NewStats: 3,261,378 , 8,173,835 topics. Date: Thursday, 29 May 2025 at 04:46 AM 4w1s1s

Am in my 30’s, My wife and I have been living in separate locations about 4yrs now. With intermittent visits 3-4months intervals.
Few days back wen she visited, I exchanged one of my new fones with her so while I was checking out the fone so I could delete some stuff and familiarize with the fone(her previous fone ,now mine)I casually stumbled into her FB & WhatsApp and saw sex chats with different men including her ex. This will be first ever I would be checking her SM, calls, SMS or whatsoever.
When I confronted her with these evidences, she rather than apologize to me, began guilt tripping me with how she’s been ignoring my own philandering (but no evidence, she’s just basing them on speculations).
She dragged the fone in a bid to snatch it from me at the Mall in public.
I told her point blank how disappointed & angry I am and am separating from her.
I arranged for for logistics to take her to our house in the town she stays.
She’s called my dad. I have no idea what she’s told them, but I got evidences.
We do not yet have a child together.

Did I overreact??
How do I deal with this situation
Mature advices will be appreciated from experienced people

All I know is that women cheat as much as men.but dem sabi hide am well.Since no child,you better divorce her.you have the chance now,nothing tie una togeda.Taking back a cheating partner is a NoNo..I have being there and I know the major blow I suffered when I took back a cheating partner. I remain your experience master

chazon:
Am in my 30’s, My wife and I have been living in separate locations about 4yrs now. With intermittent visits 3-4months intervals.
Few days back wen she visited, I exchanged one of my new fones with her so while I was checking out the fone so I could delete some stuff and familiarize with the fone(her previous fone ,now mine)I casually stumbled into her FB & WhatsApp and saw sex chats with different men including her ex. This will be first ever I would be checking her SM, calls, SMS or whatsoever.
When I confronted her with these evidences, she rather than apologize to me, began guilt tripping me with how she’s been ignoring my own philandering (but no evidence, she’s just basing them on speculations).
She dragged the fone in a bid to snatch it from me at the Mall in public.
I told her point blank how disappointed & angry I am and am separating from her.
I arranged for for logistics to take her to our house in the town she stays.
She’s called my dad. I have no idea what she’s told them, but I got evidences.
We do not yet have a child together.

Did I overreact??
How do I deal with this situation
Mature advices will be appreciated from experienced people

May God grant you wisdom

She's cheating and she had the mind to call YOUR dad? Something does not add up.

Also, why would you think (there's even a chance) your dad will believe her words over yours, if you're so sure she cheated? (As you stated "I have no idea what she's told them" )

You said she has no evidence of you philandering,to be sincere,is it true you are into it??
initially,why would you confronted your wife publicly.this relationship of yours is already shatter

This is serious, throw her out, a cheat will always be a cheat, especially this your cheat that doesn't have conscience..

chazon:
Am in my 30’s, My wife and I have been living in separate locations about 4yrs now. With intermittent visits 3-4months intervals.
Few days back wen she visited, I exchanged one of my new fones with her so while I was checking out the fone so I could delete some stuff and familiarize with the fone(her previous fone ,now mine)I casually stumbled into her FB & WhatsApp and saw sex chats with different men including her ex. This will be first ever I would be checking her SM, calls, SMS or whatsoever.
When I confronted her with these evidences, she rather than apologize to me, began guilt tripping me with how she’s been ignoring my own philandering (but no evidence, she’s just basing them on speculations).
She dragged the fone in a bid to snatch it from me at the Mall in public.
I told her point blank how disappointed & angry I am and am separating from her.
I arranged for for logistics to take her to our house in the town she stays.
She’s called my dad. I have no idea what she’s told them, but I got evidences.
We do not yet have a child together.

Did I overreact??
How do I deal with this situation
Mature advices will be appreciated from experienced people

You did this very late...

Dont ever trust a woman whose phone you have not haccked

Spy on her phone, sms, calls, SM... Before and after marriage if you want peace.

Now for the men... Send their evidences to bloggers while protecting your wife's identity. And you will be fine.

They will think she leaked it, she will be shamed and become remorseful.

Find the men's wives or church and send the proofs. Simple.

Do the same to her parents and siblings and your parents too.

Return her dowry.


You're forever free.

You will never be suspected because it is the online blog you would be sharing.

God bless

If u haven't cheated,then divorce her.

How can u allow a woman u have married to live separately for a whole 4years when u are not outside the country.

U are the cause of everything.

chazon:
Am in my 30’s, My wife and I have been living in separate locations about 4yrs now. With intermittent visits 3-4months intervals.
Few days back wen she visited, I exchanged one of my new fones with her so while I was checking out the fone so I could delete some stuff and familiarize with the fone(her previous fone ,now mine)I casually stumbled into her FB & WhatsApp and saw sex chats with different men including her ex. This will be first ever I would be checking her SM, calls, SMS or whatsoever.
When I confronted her with these evidences, she rather than apologize to me, began guilt tripping me with how she’s been ignoring my own philandering (but no evidence, she’s just basing them on speculations).
She dragged the fone in a bid to snatch it from me at the Mall in public.
I told her point blank how disappointed & angry I am and am separating from her.
I arranged for for logistics to take her to our house in the town she stays.
She’s called my dad. I have no idea what she’s told them, but I got evidences.
We do not yet have a child together.

