NewStats: 3,259,225 , 8,169,519 topics. Date: Saturday, 24 May 2025 at 11:23 AM 5d5924

Hello Guys, let me first of all say the cliché "It is well".

Now let we start.
I met my wife years back just before the COVID-19 year during which we dated for almost a year and then eventually got married just when the lock down was reducing. I started this story this way because I wanted to emphasis that during that period, we had so much time to bond and she was mostly available to me as she only worked on shifts 2 to 3 days per week.
We could sit and talk for long, go out at late nights and have great s*x as frequently as we needed.

This I think gave me a mirage of an anticipated marriage life so I didn't hesitate to take it a step further ones the lockdown was relaxed.
I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming as I had plans to assist her further her edu and also put up a biz for her.

Speed up to after COVID-19, she resumed work which till this day demands 5 days a week and 2 to 3 Saturdays per month all from 7:45am till 5pm. Often times she'd return home tired and would manage to make dinner and off to bed till the next day circle continues.
It became worse when we started having children. I drive them to school as early as 7:40am before dropping her off at her job. And then I'll pick them up by 5:30pm or 6pm when she's done with her job for the day (let me mention that this extends to public holidays and school holidays or breaks).

I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job. My plan was to enroll her back into a private school after my kids are Upto 4 years as one of them still depends on breast milk. I also gave her the option of starting a business which I understand is a dynamic move and might not be successful, but at this stage of my life it's something I could afford to risk and so I didn't mind.

I must also mention that out of a 100% sex, 50% is not mutual as I could sense she isn't interested and 40% is a denial as she would rather deny me of s*x with the excuse that she is tired.

Simply put, I'm tired.
I'm a Christian and divorce isn't an option. Also I can't cheat, but I am starved of s*x and my kids are not given the attention they deserve.
Pls advice me

I don't even know what to say

apprentist:
Hello Guys, let me first of all say the cliché "It is well".

Now let we start.
I met my wife years back just before the COVID-19 year during which we dated for almost a year and then eventually got married just when the lock down was reducing. I started this story this way because I wanted to emphasis that during that period, we had so much time to bond and she was mostly available to me as she only worked on shifts 2 to 3 days per week.
We could sit and talk for long, go out at late nights and have great s*x as frequently as we needed.

This I think gave me a mirage of an anticipated marriage life so I didn't hesitate to take it a step further ones the lockdown was relaxed.
I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming as I had plans to assist her further her edu and also put up a biz for her.

Speed up to after COVID-19, she resumed work which till this day demands 5 days a week and 2 to 3 Saturdays per month all from 7:45am till 5pm. Often times she'd return home tired and would manage to make dinner and off to bed till the next day circle continues.
It became worse when we started having children. I drive them to school as early as 7:40am before dropping her off at her job. And then I'll pick them up by 5:30pm or 6pm when she's done with her job for the day (let me mention that this extends to public holidays and school holidays or breaks).

I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job. My plan was to enroll her back into a private school after my kids are Upto 4 years as one of them still depends on breast milk. I also gave her the option of starting a business which I understand is a dynamic move and might not be successful, but at this stage of my life it's something I could afford to risk and so I didn't mind.

I must also mention that out of a 100% sex, 50% is not mutual as I could sense she isn't interested and 40% is a denial as she would rather deny me of s*x with the excuse that she is tired.

Simply put, I'm tired.
I'm a Christian and divorce isn't an option. Also I can't cheat, but I am starved of s*x and my kids are not given the attention they deserve.
Pls advice me

marry Second wife problem solved
you be African Man don't let Europeans used religion to make you unafrica

Cubanaigwe:
I don't even know what to say

See eh... I had to type this here cus I've run out of ideas. Don't know who to talk to or even next step to take.
Back then I used to blame men for cheating or fighting with their wife. But now, I'm pushed to do either.

apprentist:
Hello Guys, let me first of all say the cliché "It is well".

Now let we start.
I met my wife years back just before the COVID-19 year during which we dated for almost a year and then eventually got married just when the lock down was reducing. I started this story this way because I wanted to emphasis that during that period, we had so much time to bond and she was mostly available to me as she only worked on shifts 2 to 3 days per week.
We could sit and talk for long, go out at late nights and have great s*x as frequently as we needed.

This I think gave me a mirage of an anticipated marriage life so I didn't hesitate to take it a step further ones the lockdown was relaxed.
I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming as I had plans to assist her further her edu and also put up a biz for her.

