NewStats: 3,261,254 , 8,173,532 topics. Date: Wednesday, 28 May 2025 at 05:04 PM 183z3x

bukatyne:


A number of Churches request for these tests during counselling and the couple gladly obliges them.

I don't know the hullabaloo with the father's request.

Especially since it is a virtual relationship, the guy (who would be more mature here) should have said they go for those tests as soon as he thought her eligible for marriage.

The OP needs to lead his relationship and take initiative.

I thought this is only done in my church. Lol, these people will investigate everything even a member's tithe card to ensure both couples are financially okay for marriage.

Lol, you won't even need a father or mother to request for such tests before you tender them yourself.

pocohantas:


This was never in contest. I guess you replied the wrong post.

So what's the debate here Poco.
That the father shouldn't have requested for it? You are confusing me.

Persephone1:
I thought this is only done in my church. Lol, these people will investigate everything even a member's tithe card to ensure both couples are financially okay for marriage.

Lol, you won't even need a father or mother to request for such tests before you tender them yourself.

I sight my fellow RCCG member.

Then the pregnancy test two days to the wedding at a hospital of their choice.

Some pastors even vet the house the couple intend to move to & they have a age band; 21yrs for women & 25yrs for men. Though I don't know if they would make exceptions sha.

Wahala won po!

Persephone1:
So what's the debate here Poco.
That the father shouldn't have requested for it? You are confusing me.

That it is normal for him to be afraid/hesitant to put it to her. Very normal.

pocohantas:


That it is normal for him to be afraid/hesitant to put it to her. Very normal.

Oh I get it, I apologize for misunderstanding you Poco. Of course you may be but for some of us lol we won't be

Church things

Persephone1:
Oh I get it, I apologize for misunderstanding you Poco. Of course you may be but for some of us lol we won't be

Church things

I get the church part but you see they haven't even reached that stage. For church part no be you go ask. You go to marriage committee and they give you guys orientation and requirements. Takes the burden off you.

It is fine. My apologies too.

bukatyne:


I sight my fellow RCCG member.

Then the pregnancy test two days to the wedding at a hospital of their choice.

Some pastors even vet the house the couple intend to move to & they have a age band; 21yrs for women & 25yrs for men. Though I don't know if they would make exceptions sha.

Wahala won po!

Lol how did you get that?

Oh they can be very serious with weddings.
On house I think t they encourage couple to live in at least a room and parlour not a single room and there is age band. I when my big sis got married, the fact that mum was pastoring a church then and sis was getting married to someone from another denomination the vetting no be here

But it's a good thing though

bukatyne:


I sight my fellow RCCG member.

Then the pregnancy test two days to the wedding at a hospital of their choice.

Some pastors even vet the house the couple intend to move to & they have a age band; 21yrs for women & 25yrs for men. Though I don't know if they would make exceptions sha.

Wahala won po!

Are you saying the church asks for fertility tests for intending couples ?

If not that Nigeria is a lawless country, the church would have been closed down in a sane society.

Peoples medical history is not anyones business and the fact the church is demanding for it is against the law as your medical record should be confidential.

Why is the church not conducting virginity tests instead of pregnancy test if they are not hypocrites?
So someone who is pregnant and chose not to abort will be denied wedding but someone who aborted is worthy of marriage.

You see the hypocrisy in that action ?

Some weeks ago my dad asked me to do some tests and send to him, (He is a medical doctor), I did them, turns out to be fertility tests and all was perfect.
According to the emboldened, you said you did them and they turned out perfect.
So what are you complaining about again?

Persephone1:
Seconded!

The fact that the father requested the test from his son shows he has no bad intentions here.

With what some ladies are into these days, I will request same if I'm a guy.

Exactly. With the title of the thread, one would think it's only the fiancee who is being asked to take the test, but you read the post and find out both are and he (OP/the son) was asked to do it first (which is the right step, given his own age). OP should've been the one to go to his Father to inquire about the necessary medical tests both of them need to take before marriage, but he didn't do that and his Father is helping him out, as any educated Father would do and a Doctor at that, yet the son is making a mountain out of a molehill over what should be a non-issue and what he should've taken the initiative to do himself. He (OP) should be thankful he has someone in his family who can guide him like this. If he's 38, then his Father must be in his 60s or so, meaning this is a seasoned and experienced Doctor here.

Tell her to go for general medical tests, then slide in fertility test casually when mentioning the rest, that should be easy.

She’s even doing him a favor. Small small he will clock 45 and still wait for his dad to tell him what to do.

pocohantas:


How about you pay an investigator to find about yourself? Majority of you diasporans will use your hand to come for homebased partners, then peace of mind would depart them. Save yourself the stress and marry there.

