NewStats: 3,259,390 , 8,169,980 topics. Date: Saturday, 24 May 2025 at 08:38 PM 5a5m6v

The Book of Naijaticus: The Trials of the Nation

1:1 One day, the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and lo, Satan also came among them.
1:2 And the Lord said unto Satan, “From whence comest thou?”
1:3 And Satan answered the Lord, “From going to and fro in the earth, and walking up and down in it.”
1:4 Then the Lord said unto Satan, “Hast thou considered my country, Nigeria? There is none like it on earth: a land of zealous people, blameless and upright, who fear God and eschew evil. Behold, they tithe their last kobo, hold vigils from Monday to Sunday, and have successfully opposed the abomination of gay marriage. Surely, they are a peculiar treasure.”

1:5 And Satan answered the Lord, “Doth Nigeria fear God for nought? Hast thou not hedged them about with a president named Goodluck, whose economy was the pride of Africa? Behold, thou hast blessed the work of their hands, and their oil wells overfloweth. But stretch forth thy hand and take away Goodluck, and let me smite them with Buhari, and they will curse thee to thy face.”

1:6 The Lord said unto Satan, “Behold, Nigeria is in thy hands, but on one condition: thou shalt not balkanize it.”
1:7 So Satan departed from the presence of the Lord.

The Calamity of Buhari

2:1 And it came to that hardship descended upon Nigeria like the plague of Egypt. The naira fell from 180 to 700, farmers fled their fields, and the land was filled with hunger and sorrow.
2:2 Fulani herdsmen roamed freely, and the voice of lamentation was heard in every corner of the land. Food became scarce, jobs disappeared, and the people wailed, saying, “Why hast thou forsaken us, O Lord?”

2:3 And lo, some nations came to Nigeria, saying, “Curse thy God and legalize the abomination of gay marriage, and we shall deliver thee.”
2:4 But Nigerians rent their garments, shaved their heads, and fell to the ground in worship, crying, “Though He slay us, yet will we trust in Him!”

The Second Trial

3:1 Again there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan came among them.
3:2 And the Lord said unto Satan, “From whence comest thou?”
3:3 And Satan answered, “From walking to and fro in the earth, observing my handiwork in Nigeria. Behold, they yet survive.”

3:4 And the Lord said, “Hast thou considered my country, Nigeria? They remain a praying people, though thou hast incited me to afflict them with Buhari, who is not only clueless but exceeded all expectations of failure.”
3:5 Then Satan smirked and said, “Skin for skin! Buhari was a mere warm-up act. Permit me now to unleash Tinubu, the grandmaster of affliction. A man of legendary ruthlessness, whose name alone sends shivers through the land. Give me just four years—or less—with Tinubu, and Nigeria shall surely curse thee.”

3:6 And the Lord, horrified, exclaimed, “Not Tinubu! The drug lord? Surely thou jest.”
3:7 But Satan replied, “Yes, Lord, Tinubu the Balablu. Behold, Buhari gave them alternatives: if rice was too expensive, they had garri. But under Tinubu, even garri shall become a luxury. Subsidies shall vanish, and hunger shall multiply. Give me four years, and I promise thee, they shall curse thee to thy face.”
3:8 The Lord sighed deeply and said, “Do as thou wilt, but spare the unity of the land.”

The Reign of Tinubu

4:1 So Satan went forth and afflicted Nigeria with Tinubu.
4:2 And on the first day, he removed the subsidy, and the price of fuel tripled.
4:3 On the second day, he taxed the people even in their dreams, saying, “Pay thy dues, whether thou livest or diest.”
4:4 On the third day, new terrorist groups arose, and Nigeria became Hell on Earth.

4:5 And nations said to Nigeria, “Dost thou still retain thine integrity? Curse God and accept the rainbow flag, and we shall rescue thee.”
4:6 But Nigerians, undeterred, lifted up their voices, saying, “Our help cometh from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.”

The Restoration of Nigeria

5:1 And the Lord looked upon Nigeria with comion and said, “Enough is enough.”
5:2 He removed Tinubu and replaced him with Peter Obi, a leader after His own heart.
5:3 And the Lord restored the fortunes of Nigeria, and the naira soared in strength. The land was filled with bountiful harvests, jobs overflowed, and the economy became the fastest-growing in the world.
5:4 And Nigerians rejoiced exceedingly, singing, “The Lord hath done great things for us; whereof we are glad.”

5:5 Thus ended the era of suffering, and Nigeria became a land flowing with milk and honey once again.

