NewStats: 3,263,414 , 8,180,040 topics. Date: Thursday, 05 June 2025 at 07:49 PM 4k464r

Odedenshi1 ,
Try not to panic.Start seeking legal advice as this seems like they are going the extra mile.
Pele my brother.
If people have gone through this,please advice him.

babajeje123:
Those social workers are evil, they gave 2 kids recording devices to monitor the kids' conversation with their parents and instructed the kids not to inform their parents about the devices. The whole thing started when the kids said in school that one was beaten and the other one was asked to face the wall. The parents were invited and questioned, but refuted the allegations. Days later, the kids were given recording devices with chargers.

howwww is this possible?? Please come and explain more..

Ralphlauren:


My dear, those things I bolded above are classified as abuse and have landed parents in trouble. Especially that face the wall and ear twist. Biko, no do am again.

What works for me is asking them to go to their room and think about their behaviour and then we have a long talk. It works like magic

My bro,i didn't know stand and face the wall is classed as abuse o . Howwww?? How is it different from naughty corner?
Ear twist na problem for Scotland, I know .
Preference is talk but once in a while,the ear beckons for reset. God abeg o.

@odedenshi1

This is very very dicey.Sometimes,a school or a member of staff fixates on one family and will keep on digging and asking questions once the children mention something funky is going on at home.

Your kids are making things up and that is the biggest problem. You need to ask why they are doing this.What is going on in your home? What is the relationship between you and your kids.

There's a thin line between defending yourself and then presenting the children as liars to the whole school.They will spend a lot of years in the school so if they are tagged to tell lies,it could affect them and their confidence forever.

It sounds like you're new to the UK,usually,a lot of children get asked questions innocent sounding questions about things that happen at home. Kids are expected to be honest and will generally say the truth. If any suggestion that something is off,teachers will then raly round them,if it is a child that craves attention,they'll tend to garnish the stories a bit more without understanding the implication.

Why did your kid say he was locked up in the garage? Do you guys use the toilet or stuff like that for time out? Why did he say he hadn't eaten? Hunger when coming into school may be a sign of neglect.

1. NEVER EVER accept an allegation of something you didn't do. Where is the evidence that you did all that?

2. Seek legal advice sharpish,all the things you signed were under duress.

3. Sit the children down and find out what is going on. Something is off and it is worse because its two of them pointing out similar things. Are the children afraid of you? Do they not want to go home sometimes? What is the atmosphere at home? Is it loving,welcoming,happy? How do you and your wife relate? Are you a happy couple? Start the reset..

Take walks to the park as a family weekends,do outings if you can afford it maybe once a month. do family meeting where you share ideas..make it happy and fun.

Find out who their friends are, creatively and gently find out what they discussed, what they're being asked. Ask them what is happening in school unfailingly daily . Are you close to them? Do they know you love them? Do you spend time with them? Explain what the consequences are to them in a loving way,It would break your heart to be separated from them and you don't want that. Start bonding with them today oga.

I never got to the point of social services but I can when my child was 7 and he innocently gisted teacher that i spanked his bum with my wooden spoon when he was younger..I may have,I may not have,I can't . I generally dont beat..ear twist or light tap on bum once in a while but Teacher run tell head teacher ,they called my daughter but she said she didn't get spanked with a spoon. Them ask whether we beat ,them say no.School called me to ask and I said I don't. Them say if I do make I no do am again..I said I do not.That was the end of it. My son was so remorseful when he knew it could get our family in trouble etc and we all had a long conversation about it.

4.Review your method of discipline especially because all eyes are on you now and it seems the school is gunning for you( it could be a particular member of staff) .You don't have to beat or kneel down or pick pin to get your point accross. Constructive discussion,taking toys away, stand and face the wall,sit on the step and think of what you've done etc these things de pain them well well. Once I say we are going to have a looooong discussion, my kids start sweating, lol.

5.You may want to change school if allowed to because this particular one will not let you have peace and they'll keep hounding your kids.