Did I overreact??
How do I deal with this situation
Mature advices will be appreciated from experienced people

I wonder the kind of advise I can give you after all you have seen.
Shall I say, "Ignore it and carry on." while she probably later find you a child to cater for since you don't have one with her yet?

Or do I tell you to send her away?

What kind of advise are you expecting?
Tell me.

The earlier the best

Westerhoffe:
I wonder the kind of advise I can give you after all you have seen.
Shall I say, "Ignore it and carry on." while she probably later find you a child to cater for since you don't have one with her yet?

Or do I tell you to send her away?

What kind of advise are you expecting?
Tell me.

Forgive her even without apologies but always add DNA cost to your investment budget.

chazon:
■ When I confronted her with these evidences, she rather than apologize to me, began guilt tripping me with how she’s been ignoring my own philandering (but no evidence, she’s just basing them on speculations).
She dragged the fone in a bid to snatch it from me at the Mall in public. I told her point blank how disappointed & angry I am and am separating from her. I arranged for for logistics to take her to our house in the town she stays.
She’s called my dad. I have no idea what she’s told them, but I got evidences. We do not yet have a child together.
■ Did I overreact?? How do I deal with this situation Mature advices will be appreciated from experienced people

1. OP, have you equally been cheating on your wife? The reason I ask is because we all know marriages loaded sort of like yours are typically not without the man playing his own side games.

2. Please consider marriage counseling at this time so you both can find a way forward for yourselves.

Nice2023:
If u haven't cheated,then divorce her.

How can u allow a woman u have married to live separately for a whole 4years when u are not outside the country.

U are the cause of everything.

A cheat will always be a cheat no matter the situation.

Years back, Was in a hotel bar close to the house on a Saturday evening with close friends over some chilled bottles but where interrupted by a man who asked to sit with us.

He sat ordered fresh rounds and started telling us a story which we thought at that moment was something that happened in the past.
The story: He has a very beautiful wife who he takes very good care of emotionally, financially and what have you. On the fateful day he left the house for his bizness when his brother called that he is boarding a flight to Lagos Nigeria and he should come pick him up at a time when the flight will land in Lagos. Communicated with the wife so as to prepare food and entertainment pending when they would come home.

Started calling the wife from the airport on his way back with the visiting bro to no avail. She didn't pick the calls. They got home and no one was at home. Thinking maybe she went to the market to buy stuffs, he decided to to his visiting bro to same hotel where we were at for some refreshment while they wait for her return only to find her car parked within the hotel premises. On checking the vehicle, he discovered the land line phone (starcomms) was in the vehicle locked up. He went to the receptionist with a cooked up story and was directed to the exact room where the wife was having good time? With her lover boy. When he knocked, the lover boy opened the door and behold the wife was lying down on the bed naked with only the bed spread covering her bossom.

The wife screamed when she saw he is the one and when they made eye , he quietly closed the door and came downstairs to meet us at our table where we sat. He ended the story with " you need to see how hard I f--ked her this morning before leaving the house. As am talking to you guys they are still up there in the hotel room so afraid and ashamed to come out"

Bro we were speechless and glued to our chairs when we realised that this was not an old story but a drama which was unfolding before us.

He told us point blank that she was only going to take the car and her clothes at home and that would be the end of their marriage.

I like the fact that you stylishly didn't it that you cheated, only that there's no evidence, swear with amadioha say you no cheat

You can divorce, your choice, but you can also forgive her since you know you also cheated on her.

mariahAngel:
She's cheating and she had the mind to call YOUR dad? Something does not add up.

Also, why would you think (there's even a chance) your dad will believe her words over yours, if you're so sure she cheated? (As you stated "I have no idea what she's told them" )

don't evil, one quality of righteousness is hating evil

Fountainofyouth:
I like the fact that you stylishly didn't it that you cheated, only that there's no evidence, swear with amadioha say you no cheat

You can divorce, your choice, but you can also forgive her you know you also cheated on her.

That house can never be conducive for her again. She is better off. A woman can never be a man transgender or not.

I just tried to settle one yesterday that the man forgave her for cheating. She said since then the marriage hasn't been same, that's the truth. Now she's opting out. If you are s lady and have the impetus to cheat on your husband if you're cought please just back and go, don't wait to be told. If you catch your husband cheating you can also go if you want

Pauladex:

Forgive her even without apologies but always add DNA cost to your investment budget.

capnies:


don't evil, one quality of righteousness is hating evil

Trying to get to the truth is ing evil?
I will always be on the side of complete truth.

Why would op's wife (have the guts to) report him to his dad if she did cheat?
The answer to that question lies the problem.

I've just looked at your profile and in one of your other threads, you went to a club and gave another woman (who asked to "hangout" with you on another day) your phone number, so you're in no position to talk about your wife cheating because you're a cheater yourself. Don't bother deleting the thread/post, as I've already screenshot it.

https://nairaland.unblockandhide.com/7386252/women-naturally-born-entitlement-mentality

Simp dey explain upon all the evidence wey you see...

