NewStats: 3,261,612 , 8,174,506 topics. Date: Thursday, 29 May 2025 at 06:58 PM d1c28

Hello Nairalanders, there is an issue at hand.
I have two kids and recently gave birth to the third few months ago. It's been really difficult for me since I practically do most of the house chores... my husband is hardly around because of work.

I came down with this strange disturbing headache that doesnt go away. So I went to see a doctor and she said the headache was as a result of postpartum stress and lack of sleep.

The truth is I'm awake most of the time because of the baby or when I'm attending to other household matter. I haven't had a good sleep in a long while. So when the doctor suggested I get a house help so I can find time and sleep when shes holding the baby. I knew she she was on point. But the problem is my husband, he wouldn't hear of it, he doesn't want us to get any househelp...

I even pleaded with him and made him see reasons why I needed help, but he refused... I'm beginning to think I ended up with the wrong person because I dont understand why anyone would deliberately want to subject their wife to this kind of torture.

My kids are age 5, 2 and 3 months... I go to the market, cook, clean, i even do school run too...He's a contractor and will be travelling back to work next week.. yet he doesn't want me to get help...

Xerona:
Hello Nairalanders, there is an issue at hand. I have two kids and recently gave birth to the third few months ago. It's been really difficult for me since I practically do most of the house chores... my husband is hardly around because of work. I came down with this strange disturbing headache that doesnt go away. So I went to see a doctor and she said the headache was as a result of postpartum stress and lack of sleep. The truth is I'm awake most of the time because of the baby or when I'm attending to other household matter. I haven't had a good sleep in a long while. So when the doctor suggested I get a house help so I can find time and sleep when shes holding the baby. I knew she she was on point. But the problem is my husband, he wouldn't hear of it, he doesn't want us to get any househelp...
I even pleaded with him and made him see reasons why I needed help, but he refused... I'm beginning to think I ended up with the wrong person because I dont understand why anyone would deliberately want to subject their wife to this kind of torture. My kids are age 5, 2 and 3 months... I go to the market, cook, clean, i even do school run too...He's a contractor and will be travelling back to work next week.. yet he doesn't want me to get help...

House helps usually come with problems especially in these times you dont know who you're Bringing around your kids so I can understand your husband

But I suggest you plead with him to maybe invite your mother to help you with the kids (NOT YOUR SISTER INCASE YOU HAVE ONE)

He's a selfish husband. Two househelp no go do me sef because I won't have strength for any other thing aside breastfeeding my baby. He's a selfish and wicked husband

Xerona:
Hello Nairalanders, there is an issue at hand. I have two kids and recently gave birth to the third few months ago. It's been really difficult for me since I practically do most of the house chores... my husband is hardly around because of work. I came down with this strange disturbing headache that doesnt go away. So I went to see a doctor and she said the headache was as a result of postpartum stress and lack of sleep. The truth is I'm awake most of the time because of the baby or when I'm attending to other household matter. I haven't had a good sleep in a long while. So when the doctor suggested I get a house help so I can find time and sleep when shes holding the baby. I knew she she was on point. But the problem is my husband, he wouldn't hear of it, he doesn't want us to get any househelp...
I even pleaded with him and made him see reasons why I needed help, but he refused... I'm beginning to think I ended up with the wrong person because I dont understand why anyone would deliberately want to subject their wife to this kind of torture. My kids are age 5, 2 and 3 months... I go to the market, cook, clean, i even do school run too...He's a contractor and will be travelling back to work next week.. yet he doesn't want me to get help...

before answering, may i ask: what is the exact reason/excuse he gives you for saying no to a househelp?

Get a house help and see how easily your husband will replace you. Nonsense

Jashub:
Get a house help and see how easily your husband will replace you. Nonsense

Didn't you read overwork is affecting her and doctor asked her to get a help? Kai una selfish

IyaebeTheGreat:
Didn't you read overwork is affecting her and doctor asked her to get a help? Kai una selfish

So her husband isnt overworked abi ? Continue dey deceive yourself. Before next year her oga go find her replacement

It's actually a demanding period especially for you the mother. You could get someone who will come work & go. Truth is getting someone comes with it's own headache. You would have to teach, guide and engage him/her in discussions and to help them understand uour way of handling things. (Provided he/she is willing to learn).

Just think through, plead with your husband to understand, because you can't afford to breakdown. Alternatively, if you need time off, please go to your parents or anyone who can pamper you so you regain yourself. You could get lesson teacher for the older kids while on your recovery period

More strength to you

Have you talk to him about non-live -in.

Maybe he doesn't want a stranger living with his family while he's away.


Check out for good domestic worker recruiters.

Look for one that will resume work in the morning and close in the evening.