The guy is 38 and SINGLE, but na the girl you wan pay to investigate. So the OP hasn't visited another woman's house since he was born? Diasporans always claiming spotless by virtue of foreign citizenship. Na all these girls wey fit die to marry abroad guy una fit do this one for. Bunch of narcissists!

cococandy:
She’s even doing him a favor. Small small he will clock 45 and still wait for his dad to tell him what to do.

Hahahaha. He has a blue port na. They are untouchable and perfect. Person wey we suppose investigate for the girl sef.

Persephone1:
Seconded!

The fact that the father requested the test from his son shows he has no bad intentions here.

With what some ladies are into these days, I will request same if I'm a guy.

What are some ladies into these day’s that’s so different from the past or even worse than what men are into?
Only asking because I’ve seen a few comments talking about what the ladies are into. Anyway it’s a rhetorical question. You may not mean anything by it but I just know how threads like these slowly devolve into Nigerian women insult fest even if it’s unintentional.

That being said, fertility test for women is not as simple as that for men. A man’s sperm count and hormone levels can easily be checked via blood sample and a sperm specimen in a jar. Female hormones can be easily checked too and they’ll tell you all is well. But the Egg count may or may not be easy to check depending on location of the lady. What about structural integrity of the uterus and fallopian tubes? Also depends on her location. And those are even more important than hormone level because you can achieve fertilization all you want due to normal hormones level but implantation will never occur due to conditions in the fallopian tube and uterus that you can’t see in a blood test. Sometimes invasive ultrasound is the only way to check for those. What if she doesn’t want to go that far?

pocohantas:


Hahahaha. He has a blue port na. They are untouchable and perfect. Person wey we suppose investigate for the girl sef.

I go help her investigate. Make she just find me small something

Why are you even asking this question? Is it not for your own good?
You want to get married to someone, you guys should get some things straight at the beginning. I'm sure you want to have children. It is your right to demand confirmation from your partner about health and fertility. It's called FULL DISCLOSURE. Nothing wrong with that.
A father's love is (almost) unconditional but a spouse loves based on certain expectations. Don't listen to those saying he is trying to control you. The last duty a parent has to a child is to have a say in who they will marry. After that, they can't impose on you again. In most cultures (even western), it's the parents who get their children married. Any marriage you do without your parents' (while they are alive) is disowning them as parents.

oldienavie:

Are you saying the church asks for fertility tests for intending couples ?

If not that Nigeria is a lawless country, the church would have been closed down in a sane society.

Peoples medical history is not anyones business and the fact the church is demanding for it is against the law as your medical record should be confidential.

Why is the church not conducting virginity tests instead of pregnancy test if they are not hypocrites?
So someone who is pregnant and chose not to abort will be denied wedding but someone who aborted is worthy of marriage.

You see the hypocrisy in that action ?

Mr. Sane Society,

In a haste to discredit what you do not understand, you started fumbling.

1. Virginity/Chastity tests in this case are actually discriminatory against women because only women can be tested. The Church acknowledges that a person might have fornicated before giving their lives to Christ or getting married and are giving you a clean slate to start afresh before marriage. At the start of counselling, you both are told to drop all old vices and consecrate yourselves towards the wedding. Considering that counselling usually occurs about three months before the marriage, it is not too long for a serious couple to abstain.

2. There is freedom of association. Infact, the Church is sometimes overburdened with ceremonies because they cannot conduct ceremonies during national/regional/provincial/area/parish programme days that they move marriages to sister parishes or combine weddings. In essence, the Church is not begging anybody to marry in it. If you do not like the rules, you can move on and continue attending the church after your wedding ceremony. The people whom the rules are made for are not complaining. The Church also stipulate their requirements during counselling; it is not a surprise. If you don't like it, waka. This is not a case for social justice warriors. Stick to your sane clime and do things as you like.

ednut1:
lol the volunteer to pay part na joke o. To me any guy wey don 35 and never married na red flag too 🤣🤣. Poverty and hardship dey the land many people both men and women dey find who to use for japa. Me I expect a 38 years old guy who don tey for usa which is one of the divorce capital of the world to be wiser o , girl wey you never see 🤣

Persephone1:
Lol how did you get that?

Oh they can be very serious with weddings.
On house I think t they encourage couple to live in at least a room and parlour not a single room and there is age band. I when my big sis got married, the fact that mum was pastoring a church then and sis was getting married to someone from another denomination the vetting no be here

But it's a good thing though

I know my people and I love them with their plenty wahala.

