NewStats: 3,261,983 , 8,175,771 topics. Date: Saturday, 31 May 2025 at 11:30 AM q1p2h

Top of the day to my nairalanders fam.
Majority of people here have idea about my story and if you don't, you can go through my previous post to get a glimpse.

This month made it one year and seven months have been Separated and living apart from my ex wife due to infidelity and cheating from my ex wife part. Since then, my two daughter aged 8 and 7 had been living with her and I do take responsibility of them until this January 2024 when my wife took my kids to her father and step mom place because there was this course she was order to go for 6months officially outside lagos state. I was so angry because she never seek my permission or approval before taking them there and because of this, I stop sending money or paying their fees till now. I saw it as a act of disrespect if I the father can't be informed of where my kids are been taking to for a long period of time. She already took them there before informing me.

She was supposed to finish her course outside the state by June and since then, she never called me to inform me she is back until yesterday when I put a call to her and she told me she got back since June. I asked about the kids and to my shock, she told me the kids are still there with her father and step mom. How can you leave the kids at your parents place while the father and mother are available, I got so upset and the discussion resulted to insult and curse on phone. She told me she had a serious issue at work and she couldn't combine the kids stress to what she is going through presently. To be honest, I was even thinking to reconcile with her cos of the kids despite she cheated but the way she behave and talks on phone shows she is not remorse or even care if the family is back together or ready for any reconciliation despite the fact she was at fault. Now my kids are my focus but I don't know how to go about this.

The information I got from her dad was that he will not release the kids to either me or her on less the money he had spent on them is refunded back to him. This is already looking like a kidnap and abduction case which I told her that if she doesn't pick those kids before weekend, I will file a case of child kidnap and abduction against her and her father. Pls I need advice on how to go about this and those that have first class experience with such should assist with advice. Thank you all

Pay back the funds to ur fada in law
And collect ur kids.
Settle it now..n don't let it happen again

Was there an official divorce?

If yes, then how and with whom did the court confer the custody of the children?

If no, then you need to first of all ascertain that those kids are TRULY YOURS!.

With the way your ex wife has been acting and the fact that she cheated on you so, she probably knows the truth as to whether or not those kids are yours.

You need to be very sure about the kids before taking any further step.

If they are truly yours and there is no order of court regarding the custody of those kids, then you can report the matter to the Police, as it is completely ridiculous for a father to be unlawfully deprived of the custody of his kids who bear his name..

Wahala for who dey "marry" Nigerian woe men!

We married traditionally and no court wedding, we have not divorced yet but separated for almost two years .

Flows001:
Was there an official divorce?

If yes, then how and with whom did the court confer the custody of the children?

If no, then you need to first of all ascertain that those kids are TRULY YOURS!.

With the way your ex wife has been acting and the fact that she cheated on you so, she probably knows the truth as to whether or not those kids are yours.

You need to be very sure about the kids before taking any further step.

If they are truly yours and there is no order of court regarding the custody of those kids, then you can report the matter to the Police, as it is completely ridiculous for a father to be unlawfully deprived of the custody of his kids who bear his name..

OP all these happened because they know you are weak by giving birth to girls in the first place.

Afodot0022:
We married traditionally and no court wedding, we have not divorced yet but separated for almost two years .

If you have no plan of reconciling with your ex, you should file for a divorce once and for all. The court will determine who gets the custody of the children. If you take your in-laws to the court, it will surely destroy your relationships with them both now and in the future. The contending issue is between you and your ex, except you personally have an axe to grind with your in-laws.

richiemcgold:


If you have no plan of reconciling with your ex, you should file for a divorce once and for all. The court will determine who gets the custody of the children. If you take your in-laws to the court, it will surely destroy your relationships with them both now and in the future. The contending issue is between you and your ex, except you personally have an axe to grind with your in-laws.

There is no need to file for a divorce in court since they only married traditionally. They can end things on their own.

Take decisions based on your kid's best interest. Access the situation logically and holistically.

