NewStats: 3,262,075 , 8,176,016 topics. Date: Saturday, 31 May 2025 at 05:43 PM 5o574x

I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

Get them a nanny and go find your life. Time is running.

damosade:
Get them a nanny and go find your life. Time is running.

ok thanks for the input. We have found a nanny but due to an incident that happened to one of our family friend.
The said woman employ nanny to take care of house and the nanny ended up poisoning the woman and her son. Then took a bag of money the woman kept in her room and ran away.

So they are really paranoid of any nanny taking care of them.
They prefer a family member or relation they can trust.
Currently none of our relatives are available to help out and majority of them are abroad🤷

Your parents should adopt kids, thats the natural cure to this dilemma.

Children needs guidance, provisions and protection, and your parents needs their presence, and to see life through the eyes of children once again.

Also, the power dynamic between you and your parents have changed, unlike when you were a child. Right now, your parents have authority over you but without responsibilities, which is unfair to you.

For example, if they want to bath with hot water, prefer their eba extra soft, and maybe you have to clean their apartment, these are responsibilities on you, but you cant tell them what to do, or even scold them. You have no authority.

With children, your parents will have authorities and responsibilities, which is a balance. E.g, they kids do domestic work, and your parents wont feel lonely. But the trade off is that your parents have responsibilities towards the children.

I see that you have a good family that is united, and you care for your parents, this is very good, but consider what I said. Its an old practice that is solved by adopting kids, or men going into polygamy to birth more children.

We are so selfish and ignorant in this part of the world. What is so bad in staying with someone aged parents that laboured endlessly to raise us? So, he can move to them when he was struggling but not when he is financially stable? That is the extent of our shallow thinking, and you keep wondering if it worth it to suffer to raise children these days.

An average European, Chinese or American live with their parents but here in Africa, we detest and don't have empathy toward one another. Why would anyone leave his aged parents when he/she is in position to stay with them. Loneliness at old age is out of this world, and it is a great privilege to have one of your children family around.

That is why every man should try to make money. The rich take up another wife that will give them young children who will keep the house running at old age.

pansophist:
Your parents should adopt kids, thats the natural cure to this dilemma.

Children needs guidance, provisions and protection, and your parents needs their presence, and to see life through the eyes of children once again.

Also, the power dynamic between you and your parents have changed, unlike when you were a child. Right now, your parents have authority over you but without responsibilities, which is unfair to you.

For example, if they want to bath with hot water, prefer their eba extra soft, and maybe you have to clean their apartment, these are responsibilities on you, but you cant tell them what to do, or even scold them. You have no authority.

With children, your parents will have authorities and responsibilities, which is a balance. E.g, they kids do domestic work, and your parents wont feel lonely. But the trade off is that your parents have responsibilities towards the children.

I see that you have a good family that is united, and you care for your parents, this is very good, but consider what I said. Its an old practice that is solved by adopting kids, or men going into polygamy to birth more children.

You are too selfish and ingrate. So your parents that endure endless sleepless nights when you were a baby are fools abi? Your parents that sacrificed so much to make sure you are well brought up are fools? Your parents that bath you, carry your shits, wash your clothes for years are fools?

This type of people make one wonder if it worth to raise children. Anyway, when you start having your own children or reach their age, you will understand better.

So Op na nairaland you want come dey look for solutions, 😁. So you can't stay with your age parents? Wonder they say will never end. Oya continue.

yemmit90:


You are too selfish and ingrate. So your parents that endure endless sleepless nights when you are baby are fools abi? Your parents that sacrificed so much to make sure you are well brought up are fools? Your parents that bath you, carry your shits, wash your clothes for years are fools?

This type of people make one wonder if it worth to raise children. Anyway, when you start having your own children or reach their age, you will understand better.

Close-minded people (actually stupid people) uses insult, shaming tactics, and manipulation trying to make sense, instead of drop their foolish opinion and go.

Why is his parent not with their own parents?

All the thing you mentioned that his parent did for him, he will do it for his own children, this is the natural dynamic. It doesnt mean he wont show care to his parent, but care doesnt mean living with them permanently.

So if he has to be a businessman that travels globally, he should saddle his parents and be flying everywhere with them? Do you think at all?

I take very good care of my parents, and we do not live together. Care can be shown without 24/7 physical presence. I have kids as well, so I have reached that age.

Judging from the time you opened your nairaland , I would have expect a level of decorum and manners when you write, but you have proven that stupid people also grow old

Employ a nanny or call for a family meetings with your siblings. You and your siblings with respected family should discuss on how to take care of your aging parents.

If the accomodations is sufficient simply marry and move in. It is an honourable thing to take care if your parents at the same time building your life.

You yourself know that a nanny must be supervised even of you choose to get one for them.

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

You are blessed. . Don't stay far away from your parents at this stage, since you are now financially bouyant.
Even if you rent your own apartment, make sure its not more than one hour drive from them.

Do this, you know your parents, there's a particular food or dish they like , it might even be an old school music recording,it could even be 100 or 200 naira mint notes ,maybe 7 or 8. you will be suprised at what shacks old folks. it might be individually.
Start preparing it, and when they want to thank you, jokingly, tell them to bless you.
Do this often, it will propel you forward, it's called, transference of grace.