5:6 Let Nairaland favor original content this time and let this make page 1 asap. And so it happened that Nlfpmod approveth it. And so doth the people of Nigeria learn and become wise and destroyeth the Devil.

Mumu post

Omoawoke:
Mumu post

No. Instead, this is top creativity. May be it favoured someone you hate, but this is from a deep mind.

Welcum:
5:6 Let Nairaland favor original content this time and let this make page 1 asap. And so it happened that Nlfpmod approveth it. And so doth the people of Nigeria learn and become wise and destroyeth the Devil.

5:7 And so did the land receive rain and peace reigneth from Borno to Lagos and from Calabar to Sokoto. And terrorists were plundered and the people rejoiced.

Omoawoke:
Mumu post

The way people hate good things for Naija! Na dis thing make our head bend like this. Why you de call this thing mumu nah?

dumahi:

No. Instead, this is top creativity. May be it favoured someone you hate, but this is from a deep mind.

Welcum:

The way people hate good things for Naija! Na dis thing make our head bend like this. Why you de call this thing mumu nah?

See the person una dey waste time reply to. Lol

dumahi:

5:7 And so did the land receive rain and peace reigneth from Borno to Lagos and from Calabar to Sokoto. And terrorists were plundered and the people rejoiced.

And thus sayeth the LORD, "Nigeria shall prosper again, and the lamentation of 'ebin pawa o' shall cease with T-Pain’s regime."

Creativity at its peak. But some would say it's better everyone dies than Obi or any other Igbo for that matter becomes president. OP really tried Sha. But nothing can save Nigeria. Oil don troway already

You must a be a useless Christian or an Islamists terrorist.


You people don't respect Bible.

If you don't di^e by accident before the year ends know that I'm not called.


Go mark my word

Hehehe

Godblessme1:
You must a be a useless Christian or an Islamists terrorist.


You people don't respect Bible.

If you don't di^e by accident before the year ends know that I'm not called.


Go mark my word

Mad person spotted

Welcum:

The way people hate good things for Naija! Na dis thing make our head bend like this. Why you de call this thing mumu nah?

dumahi:

No. Instead, this is top creativity. May be it favoured someone you hate, but this is from a deep mind.

123456789O:



See the person una dey waste time reply to. Lol

lol, top creativity on top this mediocrity.
Make una go use am win award na.
Something written and decorated with bigotry, religious sentiments and emotionality.
Painting politics with religion and calling one Satan and decorating another as messiah.
Jewish brainwashed slaves

”” unintelligent mediocre is what you all are!

##spit

In fact I’m even wasting my time when it’s obvious the Op is the same person that created the post and started to comment with his alternate monikers

You have been busted!!!

You used alternate monikers to praise yourself , lmao… werey full here 😂

Hahaaaa! I really enjoyed this piece, but you spoilt everything when you mentioned “Peter Obi”.

The fact that you assholes think Peter Obi is different from Tinubu and the “Status Quo” is what irks me.

Make no mistake, I want Tinubu removed from Aso Rock because he has brought so much hardship & sufferings on Nigerians, and most especially because “His coconut head is not correct” but I would rather want Nigeria Balkanized so that everybody can go their way than for Tinubu to be replaced by a nonentity - who did worse as an Anambra Governor than Tinubu’s tenure in Lagos as a Governor.

My people say Sunday wey go better, Na from Saturday we go don know am.

Besides, I thought you people’s priority is to secede and embrace BIAFLA?

Una No Want BIAFLA Again? JOKERS!

NLCreator:
The Book of Naijaticus: The Trials of the Nation

1:1 One day, the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and lo, Satan also came among them.
1:2 And the Lord said unto Satan, “From whence comest thou?”
1:3 And Satan answered the Lord, “From going to and fro in the earth, and walking up and down in it.”
1:4 Then the Lord said unto Satan, “Hast thou considered my country, Nigeria? There is none like it on earth: a land of zealous people, blameless and upright, who fear God and eschew evil. Behold, they tithe their last kobo, hold vigils from Monday to Sunday, and have successfully opposed the abomination of gay marriage. Surely, they are a peculiar treasure.”

1:5 And Satan answered the Lord, “Doth Nigeria fear God for nought? Hast thou not hedged them about with a president named Goodluck, whose economy was the pride of Africa? Behold, thou hast blessed the work of their hands, and their oil wells overfloweth. But stretch forth thy hand and take away Goodluck, and let me smite them with Buhari, and they will curse thee to thy face.”

