NewStats: 3,261,686 , 8,174,778 topics. Date: Friday, 30 May 2025 at 06:56 AM 4z4h3l

I need help, i dated this guy for a year now, i found out he was married though he told me he has been working on his divorce for the past four years, practically he is still married, i really loved him. but he is some one that does talk about himself or his family, he told me he has a son but i saw three children in his CV. i dont know anything about his family and i have never met them. people are telling that he is still married which he claim they are lying. now i have met another guy who is serious about me though we are not planning marriage this new guy has never been married before, suddenly the old guy comes up that i should marry him even if his first wife who is outside the country doesnot divorce him he will make me his wife. and this is the same man who has been stalling since. he is not aware that i have met some one else. i really want to give this new guy a chance, i really dont want to be a second wife no matter if i love the person. it doesnt sit well with me having step child/ren. what should i do. the more i try to pull away from him the closer he wants to be. pls help.

marry both of them and divorce one later

Sorry for being harsh!

You really don't know what you want, if you do, you wouldn't be here asking which one to marry.

nwahmummy:
I need help, i dated this guy for a year now, i found out he was married [/b]though he told me [b]he has been working on his divorce for the past four years, practically he is still married, i really loved him. but he is some one that does talk about himself or his family, he told me he has a son but i saw three children in his CV. i dont know anything about his family and i have never met them. people are telling that he is still married which he claim they are lying. now i have met another guy who is serious about me though we are not planning marriage this new guy has never been married before, suddenly the old guy comes up that i should marry him even if his first wife who is outside the country doesnot divorce him he will make me his wife. and this is the same man who has been stalling since. he is not aware that i have met some one else. i really want to give this new guy a chance, i really dont want to be a second wife no matter if i love the person. it doesnt sit well with me having step child/ren. what should i do. the more i try to pull away from him the closer he wants to be. pls help.

With all the bolded, you are still confused?

U dey crazy! U better go for one month fasting and prayer make God forgive u for bleeping someone husband and putting another woman through emotional torture. May it be unto u as u did others
Mtchewwwwwwwssss

Ma'am, please leave the married man to his wife. If you believe this new person is what God has for you then go for it. Get to know him well and abstain from pre-marital raucous.

Dating a married man is never the right thing to do, regardless of the circumstance.
God be with you =)

OP, you know the right thing to do yet you are avoiding it. you are hoping we will encourage you to do that which you have chosen to do.
Ok, stay with him for 8 more years. Maybe by then he will chase his wife out for you to take over.
How a girl cant know when to say goodbye is hard to underatand.

spyroxy1:
marry both of them and divorce one later

op, u are a fool , a big big fool .

Leave the married man alone!

soreola:
Ma'am, please leave the married man to his wife. If you believe this new person is what God has for you then go for it. Get to know him well and abstain from pre-marital raucous.
Dating a married man is never the right thing to do, regardless of the circumstance.
God be with you =)

Sis, go with this advice. Never have anything to do with a married man. His wife can show up later on and it may lead to disaster for u.

dear...i think u shuld give d single guy a chance.
men has a thing for lies...d married guy may neva divorce his wife n an sure u wont b ready for d heartaches that is sure to come in d future.

let him go. i wish u d very best.
cheers

What's the hard decision to make here bikonu??

misfab:
dear...i think u shuld give d single guy a chance.
men has a thing for lies...d married guy may neva divorce his wife n an sure u wont b ready for d heartaches that is sure to come in d future.

let him go. i wish u d very best.
cheers

did i hear "may?". he WILL never divorce her . let her keep waiting for him to divorce his wife , she'll wait another 4 yrs n 4 more , before she knows it she's 40 n still single . many women make dis mistake . a man won't leave his wife to start a life with u ! he will keep u as a side chick to eat his cake n have it too , but he'll never leave his wife . d man lied to her sef , who knows wat else he's hiding ? op abeg , u have low self worth ni ??

OP,

First let me bash you. You committed adultery with a married man because you continued seeing him after you heard the truth from grapevine. One day, someone might do the same to you.

Secondly you are having relationships with two individuals at the same time and think it is a game of ludo....what happened to Nigerian girls and morals?