First things first never take a cheat back, only a low self esteem man takes back a cheat. If you think I'm lying read my epistle. It even made front page and many blogs even carried it. My ex cheated one time and that was the end my guy. Sticking with a cheat will only end your life faster than you think. See as a man what you don't know is that if you get back with a cheating wife she will do it again and again because she knows you will forgive her and she sees you as a weakling.

Where your ex went for job and came back you think she didn't knack another dick? That's why she's acting up and you as a man still don't have sense yet to see the light . If you take up the case of abduction and the police tells you to bring a DNA test do you have it? Even if the kids is yours do you have the DNA test if you were asked at the court.

The judge incharge of me and my ex-wife asked my ex in court if the kid was mine and she said yes. The judge said if she had said no he would seek for me to bring a DNA test before proceeding further. So bros use your brain o. Better take the red pill and forget this woman for good.

When you knew your wife was traveling for a course, did you suggest to her to bring the kids over to you and she refused? If not, where did you expect her to keep the kids?

Afodot0022:
We married traditionally and no court wedding, we have not divorced yet but separated for almost two years .

Okay, that means there is no court order regarding the custody of the children.
As such, it flows logically that the kids are supposed to stay with either of their parents, not with some extended family (without the consent of the both parents) while the both parents are even still alive and responsible.

Ascertain the paternity of the kids (so you dont ignorantly end up fighting for the custody of another man's kids), but if you're sure they are yours, then report the matter to the Police, your ex wife's father has no right whether in law or customarily to deliberately withhold your kids from you. At worse, he can exercise such power over his daughter (your ex wife) since you both are now separated, but not with the kids because the kids belong to the husband and the husband's family (the wife's family having already accepted payment of dowry during the wedding).

Consider the location and distance between your place and her father's place where the kids are currently staying, and lodge your complaint in the most convenient location..

I wish you luck sir.

Flows001:

Okay, that means there is no court order regarding the custody of the children.
As such, it flows logically that the kids are supposed to stay with either of their parents, not with some extended family (without the consent of the both parents) while the both parents are even still alive and responsible.

I wish you luck sir.

If I were this guy I would just pay the bill the in-law asked me and move. No time to check time .

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to my nairalanders fam.
Majority of people here have idea about my story and if you don't, you can go through my previous post to get a glimpse.

This month made it one year and seven months have been Separated and living apart from my ex wife due to infidelity and cheating from my ex wife part. Since then, my two daughter aged 8 and 7 had been living with her and I do take responsibility of them until this January 2024 when my wife took my kids to her father and step mom place because there was this course she was order to go for 6months officially outside lagos state. I was so angry because she never seek my permission or approval before taking them there and because of this, I stop sending money or paying their fees till now. I saw it as a act of disrespect if I the father can't be informed of where my kids are been taking to for a long period of time. She already took them there before informing me.

She was supposed to finish her course outside the state by June and since then, she never called me to inform me she is back until yesterday when I put a call to her and she told me she got back since June. I asked about the kids and to my shock, she told me the kids are still there with her father and step mom. How can you leave the kids at your parents place while the father and mother are available, I got so upset and the discussion resulted to insult and curse on phone. She told me she had a serious issue at work and she couldn't combine the kids stress to what she is going through presently. To be honest, I was even thinking to reconcile with her cos of the kids despite she cheated but the way she behave and talks on phone shows she is not remorse or even care if the family is back together or ready for any reconciliation despite the fact she was at fault. Now my kids are my focus but I don't know how to go about this.

The information I got from her dad was that he will not release the kids to either me or her on less the money he had spent on them is refunded back to him. This is already looking like a kidnap and abduction case which I told her that if she doesn't pick those kids before weekend, I will file a case of child kidnap and abduction against her and her father. Pls I need advice on how to go about this and those that have first class experience with such should assist with advice. Thank you all

My brother go see the kids where they are and explain what is happening to them

If possible have it properly documented and filmed.

Some decisions are hard to take but you have to take them.