Some will smirk at this key, . the current greatest world footballer lives with his Mother,.. he didn't just start, yes, he's good, he trains hard, true. But, there's a certain extra edge that pushes men into greatness.

.Trust me on this.

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

I am in the same shoes as you.. don't mind anyone asking you to go out and leave your parents. I just jejely constructed an apartment and renovated the house. And living peacefully..

If you leave your elderly parents ... do you really believe you'll sleep peacefully at nights? Your conscience will haunt you. At 37 you're now wanting to start a family. Have you got a gf as yet?... one you've short listed?.If yes...then you should be bringing her home to meet your parents....and be hanging out with you at home . This will be an opportunity to find out more about her ...if she's helpful in the home ..how she relates to her elders...is she respectful? ... is she caring ? ...would she be willing to help out when you're not around? If you leave ..your in parents will feel abandoned....and that will affect their health. Your parents...your choice.

There’s no rule anywhere that says you can’t live with your parents or in their house till you grow old Just know what you are doing that’s all. Don’t mind anyone who says otherwise

yemmit90:
We are so selfish and ignorant in this part of the world. What is so bad in staying with someone aged parents that laboured endlessly to raise us? So, he can move to them when he was struggling but not when he is financially stable? That is the extent of our shallow thinking, and you keep wondering if it worth it to suffer to raise children these days.

An average European, Chinese or American live with their parents but here in Africa, we detest and don't have empathy reward one another. Why would anyone leave his aged parents when he/she is in position to stay with them. Loneliness at old age is out of this world, and it is a great privilege to have one of your children family around.

That is why every man should try to make money. The rich take up another wife that will give them young children who will keep the house running at old age.

Someone woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning!

The best thing that you can ever do as a man is to take good care of your aged parents while you are capable.
You are lucky and blessed to have both your parents alive. You won't understand till you loose them to the cold hands of death.

OP the best advice I will give you is to stay with your parents and also employ maybe 1 or 2 house-helps. That way you are still free to do whatever you like.

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

So if you look at your relatives, there should be not well to do young ones you guys can ask to come and stay with your parent and you guys take care of the person... They will in turn take care of your parents and it will be a win win thing...

pansophist:


Close-minded people (actually stupid people) uses insult, shaming tactics, and manipulation trying to make sense, instead of drop their foolish opinion and go.

Why is his parent not with their own parents?

All the thing you mentioned that his parent did for him, he will do it for his own children, this is the natural dynamic. It doesnt mean he wont show care to his parent, but care doesnt mean living with them permanently.

So if he has to be a businessman that travels globally, he should saddle his parents and be flying everywhere with them? Do you think at all?

I take very good care of my parents, and we do not live together. Care can be shown without 24/7 physical presence. I have kids as well, so I have reached that age.

Judging from the time you opened your nairaland , I would have expect a level of decorum and manners when you write, but you have proven that stupid people also grow old

You should learn to advise people base on the issue they are facing and their condition. That is a simple logic you fail to apply in your judgement.

Did you bother to know if his grandparents is late or alive? Did he tell you he work in another city or his work requires him to travel? And to make the matter worse, the guy even said he fear to leave them in that condition, yet you still advise him to leave his parents.

No one said you should live with your parents if there is no reason to or if you don't stay in the same city with them or if his job requires him to travel alot. The guy issue here is quite different. They live in the same city, he probably work in the same city and made his breakthrough in that same city. He should only leave them if there is no comfortable place in that house to allow his privacy.

While you think you are remotely taking care of your parents, alot of your mates bring them over to their houses and take good care of them.

Lastly, no one is insulting you, just that it annoying you didn't analyse his issue before giving advise.

Hire a domestic servant. In the long term, it's not so realistic for children to live with their parents especially in countries with a large population and land mass. Such are common in Hong Kong and Singapore, but unrealistic in Mainland China and Japan.

This is why marriage goes beyond having children, but also involves companionship. Parents should know that one day their children will leave them to be on their own. Na you as husband and wife go dey together until una kpe.me

The child always have his own life to live

You see why I tell people never to rush to marry. Now see what your aged parents are going through. If they had married a little later at least there would have been 2 young kids at home to take care of them. I always say it if you have children early you will still be lonely in old age because they will all be grown and then focus on their immediate family leaving you all alone only talking to them on phone. But if you have your children later in life at least maybe the first two children will be be grown and out of the house but you will still have some younger children at home to run errands for you

Please stay with them your father house is also your house don't let anybody deceive you, stay with them now because you will miss them when they are gone, I missed my dad everyday especially now that I have small money there are many things I will like to buy for him but unfortunately he not longer with us

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

My colleague got his dream job but resigned after few months because his mother was sick and nobody to take care of her. He resigned to take care of his mother. He chose his mother over his job

My parents always wanted me to come home...
I tell from where I stand....by God's grace we have everything at home....I can't lack of I am at home....

