NewStats: 3,259,770 , 8,170,867 topics. Date: Sunday, 25 May 2025 at 11:45 PM 233c27

I am tired of my wife's quarrelsome behaviour which I think she reserves for me. I can be having a honest conversation with her and out of nowhere it will lead to a quarrel with her. It surprises me.

Strange enough, I have observed her communication with neighbours, work colleagues and she knows how to compose herself but when it is me even a funny comment can upset her. Even when I tell her I didn't mean her negative interpretation of a comment, she will still insist on her negative interpretation.

She sometimes talks to me in a way that seems unfriendly to the point that I desire her talking to me the way she talks to outsiders. I have talked to her about it but it is not helping matters. She acts like she is not ware of her tone but there is a stark difference between how she talks to me and other people.

I earn far more than her and take care of the house bills so money is not an issue. I feel like I am the only one proactive about peace in the marriage while she is care-free.

How can I deal with this?

If you are working with a firm that has another branch interstate please apply for transfer to another state, I think with this method you can be able to evade some of her threat.

Only visit maybe 2-3 times a year can solved half of the nagging and quarrelling couple with confrontation going on in your households.

I am an advocate for an eye for an eye!! You weren't appointed as an ambassador for peace!!!
With me! Your input determines the output! If a woman/ wife has vowed not to allow peace reign in my home, then two can play the game.

Am sorry to say this: She feels she shouldn't have married you. It happens to both male and female. When you marry someone you feel is below you and you have pride, it often this way. Always ignore her and communicate necessary things to her only. You have her as ur only companion, I dnt think its the same thing with her. Abi she dey playbet? cut ticket can make one angry often.

Are there other underlying marital issues?
Do you have kids?
Are you fulfilling your financial obligations?

GanagiBitrus:
Are there other underlying marital issues?
Do you have kids?
Are you fulfilling your financial obligations?

Yes, we have

I am fulfilling my financial obligations

Do a background check, she maybe older than you that is why she sees every of your comments as an insult to her person.

Candid advice.
You cannot fight fire with fire. Whenever your wife starts the quarrelsome attitude, I beg you, beat a retreat and break the trail of the conversation that led to it. It doesn’t make you less a man if you decide to keep quiet and not say anything further since she may see walking out on her as an insult which may aggravate the situation.
I have tried it, and it worked for me. Once it starts, I stop talking and start listening to music.

nairaland23:
I am tired of my wife's quarrelsome behaviour which I think she reserves for me. I can be having a honest conversation with her and out of nowhere it will lead to a quarrel with her. It suprises me. Strange enough, I have observed her conmuniction with neighbours, work colleagues and she knows how to compose herself but when it is me even a funny comment can upset her. Even when I tell her I didn't mean her negative interpretation of a comment, she will still insist on her negative interpretation. She sometimes talks to me in a way that seems unfriendly to the point that I desire her talking to me the way she talks to outsiders. I have talked to her about it but it is not helping matters. She acts like she is not ware of her tone but there is a stark difference between how she talks to me and other people. I earn far more than her and take care of the house bills so money is not an issue. I feel like I am the only one proactive about peace in the marriage while she is care-free How can I deal with this?

U have lost the leverage of the relationship to her at some point.... Some women tend to feel they are doing u a favour by dating or staying married to you....so they treat u like door mat once u give them too much allowance.

Oga ..let her know her attitude is frustrating and u are starting to consider that divorce might give u the peace u desire ......she will quickly accuse u infidelity, that u have been planning it, she will make it all about herself and how she has suffered with you because pple like her don't see anything wrong in their behavior .....

. Nor look uche face.....drop the divorce papers with her to scare her....her brain will reset......... If she continues are behavior .........baba, u cannot trade ur peace of mind just because u want to remain married to a troublesome woman that needs u to pay her bills .....

Are you normal like this?what sort of advice is this?your wife must be a saint I like to think.what you suggested to the op is extreme you want him to break his home, whilst you retain yours.

SIXTEENTH:
If you are working with a firm that has another branch interstate please apply for transfer to another state, I think with this method you can be able to evade some of her threat.