Anyway.....Marry the married man...you both fit...the single guy might be a decent person who deserves better.

Thank you for all the good comments. For those who judge me. You don't know the full story. How would you feel if a man approached you and he works with you in the same company. You are a quiet born again type you became friends, he encouraged you in serving God, even follows you to church claims he loves the way you sing. Then one day he said he wants to date you and you said no yet he never gave up he kept persisting you pray but didn't get any answer then one day you had a dream he came to you and said he is in love with you. You knew it even before he said it. You then started dating him some months into the relationship you were just in your room all alone when you heard a voice said "he is married" you look around you didn't see anybodY. He had travelled to his home state when he came back you asked him he told yes that he was married but he has been separated with his wife and working on divorce, you asked him how many children he has he said one. You asked if he was separated why didn't he work on the divorce since why is he doing it now he answer that if you had a cloth that you are no longer wearing you just keep it there until you get new one then you give it out. Then you started to pray that the relationship should end but the guy never gave up still keep Pushing you. Then people start coming to meet you that this guy is married and is still married. You asked him he said they are lying that they don't know anything about his life. You don't know any of his brotherS or sisters you don't know anything about his life outside the state where you both work. He likes travelling home on one family issue or the other. Then you met another person who just want to be your friend he knows about your current relationship but still says he can be your friend. You then try to Pull out of the former relationship he comes up with the idea of you meeting his people. I can't even say all the things that actually happen sometimes I just felt I was being used. Now I want to break off and move on he is coming up with something else. They say never judge a person until you lived in his shoes. There is so many other things I haven't said because I am tired of typing. If you were me what will you do if you are the type that doesn't keep male close friends and this is your first relationship in nine years after you got born again.

I understand your feeling of attachment.
But when it's time to let go, please let go.
He will only hurt you.
He has no plan for you.
Forget the marriage story.
.
Men know that U dont have to marry the lady, just say "I will marry you" and she'll be hanging on to your sleeves.
.
This is going to be difficult, but you need to break it off. Thank God, U have someone who has shown interest. Don't let him slip away. Accept his friendship. Let him be there for you.
.
A married man is a married man.
U've seen through many of his lies not just the ones you mentioned.
.
It's time to let go.
It's time to move on...

nwahmummy:
Thank you for all the good comments. For those who judge me. You don't know the full story. How would you feel if a man approached you and he works with you in the same company. You are a quiet born again type you became friends, he encouraged you in serving God, even follows you to church claims he loves the way you sing. Then one day he said he wants to date you and you said no yet he never gave up he kept persisting you pray but didn't get any answer then one day you had a dream he came to you and said he is in love with you. You knew it even before he said it. You then started dating him some months into the relationship you were just in your room all alone when you heard a voice said "he is married" you look around you didn't see anybodY. He had travelled to his home state when he came back you asked him he told yes that he was married but he has been separated with his wife and working on divorce, you asked him how many children he has he said one. You asked if he was separated why didn't he work on the divorce since why is he doing it now he answer that if you had a cloth that you are no longer wearing you just keep it there until you get new one then you give it out. Then you started to pray that the relationship should end but the guy never gave up still keep Pushing you. Then people start coming to meet you that this guy is married and is still married. You asked him he said they are lying that they don't know anything about his life. You don't know any of his brotherS or sisters you don't know anything about his life outside the state where you both work. He likes travelling home on one family issue or the other. Then you met another person who just want to be your friend he knows about your current relationship but still says he can be your friend. You then try to Pull out of the former relationship he comes up with the idea of you meeting his people. I can't even say all the things that actually happen sometimes I just felt I was being used. Now I want to break off and move on he is coming up with something else. They say never judge a person until you lived in his shoes. There is so many other things I haven't said because I am tired of typing. If you were me what will you do if you are the type that doesn't keep male close friends and this is your first relationship in nine years after you got born again.

he's not forcing u to be in a relationship wit him , is he ? no. as a born again u should know berra . u know he's married wit 3 kids . 1stcitizen up there's right . u committed adultery wit a married man knowing he's married , u r still questionin if to leave him knowin he's married . u say u r born again ? u have another man u r forming relations with at the same time . u r now cheatin on the second guy sef , na waaa .

