NewStats: 3,261,283 , 8,173,608 topics. Date: Wednesday, 28 May 2025 at 06:24 PM 5s4o38

So I have a close friend who is of the opinion that doing traditional marriage is akin to appeasing the gods of the place of your intending spouse, and as Christians, particularly Catholics, we should not, under any guise, invoke deities, whether through calling on ancestors or the use of traditional elements to bless intending marriage unions, and then come to God in the sacrament of Holy Matrimony. 

Also, he is of the opinion that in the days of our forefathers, when a man married a woman traditionally, he was allowed to take multiple women, i.e., polygamy, and that by merely returning the bride price, the man could do away with the woman and take another one. So if he marries a woman traditionally, giving him leeway to marry as much as he might want, what’s the point of marrying sacramentally in church? 

He has personally said he’ll not have any traditional marriage, whether full or miniature, i.e., a “paying bride only ceremony” or paying a dime as bride price for his wife, as a woman is not for sale or to be bought. 

My question is: has anyone successfully refused to perform traditional rites of marriage and gone only to do court and church weddings here or know someone who has? If yes, how were you or they able to convince your parents and in-laws? 

Nlfmod, Seun kindly put in on the front page to get a wider view and more reactions.

Yes

osmosis101:
Yes

Of course that is the norm in our society for long now,where have u been in coma or u re just japaring back to naija...look at me now wit 7children from 4women and i didn't pay a dime on any of them!!! The lord is my strenght, LOL hehehe

osmosis101:
Yes

Please you or someone you know ? How did you go about the backlash if any ?

Easyluv2live:


Of course that is the norm in our society for long now,where have u been in coma or u re just japaring back to naija...look at me now wit 7children from 4women and i didn't pay a dime on any of them!!! The lord is my strenght, LOL hehehe

😂😂😂😂😂. You’re not serious

BarrElChapo:


Please you or someone you know ? How did you go about the backlash if any ?

So many,not 1 nor 2

Your friend is an ignoramus.

He claims to be a Christian, ask him if Jesus attended any wedding in the temple. The only wedding recorded that Jesus attended was a traditional wedding.

Bride price doesn't mean the woman is being sold.

jmoore:
Your friend is an ignoramus.

He claims to be a Christian, ask him if Jesus attended any wedding in the temple. The only wedding recorded that Jesus attended was a traditional wedding.

Let’s leave the reasons, I know he expects this backlash I just want to know if it’s something no one has done before.

osmosis101:




So many,not 1 nor 2

Okay cool. Thanks

BarrElChapo:


Let’s leave the reasons, I know he expects this backlash I just want to know if it’s something no one has done before.

From the lack of responses here you can see no one escaped it.

I think your friend is being silly for being a Christian has to do with living a full of doing the good and avoidance of doing the evil.

And basically marriage requires that you take the consent of the parents of your intending partner, which means any and every rellevant person in the family of your intending, must be regarded, honoured and respected which is the basis of traditional narriage.

So your friend should properly channel his objection as we know that the only valid objection against traditional marriage is its abuse by wicked and evil familees

StillDtruth:


From the lack of responses here you can see no one escaped it.

I think your friend is being silly for being a Christian has to do with living a full of doing the good and avoidance of doing the evil.

And basically marriage requires that you take the consent of the parents of your intending partner, which means any and every rellevant person in the family of your intending, must be regarded, honoured and respected which is the basis of traditional narriage.

So your friend should properly channel his objection as we know that the only valid objection against traditional marriage is its abuse by wicked and evil familees

Thank you for this your comment. Obviously it’s a gray area and we both know it would be very difficult for most families to agree to it.

When the time is right he might have a change of heart of heart or like I told him marry a lady from the west.

BarrElChapo:


Thank you for this your comment. Obviously it’s a gray area and we both know it would be very difficult for most families to agree to it.

When the time is right he might have a change of heart of heart or like I told him marry a lady from the west.

As you can see, multitudes complied with natural law marriage even though some families were wicked, so its no grey area really but just a matter of if your intending is worth the wickedness.

StillDtruth:


As you can see, multitudes complied with natural law marriage even though some families were wicked, so its no grey area really but just a matter of if your intending is worth the wickedness.

Well true but also what is the norm may not also be right as customs and traditions sometimes evolve.

Many people have.

Where do you think the term "Lagos marriage" started from?

I have an aunty that married that way. When her father in-law died, my uncles and aunties didn't go. Reason being the husband hasn't paid her bride price. So what were they supposed to attend as? However, they married legally at a Lagos court.

The downside I see to it is, their kids have no strong connection to both sides. They don't come to our village. They don't go to their father's. 365 days they are in Lagos.

His parents and in-law cannot agree to such because they are mentally stable. He has to do it alone. He believes fulfilling traditional rites is buying the bride. But he would pay money to have a registry marriage. Buy the court staff biscuit and malt. Pay the church. Give rice to choristers and pastors...etc. Where he draws the line is the traditional one? Well done!

pocohantas:
Many people have.

Where do you think the term "Lagos marriage" started from?

I have an aunty that married that way. When her father in-law died, my uncles and aunties didn't go. Reason being the husband hasn't paid her bride price. So what were they supposed to attend as? However, they married legally at a Lagos court.

The downside I see to it is, their kids have no strong connection to both sides. They don't come to our village. They don't go to their father's. 365 days they are in Lagos.

His parents and in-law cannot agree to such because they are mentally stable. He has to do it alone. He believes fulfilling traditional rites is buying the bride. But he would pay money to have a registry marriage. Buy the court staff biscuit and malt. Pay the church. Give rice to choristers and pastors...etc. Where he draws the line is the traditional one? Well done!