Omo na wa ooo...

Where you chop your witchcraft strong well well o

woginid967:


You did this very late...

Dont ever trust a woman whose phone you have not haccked

Spy on her phone, sms, calls, SM... Before and after marriage if you want peace.

Now for the men... Send their evidences to bloggers while protecting your wife's identity. And you will be fine.

They will think she leaked it, she will be shamed and become remorseful.

Find the men's wives or church and send the proofs. Simple.

Do the same to her parents and siblings and your parents too.

Return her dowry.


You're forever free.

You will never be suspected because it is the online blog you would be sharing.

God bless

TheWinterBird:
■ I've just looked at your profile and in one of your other threads, you went to a club and gave another woman (who asked to "hangout" with you on another day) your phone number, so you're in no position to talk about your wife cheating because you're a cheater yourself. Don't bother deleting the thread/post, as I've already screenshot it.
https://nairaland.unblockandhide.com/7386252/women-naturally-born-entitlement-mentality

Good eye!

chazon:
While growing up, virtually all the women I've been with(except for one.... The one am married to) have this 'entitlement mentality'....
On Friday, a lady walked up to me @ the front of the club while I was waiting for someone & following conversation ensued:
Lady: hi, what u doin here
Me: waiting for a friend.... And u?
Lady : I came wit my frnds to club..... Wat do u do?
Me: am a Realtor
Lady: OK, was I was goin to ask, ar u free this weekend, I'll like to hangout with u?
Me: got an appointment on Saturday, bt Wil buzz u if am free on Sunday.
Lady : can I hav ur then?
Me; sure... I then give her my other line that is mostly unreachable (not business line)
Lady : I like u, really.... Ur full beards & dressing though.
Me: thanks for the compliment, u look great too.
Lady: can u buy me some suyar & drinks?
Me: well, I cn only do little(proceed to do order for Wat I cud afford & drove off almost immediately)
So now, am asking, who's supose to treat the other, isn't it the one who toast the other?
Does it mean if I ask a lady out, I'll pay
If she ask me out, I'll still pay....
Pls I need the house to share experiences.......

And Op, this is from over a year ago, yet you claim your wife had no evidence?

You missed this

Another cum-in-it -ty preek.

Last week my friend asked me, if my wife cheated on me, what would I do?
My response was...she has her own life to live, and I would not tamper with it.

It's left for me to consider walking away or not based on whatever reasons best known to me But I wouldn't judge her cuz me sef dey on pursuit of my own happiness. Besides I see her as more of a friend than as a wife. We live separate too cus of work and we've seen each other only 3ice this yr.

Two can play your game i guess

TheWinterBird:
I've just looked at your profile and in one of your other threads, you went to a club and gave another woman (who asked to "hangout" with you on another day) your phone number, so you're in no position to talk about your wife cheating because you're a cheater yourself. Don't bother deleting the thread/post, as I've already screenshot it.

https://nairaland.unblockandhide.com/7386252/women-naturally-born-entitlement-mentality

God bless you for this.
Some men believe they have the right to cheat as many times as they could,
Bit if a woman do the same,
All hell will be let loose.
Stupid men dem

Gaspardd:
Last week my friend asked me, if my wife cheated on me, what would I do?
My response was...she has her own life to live, and I would not tamper with it.

It's left for me to consider walking away or not based on whatever reasons best known to me But I wouldn't judge her cuz me sef dey on pursuit of my own happiness. Besides I see her as more of a friend than as a wife. We live separate too cus of work and we've seen each other only 3ice this yr.

From January to December,
You've seen your wife for just 3 times?
Averagely of once in 120 days?
Una dey try for dis marriage tin o...

Gaspardd:


My nature of work requires I travel to diff states, currently I'm in the North while she manages her thriving biz in Lagos.

Although it wasn't like that from d start. We both used to be jobless love birds staying at home 24/7.

Oh, we understand better now.
Not having a job before and now having a good one.
Definitely both of you will give everything it takes to balance the work and marriage life till you are in a good space to start living together again.
It's the understanding between both of you that really matters.
All the best in your marriage sir.
God gat you both.

Btw,
Which kin friend go dey ask you dat kin question about "if your wife cheats on you, what will you do"?
Or maybe it was just a general question sha and he wasn't referring to madam personally!
Perhaps.......

Kobojunkie:
1. OP, have you equally been cheating on your wife? The reason I ask is because we all know marriages loaded sort of like yours are typically not without the man playing his own side games.

2. Please consider marriage counseling at this time so you both can find a way forward for yourselves.

1. Equality in cheating


When they say equality in financial responsibility all of you will run to your holes

There is nothing like equality in cheating when there is no equality in financial responsibility.

post=127351399:

From January to December,
You've seen your wife for just 3 times?
Averagely of once in 120 days?
Una dey try for dis marriage tin o

My nature of work requires I travel to diff states, currently I'm in the North while she manages her thriving biz in Lagos.

Although it wasn't like that from d start. We both used to be jobless love birds staying at home 24/7.