Pele oo but once this starts it may take a while to stop.
Start today to forge a close bond with your kids,it's the only way to save yourselves .

qtguru:


I saw one re:learn here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsrH4uvDo5w

Thank you very much.I will check them out.

qtguru:


I understand , I'll come back to this

Thank you,I'll be on the lookout for this.

qtguru:


Hmmm I'll have to find out but Scratch from MIT I'd a good place, there is a platform that teaches kid coding. Khan Academy

Thanks for replying.Im looking for something more streamlined ,Khan academy would require me to teach and stay there ,so I'm looking for a teacher to take them through the paces,even if its an hour every saturday,from the fundamentals.
I need to outsource as I simply don't have the time to do it.
Scratch too ,I don't have power to be directing anybody on something I don't even have a clue about.

pocohantas:


Thank you Oyoolima. Long time no see.




Congrats to you and kudos on reading the whole thread. I keep telling budding freelancers to READ. Read and RESEARCH.

Last last na determination e need. Everybody go dey alright.

My sister,I dey oooo.I see you're still doing the Lord's work! Keep it up. If you also know anyone who can teach kids remotely, tell me oo.

qtguru:


Amazing I'm glad and success to you bro

Sorry to derail ,well done guys!@qtguru do you happen to know any teacher than can teach coding to children remotely?

@pocohantas,I see your good work!! Keep it up!

Oga Lexusgs430,Im interested oo.sent a PM,I couldn't find you on WhatsApp for some reason.

RalphJean:




You don’t know more than the UK Supreme Court, or do you?

If that's what you deduced from what I wrote,who am I to stop you?

hustla:




First time commenting on this thread as i have been observing lowkey

I have one or two questions for you

If you have seen the video of Shemimas lawyer with Piers Morgan on Good Morning Britain or what's it called, you might understand me better

My question is -

If Shemima is allowed into the UK despite her being not remorseful and obviously radicalised, and she goes on to blow up a school with 3 of your kids in it, what will be your reaction?

What is the probability that she won't be used to orchestrate attacks while in the UK? What if that's the actual plan?

I would feel same way you would feel if anyone blows up a school that has your 3 kids in it

Piers Morgan spews obnoxious filth unfortunately, so I cannot watch anything with him on.

Piers and his fellow outrage merchants have got you believing that her return to her homeland means she should automatically be on the streets dancing awilo.

Has anyone said she should be set free or she should not face the music for her crime?

Does justice not demand that she is tried in court abi you people don't trust your judiciary?

No one knows what their plan is but there are probably worse people than her inside UK prisons.Why should she not be there?

I have just said that she should be brought back to her homeland and tried here.Rendering her a Bangladeshi citizen just because she is Bangladeshi by descent has introduced a 2 tier citizenship and repercussions will follow down the line.

It is nice to see some lefties here as the average Nigerian is a Conservative.

I have loved the discussion about Shamima but no one has really mentioned that she was a minor when she left and had been groomed for years.

If someone sinks their hooks into a 12 or 13 year old,there are high chances that the child will fall for everything,hook ,line and sinker.Its the same way young boys are recruited into gangs at an age where a feeling of belonging is important. How about child soldiers who would shoot without a qualm,what of child suicide bombers? Recruiters try to "catch them young" because they know psychological bondage as a tool of control is very powerful.

I do not look at a 13 year old criminal the same way as a 40 year old one,and that's the reason why there are juvie facilities.

There will always be children who do bad things,children who will disgrace their parents no matter how hard they try.No one knows how it all went wrong.

Shamima engaged in an atrocious act which I condemn in all entirety but she is British,she was groomed on British soil and should be punished on British soil.

Let's Imagine for a second that she's unrepentant,why should Bangladesh accept someone who would pose a danger to them? You can't train someone badly and then push the problem to another person to handle.

There's a crazy right wing wave sweeping over the UK.
I believe this will hit a fevered pitch soon especially seeing the bile that's being fed to people by the very right wing media,Daily Fail,Telegraph,the Fox style GB news coming,the anti 'woke' crew .Funny that the same media is failing to hold the corruption government to re the PPE scandal.

The precedence has been set though, even if your child lives in the UK and has grandkids,the grandkids can be stripped of citizenship because of their link to Nigeria or wherever.All the brethren that are building mansions and making investments in Naija are not foolish menn. As long as you're not of British descent,your children ,their children are inferior Brits and second hand citizens.

If you like let your English sound like Eliza's own,when they ask you where you're from and you say Romford but they ask where you're really from,they now have backing which is now lawful.