nwahmummy:
Thank you for all the good comments. For those who judge me. You don't know the full story. How would you feel if a man approached you and he works with you in the same company. You are a quiet born again type you became friends, he encouraged you in serving God, even follows you to church claims he loves the way you sing. Then one day he said he wants to date you and you said no yet he never gave up he kept persisting you pray but didn't get any answer then one day you had a dream he came to you and said he is in love with you. You knew it even before he said it. You then started dating him some months into the relationship you were just in your room all alone when you heard a voice said "he is married" you look around you didn't see anybodY. He had travelled to his home state when he came back you asked him he told yes that he was married but he has been separated with his wife and working on divorce, you asked him how many children he has he said one. You asked if he was separated why didn't he work on the divorce since why is he doing it now he answer that if you had a cloth that you are no longer wearing you just keep it there until you get new one then you give it out. Then you started to pray that the relationship should end but the guy never gave up still keep Pushing you. Then people start coming to meet you that this guy is married and is still married. You asked him he said they are lying that they don't know anything about his life. You don't know any of his brotherS or sisters you don't know anything about his life outside the state where you both work. He likes travelling home on one family issue or the other. Then you met another person who just want to be your friend he knows about your current relationship but still says he can be your friend. You then try to Pull out of the former relationship he comes up with the idea of you meeting his people. I can't even say all the things that actually happen sometimes I just felt I was being used. Now I want to break off and move on he is coming up with something else. They say never judge a person until you lived in his shoes. There is so many other things I haven't said because I am tired of typing. If you were me what will you do if you are the type that doesn't keep male close friends and this is your first relationship in nine years after you got born again.

Interesting! My dear you don't need a soothsayer to tell you he is not serious. He travels often to do what? You claimed to be a born again and you can see the handwritings on the wall.
In case you need a married man by force, pls I am ready to give my husband out without collecting kobo. I won't even disturb you in future, I promise you that.

We started dating and he has spoken to my family before I it was revealed to me he was married. He says the wife and the son are not in Nigeria that she has refused to come back and divorce him. Beside I am not dating the second guy he is just my friend the longest time I have spent with him is 30minute. Does that amount to dating. Currently he is out of the state. @shinningmama, thanks for offering me your husband. I really appreciate the kind gesture. May God really bless you and your family, thank you.

@OP... this is another woman's husband. It should never be an option. I have seen the heartbreak and devastation that a woman faces when she finds out her husband is having an affair. It can destroy a human being. Please I beg you... leave the man, walk away. You have a choice.

"Oh, but he said... "

You still have a choice, regardless of what he said. I know it'll probably hurt but it is better you cut it off now than regret later. it will never be the right thing to stay with him, never.

soreola:
@OP... this is another woman's husband. It should never be an option. I have seen the heartbreak and devastation that a woman faces when she finds out her husband is having an affair. It can destroy a human being. Please I beg you... leave the man, walk away. You have a choice.

"Oh, but he said... "

You still have a choice, regardless of what he said. I know it'll probably hurt but it is better you cut it off now than regret later. it will never be the right thing to stay with him, never.

. Thank you for the advice I will do that. He travelled again when he comes back we will straighten things right away.

nwahmummy:
We started dating and he has spoken to my family before I it was revealed to me he was married. He says the wife and the son are not in Nigeria that she has refused to come back and divorce him. Beside I am not dating the second guy he is just my friend the longest time I have spent with him is 30minute. Does that amount to dating. Currently he is out of the state. @shinningmama, thanks for offering me your husband. I really appreciate the kind gesture. May God really bless you and your family, thank you.

Amen to your prayer.
On a more serious note, pls don't marry him pls and pls. Put your mind off him and I pray God will link you up with the best man for you.
Don't settle for less.

nwahmummy:
. Thank you for the advice I will do that. He travelled again when he comes back we will straighten things right away.

I'm sorry but pls, no need for discussion. It'll only give him room to convince you to stay. Anyways, your choice. All the best!

