mansion james mcavoy I just found jennifer alright trying to talk her out of killing dinklage hugh jackman ![]() ![]() james mcavoy Damn it i just lost her hugh jackman ![]() .james mcavoy But there are alot of people at the airport i can see hugh jackman Good mind control all of them to pin jennifer to the ground and wait till you get there james mcavoy No can't do.............. anything else? hugh jackman Oh yea could you like change the ending of xmen origins where you found young james mardsen and the gang? james mcavoy You mean when i (who was bald already,super aged and could walk even though i'm paralyzed right now BTW) find them on some random island? But that was pretty cool i'm not changing that hugh jackman Dude it was very lame you just happened to know your way without cerebro and your helicopter was not shot down for hovering over a restricted island without clearance, plus you looked very creepy and smiled like a p*dophile dangling bait ![]() james mcavoy You are right i probably should re-write that bullsh*t plot point anything else? Like suffocate osama bin laden in his sleep, make friends with warren mother f*cking buffet,erase the amazing spiderman1& 2 and iron man 3 from hollywood database c'mon the past is yours to re-write hugh jackman No, thanks i'm good. narrator At pentagon micheal infiltrates the building to retrieve his helmet(that surprisingly enough was not thrown in the trash) by ripping off a metal door when he could just purchase something similar from a boutique or a flea market micheal fassbender Hmmmn time to wear my awesome helmet but hmmmn should i perhaps wear it with the red agbada it looks kinda cool on ian hold on, hey bryan 1973 is joan rivers around by this time bryan singer Yep micheal fassbender Okay, ![]() narrator meanwhile at the white house peter and richard nixon are holding a press conference to demonstrate the [b]peter dinklage Hey if i knew the americans were such violent war mongers i would have given you people the sentinel sooner ![]() richard nixon You are lucky our economy is in a deficit right now and we need war to distract people from the senseless tax hikes but you know, we aren't gonna have jurisdiction over so how do you benefit from this? peter dinklage ![]() richard nixon Really? So how do you intend on catching the mutants peter dinklage Ur by using the police i guess richard nixon So what the f*ck are these gigantic robots for? peter dinklage ![]() richard nixon ![]() narrator Nearby,james and the xmen search for jennifer using their brain i mean literarily james mcavoy ![]() bryan singer ![]() peter dinklage Gentlemen,the future is here i introduce to you armageddon i mean....... hugh jackman Red steel robots? I thot we were shooting an x men movie? james mcavoy No its a voltron we watch plenty of that in the 70s micheal fassbender Really? I thought it was. Krane from robocop that's why i plan on ripping the sh*t out of robocop 2 peter dinklage These are sentinels c'mon haven't you seen the comics? Wait what? Is that micheal fassbender? richard nixon Isn't it too early for the gay stripper with a helmet to show up wait a minute did you say micheal fassbender you mean he's escaped from prison again? Why am i the last to know? narrator micheal begins to control the robot into destroying police cars and shooting up the floor in robocop 2 style james mcavoy Wait a minute how is fassbender making the robot shoot? I know he controls metals but since when did he start controlling the mind of machines? nicholas hoult James , do you realize Micheal is actually doing a good job now americans will be scared sh*t crazy for their lives and automatically reject the programme hugh jackman Yea unlike some people who are just touching their heads and trying to "make connection" narrator[\b] [b]micheal change am for them richard nixon Hey that mutant just threw a sports stadium at the white house peter dinklage And he just threw the whole of westafrica at the white house too nicholas hoult Oh my God now he's going to throw a planet at us james mcavoy Damn it micheal what are you doing the threat is over your good intention has been fulfilled micheal fassbender ![]() james mcavoy *sigh* hugh go get him narrator then hugh jackman who has been in every war since the 15th century,kicking ninja a*sses and mutant a*sses alike unveils his best tactic yet which is "throw caution to the wind and just dash out at micheal fassbender" hugh jackman Aaaaaaaaaaargh blaaaaaaaaargh raaaaaaaaargh! micheal fassbender Oh you are still here? finally come to be useful to the plot? hugh jackman I've come to stop you ![]() narrator Micheal makes hugh his b*tch and tosses him into a river To be continued........... |
![]() |
Csami: Boy O boy! This last one was awesome. The accent, the do over and all got me laughing. ![]() |
![]() |