It's terrorism today, tomorrow what will it be?If your grand child refuses to take a vaccine, a good lawyer will say ; look, he's a danger to the public, with an intent to kill by corona. Home Office can now say he's Nigerian by descent, he's a threat to public safety, strip him of British citizenship. If you set a ball rolling,there could be far reaching consequences down the line.

Please stop the misinformation.

The 10 year old child has issues with violence and was on the verge of expulsion from school.

He did not call the police,his tutor did after he noticed his injuries.

He was bleeding after being caned , the teacher probably saw the dressings and other signs of beatings and called the police and social services.

Its interesting that cable news conveniently deleted how it actually happened.

The child is back.with his family and hopefully they are doing better and will heal while going forward.

Beating and aggression are not the solution to everything..

Famzynet,

The man beat the boy till he bled. He's just 10.
A ten year old is a baby in my eyes, there's sooo much room to teach him to be better.

There's a lot going on with him.. According to that website


They were summoned to their son's primary school after the boy got into trouble for not submitting homework and lying to other pupils to seek attention.


On the day of the incident itself the boy - named as Child A - had been facing expulsion for swearing, using the word 'rape' and stamping on an injured girl during a PE lesson.

This boy is violent and shows no empathy.. A normal child will not stamp on an injured person, this child is also swearing at his young age.. There must be a lot going on and this is a 2 parent home o where it's likely that they are sparing the rod..

Where has he learned this?Is it possible that he is acting how he's being treated at home?

We will never know.. Hopefully there's still a lot of time for a reset and healing for them all.

Long post alert:

It is important to understand your child and the child's personality.

Some children are severely wounded by words and would welcome spanking.

Some children would prefer to be talked to and would feel damaged and great resentment over being spanked.

When you want to spank, stop for a moment and check with your emotions.. Are you spanking because you are angry or are you spanking because of what the child has done?

A huge percentage of times, your spanking is done when your emotions are heightened, if you STOP and count to 10,would you still spank?

I was determined to use my default Naija method to raise my children. When I had my first, I did very very few light smacks on the bottom and threatened with wooden spoon(in their whole life, max 5-6 times) but I realised that each time, this particular child would be inconsolable and would be so fearful.

The effect was too much and unbearable for us as parents, we literally would sit and talk about it and would recount our emotional state, was it anger and the urge to expend that anger? Recounting the child's reaction caused us so much misery and we made a conscious decision to cease smacking completely between ages 3-4.

When sibling arrived, we applied same method. It is not easy at all when your hand is shaking with righteous indignation, begging for instant application of justice to the erring party particularly because of how we were raised.

We finessed time out and it's mostly 'sit in your room and think about what you've done' or go and hug the wall and stay there. They hate the silence and contemplation because they're usually very very active and like jumping around.

This smack happened at about 3-4 years old and 3 years later, teacher called me to ask if I smack with stick,I said nope but ages ago, I smacked bottom.

I don't know what they asked in school and my child was innocently recounting this thing like it was yesterday meanwhile it was feather bum smack not naija full on spine cracker on the back.

Imagine how he would have felt if we had continued? For me, it signified the impact it had on him.

Children can be really naughty and test us as parents. They love you and don't want to hurt you by their actions, i find that discussing their actions and the impact it has, makes them feel very very sorry, if I don't accept the sorry, they feel like the world is falling down.

They are all very different,when we take time to know them and speak their language, we are able to decipher methods to discipline that don't necessarily have to be smacking. You know where it pains, press the button hard.

I was more scared of disappointing my parents and more affected by their words so the beatings were not that much.. My siblings that were beaten like criminals didn't benefit at all, in fact a few got worse.

Know your child and be very very careful here so you don't get targeted.This is the law on smacking :

It is illegal for a parent or carer to smack their own child unless it amounts to “reasonable punishment” – which is assessed by taking into the child’s age and the force of the smack 

Scotland has banned it( you can't even pull ears,pinch or pick pin) , Wales to follow suit in 2022.England will soon.

Scotland :Parents could face prosecution for any use of physical punishment on their children. Physical punishment is defined in this instance as:

smacking,slapping and smacking with a hand or an implement,kicking, shaking or throwin,scratching, pinching, biting,pulling hair or boxing ears,forcing children to stay in uncomfortable positions,burning, scalding,forced ingestion.


