NewStats: 3,259,470 , 8,170,217 topics. Date: Sunday, 25 May 2025 at 07:41 AM 42y64

I will make this epistle to be as short as possible, forget about the grammar and focus on the content ...

Is this a red flag or not or its just what it is, or what is your take in this?

My fiancee Fines it difficult to cook (though she can cook and a very good cook), I am not the type that eat outside always (I love home food), I only do such once in a while. She cooks sometimes in the evening or at night but it's a no no in the morning, I have to make my dishes for myself before going to work and house chores is even the worst. l gave her 9.9% that's how worst in of house chores, her excuse is "my weakness is house chores, I will try to be adjusting blablabla.

She only tidy/clean when I complain, after that she returns to former ways except if I complain again. Any time she does house chores she won't let me hear words, I did this, I did that, you don't even appreciate me, I did that too ecsetera. Her suggestion is for us to hire househelp (and house help is a no no for me, even if I will take in house help not now). The house is even small for house help to come in. Sometimes, she dodges cooking by trying to convince me to buy/order food while coming home etc, I do that sometimes but most time I decline and tell her to prepare food at home.

Although if I compel her to do things in romantic way sha she will do it but must I be compelling someone daughter in romantic ways always before doing what she needs to do ni. Also she works in a finance firm and leaves the house around after seven or 7:30am (House to work is close), back by 6pm but should this be an excuse to prepare dish for me, for someone that finds it difficult to prepare breakfast as Early as possible for just one person how much more when kids are involved waking up to take care of kids ecsetera. We agreed she will stop the work and I will set her up when we got marry and she promised after that she will be able to do the tidy and cooking very well . Planning to knot this year anyways, just a bit worry about this house chores of a thing which I have told her times without number...

The good part about her
* She is faithful and literally tells me everything that happens to her on daily basis.
*she can confidently give me her phone to work (this has happened twice, because I need to help in fixing her phone) , which I will give her updates about her callers, messages etc when she returns back from work and her phone has never be on lock.
*She is open and transparent
*She is ive and submissive (with the time I have spent with her)
*She is a prayer warrior (she can pray for 4hours ), though she skips Sunday sometime because of resting. And Sometimes, i am tempted to tell her to reduce prayer at night so she can cook/tidy things that need to be tidy in the morning.

About me
Me: Am I.T guy, In aspects of earning I earn thrice more than her but I find it easy in doing house chores, (my mama taught me well you know) do dishes and tidy up things myself, (that was how she knows me) and always putting things in place, provides everything needed, ive etc...Am the kind of person I return home late sometimes because after leaving my official work, I check in my personal business before going home.. So something 9pm or 10pm or 11pm (depends on traffic) before I get back home.

To married people, Councillors, experienced people in the house, , I will like your contribution in of House chores issue and wife responsibility etc, It can help me or some people out there in this kind of similar situation. Thank.. (no insult I beg.)

this one is new here on romance section, take time to read marriage Chronicles about men that married slay mamas, they are regretting it. You should think twice. A lady should know how to balance home duties with her career. All shouldn't be done by house maids only, she must be able to do some of them.

No long story! Red flag? YES

She leaves for work by 7.30am and you still want her to cook for you and do house chores?Are you a slave master?You want to kill somebody's child because she agreed to date you?Abeg abeg, if you can't cook for yourself then hire a help.This shouldn't even be a problem talk more of bringing it to nairaland.

Nooo it’s a white handkerchief

It is a yellow flag... It's not yet red

I didnt read the story at all. But due to the longness of this epistle, it's a redflag

It’s Red port not red flag

She's a prayer warrior but lives with you and una dey bang abi?

Anyway,you can't dump the relationship because of the weaknesses you enumerated.She won't change(or change little if at all).There are just some things that if you don't imbibe them when growing up,you may never be able to.
Manage her like that.Do the chores you can do and let her do the ones she can.

Not a red flag.
Look for other homely things she likes to do.
If she loves you she will learn with time.

I am not the cooking type too
So you are welcome

Don't even think about it twice, she will never change, if you know you can be doing the house chores for her go ahead if not , better quit, before it is too late, there are things you can't change in marriage, you can only adapt to it or manage the situation.

A copied post?

So why bringing it up here on nairaland?

LotaTee:
She leaves for work by 7.30am and you still want her to cook for you and do house chores?Are you a slave master?You want to kill somebody's child because she agreed to date you?Abeg abeg, if you can't cook for yourself then hire a help.This shouldn't even be a problem talk more of bringing it to nairaland.

Am soooo sorry for you, don't worry, you will learn your lessons soonest.

Divoc19:
Not a red flag.
Look for other homely things she likes to do.
If she loves you she will learn with time.

I am not the cooking type too
So you are welcome

She definitely loves me dearly, but love is not everything for a marriage to work out. Though she is independent and very hard working type. If I may ask What kind of homely thing are you talking about, nothing homely like cooking or house chores, I do my laundry myself etc

GoodHardDick:
A copied post?

So why bringing it up here on nairaland?

Not copied, just hiding identity.

She told you to hire house help.... Your fiancee not yet a wife ooo ...


And am here thinking am lazy... Toh!!!


Op abeg correct this your topic... It is confusing me

QuizPay:

*She is a prayer warrior (she can pray for 4hours ), though she skips Sunday sometime because of resting. And Sometimes, i am tempted to tell her to reduce prayer at night so she can cook/tidy things that need to be tidy in the morning.

I'm also tempted to ask you what a 'prayer warrior' is doing in your house when you guys ain't married?

Well, be ready to get house help if you eventually marry her or call it a quit if the option won't be applicable.