Speed up to after COVID-19, she resumed work which till this day demands 5 days a week and 2 to 3 Saturdays per month all from 7:45am till 5pm. Often times she'd return home tired and would manage to make dinner and off to bed till the next day circle continues.
It became worse when we started having children. I drive them to school as early as 7:40am before dropping her off at her job. And then I'll pick them up by 5:30pm or 6pm when she's done with her job for the day (let me mention that this extends to public holidays and school holidays or breaks).

I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job. My plan was to enroll her back into a private school after my kids are Upto 4 years as one of them still depends on breast milk. I also gave her the option of starting a business which I understand is a dynamic move and might not be successful, but at this stage of my life it's something I could afford to risk and so I didn't mind.

I must also mention that out of a 100% sex, 50% is not mutual as I could sense she isn't interested and 40% is a denial as she would rather deny me of s*x with the excuse that she is tired.

Simply put, I'm tired.
I'm a Christian and divorce isn't an option. Also I can't cheat, but I am starved of s*x and my kids are not given the attention they deserve.
Pls advice me

Sorry about what you're going through... I can understand how frustrating it can be.

Please, don't get pissed off just yet... If it's an option, get her a housemaid to help out at home.

Secondly, any weekend she is not working... you guys should hang out like the old good days. If possible, leave the kids with your parents and go lodge in a good hotel.

Also, sit down with her to have an open discussion on the need to save your marriage...

I believe she starting a business is a good opinion... But , it is not everyone that is cut out for that.

I wish you the best in your marriage... Please, try to safe it!!!

Educationalserv:
marry Second wife problem solved
you be African Man don't let Europeans used religion to make you unafrica

It's not that easy. My kids are my priority. I dream of a home where they will grow with all the care they need. Remarrying comes with too much uncertainty.

The worse part of it is that madam doesn't even act like she cares about how I feel. I've tried all possible means. Talk, beg for s*x, give her suprise packages, even spoken to her parent about it.
Mtchew

dawnomike:
Sorry about what you're going through... I can understand how frustrating it can be.

Please, don't get pissed off just yet... If it's an option, get her a housemaid to help out at home.

Secondly, any weekend she is not working... you guys should hang out like the old good days. If possible, leave the kids with your parents and go lodge in a good hotel.

Also, sit down with her to have an open discussion on the need to save your marriage...

I believe she starting a business is a good opinion... But , it is not everyone that is cut out for that.

I wish you the best in your marriage... Please, try to safe it!!!

Thank you so much for the advice. It means a lot to me.

I specially like the idea of house help. But with the way I am now, I'd have sex with the house help. And I can't even allow a young girl because it would be too risky.

apprentist:


It's not that easy. My kids are my priority. I dream of a home where they will grow with all the care they need. Remarrying comes with too much uncertainty.

The worse part of it is that madam doesn't even act like she cares about how I feel. I've tried all possible means. Talk, beg for s*x, give her suprise packages, even spoken to her parent about it.
Mtchew

You are not remarrying you are adding adding herm .you gerrit. It a natural law men supposed get many wives that why you can procreate at 80 this a Natural law

We have all been misled for so long, but it is best we demystify this myth, not for ourselves but for posterity and people in your shoes; because you will soon be gaslighted by woke people who will call you inconsiderate, selfish, nagging and not ive enough.

First things first, she has to quit the job and be a housewife for a while if you are to salvage your relationship.

Sex is not a want, it is a need.
A human need, which comes with an urge....just the same way as hunger.

We all know that women view marriage as a trophy that gives them the privilege of the title 'Mrs' and having children, but she should not rub it on your face that your job is done.

It is justified to come back from work really drained and not have the appetite for sex, just like it is possible to come back so drained from work that you can't even eat till you've rested.
You've not written anywhere that you chuck your preek straight at her face once she walks through the door, so I just have to believe that you initiate sex when you have assessed it to be alright to.

As long as a person is not mentally or emotionally distressed wherein a temporary loss in appetite arises,
(emphasis on the word temporary, because when someone gets a terrible news, they'd instantly lose the appetite for food, and grieve for days but they eventually recommence eating).

So a persistent refusal of intimacy and becoming workcentric despite appeals and interventions from her parents is a symptom of an even more malignant problem.
How come the same woman who is too tired for sex, is not too tired to breastfeed her kids; simply because it is a need.
But these are both needs?

My worry even gets worse with your concern about the kids not getting much attention from her.
If her job is not what the family survives on, why will she be that ionate to work on public holidays, school holidays, and every Saturday?
Reflect on this and you'd see, you alone enabled her!

Verily, verily, I can say unto you, if the Holy Bible deemed it fit to equate a mother's love and attention for her own kids as unshakeable, then you do not need a native doctor to tell you there is a big distraction somewhere.