These hosban you people r sharing

Dia is god o

Shiningmama:


In case you need a married man by force, pls I am ready to give my husband out without collecting kobo. I won't even disturb you in future, I promise you that.

.

You dont really know this man
Please dont get involved with strangers. It could be dangerous

I heard of a story where a man was married but his wife lived abroad. He found another woman, but he told her that he was divorced
The woman, a sngle mother herself packed in with the man and with her children
For 6 years they lived together as a family and the kids knew him as daddy
They attended functions together as husband and wife
One day wifey who lived abroad knocked on the door and claimed her place.
That was the end

chaircover:
You dont really know this man
Please dont get involved with strangers. It could be dangerous

I heard of a story where a man was married but his wife lived abroad. He found another woman, but he told her that he was divorced
The woman, a sngle mother herself packed in with the man and with her children
For 6 years they lived together as a family and the kids knew him as daddy
They attended functions together as husband and wife
One day wifey who lived abroad knocked on the door and claimed her place.
That was the end

thank you its really saddening the extent men can go, the most funny part of it is he has met my family, even when i dont know any of his, has my mum's and sis's no by heart, when i dont call him he will blame me for misbehaving, gets money from me like mad, any time i am broke or dont have money to give him, he will pick a fight. that is what even made me go back to pray and ask God if this is the kind of husband he wants to give me before i knew he was married. but at other times he will be so gentle and kind that i will just change my mind about breakingup with him. but the irony of it is that i was so so so NAIVE he a lagos man saw it he came in and started looting. infact when i look back i hate myself for letting a man cotrol my emotion and life like that. people can call me anything the like it wont be worst than what i have called myself. but now as i am saying it i am encouraging myself to move on, i honestly dont think i have the stength for another relationship i just need to heal up and believe in myself again.

chaircover:
You dont really know this man
Please dont get involved with strangers. It could be dangerous

I heard of a story where a man was married but his wife lived abroad. He found another woman, but he told her that he was divorced
The woman, a sngle mother herself packed in with the man and with her children
For 6 years they lived together as a family and the kids knew him as daddy
They attended functions together as husband and wife
One day wifey who lived abroad knocked on the door and claimed her place.
That was the end

thank you its really saddening the extent men can go, the most funny part of it is he has met my family, even when i dont know any of his, has my mum's and sis's no by heart, when i dont call him he will blame me for misbehaving, gets money from me like mad, any time i am broke or dont have money to give him, he will pick a fight. that is what even made me go back to pray and ask God if this is the kind of husband he wants to give me before i knew he was married. but at other times he will be so gentle and kind that i will just change my mind about breakingup with him. but the irony of it is that i was so so so NAIVE he a lagos man saw it he came in and started looting. infact when i look back i hate myself for letting a man cotrol my emotion and life like that. people can call me anything the like it wont be worst than what i have called myself. but now as i am saying it i am encouraging myself to move on, i honestly dont think i have the stength for another relationship i just need to heal up and believe in myself again.

Anoda. . . .

Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeew "thread"!

nwahmummy:
Thank you for all the good comments. For those who judge me. You don't know the full story. How would you feel if a man approached you and he works with you in the same company. You are a quiet born again type you became friends, he encouraged you in serving God, even follows you to church claims he loves the way you sing.

It is not because you are born again that makes you quiet, it is your nature prior to being born again. And being born again doesn't equate to stupidity or foolishness, if for anything, it imparts in you the Wisdom of God.

Encouraging you in serving God was the tool he used to break your wall of defense, knowing fully well that you are the spiritual insensitive religious type (No pun intended). And him following you to church does not also mean he is godly, even the devil does attend church (have you read the book of Job?). He had to tell you he loves the way you sing because he needed to spark an unconscious thoughts in your heart, something to take home and ruminate over every night. It is called flattery Nwababy

Then one day he said he wants to date you and you said no yet he never gave up he kept persisting

He is a man who is not in control of his own desires, asking you out is no sin for him and you can't stop him from doing so. Him asking you to date you is not your own fault.

