NewStats: 3,259,749 , 8,170,786 topics. Date: Sunday, 25 May 2025 at 09:15 PM 6i663d

Yes. I asked the question with full chest.

The only example we often have of marital relationships is our observation of our parents. That creates certain ideologies and expectations about married life long before we get married.

I was particularly close to my mom, and she took very good care of us.

Every morning, she was up early to prepare food for the whole house. She planned her trips to the market to restock provisions. In the afternoon, she always made sure food was ready, and the same was true at night.
Before you say, "But she was a full-time housewife," I would like to stop you in your tracks by emphatically saying, no. She was always up at 4 a.m. preparing food for sale and

Yes.
Comparism is bad when it comes to individuals.
If your mom is better go ahead and marry her.

Bilabong:
Yes.
Comparism is bad when it comes to individuals.
If your mom is better go ahead and marry her.

What about my expectations in a woman which was shaped from my experience with my mother?

They both play different role and age

CockPit:
➜Yes. I asked the question with full chest. The only example we often have about marital relationships is our observations of our parents. That creates certain ideologies and expectations about married life way before we got married. I was particularly close to my mom and she would take very good care of us.
Every morning, she was up early to prepare food for the whole house, she plans how to go to markets to restock on provisions. In the afternoon, she always made sure food is ready and likewise in the night. Before you tell me, " but she was a full time housewife", I would like to stop you in your tracks by telling you an emphatic , No. She was always up 4am in the morning to prepare food for sale and for the house.
I never heard her complain evidence in difficult situations, never nags my dad, always by his side to be his confidant and him and, she he never had a car. Do you think it is wrong to have these expectations from my wife or ladies going onto marriages today?
My experience has been to the contrary. Wife wakes up in the morning and never bothers with what the kids and husband will eat or expecting the husband to make his own food. Staying on the phone for hours and so on. I try to compare with my mom and she is never happy with such a comparison. Is there anything wrong with comparing your wife to your mom?

Na the women wey dey marry people like this I dey blame most! 😑

Was your mother also sexually servicing you and having your kids during all of that time she cared for you? 🙄🙄🙄

Comparison is bad when it comes to people
No matter who you are comparing who with.

While comparisons is bad and unfair, it's disturbing when a wife and a mother doesn't prioritize her family especially when it comes to something as basic as providing food.

Not showing concern for your husband's needs might be understandable maybe the husband is not living up to man's expectations in the marriage or he's a chronic cheat, hence her annoyance. I am just assuming not saying it's so. . However, it's harder to justify neglecting your own children's needs.

It is wrong.

It's very bad.

One thing i detest most in my life is comparism.





Here to Read comments.

Nemesis0147:
Comparison is bad when it comes to people
No matter who you are comparing who with.

Some comparison actually helps to motivate and encourage good behaviors. You compare your kids to the kid who is always first in the class. You will agree with me that comparisons can sometimes serve as a motivator.

Kobojunkie:
Na the women wey dey marry people like this I dey blame most! 😑

Was your mother also sexually servicing you and having your kids during all of that time she cared for you? 🙄🙄🙄

You are not making sense. Why the need to go to the extremes.

immortalcrown:
It is wrong.

Why is it wrong? It is wrong morally or spiritually? Our parents always compared us to our mates!

CockPit:
Why is it wrong? It is wrong morally or spiritually? Our parents always compared us to our mates!

It is morally wrong. She can't be her mother-in-law, just her husband cannot be his father-in-law.

Women don't compare their husbands to their fathers. But men compare their wives to their mothers.

CockPit:


Some comparison actually helps to motivate and encourage good behaviors. You compare your kids to the kid who is always first in the class. You will agree with me that comparisons can sometimes serve as a motivator.

no
You can encourage people by bringing out the best in them instead of comparison.
The kid doing well in class might have other attributes his parents will be battling with….
Stop comparing people….it kills self esteem.

Nemesis0147:
no
You can encourage people by bringing out the best in them instead of comparison.
The kid doing well in class might have other attributes his parents will be battling with….
Stop comparing people….it kills self esteem.

Most of the early success I had in life was by comparing myself to my friends.

CockPit:
➜You are not making sense. Why the need to go to the extremes.

The extremes here were made possible by your person who claimed he was able to compare his mother to his wife. I am in the right to ask you if your mother equally catered to your sexual needs, and had your children whom she in turn had to take care of their needs at the same time caring for your arse! You want to be fair when making comparisons, right? 🤔

Kobojunkie:
The extremes here were made possible by your person who claimed he was able to compare his mother to his wife. I am in the right to ask you if your mother equally catered to your sexual needs, and had your children whom she in turn had to take care of their needs at the same time caring for your arse! You want to be fair when making comparisons, right? 🤔

She is not taking care of their needs like my mother did to us, I do most of the taking care for the kids hence the comparisons. Not always good to jump to the extremes in discussions.

Apparently, you expected people to agree with you that it is not wrong however, you seem disappointed you are not getting the response.
Your mom and your wife are two individuals and that your mother did those things you stated doesn't mean everyone would do it. You could have set this expectations from courtship and if she isn't comfortable with it, you both could have parted ways.
As it is now, what roles do you play to make it easy for her to meet up these expectations of yours?