Good luck!

viyon02:
[s]Am soooo sorry for you, don't worry, you will learn your lessons soonest.[/s]

You should feel sorry for yourself.Ode.

Op you go like fresh fresh food oo.,.
Since she's working, why not tell her to cook varieties of food on weekend then store it inside the fridge(portion them)?


I bet you, 80 percent of nigerians doesn't take breakfast... You can take brunch

Breakfast is good though..
Op wake up on time and make breakfast yourself
Abi na eba you they like for morning?
Most breakfast na bread and tea na
If she sees you doing it often, I swear she'll , and from there she can adapt..
No let because of breakfast you pursue better person...
Man can not live by bread alone but by every bread and beans

Abilistic:


I'm also tempted to ask you what a 'prayer warrior' is doing in your house when you guys ain't married?

Well, be ready to get house help if you eventually marry her or call it a quit if the option won't be applicable.

Good luck!

you are right, and thanks for your opinion. my house is more closer than her house to work. Before now, she comes by weekend but currently she stays in with me and I propose this because I want to know her more before taking further step in of doing the needful (the idea is known by me alone) and she agrees ....

LotaTee:
You should feel sorry for yourself.Ode.

ok now, but my people do say, a lady who run way from house chores is like she is running away from marriage.

LotaTee:
She leaves for work by 7.30am and you still want her to cook for you and do house chores?Are you a slave master?You want to kill somebody's child because she agreed to date you?Abeg abeg, if you can't cook for yourself then hire a help.This shouldn't even be a problem talk more of bringing it to nairaland.

what is your problem sef.. Didn't know get what the guy said? Must he be compelling her always to do those things? If he eventually marry her, she won't even do anything at all

YES na red flag ooo.... If u marry she no go even do anyone at all

dan9ice:
Op you go like fresh fresh food oo.,.
Since she's working, why not tell her to cook varieties of food on weekend then store it inside the fridge(portion them)?


I bet you, 80 percent of nigerians doesn't take breakfast... You can take brunch

Breakfast is good though..
Op wake up on time and make breakfast yourself
Abi na eba you they like for morning?
Most breakfast na bread and tea na
If she sees you doing it often, I swear she'll , and from there she can adapt..
No let because of breakfast you pursue better person...
Man can not live by bread alone but by every bread and beans

Shebi na person way wake up late go get time to do dishes, when after devotion na rush to work be next agenda.
Doing breakfast myself is not the problem, I have been doing it and I continue doing it, but what of if kids come in na me go dey cook ni ecsetera.... Am not planning to get househelp now but to get A GOOD househelp is another case study on it own

OP just manage your fiancee like that. There's no complete package anywhere. So long as her positive character outweigh the negative, tie the knot.

Every man wants a tall light skin lady with big yansh and huge breast. Working class, independent but submissive. Hard working, good cook, loves house chores and respectful. She must also must be a virgin but able to perform different styles on bed.
Look around you and be sincere, do u think the calibre of women we churning out into the society nowadays meet the anove criteria.

Just focus on what works for your marriage and move on. I'm sure she has some attributes u like for u to decide u want to marry her

“I’m not the cooking type” means “I don’t know how to cook sweet food”

SIRTee15:
OP just manage your fiancee like that. There's no complete package anywhere. So long as her positive character outweigh the negative, tie the knot.

Every man wants a tall light skin lady with big yansh and huge breast. Working class, independent but submissive. Hard working, good cook, loves house chores and respectful. She must also must be a virgin but able to perform different styles on bed.
Look around you and be sincere, do u think the calibre of women we churning out into the society nowadays meet the anove criteria.

Just focus on what works for your marriage and move on. I'm sure she had some attributes for u to decide u want to marry her

You are right anyways

I hope you won't come here to create a thread on how your wife leaves the home dirty like a thread I came across days ago. Her attitude towards chores may be worse once you guys get married or she gets pregnant.

All her qualities you highlighted are good but not enough. A woman must be homely and a good home maker and cooking, doing dishes and house chores isn't left out. Whatever happened to breakfast like tea & bread, even Noddles? If she can't wash dishes for the both of you, what will happen when you have like two children,and you know kids eat intermittently?

If you feel you can shoulder the responsibility of cooking and doing chores (which shouldn't be your primary duty) even in marriage, good for you, but know it's an abberation!

You better sit her down and talk to her, if you embrace this nonsense attitude all in the name of my mama trained me to do chores, trust me you will get tired of it, especially in marriage!

What I meant by other homely things and
true love is, if she is good at making you comfortable at home, if she's not a greedy/selfish person. Besides, there maybe other things she can do well at home that you have not discovered yet, you also clearly stated that she is hard working and she can cook but just doesn't like to cook like me

There are so many homes with same issues
Your fiance will adjust with time.
No marriage is perfect, we all have one issue or the other we're managing.
Good news is you are already aware.
Solution is look for what is workable for both of you.

QuizPay:

She definitely loves me dearly, but love is not everything for a marriage to work out. Though she is independent and very hard working type. If I may ask What kind of homely thing are you talking about, nothing homely like cooking or house chores, I do my laundry myself etc

I use to know a friend who hires someone to cook for her family weekly and she stores in refrigerator for warming when needed.

Another I know too does same but her husband wasn't aware that she didn't cook it herself. She just serves him his food when due.
Your case is different though, your fiance can even cook.

LotaTee:
[b]She leaves for work by 7.30am and you still want her to cook for you and do house chores?[/b]Are you a slave master?You want to kill somebody's child because she agreed to date you?Abeg abeg, if you can't cook for yourself then hire a help.This shouldn't even be a problem talk more of bringing it to nairaland.

What happens when children starts coming?