narrator[\b] [b]The gang hop into james private plane. And head to paris micheal fassbender and james mcavoy who were super tight in xmen first class have their ONLY conversation in this movie and they do it like they are kingerdaten kids who are fighting over a toy or something micheal fassbender Hmmmn lemme get this straight peter dinklage was kidnapping mutants and harnessing the f*ck out of their organs and you decided to take a serum that stops you from having mind powers? WTF?shouldn't you have like made a refugee shelter for mutants or use your wealth and influence to battle peter dinklages illegal human rights violation? james mcavoy ![]() ![]() micheal fassbender Stole her? Dude you asked her to leave with us you said you could sense her desire by reading her mind and sh*t or are we destroying that timeline too? james mcavoy And you tried to nuke america and USSR soldiers over the excuse that they are going to war with us micheal fassbender Funny you should say that cause you know that's why future hugh is here if you'd let me nuke them you would still have your legs, your powers, you won't need to build a sanctuary for mutants and may be this mess of a movie wouldn't exist ![]() james mcavoy Fine i shall get back to you on why i hate you and why you are a villain later micheal fassbender Whatever now if you excuse me i shall go have another boring meaningless chat with hugh perhaps he could bitter talk me to sleep narrator In , Peter dinklage is stealing from the plot of pacific rim and hoping the international reps at the meeting don't catch on peter dinklage Just imagine you could be sitting with donald trump on a nice summers eve closing a trillion dollar deal when a giant robot shows up, blast donald trump and his tupee to jerusalem and takes off without explanation or politely apologizing to you the innocent by stander or even cleaning up the mess, pretty cool huh? Now that is the french way thai hoa le Okay, now first of all you are stealing from the hellicarrier idea in captain america winter soldier you are just wrapping it up in pacific rim clothes secondly er...........you do realize that if we knew that mutants existed in the 70s acting like they were new in the early 2000 will make you wonder what we were doing in the eighties and nineties which automatically makes this the most confusing movie franchise ever. And three ![]() peter dinklage Wow! The same stunt you performed when wanted to capture senator kelly in x-men 1 ![]() narrator Thai ho ale transforms into jennifer lawrence who in turn transforms into bruce lee and starts whooping every body's a*ss effortlessly and in cold blood Peter dinklage Wow! Who thought you how to infiltrate highly secured government meetings? How did you learn such skillful karate chops? and how did you become such a cold emotion-less scarlett johansson type of assassin? jennifer lawrence Sorry guys no character development stories today for all talk and no play might be peters plan to get away so if you don't mind i shall point a gun at his face call a bunch of mutants you don't know and hope you people catch on narrator as she is about to execute peter hugh and the xmen show up just in time ![]() james mcavoy (Giving jennifer the 100 year old bullsh*t hollywood line) jennifer you don't have to do this,your dead friends wouldn't want you to do this, gimme the gun, it's alright,if you kill him then you are just as bad as the rest of them hugh jackman Yes jennifer cool down just .......(Notices stryker in his twenties and begins to flip balls) ![]() young stryker What da? I'm sorry do i know you? wolverine You shot my girlfriend and shot me in the head which made me lose my memory but ignore that fact at convenient moments like now when i notice that your character has been played by 3 different people who look nothing alike where the f*ck is the consistency arrrrrrrrrrrrgh! (Flips the f*ck out) narrator Meanwhile in the future blown to sh*t setpiece hugh does what he does best which is STAB PEOPLE IN HIS SLEEP even though his claws were cut -off in the wolverine ![]() ellen page Yeoooooooooooow! Dude do you have something against women? You have done this to rogue, your jean knock-off wife and now me, thanks a lot now the tempo of the movie shall become more tense Right? bryan singer Really? Why ![]() ellen page Dude i just got stabbed don't they have their work cut out for them already like i don't know try to stop me from going into shock or losing so much blood or getting my wounds infected i should have ed the f*ck out by now right? bryan singer ![]() ellen page ![]() narrator Back to the past Micheal grabs jennifer's gun and aims it at her surprise surprise ![]() james mcavoy Micheal? What are you doing? You see that's why i hate you and that's why you are the villain you are about to betray us and kill my sister ![]() micheal fassbender Well first of all,I have to kill her so they don't get her DNA and use it to enable the robot change into fire and ice like it did at the start of this film secondly we are all here to stop jennifer from starting world war X and i'm willing to soil my conscience as a sacrifice for the team besides i'm suprised, You still don't know how i am you witnessed me kill kevin bacon in the same way i'm also surprised ian didn't warn hugh of my impending/predictable betrayal he is me in the future right? ![]() ian mackellen Oh i almost forgot to tell you guys i had a thing for murder and betrayal in the 70s so i can't be trusted Micheal fassbender so lets see how do i kill you now?