1:6 The Lord said unto Satan, “Behold, Nigeria is in thy hands, but on one condition: thou shalt not balkanize it.”
1:7 So Satan departed from the presence of the Lord.

The Calamity of Buhari

2:1 And it came to that hardship descended upon Nigeria like the plague of Egypt. The naira fell from 180 to 700, farmers fled their fields, and the land was filled with hunger and sorrow.
2:2 Fulani herdsmen roamed freely, and the voice of lamentation was heard in every corner of the land. Food became scarce, jobs disappeared, and the people wailed, saying, “Why hast thou forsaken us, O Lord?”

2:3 And lo, some nations came to Nigeria, saying, “Curse thy God and legalize the abomination of gay marriage, and we shall deliver thee.”
2:4 But Nigerians rent their garments, shaved their heads, and fell to the ground in worship, crying, “Though He slay us, yet will we trust in Him!”

The Second Trial

3:1 Again there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan came among them.
3:2 And the Lord said unto Satan, “From whence comest thou?”
3:3 And Satan answered, “From walking to and fro in the earth, observing my handiwork in Nigeria. Behold, they yet survive.”

3:4 And the Lord said, “Hast thou considered my country, Nigeria? They remain a praying people, though thou hast incited me to afflict them with Buhari, who is not only clueless but exceeded all expectations of failure.”
3:5 Then Satan smirked and said, “Skin for skin! Buhari was a mere warm-up act. Permit me now to unleash Tinubu, the grandmaster of affliction. A man of legendary ruthlessness, whose name alone sends shivers through the land. Give me just four years—or less—with Tinubu, and Nigeria shall surely curse thee.”

3:6 And the Lord, horrified, exclaimed, “Not Tinubu! The drug lord? Surely thou jest.”
3:7 But Satan replied, “Yes, Lord, Tinubu the Balablu. Behold, Buhari gave them alternatives: if rice was too expensive, they had garri. But under Tinubu, even garri shall become a luxury. Subsidies shall vanish, and hunger shall multiply. Give me four years, and I promise thee, they shall curse thee to thy face.”
3:8 The Lord sighed deeply and said, “Do as thou wilt, but spare the unity of the land.”

The Reign of Tinubu

4:1 So Satan went forth and afflicted Nigeria with Tinubu.
4:2 And on the first day, he removed the subsidy, and the price of fuel tripled.
4:3 On the second day, he taxed the people even in their dreams, saying, “Pay thy dues, whether thou livest or diest.”
4:4 On the third day, new terrorist groups arose, and Nigeria became Hell on Earth.

4:5 And nations said to Nigeria, “Dost thou still retain thine integrity? Curse God and accept the rainbow flag, and we shall rescue thee.”
4:6 But Nigerians, undeterred, lifted up their voices, saying, “Our help cometh from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.”

The Restoration of Nigeria

5:1 And the Lord looked upon Nigeria with comion and said, “Enough is enough.”
5:2 He removed Tinubu and replaced him with Peter Obi, a leader after His own heart.
5:3 And the Lord restored the fortunes of Nigeria, and the naira soared in strength. The land was filled with bountiful harvests, jobs overflowed, and the economy became the fastest-growing in the world.
5:4 And Nigerians rejoiced exceedingly, singing, “The Lord hath done great things for us; whereof we are glad.”

5:5 Thus ended the era of suffering, and Nigeria became a land flowing with milk and honey once again.

So shall it be .

For surely God will dead this Nebuchadnezzar and give us a leader with human heart like David

NLCreator who send you to smoke Afghanistan weed

😹😹😹

Replaced Tinubu with Peter Obi abi?

Una too dey joke for this country.

Communalism (not be confused with communism) is the way forward. Stop heaping hopes on political prostitutes. They’ve failed you since the early 80s. Wake up.

I can't stop laughing here .

Keep it up OP

lol

Nlcreator, where you buy this strain, I want a drag from it

OkCornel:
😹😹😹

Replaced Tinubu with Peter Obi abi?

Una too dey joke for this country.

Communalism (not be confused with communism) is the way forward. Stop heaping hopes on political prostitutes. They’ve failed you since the early 80s. Wake up.

Communalism ko Agbadoism ni

😂😂....

christian juju na strong juju....😂😂

Godblessme1:
You must a be a useless Christian or an Islamists terrorist.


You people don't respect Bible.

If you don't di^e by accident before the year ends know that I'm not called.


Go mark my word

How far? Year (2024) dun end and we're in 2025 yet OP is still creating threads which clearly means he's still alive. Glad to confirm you're not called

We move.

The wailers should stop crying unnecessarily