A big distraction that she has become addicted to, because every woman who has cheated will tell you that there is nothing as addictive as the attention from a strange man.
So break the addiction and get her to quit that job ASAP.

God forbid that a woman you married with your own money does not get turned on when you touch her.
It is a natural response to stimuli, because that same woman who has painted sex with you to be a difficult chore will get drenchingly wet if she reads an erotic novel, watch porn or gets fiddled by another man.

Social media, streaming sites, greed, an excess of men ever-ready to shag people's wifes and acute poverty has made Nigerian women extremely susceptible to not just being distracted but ultimately unfaithful.

If she does not value your preek, look for someone who will. But because no one will love your preek like you, try to masturrbate a bit more as you seek clarity to this misfortune in your relationship.

Because like I said when i started off, sex is a need and if she does not want to get this need from you, who then is meeting this need for her when she leaves your house for work?

So you cannot sit with your wife and map out how to get a different job?
You cannot review her CV with her and look out for more flexible jobs?
You think she likes working herself to the bones? How much do you have to give her to start up a business?
Do you know how much capital is needed to adequately start something viable? What of the time needed to grow the business?

Instead of being practical and taking the right action to safeguard your family income, you are here moving funny.
If your income alone was enough to keep your family afloat, she will not be working so hard.

Look inwards. Be practical and start looking for a more flexible job for her.

Oga lemme be honest with you, once your wife starts to notice you no longer beg for sex and you're always happy, that's when things will fall back in place.
I don't have to tell you what to do.

Ahmed0336:
Oga lemme be honest with you, once your wife starts to notice you no longer beg for sex and you're always happy, that's when things will fall back in place.
I don't have to tell you what to do.

I get you.

Winneygirl:
So you cannot sit with your wife and map out how to get a different job?
You cannot review her CV with her and look out for more flexible jobs?
You think she likes working herself to the bones? How much do you have to give her to start up a business?
Do you know how much capital is needed to adequately start something viable? What of the time needed to grow the business?

Instead of being practical and taking the right action to safeguard your family income, you are here moving funny.
If your income alone was enough to keep your family afloat, she will not be working so hard.

Look inwards. Be practical and start looking for a more flexible job for her.

Thank you

Get someone to help in the house chores...don't kill your wife all because of personal desires.

I have a wife who has been working since 15years,I literally help her out in virtually everything.

I employed a nanny that i pay on a monthly basis...just to help her ease the working stress and this nanny, takes care of the house cleaning,children's clothe,their feeding when they come back every afternoon and so many others that I may not have mentioned here.

Help that woman,I mean your wife. When I noticed similar thing from wife in the early time of marriage I had to do this to unburden her,we used to share one car,I bought her a car too.

Man,assist her...she is human being too.

ibechris:
Get someone to help in the house chores...don't kill your wife all because of personal desires.

I have a wife who has been working since 15years,I literally help her out in virtually everything.

I employed a nanny that i pay on a monthly basis...just to help her ease the working stress and this nanny, takes care of the house cleaning,children's clothe,their feeding when they come back every afternoon and so many others that I may not have mentioned here.

Help that woman,I mean your wife. When I noticed similar thing from wife in the early time of marriage I had to do this to unburden her,we used to share one car,I bought her a car too.

Man,assist her...she is human being too.

Thanks for taking out the time to comment. I wouldn't like to sound like I'm defending myself here.

1. I had tried to teach her to drive but no success and she doesn't have the time to go to driving school

2. I recently upgraded my washing machine to manual to fully auto so as to avoid the stress of rinsing and drying. And I do 100% of the laundry at home.

The only reason I can consider a housemaid would be to take care of my kids after school which to me is as same as them being in day care. Why do we underestimate the importance of parent care for children at their early stage in Africa? Anyways, your point is made. Thanks again

apprentist:


Thanks for taking out the time to comment. I wouldn't like to sound like I'm defending myself here.

1. I had tried to teach her to drive but no success and she doesn't have the time to go to driving school

2. I recently upgraded my washing machine to manual to fully auto so as to avoid the stress of rinsing and drying. And I do 100% of the laundry at home.

The only reason I can consider a housemaid would be to take care of my kids after school which to me is as same as them being in day care. Why do we underestimate the importance of parent care for children at their early stage in Africa? Anyways, your point is made. Thanks again

If what you are earning can take care of the family, make sure she quits the job immediately. Eliminate every threat to your marriage. Don't listen to anyone that is advising you to manage oo. Regret is waiting in front.

The moment you stop sleeping with your wife, her colleagues will take over. That's why she should quit ASAP.