They frustrated me that I was at the verge of cancelling white wedding

Told my pastor that I would do a garden ceremony and he would preach and he said God would not bless marriage in an open space. Then I asked why God did miracles and answered prayers at open ground crusades

I don't envy your big sis at all o! A different denomination to a pastor's daughter, Bob yen a sweat gan to prove he is worthy of one of their recious daughters.

Like you said, it is good and sometimes expose the intent of the couple.

An aspect I enjoyed was the counselling. The manual is so rich that some friends read it after their marriage.

Another win for me is the fact that they do the court runs for you so they present both RCCG's and the Registry's certificates on that day and they process the submission and other wahala themselves thereafter.

cococandy:



What are some ladies into these day’s that’s so different from the past or even worse than what men are into?
Only asking because I’ve seen a few comments talking about what the ladies are into. Anyway it’s a rhetorical question. You may not mean anything by it but I just know how threads like these slowly devolve into Nigerian women insult fest even if it’s unintentional.

That being said, fertility test for women is not as simple as that for men. A man’s sperm count and hormone levels can easily be checked via blood sample and a sperm specimen in a jar. Female hormones can be easily checked too and they’ll tell you all is well. But the Egg count may or may not be easy to check depending on location of the lady. What about structural integrity of the uterus and fallopian tubes? Also depends on her location. And those are even more important than hormone level because you can achieve fertilization all you want due to normal hormones level but implantation will never occur due to conditions in the fallopian tube and uterus that you can’t see in a blood test. Sometimes invasive ultrasound is the only way to check for those. What if she doesn’t want to go that far?

You are right, the lady should do some investigation too ( nobody holy ) for the father to even request for his son fertility self raises eyebrow. Why did he do that? Is op struggling with any sickness? But I decided to input my thoughts from the males perspective because he created the thread, he needed the response. Don't worry Coco this thread won't generate into insult for women , op get too much for body. Lol First he will have to explain to we council of elders what he was doing till 38 before he could get a woman and why he is reluctant to ask his online lover for necessary test and also why he is eager to marry an online lady without meeting her physically first.

You explaining it this way gives me shivers, scary. She has every right to reject the request but I believe intending couples should be plain with each other to avoid unnecessary issues. It's the same way I will investigate the death of a widower's wife if I consider getting hitched with one. The past is just as important as the presence of a person.

Another fairytale from Seun and his boys. So, a 38-year-old man does not know that fertility tests are important prerequisites to be married? That he needs to make it known to a public forum.

You’re right she has a right to refuse.

But I too think it’s not a bad test for couples to willingly go through before marriage. I think my only reservation is that it’s coming from the dad (with ultimatums too) which gives me the vibe that he might be an intrusive parent in law after the wedding. Hopefully he doesn’t really mean it that way. Maybe just to get them to comply.

I think the second part of my post was mainly at OP not even you. I failed to indicate that. Just wanting him to know a simple blood test is not all that’s needed to judge a woman’s fertility. I don’t even know if I’m putting sand in this girl’s garri by typing this.

Let me come and be going

Persephone1:
You are right, the lady should do some investigation too ( nobody holy ) for the father to even request for his son fertility self raises eyebrow. Why did he do that? Is op struggling with any sickness? But I decided to input my thoughts from the males perspective because he created the thread, he needed the response. Don't worry Coco this thread won't generate into insult for women , op get too much for body. Lol First he will have to explain to we council of elders what he was doing till 38 before he could get a woman and why he is reluctant to ask his online lover for necessary test and also why he is eager to marry an online lady without meeting her physically first.

You explaining it this way gives me shivers, scary. She has every right to reject the request but I believe intending couples should be plain with each other to avoid unnecessary issues. It's the same way I will investigate the death of a widower's wife if I consider getting hitched with one. The past is just as important as the presence of a person.

You should just see it as a normal pre-wedding requirement.

What I will advice is that, you sit her down and tell her that there are test those contemplating wedding and of course marriage need to do as a sign of seriousness and commitment ( she must be aware of these already).

She may probe you regarding those you have in mind. Then you list them ( genotype, blood group, STD and fertility test).

Don't single out the fertility test as though you have something else in mind or you are targeting her; just list all the test you guys are expected to do.

Then give each other timeframe to do it and show each other the results. It's as simple as that.

Dad wants the best obviously, because what's out there among ladies of nowadays is beyond comprehension!!

beekind:
I am a 38 year old Nigerian American citizen dating a 26 year old Nigeria girl.
I grew up in Nigeria but travelled out to the USA when I was 25 years old, I am a citizen now and doing really well for myself.
I met a beautiful and godly Nigerian girl on facebook and we have been dating for some months now we are now thinking of marriage, she is in Nigeria while I am in the USA.