CockPit:
➜She is not taking care of their needs like my mother did to us, I do most of the taking care for the kids hence the comparisons. Not always good to jump to the extremes in discussions.

Growing up, did every other mother in your neighborhood or vicinity treat their kids exactly as your mother treated you and your siblings? I mean no matter how you try to skew this there is absolutely no valid reason why you would expect your wife to be or compare to your mother. Well... maybe if you paid her to specifically treat your kids exactly as your mother treated you and your siblings, and she agreed to it too, then maybe this attempt to compare her to your mother would hold some meaning. Otherwise,... seriously, I blame women who enter into relationships of this sort really. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

What does ur mom have to do with this? The fact is you married an irresponsible wife

CockPit:

My experience has been to the contrary. Wife wakes up in the morning and never bothers with what the kids and husband will eat or expecting the husband to make his own food. Staying on the phone for hours and so on.

I try to compare with my mom and she is never happy with such a comparison.

Is there anything wrong with comparing your wife to your mom?

You wife is simply irresponsible. Can you say you didn't see any signs before marriage? You probably did but married her like that.

Sirqt5:


You wife is simply irresponsible. Can you say you didn't see any signs before marriage? You probably did but married her like that.

She lived with the the mom with no kids. The mom prepares everything, how was I to know. mom lived with us for 6 years after marriage and did all the chores so I did not find out on time. It was after she left I started to notice. We never lived together prior to marriage so tell me how to know before hand?

Kobojunkie:
Growing up, did every other mother in your neighborhood or vicinity treat their kids exactly as your mother treated you and your siblings? I mean no matter how you try to skew this there is absolutely no valid reason why you would expect your wife to be or compare to your mother. Well... maybe if you paid her to specifically treat your kids exactly as your mother treated you and your siblings, and she agreed to it too, then maybe this attempt to compare her to your mother would hold some meaning. Otherwise,... seriously, I blame women who enter into relationships of this sort really. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Are you under an influence of a substance?. You are coming off as someone not in their correct senses. No offence.

You only have your own lived experiences, am I supposed to telepathically have other people's experiences? I can only allude to mine and will ignore you going forward as someone with nothing meaningful to contribute.

CockPit:
➜Are you under an influence of a substance?. You are coming off as someone not in their correct senses. No offence
➜You only have your own lived experiences, am I supposed to telepathically have other people's experiences? I can only allude to mine and will ignore you going forward as someone with nothing meaningful to contribute.

Look who's talking! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

2. You only judge everything around you by your very own experience ? I really blame women who end up with men who think as you do. seriously. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

CockPit:


She lived with the the mom with no kids. The mom prepares everything, how was I to know. mom lived with us for 6 years after marriage and did all the chores so I did not find out on time. It was after she left I started to notice. We never lived together prior to marriage so tell me how to know before hand?

Now that you know, pick up the slacks. The kids are yours and not for one single person. So if you think she is not doing enough with respect to care for them, step in. No need comparing her with someone else.

GboyegaD:


Now that you know, pick up the slacks. The kids are yours and not for one single person. So if you think she is not doing enough with respect to care for them, step in. No need comparing her with someone else.

I still work and pay the bills 100% while she may be on the phone for hours. You think this is an ideal situation or my comparism lacks merit?

CockPit:


I still work and pay the bills 100% while she may be on the phone for hours. You think this is an ideal situation or my comparism lacks merit?

Your comparison lacks merit because your wife is different from your mom. The issue is you did not observe/discuss in courtship this aspect you think is vital. You can complain and tell her you want her to pay more attention to the children and if she is not, you may have to step in and do the best you can. You may also need to let her work and contribute to the upbringing instead of paying the bills 100% and she is not taking care of the home front as much as you would want her to.

GboyegaD:


Your comparison lacks merit because your wife is different from your mom. The issue is you did not observe/discuss in courtship this aspect you think is vital. You can complain and tell her you want her to pay more attention to the children and if she is not, you may have to step in and do the best you can. You may also need to let her work and contribute to the upbringing instead of paying the bills 100% and she is not taking care of the home front as much as you would want her to.

I compared her with her mom. I once said "cant you see the way your mom took care of you guys" There was always food at home and the kids lacked no motherly affections.

Not my mother, her own mother. Are you saying as a young man, I am not supposed to have basic expectations from my wife? Mind her, her expectations is that I take care of the home which I am doing? It means I was probably deceived into the marriage.

CockPit:


She lived with the the mom with no kids. The mom prepares everything, how was I to know. mom lived with us for 6 years after marriage and did all the chores so I did not find out on time. It was after she left I started to notice. We never lived together prior to marriage so tell me how to know before hand?

See question! How were u to know?! See question! You didn't date and observe her before marriage? U didn't have to live together to know a woman is wife material. By dating n spending time together, u can make ur observations.

MadamVanessa:


While comparisons is bad and unfair, it's disturbing when a wife and a mother doesn't prioritize her family especially when it comes to something as basic as providing food.

Not showing concern for your husband's needs might be understandable maybe the husband is not living up to man's expectations in the marriage or he's a chronic cheat, hence her annoyance. I am just assuming not saying it's so. . However, it's harder to justify neglecting your own children's needs.

This makes sense...

Wife and mum get for bodii normal