Stay conscious of your limits, best of all check your emotion when that hand is shaking.. Count to 10 and see if you will act differently.

I know I can raise strong, respectful, loving, productive kids without opting for quick remedy..


I have never flogged.. I don't know how parents can manage inflicting constant pain like this.. Ordinary smack on bum felt like hell.. Flogging .. I just cannot.

Mamatukwas:
Naira for £ available today and tomorrow. N590. Instant transfer. Send a PM if interested.

Good day peeps.

What's your fee?

.

.

Jessie21:
I don't want to call this extra 14days death sentence because I believe God will make a way.If It was just myself alone,I would have known how to manage myself ,but the things is I have a son too and he is 1yr10months old.

.
2weeks ago malaria started, the little money I had with me was what I used to get drugs for him.....Now my foodie baby has changed to a new born baby,he doesn't have appetite for solid food again,now I have to get him cereal..I was also told to get him multivitamin so he will start eating well again but right now I can't boast of 1k... sometimes I would sit down and wonder if I should roll on the floor and cry because it's frustrating.... I haven't eaten anything good for the past two days because of my baby's health, any thing I manage to get I just make sure I give it to him so he will be comfortable...help isn't coming from anywhere around me. Please people,anything you can help me with just know that you've saved two souls....Thanks and God bless.


I am genuinely in need.Please

You again?nawa o
I pray a helper comes to your aid

Not everyone is destined to marry the 'Jesus' of the family.

You're just 24,why should you shackle yourself to a man who is 7 years older than you and dependent on your income to take care of his own family

The money isn't even to build a business,it's to take care of people who are significantly older than you who probably will never be independent of him.

Your mates are marrying up,you're not just marrying down but you're also carrying cross of Calvary while you're just ordinary girlfriend and then the man also feels entitled to the money


What does he do for you? Nothing.

When you hang out do you split bills 50/50 or is he unable to even come up.with his own portion?


Is this what you want forever?

I'm trying really hard not to laugh at you because this is beyond ridiculous.

He wants you to be ive not just of him but of his family

No one should be in a parasitic relationship, whether male.or female

It shall end in tears.

.

Yes they forgive and they continue their marriages aka 'because of the children ' syndrome.
They just won't talk about it because others may call them weak

Do not be decieved by internet boasting..

What's going on here ?
I just knew these jabs were not normal.
Hope this isn't another coo gar saga loading.

Some hospitals in sweden stopped the use of chloroquine for COVID because of severe side effects..seizures ,loss of vision etc

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.newsweek.com/swedish-hospitals-chloroquine-covid-19-side-effects-1496368%3famp=1

If UK rushes into it, people will be lining up to sue for compensation in due course ie if GMC doesn't come after you first.

There is very low tolerance for mistakes of any sort.

This place is like a warzone

@Mavis3,I hope you are keeping well and taking care of yourself.

Your decision sounds fine and even if you change your mind,it is alright.

Do what is best for you and take comfort where you can.A lot of us here are rooting for you.

Please update when you have time,even if it's just to say you're doing alright.

This your pain will not be in vain , you will have your children and they will always be a source of joy to you.

You will be fine.no matter what.

Peak of infection is coming..the smart people have started self isolating

Who wan die?

Mavis3, he probably has another phone and all the hanging out has been with the second madam. Funny enough,you've been sponsoring his jaunts and baby mama unknowingly since you share the same .

One thing I have to say is that you are so lucky that he confessed early,a lot of people leave the surprise for years down the line or even after they're dead .

I also have to say that I agree with bukatyne on this one BUT I disagree when she's says you are disadvantaged. They have layed their own cards,you haven't shown yours at all.

Sentiments aside, you have to be very very clear about what it is you want for yourself in the next 5-10 years at least.


I will deduce that you're a Christian that believes in pastoral input and that is why pastor already called you for meeting,you took husband back immediately meaning that you want the marriage to continue. It is not a bad thing at all.

You have a cowife, no matter how hard you deny it,I am sorry this is the new reality. You have said being with the new baby and fatherhood is the most important thing to your husband now..it is his right and the baby deserves this no matter how painful it is to you,allow him to enjoy fatherhood.