Some weeks ago my dad asked me to do some tests and send to him, (He is a medical doctor), I did them, turns out to be fertility tests and all was perfect.
I just told him about my fiance and my plans to get married in some months time and he said she has to do fertility test before he can agree to the marriage.

This was very shocking for me as he insisted that it is his position, I haven't told my fiance cos I dont know how to and my fiance is scheduled to pay my parents a visit for the first time in Port Harcourt in 2 weeks time.
My fiance is from Delta but lives in Portharcout as my parents while we are from Port harcourt.

My dad has said if I cannot tell her that he will, what do you guys think ?

Honest advise please and kindly push to front page for wider advise.

Thanks.

oga pls consider your daddy's advise. For now he is the patriarch of his family which you are part of. Your father may be saying this based on his past experience.
My problem with the issue is your dad would have come in in form of suggestion, advice or counsel instead of taking it as a final decision. I advice you ask your dad his reason and prayerfully ponder on his councils if you believe in prayer.

I will advice you to consider your daddy's advice but don't tell the girl that it is your daddy's decision. Tell her that it is what you want

Gerrard59:
Another fairytale from Seun and his boys. So, a 38-year-old man does not know that fertility tests are important prerequisites to be married? That he needs to make it known to a public forum.

Not only that, I wonder how he went for fertility test and didn’t realize it. What did he think the semen sample he provided was for? The way he said it as if he didn’t know at the time that it’s fertility test.

Some weeks ago my dad asked me to do some tests and send to him, (He is a medical doctor), I did them, turns out to be fertility tests and all was perfect.

Klass99:
@ Beekind,

I am genuinely surprised that you are dragging your feet about this test and being reluctant about it. I expect you to be the one taking the initiative here and not your father!

Even as a lady I have always had it at the back of my mind to initiate, suggest and insist on this kind of tests for a potential spouse. And if a man drags his feet or displays any funny behaviour about getting tested I will be gone like the wind because I am not desperate for marriage.

Additionally, I will not accept just any test results he presents to me, people have be known to fake results. You will either go to a hospital of my choice or a doctor friend of mine, where I know a bribe won't be accepted and test results can't be tampered with. Test results will also be presented directly to me by the hospital not you, my expectations will not be one sided as I will submit myself to the same rules of scrutiny too. I like myself too much to be joking with my life and well being the way you want to.

When I was in University an older guy who wasn't a student wanted to take his relationship with a certain lady to the next level (I don't know if that meant sex or marriage) but he wanted her to get tested for HIV first. Three times she failed to show up for the scheduled test/appointment at the hospital, it's possible she already knew her status or she was afraid to find out. People with nothing to hide or fear will always make themselves available for medical tests of any kind.

PS: Kindly note that my post is not about your girl being in Naija or being a Nigerian. If she was from Kinshasa or both of you were in obodo or Naija, I would still say the same thing. And if I were her you will get tested too by my hospital of choice, it won't matter if you've lived in US for 50 years.

@bold:

Brotherly,

It's all about how you present it to your fiancee, Don't just drop it on her lab by saying your dad insist your fiancee must take fertility test before she gets married, ensure you present it in an ideal way so that she wont feel insecurely bad or offended that your dad is insisting she takes fertility test am sure if you were the one in your fiancee shoe you might not honestly like the idea it's suspicious, annoying and petty making such request from an in-law to be.

Presentation matters say this to your fiancee hello fiancee the church we attends wants us to carry medical test before we walk down the aisle and since you know dad is a medical doctor he has offered to assist us with all medical test we need to submit to the church before we get married he has assign one of the doctors working with him at his hospital to assists with whatever assistance we need for the test.

In this way you babe will not have any inclination it was your dad, you have to be wise and smart at the same time.

All the best.

Indeed, age is just a number.

Simp Op!

For me, I don't see anything wrong with what your dad said. He's just looking out for you.

However how you present it to her matters a lot.

I'll suggest you don't let her know it's coming from your dad. Just tell her that you'll like both of you to run STD and fertility tests, just to be on a safe side before getting married.

No reasonable girl with zero skeletons in her cupboard would frown at your request, cos it's for her own safety as well.

Gerrard59:

You self see am now.

Folks like us wey broke nko.

Wetin we wan do?

We are trying to reduce poverty in the land and they are telling us if past a certain age and not married something is wrong with us.

It's not fair.