Only visit maybe 2-3 times a year can solved half of the nagging and quarrelling couple with confrontation going on in your households.

Op majority of those addvicing you to divorce your wife are bunch of frustrated lots.


If you follow their advices your name na sorry.

Kindly keep correcting your wife
Women are dramatic,always keep that in mind.

Have you divorced yours?the way you people after smoking throws the word divorce on this forum eeh ..e come be like divorce dey grow on trees,i pity anyone that takes counsel from you

advanceDNA:



U have lost the leverage of the relationship to her at some point.... Some women tend to feel they are doing u a favour by dating or staying married to you....so they treat u like door mat once u give them too much allowance.

Oga ..let her know her attitude is frustrating and u are starting to consider that divorce might give u the peace u desire ......she will quickly accuse u infidelity, that u have been planning it, she will make it all about herself and how she has suffered with you because pple like her don't see anything wrong in their behavior .....

. Nor look uche face.....drop the divorce papers with her to scare....her brain will reset......... If she continues are behavior .........baba, u cannot trade ur peace of mind just because u want to remain married to a troublesome woman that needs u to pay her bills .....

nairaland23:
I am tired of my wife's quarrelsome behaviour which I think she reserves for me. I can be having a honest conversation with her and out of nowhere it will lead to a quarrel with her. It suprises me. Strange enough, I have observed her conmunication with neighbours, work colleagues and she knows how to compose herself but when it is me even a funny comment can upset her. Even when I tell her I didn't mean her negative interpretation of a comment, she will still insist on her negative interpretation. She sometimes talks to me in a way that seems unfriendly to the point that I desire her talking to me the way she talks to outsiders. I have talked to her about it but it is not helping matters. She acts like she is not ware of her tone but there is a stark difference between how she talks to me and other people. I earn far more than her and take care of the house bills so money is not an issue. I feel like I am the only one proactive about peace in the marriage while she is care-free. How can I deal with this?

Divorce her immediately, life is too short to live with negative people..

Baba, na see finsih cause am. That lady no rate you at all, how she go dey change am over small issues? Just ensure you are playing your wing very well.

This one na see finish true true.

Don't crack jokes or shine teeth with her anymore. Discuss only important issues with her when the need arises.

She will definitely get the memo.

ahnie:
Have you divorced yours?the way you people after smoking throws the word divorce on this forum eeh ..I pity anyone that takes advise from you

U are always trying to sound like ur opinion on issues is better than everyone else that has one different from yours .... If u want him to go and beg his wife and be managing her... give ur advice and go.....

Peace of mind is everything to me...which drove my comment.... If peace of mind is not important to you.....u can stay in an abusive marriage if it happens to you....

nairaland23:
I am tired of my wife's quarrelsome behaviour which I think she reserves for me. I can be having a honest conversation with her and out of nowhere it will lead to a quarrel with her. It suprises me. Strange enough, I have observed her conmunication with neighbours, work colleagues and she knows how to compose herself but when it is me even a funny comment can upset her. Even when I tell her I didn't mean her negative interpretation of a comment, she will still insist on her negative interpretation. She sometimes talks to me in a way that seems unfriendly to the point that I desire her talking to me the way she talks to outsiders. I have talked to her about it but it is not helping matters. She acts like she is not ware of her tone but there is a stark difference between how she talks to me and other people. I earn far more than her and take care of the house bills so money is not an issue. I feel like I am the only one proactive about peace in the marriage while she is care-free. How can I deal with this?

Keep talking to her, and keep praying for her to come to an understanding, so that you both can understand each other better.

I saw a video where someone said couples should help their spouses understand and love them better (the way they want), and I agree with that.

Also, those things you do (or say) that she says she does not like, try as much as possible to avoid doing them.
It's as simple as that.