Nice one Poco 😂😂

BarrElChapo:
So I have a close friend who is of the opinion that doing traditional marriage is akin to appeasing the gods of the place of your intending spouse, and as Christians, particularly Catholics, we should not, under any guise, invoke deities, whether through calling on ancestors or the use of traditional elements to bless intending marriage unions, and then come to God in the sacrament of Holy Matrimony. 

This coming from a Catholic is laughable.

Tells you how ignorant we are as a people. Catholicism is deep rooted in idolatry, spiritism, etc and I doubt if a catholic priest will wed a couple who have not done the traditional marriage.

Tallesty1:
This coming from a Catholic is laughable.

Tells you how ignorant we are as a people. Catholicism is deep rooted in idolatry, spiritism, etc and I doubt if a catholic priest will wed a couple who have not done the traditional marriage.

I didn’t make the post about religious affiliations, if you want us to have that discussion we can do it on another thread but I was born and raised Catholic, for reason left the Catholic Church in 2015 to 2021 (in this time I worshipped at Dunamis, Redeemed and Living Faith while maintaining an affiliation with a lesser known Pentecostal church) today I’m back to the Catholic Church fully convinced that it’s Christ church on the earth.


Back to your assertion that no catholic priest may wed without traditional marriage and consent of the bride’s parent is true but only applicable to the church is Nigeria or Africa, where we do both the traditional and church marriage.

The post is to know if there are like minded individuals like him or if he’s alone on it.

BarrElChapo:


I didn’t make the post about religious affiliations, if you want us to have that discussion we can do it on another thread but I was born and raised Catholic, for reason left the Catholic Church in 2015 to 2021 (in this time I worshipped at Dunamis, Redeemed and Living Faith while maintaining an affiliation with a lesser known Pentecostal church) today I’m back to the Catholic Church fully convinced that it’s Christ church on the earth.


Back to your assertion that no catholic priest may wed without traditional marriage and consent of the bride’s parent is true but only applicable to the church is Nigeria or Africa, where we do both the traditional and church marriage.

The post is to know if there are like minded individuals like him or if he’s alone on it.

Well, you should have just as Christian without dragging catholic into it. A state religion and Christianity are not supposed to be be mentioned in the same post.


You asked the question on a Nigeria forum hence my response and outside Nigeria and Africa; white wedding is their own traditional marriage

BarrElChapo:
So I have a close friend who is of the opinion that doing traditional marriage is akin to appeasing the gods of the place of your intending spouse, and as Christians, particularly Catholics, we should not, under any guise, invoke deities, whether through calling on ancestors or the use of traditional elements to bless intending marriage unions, and then come to God in the sacrament of Holy Matrimony. 

Also, he is of the opinion that in the days of our forefathers, when a man married a woman traditionally, he was allowed to take multiple women, i.e., polygamy, and that by merely returning the bride price, the man could do away with the woman and take another one. So if he marries a woman traditionally, giving him leeway to marry as much as he might want, what’s the point of marrying sacramentally in church? 

He has personally said he’ll not have any traditional marriage, whether full or miniature, i.e., a “paying bride only ceremony” or paying a dime as bride price for his wife, as a woman is not for sale or to be bought. 

My question is: has anyone successfully refused to perform traditional rites of marriage and gone only to do court and church weddings here or know someone who has? If yes, how were you or they able to convince your parents and in-laws? 

Nlfmod, Seun kindly put in on the front page to get a wider view and more reactions.

Some parts of this Country don't do traditional marriage. Just pay her dowry and decide weather to do Court wedding or white wedding. Traditional marriage is only common in the South. Most Northern Christians and Muslims don't do traditional marriage.

FarmersUNIT7:


Some parts of this Country don't do traditional marriage. Just pay her dowry and decide weather to do Court wedding or white wedding. Traditional marriage is only common in the South. Most Northern Christians and Muslims don't do traditional marriage.

Bride price, not dowry.

Bride price completes traditional marriage. Ceremony is not marriage.

jmoore:

Bride price, not dowry.

Bride price completes traditional marriage. Ceremony is not marriage.

Wrong. Traditional marriage is refered to paying the dowry, bride price and the traditional marriage that follows

Bride price is refered to the money the groom is required to pay. While the dowry is combination of the money and other things that the groom is asked to produce

FarmersUNIT7:


Wrong. Traditional marriage is refered to paying the dowry, bride price and the traditional marriage that follows

Bride price is refered to the money the groom is required to pay. While the dowry is combination of the money and other things that the groom is asked to produce

Get a dictionary and unlearn.

Dowry is paid by the bride's family to the groom's family.

FarmersUNIT7:


Some parts of this Country don't do traditional marriage. Just pay her dowry and decide weather to do Court wedding or white wedding. Traditional marriage is only common in the South. Most Northern Christians and Muslims don't do traditional marriage.

Okay thank you.

BarrElChapo:


Well true but also what is the norm may not also be right as customs and traditions sometimes evolve.

What is the norm was right till people evolved it and made it wrong.

The ignorance of so many modern Christians is really troubling and baffling. So you want to wed in the church and ignore the traditional rites? I know many churches, mine included who will not wed a couple if the intending bride price has not been paid.

Be that as it may, Nigerians and Africans are the ones who do three weddings when one suffices because the 'white wedding' we are copying in the traditional marriage of the whites. The deeply ingrained inferiority complex of the op's friend is quite common today. Like Poco has mentioned, the families will not agree because they are mentally sound