1) Stop communicating with her if you continue she will always use it against you.

2) Just as you said that you have stopped sending money please never do again until the kids are with you ( In doing this you should make sure that you can take care of the kids if they come stay with you).

3) When you go to see your father talk senses into his head of he refuses to listen tell him to his face that his male children will suffer thesame thing in his life time .

4) Live your life as much as you can and focus on how to make more money as much as you can.

5) In respect of the funds don't give your father in-law shi-Shin at all if you do the trend will continue, if he cannot spend on his grand children let him go and die .
You are not supposed to look weak in their presence. Tell him if he needs his money he should collect it from the daughter
The man is busy asking for refund but does not want to know how the issue on ground will be settled

6) Filling a case win court will be the last result, but that will not come cheap.


7) in in all pray for guidance and guardiance from the almighty .

Teeneyo:
Pay back the funds to ur fada in law
And collect ur kids.
Settle it now..n don't let it happen again

did he send the father in-law message?
If the man knew that taking care of the children was going to be a big deal…why didn’t he the father of the kids?
The man no get talk

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to my nairalanders fam.
Majority of people here have idea about my story and if you don't, you can go through my previous post to get a glimpse.

This month made it one year and seven months have been Separated and living apart from my ex wife due to infidelity and cheating from my ex wife part. Since then, my two daughter aged 8 and 7 had been living with her and I do take responsibility of them until this January 2024 when my wife took my kids to her father and step mom place because there was this course she was order to go for 6months officially outside lagos state. I was so angry because she never seek my permission or approval before taking them there and because of this, I stop sending money or paying their fees till now. I saw it as a act of disrespect if I the father can't be informed of where my kids are been taking to for a long period of time. She already took them there before informing me.

She was supposed to finish her course outside the state by June and since then, she never called me to inform me she is back until yesterday when I put a call to her and she told me she got back since June. I asked about the kids and to my shock, she told me the kids are still there with her father and step mom. How can you leave the kids at your parents place while the father and mother are available, I got so upset and the discussion resulted to insult and curse on phone. She told me she had a serious issue at work and she couldn't combine the kids stress to what she is going through presently. To be honest, I was even thinking to reconcile with her cos of the kids despite she cheated but the way she behave and talks on phone shows she is not remorse or even care if the family is back together or ready for any reconciliation despite the fact she was at fault. Now my kids are my focus but I don't know how to go about this.

The information I got from her dad was that he will not release the kids to either me or her on less the money he had spent on them is refunded back to him. This is already looking like a kidnap and abduction case which I told her that if she doesn't pick those kids before weekend, I will file a case of child kidnap and abduction against her and her father. Pls I need advice on how to go about this and those that have first class experience with such should assist with advice. Thank you all

Excellent. Pay her father money and take the children with you. Very simple. And the most effective. If you care about the children, take them with you. Give her father the money he invested in your children. The woman will ask you to give her children. Don't refuse. The court ruled that the children should be with her. Talk to her. Tell her that the children can be with you because she has responsibilities. I hope she is normal enough and won't ask you for money to the children while the children are with you.

Just refund your in-law the money he spent on the kids and move on.

There's no point dragging this matter further and creating enmity between you and him

Nemesis0147:
did he send the father in-law message?
If the man knew that taking care of the children was going to be a big deal…why didn’t he the father of the kids?
The man no get talk

So he should go an pick an unnecessary quarrel with his in-law over money that was spent for the benefit of his own children?!

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to my nairalanders fam.
Majority of people here have idea about my story and if you don't, you can go through my previous post to get a glimpse.

This month made it one year and seven months have been Separated and living apart from my ex wife due to infidelity and cheating from my ex wife part. Since then, my two daughter aged 8 and 7 had been living with her and I do take responsibility of them until this January 2024 when my wife took my kids to her father and step mom place because there was this course she was order to go for 6months officially outside lagos state. I was so angry because she never seek my permission or approval before taking them there and because of this, I stop sending money or paying their fees till now. I saw it as a act of disrespect if I the father can't be informed of where my kids are been taking to for a long period of time. She already took them there before informing me.