Jashub:
So her husband isnt overworked abi ? Continue dey deceive yourself. Before the next year her oga go find her replacement

So she should continue till she collapse, why must everything be centred on replacement as if her life depends on the marriage. Anyways if you marry someone who has sense and affectionate he'll even be the one to suggest a help because he won't be blind to your struggles in meeting up with the homefront.

IyaebeTheGreat:
He's a selfish husband. Two househelp no go do me sef because I won't have strength for any other thing aside breastfeeding my baby. He's a selfish and wicked husband

It's important to that even though this man may be wicked and selfish in your opinion, he is still someone's husband and likely the love of her life. He is someone who is respected by his wife and they have committed to spending their lives together.

Regardless of what may be going on in their marriage, insulting him will undoubtedly affect his wife's feelings, so it's important to be mindful of that. Respect him for her please.

This is not just about a disagreement between a boyfriend and girlfriend or two politicians, but rather a married couple who have made a commitment to each other.

IyaebeTheGreat:
So she should continue till she collapse, why must everything be centred on replacement as if her life depends on the marriage. Anyways if you marry someone who has sense and affectionate he'll even be the one to suggest a help because he won't be blind to struggles in meeting up with the homefront.

Dey there dey deceive yourself . Her replacement is already on its way

Tallesty1:
It's important to that even though this man may be wicked and selfish in your opinion, he is still someone's husband and likely the love of her life. He is someone who is respected by his wife and they have committed to spending their lives together.

Regardless of what may be going on in their marriage, insulting him will undoubtedly affect his wife's feelings, so it's important to be mindful of that. Respect him for her please.

This is not just about a disagreement between a boyfriend and girlfriend or two politicians, but rather a married couple who have made a commitment to each other.

The man is selfish and toxic, even on doctors advise he's still adamant. I didn't insulting him . I only used the right words for my statement.

Jashub:
Dey there dey deceive yourself . Her replacement is already on its way

That will be his loss. Even with the constant headache you are not touched, you still ing the man. You guys are very mean sha.

@ Op u can have someone to work for u 8 till 6 pm daily Monday to Friday
Or only on weekends
D person should not spend d nite at ur house

Xerona:
Hello Nairalanders, there is an issue at hand. I have two kids and recently gave birth to the third few months ago. It's been really difficult for me since I practically do most of the house chores... my husband is hardly around because of work. I came down with this strange disturbing headache that doesnt go away. So I went to see a doctor and she said the headache was as a result of postpartum stress and lack of sleep. The truth is I'm awake most of the time because of the baby or when I'm attending to other household matter. I haven't had a good sleep in a long while. So when the doctor suggested I get a house help so I can find time and sleep when shes holding the baby. I knew she she was on point. But the problem is my husband, he wouldn't hear of it, he doesn't want us to get any househelp...
I even pleaded with him and made him see reasons why I needed help, but he refused... I'm beginning to think I ended up with the wrong person because I dont understand why anyone would deliberately want to subject their wife to this kind of torture. My kids are age 5, 2 and 3 months... I go to the market, cook, clean, i even do school run too...He's a contractor and will be travelling back to work next week.. yet he doesn't want me to get help...

There must be someone your husband respects and listens to, get him/her involved. You can also talk to your spiritual leader or an elder in the his fam. If he still refuses to allow you get a house help and he doesn't do anything to help ease the stress then stop doing most of the chores. Just do what is convenient for you and leave the rest to spoil.

Can you have a help that comes and goes, comes in the morning and goes in the evening.

Will he allow that? But with what I am reading this, I doubt it. Considering he's not always around getting someone to help you shouldn't be much of an issue.

3 kids 5 and below is no joke and also considering there's an advice from the doctor, Health is wealth ooo.

Jashub:
Your emotional stupidity won't change the facts that she will be replaced once she starts misbehaving under her husband's authority.

Still thinking with your penis and believe you are making sense. May your type be far from every woman out there

Jashub:
I'm actually stating facts that foolish women like you struggle to understand

Fact that is centred around your penis and how careless men should be with their penis is a stupid fact. Obviously your penis and your brain have exchanged position.

Wahala

Postpartum stress is real and it has taken a lot of lives

I still cannot understand why Nigerians donot practice birth spacing.

Take d advice

Madam your husband is saying this for a reason. Please try and understand him. Not when they take over your husband u will come here and cry

..

Perhaps he's scared of external influence around his kids. Talk to him about a nanny and if he rejects the idea, plan how you manage chores and only do the necessary ones. Whenever he's around, make sure he participates in the house chores.

If he doesn't want a maid then he must be ready to help then. Simple

Paid come&go help is suitable at this point.