[s] perhaps i can metal bend a locket around and choke you to death[/s] or [s] i can use my bullsh*t magnetism to levitate you and toss you outta the window and perhaps into a river[/s] ![]() jennifer lawrence What you wanna kill me? You can't kill me i thought we tastefully f*cked in xmen first class? micheal fassbender ![]() jennifer lawrence But i thought i was your love interest? Aren't you supposed to like love me micheal fassbender Love interest in a movie where a dude can move a submarine with his mind what do you think ![]() jennifer lawrence I think i should rip-off an anne hathway TDKR stunt and dive out the window micheal fassbender Not until i shoot you in the leg first (He shoots jennifer in the leg just as she jumps out the window) Nicholas Houlte All this commotion is making me upset ![]() james mcavoy And i shall stay back and wonder how carrying a team of mutants consisting of a sociopathic villain,a psychotic hobo and a dr jerkill/mr hyde wanna-be to hunt down a shape shifting assassin was a good idea ![]() narrator Out on the streets there is an incomprehensible CGI excuse for an action scene micheal fassbender ![]() jennifer lawrence Hey boys watch me shape-shift my b*east size/shape check it out i got the Scarlett johanssen- pimple size b*east Beyonce- agbalumo seed b*east size Lupita nyongo - banana b*east shape Angelina jolie - beaver tail b*east shape Cossy orjiakor - banky W head b*east size nicholas houlte ![]() ![]() bryan singer ![]() narrator of course they are dumb enough to do this in front of like a billion french people who casually give a f*ck french people That's right we french people are very calm and organized people except when it comes to soccer that's when we lose our sh*t nicholas houlte ![]() narrator after a few minutes the fight ends and now we watch a "guy" with a limp walk out of the scene jennifer lawrence ![]() narrator peter dinklage is at his evil lab experimenting on jennifers blood sample from her gun shot wound peter dinklage Muahahahahahahahah! now with this blood my audience ![]() peter dinklage Well that's easy: 12 g C 1 mol C 3.14 g CO2 -------- --------- = 0.0714 mol C 44 g CO2 12 g C 2 g H 1 mol H 1.29 g H2O -------- --------- = 0.143 mol H 18 g H2O 1 g H Thus, mole ratio of C : H is 0.0714 : 0.143 = 1 : 2. Therefore, the empirical formula is CH2 Discussion: The molecular formula for ethylene is C2H4 and cyclohexane is C6H12. audience ![]() bryan singer ![]() peter dinklage So........council dudes i bet you want me to release my ![]() council dudes Hell no! peter dinklage ![]() council dudes Oh that video we ed the video on europes most hilarious a*ss whoopings and got a million hits peter dinklage But what about the raucus they caused on the street? council dudes Oh yea that initially frightened us but have you seen the avengers? Apparently people love dangerous things they don't understand tearing down their surroundings we even plan on selling their merchandise check out this micheal fassbender meat tenderizer and this jennifer lawrence clay set and this nicholas houlte haloween mask pretty awesome yea? ![]() peter dinklage But the ................. council dude For the last time we aren't gonna rip off pacific rim what kinda merchandise can we make from that? Good day ![]() narrator Back at the xmen house the cast are trying to find out what part of the movie is missing cause it is as good as ended but we still have over one hour left nicholas houlte Okay lets start from the top james mcavoy and micheal fassbender have patched things up check!hugh has accomplished his mission check! Micheal fassbender being an excellent tracker like he showed us in xmen first class will simply just find jennifer and finish her off and having a thing for prison will just end up there anyway check!,peter dinklage can't launch his sentinels check! So...............why are we still rolling? bryan singer Well we haven't seen james mcavoy get out of his boris yetsin funk and re-open his sch nicholas hoult Nah! That wouldn't fly bryan singer How about interfering in fassbender and lawrences cat and mouse game nicholas hoult Nah that's totally uncalled for hugh jackman How about we just we just do the whole save the world from jennifer sh*t again bryan singer ![]() nicholas hoult Yeah a movie where both parts consists of the protagonists doing the same thing over again hugh jackman May be in an effort to do so james mcavoy can return to his wheel chair i heard he looks like a total joke in it bryan singer OMG what a genius hugh jackman Alright james time to stop taking the serum james mcavoy I can't do that the serum completely healed my spinal cord injury and if i stop taking the serum a stray bullet will automatically hit me in the back again and i don't wanna go back to creepy nicholas hoult giving me a sponge bath hugh jackman ![]() ![]() james mcavoy Really?! Cool! The serum tastes like horse piss anyway narrator james stops the serum which automatically kills his spinal cord, his melancholia and turns him back into ![]() ![]() james mcavoy Damn man i thought the cerebro thingy was supposed to help me track mutants not screaming children ![]() hugh jackman What about if you have a meaningless pep talk with your future self would that lift your spirit? james mcavoy ![]() bryan singer ![]() hugh jackman He's right james we are barely working with left-overs here let's just forget we ever said that james mcavoy Okay!@bryan singer what ever happened to you? You used to be a king when you directed usual suspects SMH narrator James travels to the future to talk to patrick stewart when they notice they don't look like each other james mcavoy ![]() patrick stewart ![]() james mcavoy Man! What kind of i*iots do they pick for casting directors these days why can't we just scrap that department and pocket the cash. Any way patrick i can't use cerebro anymore i need your help To be continued......... 1 Like |