Very effective.
I'm a living witness

nairaland23:
■ I am tired of my wife's quarrelsome behaviour which I think she reserves for me. I can be having a honest conversation with her and out of nowhere it will lead to a quarrel with her. It suprises me. Strange enough, I have observed her conmunication with neighbours, work colleagues and she knows how to compose herself but when it is me even a funny comment can upset her. Even when I tell her I didn't mean her negative interpretation of a comment, she will still insist on her negative interpretation. She sometimes talks to me in a way that seems unfriendly to the point that I desire her talking to me the way she talks to outsiders. I have talked to her about it but it is not helping matters. She acts like she is not ware of her tone but there is a stark difference between how she talks to me and other people. I earn far more than her and take care of the house bills so money is not an issue. I feel like I am the only one proactive about peace in the marriage while she is care-free. How can I deal with this?

Have you tried marriage counseling to possibly tackle whatever hurt you may have inflicted on her to cause her so much irritation when engaging you, or do you wish to go directly to divorce at this point?

I noticed you carefully stayed away from mentioning what may have led up to the change in her behavior towards you so my advice is you both get a marriage counselor and for once honestly tackle the underlying issue keeping you both from properly communicating as a couple.

There are two Phrases you ought to make your best friends going forward?
" why do you say such a thing in such a manner?"
" How do you mean. because I don't understand the sudden show of attitude ." For effects make sure you only say this when your only response will be "ok" or better still "quietness." Have the rest of the conversation in your head, if she quizzes simply say nothing. You've to do this at strategic times & reduce the I must talk to my wife urge, communication is to a woman, action is to a man.

which kind advice dey my own mouth to give una liadis

I be single

so make I just dey prepare my mind ahead of the lasting journey

Sometimes I feel so ashamed of sharing dis generation with some idiots parading themselves as men.
For ur wife to raise her voice at u at any slightest discussion shows how weak u are, then it also shows that she's d one doing u favour by marrying u
Men suppose to create boundary in marriage bcs d generation of women we hv dis day is totally different from what we had back then.
We hv women that wants to eat their cake and still have it.
OP ur forefathers must be so disappointed in having somebody like u in their lineage bcs u don't deserve to be a man at all

Bankowner:
Candid advice.
You cannot fight fire with fire. Whenever your wife starts the quarrelsome attitude, I beg you, beat a retreat and break the trail of the conversation that leads to it. It doesn’t make you less a man if you decide to keep quiet and not say anything further since she may see walking out on her as an insult which may aggravate the situation.
I have tried it, and it worked for me. Once it starts, I stop talking and start listening to music.

Mumu and his mumu talk

Shout on her, serve her public embrassment
Her mind go dey. Some women have spirit, you need to act possessed. some home bills on her head, let her feel the heat.

Nigerian ladies can be stubborn, you need aggression to bring her to submission.

RED PILL ON NAIRALAND

Let her get a few week's break in her father's House.

Sit her down and have a heart to heart conversation

nairaland23:
I am tired of my wife's quarrelsome behaviour which I think she reserves for me. I can be having a honest conversation with her and out of nowhere it will lead to a quarrel with her. It surprises me.

Strange enough, I have observed her communication with neighbours, work colleagues and she knows how to compose herself but when it is me even a funny comment can upset her. Even when I tell her I didn't mean her negative interpretation of a comment, she will still insist on her negative interpretation.

She sometimes talks to me in a way that seems unfriendly to the point that I desire her talking to me the way she talks to outsiders. I have talked to her about it but it is not helping matters. She acts like she is not ware of her tone but there is a stark difference between how she talks to me and other people.

I earn far more than her and take care of the house bills so money is not an issue. I feel like I am the only one proactive about peace in the marriage while she is care-free.

How can I deal with this?

First, tell us the whole story from start to finish, then we can help you.

Hmmm!

Didn't you noticed that she was troublesome that time you were running up and down around her and sending her message and chats?

My friend just shut up and continue with that marriage.


Don't just disturb our peace for this useless Tinubu suffering Government... Abeg.

She's only physically present in the marriage, her mind is no longer there.
As simple as ABCD. She just want you to be the one to initiate divorce so that she can flip the narrative.
Talk to your dad and her dad or any senior male figure she respects. At the end,you will have to ask her the very painful question where her heart and soul is. Make sure you are prepared for the worst case scenario.