you pray but didn't get any answer

Have you read the book of James that says you pray but didn't receive because you are praying to consume it on your lust. When God is silent, it means out of many things, that you should be PATIENT and DO NOTHING. But you were in a hurry to give bro an answer without divine instructions.

then one day you had a dream he came to you and said he is in love with you. You knew it even before he said it. You then started dating him

This dream came because you have been consumed of the thoughts of the bro... Have you read Ecclesiastes that says "A dream comes when there are many cares....." You started dating him not because you believed the dream was from God but you were actually waiting for something to validate your interest.

some months into the relationship you were just in your room all alone when you heard a voice said "he is married" you look around you didn't see anybodY. He had travelled to his home state when he came back you asked him he told yes that he was married but he has been separated with his wife and working on divorce, you asked him how many children he has he said one. You asked if he was separated why didn't he work on the divorce since why is he doing it now he answer that if you had a cloth that you are no longer wearing you just keep it there until you get new one then you give it out.

See, God was gracious enough to warn you to desist and turn away from this ungodly relationship with the word "HE IS MARRIED". Rather than end it, you were busy negotiating and hoping it wasn't true. A man who was not sincere enough that he was married and had three children, and you could still hope against hope in the hopeless man. Sister, you are miracle worker. What else do you need when you heard divine instructions yourself? How else do you want God to warn you? You claimed to have been born again for nine years but doesn't understand the effects of disobedience. The man will tell you anything you want to hear to get to eat what is in between your legs (if he is not already eating) or to sustain eating it. YOU NEED TO WISE UP.

Then you started to pray that the relationship should end but the guy never gave up still keep Pushing you.

I am sorry to sound harsh here, but this is a very stupid prayer. You have been warned already. God will not do for you what you need to do for yourself. How do you expect God to end something you were not tied or in bondage to?

Then people start coming to meet you that this guy is married and is still married. You asked him he said they are lying that they don't know anything about his life.

This was your answered prayer but you turned deaf ears to it. God loves you sis but you keep disappointing.

You don't know any of his brotherS or sisters you don't know anything about his life outside the state where you both work. He likes travelling home on one family issue or the other.

If I were your parents, at this junction, I will beat sense into you. This alone is enough to end the relationship. Please permit me to ask, How old are you?

Then you met another person who just want to be your friend he knows about your current relationship but still says he can be your friend. You then try to Pull out of the former relationship he comes up with the idea of you meeting his people. I can't even say all the things that actually happen sometimes I just felt I was being used.

What stopped you from becoming a friend with the single guy? How can you TRY to pull out when you SHOULD pull out? The guy knows you too well to play the mind games with you. You were not being used, You are using yourself. You saw too many handwritings on the wall but chose to turn the blind eye when you are not Daley Blind

Now I want to break off and move on he is coming up with something else.

What is the something else he is coming up with? Whatever happens to you if you refused to live, know you are the architect of your own misfortune.

They say never judge a person until you lived in his shoes.

What you have written on this thread deserves a more cruel judgement than you've got because nothing suggests that you are tied or bound to the man. You put the yoke on yourself.

There is so many other things I haven't said because I am tired of typing. If you were me what will you do if you are the type that doesn't keep male close friends and this is your first relationship in nine years after you got born again

There are so many things I should have said to you too but I am also tired of typing and filled of anger reading what you have written. If I were you, the relationship would have ended the day I heard the voice "HE IS MARRIED" and he confirmed it himself. You have had relationship before you got born again, the principles of relationship is the same whether as a born again or a born against. The difference is application of godly principles which you have willingly left out despite warnings.


To set the record straight, there is difference between being judged and being scolded/corrected. I have observed that when people are corrected/scolded, they are quick to raise the judgement card. Sis, I have not judged you but pointed out your self-confessed errors.

Don't have a low esteem of yourself, cut off with the married man and start a clean relationship with a willing single guy. There is no need to discuss anything with the man before he comes up with something else. Cut off straight and immediately from him. Tell him it is over and do not look back. If you have been sleeping with him, ask God for mercy and forgiveness and move on with your life. The guy will only dump you after using yourselves.

I wish you the best life can afford you. God bless you.

Do you really think he will agree to still being married?Shine your eyes my dear.