![]() |
rokiatu: Toolz a virgin ![]() |
![]() |
Anytime i see this man dey do notice i dey always get reminder say "money hard to get" ![]() |
![]() |
Csami: ![]() I just hope they have backup for when people get tired of these avenger spin-offs becos spiderman isn't doing well and punisher is too violent to bring back This was how DC lost it in the 90s Same mistakes. They keep creating characters no one can , if you ask me about thor that i just watched you'll be surprised when i tell you i can't a thing |
![]() |
I don't like vampire movies to even begin with, but for those puppy dog eyes i will watch and #SwingMiss a telmundo soap-opera BTW i just saw thor dark world Good lord its movies like these that make Drive angry look like scar face. #Damn! 2 Likes |
![]() |
alutacontinua: Take all the above away from my diet and I have nothing left Garri is not on the list ![]() |
![]() |
![]() ![]() 9 Likes |
![]() |
ellen page But guys fifty years is pretty long sending someone that far can............. audience Not be possibly done and perhaps patrick stewart should just influence the minds of the security council to elect aerial strikes on the sentinel command center so this torture of a movie can end and we can all go home ? ellen page ![]() ![]() ian mckellen Brain scrambled?Really? O i didn't think abt that ellen page Seriously? Did you guys even have a plan at all? halle berry ![]() patrick stewart ![]() hugh jackman ![]() patrick stewart Okay all in favour say aiye............... cool now hugh shall go back in time to warn ian and myself in 1973 ian mckellen 1973? You mean the same 1973 when i'm in prison , you are acting like a b*tch on menopause and neither of us knows where jennifer is? Why don't you just transport hugh to the time you guys were house mates? ellen page Or you could send him to the time young james mcavoy found young jennifer lawrence butt-n*ked in his kitchen( ![]() hugh jackman Or you could just tell me what made you depressed and how you elated yourself before i leave patrick stewart @ hugh nah i can't do that i have to pay attention to hollywood's strict no leaking plot details till it is stale and unnecessary policy Besides it's also important that we save Jennifer from the dark side hugh and the x-men ![]() patrick stewart *sigh* don't you people watch superhero movies anymore , according to batman and superman , once you murder somebody( ![]() ian mckellen/hugh jackman/scarlett johansson/calvin harris/arrow/samuel l jackson/robert downey jr ![]() patrick stewart ![]() narrator Hugh lies on his back while ellen lays her hands on his head and hugh begins to scream dramatically ![]() hugh jackman Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! ellen page ![]() hugh jackman You know i have no idea why they make us do that especially when you take into consideration how st*pid we look when we do it , ![]() ellen page Alright game faces people i shall now be transporting hugh fifty years back in time to rewrite history and hope no one notices i am twenty seven years old and the time alteration may likely affect my existence narrator its 1973 and marvel kills sometime by force feeding us some jennifer lawrence boring action scenes where she uses her boring shape shifting "gifts" to save the lives of some boring mutants no one gives two sh*ts about who go about getting odd jobs and being boring Next hugh heads unto xavier school of the gifted with his pre-adamantium claws yep the disgusting the one ![]() hugh jackman Wait a minute i thought i came from the future how come i have bone claws? bryan singer Its 1973 you haven't undergone the adamantium experiment hugh jackman But my memory is still f*cked ![]() bryan singer Here's the equation, bryan singer + marvel comics = reasoning is a mutual enemy. So in other words you have bone claws for no reason ![]() narrator nicholas hoult answers the door hugh jackman ![]() nicholas hoult No i actually look human now, i was able to create a serum to supress my X-genes audience ![]() hugh jackman ![]() nicholas hoult Oh yea about that well we are in a timeline defying xmen movie so we can do whatever we like just like you ing your japanese friend from WWII and james mcavoy being able to walk hugh jackman ![]() james mcavoy (Staggering drunk) Hic! Hello audience i can walk thanks hic! To the multi-purpose bullsh*t serum excuse marvel has hic! Been shoving in our face for like eternity hic! Now who the f*ck is this