But I chose the world......it's hard..... but I chose it ...it made me more exposed to people and opportunities Plus there's a little freedom

Your parent lived thier lifes, it's time to live yours. Talk to your siblings about getting a help or nanny to cover Ur bit.
Also stop playing God thinking it will go bad when you leave, no one is indispensable.
Go explore the opportunities the world has to offer and not limit yourself to being a nanny unless that's what you desire out of life.
Lastly, pray earnestly (daily if possible) before you move out again so you don't experience another setback that will make you go back to thier house.

SultanOfPuna:
I have lived alone in apartment from 2019 to 2023
Due to financial struggles i relocated to my parents house 2023 since then i'm still with them

Now its 2 years and i have gotten financially stable and solid.
I want to leave but my parents are old and they want me to be around them at this stage of their life.


My parents are really old
My siblings are all married except me. My siblings are in different states far away from my parents.
I'm the only one closer to them

I'm the one taking care of the house and making sure things are in order.
But deep down i want to leave the house and go create my own family.

If i leave them and move out i fear that things will be out of order and disorganised due to old age.
Unfortunately no younger sibling to help look after them.

What should i do?

Your parents have lived and aged together.

Oga leave them, get a wife quick and grow old together with her like your parents.

You can be visiting, you can hire a small girl at least secondary school age, enroll here in a nearby school.
She will cook and care for them. Treat her well

Visit your parents monthly or something depending where you are based.

You have your own life to live too.

This is how my siblings and I did it oo.

Sundays popsy go drive them go church.
All needs catered for, house rent, food every every, calls.

You must not be in that house with them

Solsix:

My colleague got his dream job but resigned after few months because his mother was sick and nobody to take care of her. He resigned to take care of his mother. He chose his mother over his job

Haaa

So how will he foot the bills? Maybe love will foot the bills sha.

It's well

AfahaAbia:
You see why I tell people never to rush to marry. Now see what your aged parents are going through. If they had married a little later at least there would have been 2 young kids at home to take care of them. I always say it if you have children early you will still be lonely in old age because they will all be grown and then focus on their immediate family leaving you all alone only talking to them on phone. But if you have your children later in life at least maybe the first two children will be be grown and out of the house but you will still have some younger children at home to run errands for you

Hmmm

Honestly I have never reasoned this out.
Thank you for this insight

arantess:

Haaa

So how will he foot the bills? Maybe love will foot the bills sha.

It's well

His siblings will, they just needed one of their own to be taking care of their mother. I dey pray against such situations

Awwwwww
Stay with em. You’re not breaking any laws.
Good luck 🍀

yemmit90:

You are too selfish and ingrate. So your parents that endure endless sleepless nights when you are baby are fools abi? Your parents that sacrificed so much to make sure you are well brought up are fools? Your parents that bath you, carry your shits, wash your clothes for years are fools?

This type of people make one wonder if it worth to raise children. Anyway, when you start having your own children or reach their age, you will understand better.

I think you have a good point but Pansophist also made some valid points, your response and reaction to him wasn't necessary.

Let's try and debate the issue sensibly and in a civil manner.

1. The difference between parents and children is that, parents made a choice to have children and that choice comes with responsibilities and obligations some of which you listed above. Children on the other hand didn't make a choice to come into this world, to have parents or to have the sort of situation OP is in thrust upon them. As children we try to make the best of it, by doing good, doing right and doing well by our parents.

2. It is a natural course of life that children will grow up one day and leave home. This is a normal and old practice, even the bible talks about a man leaving his parents to cleave to his wife. We leave the nest to build our lives and live out our dreams or purpose, most times that means physically parting from parents and leaving them behind.

3. Parents and children were never meant to be together until death do them part. That is an exclusive reserve of married couples. The OP"s parents are the ones who should be together till death does them part. I understand the sentiment you expressed about parents being old, doing things for us and wanting us around in old age, but I think what most of them truly need is companionship.

4. It can be companionship from one another as a couple, from their friends, church community, or a group of people with same interests, etc. It must not necessarily be from the physical presence of their children. This is one of the reasons why I believe companionship is more important in marriage than children. I also don't like this idea we have of birthing kids so they can look after us in old age. It creates scenarios like the one OP is in now and emotional blackmail as well.

5. I cannot relate to the desire or need, to bring non-existent people into existence, just so they can take care of us in old age. It is a lot work if you ask me, because the work you will do for those children before you reach old age, will be more than the work they'll do for you in return. And if they are children who refuse to catch sense, heartache and pain awaits you in old age.

6. So, yes, while parents fed us and took care of us, it was their responsibility and duty to do so, as a matter of the choice they made to bring us into this world. While we also have a duty to do right by them as godly and sensible children, we can do that without necessarily living with them.

My own mother told me once that while they do not see me often they feel my impact from miles away through the financial I provide. Pansophist is not wrong when he says they should adopt children, in my case, we have a young girl of University age who lives with my parents.

She's in her 3rd year now, she's not a blood relative, I don't know how or where my mum found her but they've put her through primary and secondary school, now she's almost through with University.

I am more quick to send that girl pocket money for her personal use, than I am, to send to some of my own blood relatives. Blood is not thicker than water for me when it comes to that girl, the value she has provided and continues to provide exceeds the value some blood relatives have provided.