He will be meeting with the woman, and they will be spending time together and bonding over the baby..I know this hurts very much but it is what it is.

OPTION 1: This is for a tough person - Your marriage can continue if you want, you have indicated this by your actions ,so why not?


You have toiled for 9 years,why should you go without securing your own future? Now your eyes have cleared,it's time to amass assets IN YOUR NAME if you have the cash.Instead of spending 5k on pot of soup,you spend 3k and pocket 2k..let the pennies start counting .

Let him pay for nappy,milk, accommodation, hospital visits from his own money and also make sure he pays for his own portion of managing your own home. This one is not your problem.Make a list and know who pays for what.

Look over the deeds to any property very well and make sure your full name is spelled out there eg Mrs Mavis Olulolo Malbaba,nothing like Mrs Malbaba.

If you were abroad,I would say visit a solicitor to make sure all your belongings truly belong to you but you are in Naija so I don't know how it works.

Love is such a fickle emotion,at least the scales have fallen from your eyes even though the deceit was horrible,you don't have to be an enemy to your husband.

Before all this, you were getting along, your relationship was enviable. .

I'm sure that the day he took his vows,he did not plan to be like this but somehow he derailed along the line and chose to live his own truth.I dont blame him o.but you don't have to pay for his decisions.

His betrayal may feel unbearable, you will NEVER forget but you can use it to your advantage.

Look at it this way,you have a free legitimate tank of sperm aka husband at your disposal, free sex(with a condom of course) if he's any good in the bedroom, a chance to have your children within a marriage all from the same father (which ties things up nicely) , reduced utility bills (rent, electricity),a chance to save up money till or if you're ever ready to strike.

Grit your teeth and get the kids first. Allow him to donate his own portion of the money to your IVF or surrogacy endeavour. Why should you pay for it alone? If the IVF works, hopefully it's twins or triplets at a go .That project you were doing ,better halt it and funnel the money into achieving your aim of carrying your own children/ adopting children for yourself.
At this rate,you will finish building with your sweat but won't partake.

Pain es with time,get what you want first..

In a few years,you may have adjusted to the new reality but you will be a smarter,more cynical version of yourself, hopefully with your own children ,assets in your name and more money in the bank.

You may also have forgiven him to some extent (as the Lord instructed),your relationship will never be the same obviously,it may change to a jaded one,you will still love him(agape style) but with a limit and you will put yourself and your interests first.

Allow yourself to grieve this relationship you thought you had no matter how long it takes ,it will allow you to have a clear head to PLAN for yourself and your future children.

Yes,the child or children will be in your face but surely you will have your own or at least you wait long enough to get your ducks in a row.

This sounds like psychological torture but sometimes,you play fool just to achieve your aim. You can still run away when you get what you want ,don't think this is final.

You can do option 1 very well without turning into a bitter person because you are not just there anymore, you are now more informed and you are taking back your power.


OPTION 2: You cannot manage the betrayal and pain and prefer to start afresh,clean slate with peace of mind,new life,donor sperm or adopt for yourself etc.

No problem,it is possible. Doesn't mean you haven't forgiven,only means you just cannot live in this kind of situation.

OPTION 3: Forgive and forget,allow the peace of the Lord to reign, accept baby and future ones plus the mother.

Leave the t and sponsor the new addition.

Some Christians believe this or a variation of it is the sure path to peace of mind ,the single track to heaven and a magic key to opening the womb and having your own kids.
They may be right,I don't know.

Believe me,a lot of people live with option 3 and are fine.

Choose the one that gives you peace.

Marriages bounce back from infidelity depending on the relationship between the spouses and their red lines however your own situation is not that simple.


I will not pretend to understand the pain you're feeling but i believe you can pull through this.

Be Smart and calculative .You are a WOMAN,strong is your middle name.

Pele again.

Graxie:
It's possible she is the don't touch his phone crew. I am truly feeling for her, this type of disappointment can be draining. You go from denial to shame and then to anger. I don't know how she will pull through, I hope we all are learning, assuming she is penniless, I don't think he would have been sorry at all. Now they want to guilt trip her into raising a love child with her money.

You don't need to touch phone to know.
People give themselves away by their actions unless the man is beyond sharp.
Men are usually sloppy and will slip up at some point.She probably was.engulfed in her own TTac issues and left him to his own devices.