guy? hugh jackman What da? man isn't this a kiddy movie? hold back the curses man kids are watching james mcavoy Hic! Kids? Do those still exist? Hic! They say even worse things than we do on tv Come closer lemme tell you something a kid said(whispers in hugh's ear) hugh jackman ![]() james mcavoy See? Now you are cursing too hugh jackman Alright in order for this movie to have a pg rating let's cool it down on the curses the f*cks have to go but the sh*ts can stay deal?okay now. Down to business i'm from the future and i need your help you can read my thoughts to know that i am for real james mcavoy Oh i forgot to add that the bullsh*t serum that helps me walk conveniently stops me from having mind powers you see i had to choose between saving mutants and rose byrnes a*ss on a platter so i took the serum option cause rose byrnes a*ss was hard to by hugh jackman I assure you i'm from the future and to prove it [s]i shall tell you something personal like jennifer lawrence isn't your real sister[/s] or [s]about your gay-ish relationship with micheal fassbender[/s] em em em em bryan singer is the director of this film james mcavoy *Gasp* why didn't you say so now i believe you what do you need? hugh jackman We need to steal from the plot of RED so let's assemble a team and travel to to convince jennifer lawrence not to kill peter dinklage so that the government won't get agitated and activate the sentinel programme fifty years from now james mcavoy Fifty years? If it will take that long why don't you just go home i bet the government officials will be dead by then? hugh jackman Nah! I would rather take the dumbest And most stressful option on the list so how can i get in touch with her james mcavoy Well if you watched xmen first class you would have noticed she kinda dumped me on the beach and we havent seen ever since however fassbender has been seeing her so perhaps he could be of use to us nicholas hoult Unfortunately Michael is being held in a metal free prison way more secured than the bullsh*t playground they put him in x 2 which ironically is in the future hugh jackman Okay then lets start assembling our team to burst out micheal fassbender using mutant powers then get cops on our a*sses and perhaps hasten the commissioning of the ![]() james mcavoy ![]() hugh jackman How about my friend evan peters aka quick silver we worked together sometime ago and i even though my story starts with me having amnesia narrator they visit evan peters evan peters Good day everyone welcome aboard the evan peters express i shall be your quick silver today before H.Y.D.R.A gives me an extreme make over and turn me into aaron taylor johnson in avengers 2 hugh jackman ![]() evan peters Not according to hollywood scriptures chapter 5 section12.6 verse 6 where it states that character ages are total bullsh*t in these type of movies or else Gambit would be like seventy years old , Mystique would be like eighty years old and not that hot mid thirties chick from xmen 3, and of course the most confusing of them all ,miss Emma Frost who is a teenager in x-men origins but a super sexy blonde in xmen first class which is way back dated and the professor............. hugh jackman ![]() narrator Marvel gives a giant f*ck you to the pentagon when they try to convince us that speed is enough to impersonate a well trained and armed guard( ![]() marvel ![]() narrator Evan peters stops at micheal fassbender's cage wearing a security uniform? Was that really necessary? ![]() micheal fassbender Oh guard! Will like to take a sh*t now what da ![]() evans peter ![]() bryan singer ![]() narrator Evan speeds micheal up to the pentagon prison kitchen , where they meet up with hugh, james, and nicholas who do not explain how they got access to the building because it's that kind of movie. micheal fassbender James is that you? Buddie you wanna tell me how i wound up in an american prison when i was last seen in cuba? Of which i teleported outta there BTW and what did i do that was so wrong that i am in super secured military prison for a super villain with super powers i tend to get captured alot narrator Soldiers break into the kitchen soldier #1 ![]() soldier #2 Dude what are you doing? there aint no cameras around here so no need respecting human rights lets give them the middle eastern villagers treament soldier #3 You mean replace their vital organs with punches and bullets then piss on their corpse? soldier #1 Hmmm! Sounds good to me narrator As the soldiers fire at them within the fraction of a second evan peters is able to flick the bullets off course with his fingers kick the sh*t out of all the guards, take a dump while solving crossword puzzles wipe his arsse with the guards faces, whip up some snacks and take a nap hugh jackman Wow! What a useful member to our team i mean you can avert any danger before it even happens................now get lost cause that's the best thing to do evan peters Aii cool time to go have sex with the scarlett witch who isn't my sister in this movie right? bryan singer ![]() To be continued...... |
(22) (of 22 pages)
(Go Up)
Sections: How To . 181 Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or s on Nairaland. |