She was supposed to finish her course outside the state by June and since then, she never called me to inform me she is back until yesterday when I put a call to her and she told me she got back since June. I asked about the kids and to my shock, she told me the kids are still there with her father and step mom. How can you leave the kids at your parents place while the father and mother are available, I got so upset and the discussion resulted to insult and curse on phone. She told me she had a serious issue at work and she couldn't combine the kids stress to what she is going through presently. To be honest, I was even thinking to reconcile with her cos of the kids despite she cheated but the way she behave and talks on phone shows she is not remorse or even care if the family is back together or ready for any reconciliation despite the fact she was at fault. Now my kids are my focus but I don't know how to go about this.

The information I got from her dad was that he will not release the kids to either me or her on less the money he had spent on them is refunded back to him. This is already looking like a kidnap and abduction case which I told her that if she doesn't pick those kids before weekend, I will file a case of child kidnap and abduction against her and her father. Pls I need advice on how to go about this and those that have first class experience with such should assist with advice. Thank you all

Let me ask you this simple question as you stopped paying their fees who is suffering from it?

Your children or their grandparents?

Common sense you no get.

Forget about the children and move to making money, if they're tired of the children, they'll call you

JONSYN7154:
Let me ask you this simple question as you stopped paying their fees who is suffering from it?

Your children or their grandparents?

Common sense you no get.

mumu

SamuraiXXX:


So he should go a pick an unnecessary quarrel with his in-law over money that was spent for the benefit of his own children?!

so the in-law should hold the kids hostages because of the money he spent on his grandchildren?

So you didn't pay your children fees and feeding for 10 months because you are angry with the mother, so where was she supposed to keep the children when she is going for a course outside Lagos because it's obvious you are not an option, because if you care so much about your kids you would have gone to your in-law house to collect them and let them stay with you but you choose to punish them because the mother disrespected you.

I am even sure you haven't even seen your kids for 10 months or even talk to them, all I am getting is you trying to control your ex with the kids and getting pissed off she has a system and doesn't even need your money.

If you want your kids so much, pay your in-law the money, maybe negotiate to pay small small, move them to stay with you or you can be bringing them every weekend, I am sure they are fine in their grandparents house, for the grandparents to pay their school fees and all means he is a kind man

So because your ex didn't tell you before she traveled, you now decided to withhold upkeep for your kids because they live with their grandparents? If she has been around since June and you didn't bother to call her before then, that means you didn't call her parents to talk to your kids all those times they've been there abi? Because you dey vex, you transfer your vexation to your kids well being and decided not to visit and see them? Deadbeats always showcase their stupidity everytime

She needs your approval before she travel for a work related training as per you are who? Is she not your ex, cos I'm not understanding the approval part, what makes you think you have a say in any aspect of her life since you're separated? So if you don't approve of her traveling, you expect her to stay put and listen to you as per na you be her oga at work abi wetin? Orisirisi

The only thing connecting you and her are those kids that's all, get that into your skull today, you can't dictate what she does with her life, that part is gone,

And no she isn't regretting anything, cos if she truly is, na she go dey call you every week, but you both didn't talk till you called her in June, na you sef dey regret but pride no wan make you see road, see the way you dey make mouth saying let her have the kids, you will go to court yen yen yen as if you're right, mister man, no court will you till you pay grandpa the complete money he used to take care of your kids.

ObalendeCMS:
Wahala for who dey "marry" Nigerian woe men!

Is your mother a Nigerian monkey? Or na alien born you

VeryWickedBro:
OP all these happened because they know you are weak by giving birth to girls in the first place.

And you went to school, how old are you?

Am not surprised cos you women will always say the opposite when you are see the real deal. The days women uses kids to manipulate men are over. She can keep them for all I care. I have evidence for of how everything went and a day is coming when the truth shall be revealed. If this sounds cool to you, I wish all the male in you family what I went through in this woman hand.