You are a Christian so divorce and second wife aren't options which means there's no solution to your problem.

I guess you have to be the Head of the family.

Are you unable to look after your family on one income?

Trust, no nursing mother wants to work! She has to work because she has responsibilities.

If she's too tired for sex that means she has a lot on her plate.

Instead of moaning and complaining about sex, find a solution to make your lives easier so you could enjoy your marriage.

apprentist:


It's not that easy. My kids are my priority. I dream of a home where they will grow with all the care they need. Remarrying comes with too much uncertainty.

The worse part of it is that madam doesn't even act like she cares about how I feel. I've tried all possible means. Talk, beg for s*x, give her suprise packages, even spoken to her parent about it.
Mtchew

seems like you've made up your mind.


It's all about enduring. I ed through this situation you are going through and I survived.


The Lord is your Strength.

Honestly, it's for you to adapt to the reality on ground o.
Please let her maintain her job bcus iron sharpen iron
Just find a way to adapt psychologically

OP is already flexing December, 2025!

case closed.

NwaAmaikpe:



We have all been misled for so long, but it is best we demystify this myth, not for ourselves but for posterity and people in your shoes; because you will soon be gaslighted by woke people who will call you inconsiderate, selfish, nagging and not ive enough.

First things first, she has to quit the job and be a housewife for a while if you are to salvage your relationship.

Sex is not a want, it is a need.
A human need, which comes with an urge....just the same way as hunger.

We all know that women view marriage as a trophy that gives them the privilege of the title 'Mrs' and having children, but she should not rub it on your face that your job is done.

It is justified to come back from work really drained and not have the appetite for sex, just like it is possible to come back so drained from work that you can't even eat till you've rested.
You've not written anywhere that you chuck your preek straight at her face once she walks through the door, so I just have to believe that you initiate sex when you have assessed it to be alright to.

As long as a person is not mentally or emotionally distressed wherein a temporary loss in appetite arises,
(emphasis on the word temporary, because when someone gets a terrible news, they'd instantly lose the appetite for food, and grieve for days but they eventually recommence eating).

So a persistent refusal of intimacy and becoming workcentric despite appeals and interventions from her parents is a symptom of an even more malignant problem.
How come the same woman who is too tired for sex, is not too tired to breastfeed her kids; simply because it is a need.
But these are both needs?

My worry even gets worse with your concern about the kids not getting much attention from her.
If her job is not what the family survives on, why will she be that ionate to work on public holidays, school holidays, and every Saturday?
Reflect on this and you'd see, you alone enabled her!

Verily, verily, I can say unto you, if the Holy Bible deemed it fit to equate a mother's love and attention for her own kids as unshakeable, then you do not need a native doctor to tell you there is a big distraction somewhere.

A big distraction that she has become addicted to, because every woman who has cheated will tell you that there is nothing as addictive as the attention from a strange man.
So break the addiction and get her to quit that job ASAP.

God forbid that a woman you married with your own money does not get turned on when you touch her.
It is a natural response to stimuli, because that same woman who has painted sex with you to be a difficult chore will get drenchingly wet if she reads an erotic novel, watch porn or gets fiddled by another man.

Social media, streaming sites, greed, an excess of men ever-ready to shag people's wifes and acute poverty has made Nigerian women extremely susceptible to not just being distracted but ultimately unfaithful.

If she does not value your preek, look for someone who will. But because no one will love your preek like you, try to masturrbate a bit more as you seek clarity to this misfortune in your relationship.

Because like I said when i started off, sex is a need and if she does not want to get this need from you, who then is meeting this need for her when she leaves your house for work?

NwaAmaikpe calmly gave some nice advice? 😲



That means Tinubu fit change for good anytime ooo 😂 😂 😂

Let me call Madam Onegai,

Please we need your help.

Thank you

I cant access the mail for now I just tried it again

hfaith:


I sent you a request and could you send it back

Phabulous4 and apprentist, I have been summoned.

Oya, let me drop my 2 kobo, get a big sheet of pen and paper and write this down:

Go and buy "Power Of A Praying Husband" by Stormie Omartian.

Read it, with your bible close by.

You're welcome

(In my next post, I'll share all my thoughts).

Talk to her about it and hear what she has to say..

A woman should never quit her job for a man and it's selfish of you to ask that of her. You didn't mention the nature of her job but perhaps she could do part-time, if that's possible, but completely quitting should be unacceptable.

[quote author=NwaAmaikpe post=135462615]

You said a lot!!! And thank you for your wisdom. However, the truth is that not all these women cheat or have extramarital affairs.