Sandralight:
So you didn't pay your children fees and feeding for 10 months because you are angry with the mother, so where was she supposed to keep the children when she is going for a course outside Lagos because it's obvious you are not an option, because if you care so much about your kids you would have gone to your in-law house to collect them and let them stay with you but you choose to punish them because the mother disrespected you.

I am even sure you haven't even seen your kids for 10 months or even talk to them, all I am getting is you trying to control your ex with the kids and getting pissed off she has a system and doesn't even need your money.

If you want your kids so much, pay your in-law the money, maybe negotiate to pay small small, move them to stay with you or you can be bringing them every weekend, I am sure they are fine in their grandparents house, for the grandparents to pay their school fees and all means he is a kind man

JovialJune:


And you went to school, how old are you?

Don't quote me again except you're looking for the fruit of the womb.

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to my nairalanders fam.
Majority of people here have idea about my story and if you don't, you can go through my previous post to get a glimpse.

This month made it one year and seven months have been Separated and living apart from my ex wife due to infidelity and cheating from my ex wife part. Since then, my two daughter aged 8 and 7 had been living with her and I do take responsibility of them until this January 2024 when my wife took my kids to her father and step mom place because there was this course she was order to go for 6months officially outside lagos state. I was so angry because she never seek my permission or approval before taking them there and because of this, I stop sending money or paying their fees till now. I saw it as a act of disrespect if I the father can't be informed of where my kids are been taking to for a long period of time. She already took them there before informing me.

She was supposed to finish her course outside the state by June and since then, she never called me to inform me she is back until yesterday when I put a call to her and she told me she got back since June. I asked about the kids and to my shock, she told me the kids are still there with her father and step mom. How can you leave the kids at your parents place while the father and mother are available, I got so upset and the discussion resulted to insult and curse on phone. She told me she had a serious issue at work and she couldn't combine the kids stress to what she is going through presently. To be honest, I was even thinking to reconcile with her cos of the kids despite she cheated but the way she behave and talks on phone shows she is not remorse or even care if the family is back together or ready for any reconciliation despite the fact she was at fault. Now my kids are my focus but I don't know how to go about this.

The information I got from her dad was that he will not release the kids to either me or her on less the money he had spent on them is refunded back to him. This is already looking like a kidnap and abduction case which I told her that if she doesn't pick those kids before weekend, I will file a case of child kidnap and abduction against her and her father. Pls I need advice on how to go about this and those that have first class experience with such should assist with advice. Thank you all

Why don't you leave her, find another woman and get her pregnant and focus on the new woman and kid.... You're even thinking about going back to a wife that cheated on you....

VeryWickedBro:


Don't quote me again except you're looking for the fruit of the womb.

Product of an orangutan.

JovialJune:
So because your ex didn't tell you before she traveled, you now decided to withhold upkeep for your kids because they live with their grandparents? If she has been around since June and you didn't bother to call her before then, that means you didn't call her parents to talk to your kids all those times they've been there abi? Because you dey vex, you transfer your vexation to your kids well being and decided not to visit and see them? Deadbeats always showcase their stupidity everytime

She needs your approval before she travel for a work related training as per you are who? Is she not your ex, cos I'm not understanding the approval part, what makes you think you have a say in any aspect of her life since you're separated? So if you don't approve of her traveling, you expect her to stay put and listen to you as per na you be her oga at work abi wetin? Orisirisi

The only thing connecting you and her are those kids that's all, get that into your skull today, you can't dictate what she does with her life, that part is gone,

And no she isn't regretting anything, cos if she truly is, na she go dey call you every week, but you both didn't talk till you called her in June, na you sef dey regret but pride no wan make you see road, see the way you dey make mouth saying let her have the kids, you will go to court yen yen yen as if you're right, mister man, no court will you till you pay grandpa the complete money he used to take care of your kids.

Are you married?

Gbas !
Gbos!

Baronthecelebri:
mumu

Rubbish!