No one can guilt trip.her without her permission.
If she starts thinking of building an empire for her own children,she will be steadfast about planning whatever money she has.

This is time for him to prove his worth as head of home by financing the two families alone while standing firm ( jokes ooo)

They just need to rejig bills ,she takes her own portion of the bills for running the house and then keeps the rest for her own plans.

Also.time to recheck the names on deeds and properties of they have any.

Unfortunately,I may sound mercenary but in her case ,being naive has not helped her.

It doesn't mean she doesn't love her husband,she can go on loving him,she just has to face reality,have her own plans and be smart about MONEY.

Yes,money is what matters for now,love can hold on while she thinks carefully.

Mavis3,
I'm sorry about your current suffering.Everything you feel is valid.Your pain,the feelings of betrayal,anger ,thoughts,hatred,revenge etc

Personally,I think forgiveness is a personal process and it's not something that happens instantly,you have to process and decide what your own version of is however long it takes you.Do not let for yourself to be bullied/railroaded into anyone's version of what good wifery should look like.


When you and hubby were getting married,I am sure there were plans and thoughts of having children and when it became a struggle,your husband's desire did not change,same way as yours remained.

You have a right to have a child,same as he does, unfortunately some people may have urged him on to start trying with someone else. His family is 100% aware and probably were the first people he ran to tell,do not be decieved.

Marriages that usually steer through infertility successfully are most times cases where the man is the one with a problem.

There's an interesting study that shows that divorce rates increase when the woman is ill Vs when the husband is ill.
See link
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26315504

https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/12/men-more-likely-to-leave-spouse-with-cancer/?_r=0

Apply it to your case and get brain.

Time to re evaluate the relationship. If you want to adopt,be aware that you are adopting for yourself because his family wil likely not accept the adopted child especially as he's not shooting blanks.They will say why adopted when he has a biological child .

The child and the other incoming children deserve to have their father in their lives ,you cannot stop him.He was running another household under your nose and you didn't even know.

Some have accepted a co wife and other children while not living in the same house.It depends on you,do you love him very much and do you think you can love him inspite of all this.Do you want the marriage with him to continue?

He has a whole other family which will keep expanding ,even if you bear your own children later on,these ones will not disappear unfortunately.

Children deserve to be loved by their parents.You do not owe them love neither should you be wicked to them.Its not their own doing.
I'm saying 'them' now just to prepare you for the future because this baby is not the last one.

Did you consider surrogacy? I wonder what his thoughts are now and whether he would want to finance it or even the IVF.

Last option though is to open up your marriage and be wife number one,she has had a son so in some tribes that makes him the heir to whatever kobo your husband has.


First step is to reorganize your finances, separate it from his.He now has another home he has to finance,unless you don't mind them being part and parcel of your budget.

Start saving and preparing for your own children.They will also need an inheritance.

I'm surprised your husband had an affair for one year( he confessed to one year,it may have been ongoing for longer) and you did not know or suspect. Abi you turned a blind eye , good Nigerian wifey style?

He may not be happy to separate the money though so be prepared for blackmail,strife and family meeting

Pele o.

@Uglyduckling,

Please stay well and know your colleagues and family understand and cheer you on no matter what decision you take.

Please take care of yourself,you are one of the at risk people and you should reduce the risk you are taking.

I bought scrubs online yesterday,I suggest you do the same.My plan is to change at work into them and then change back into home clothes on the way out .

Wearing your regular clothing is not advisable as you have to boil close to 60 degrees.

I can't even imagine the stress in this scenario,your LD patient would definitely have been very afraid , confused and then you had to restrain him in the bid to do.your best.

They updated the PPE policy and it's still basically the same thing. I despair.


Stay safe..
Saw this on twitter and it made me feel a bit cheerful,lol
Some people were furious at Baba Hancock implying people willingly sacrificed themselves

@Op,

You are doing very well to have everyone in mind,however it seems like you are taking on too much at a go.

My first thought would be to hold off marriage plans for now till things stabilise.

Unfortunately,any woman marrying you now is looking for trauma and misery,not because you are a bad person but because of the circumstances surrounding you .

Does your fiance have a job? Is she aware of the burden you are carrying? It must all be laid bare so she can choose if she wants to move forward or not. If you continue like this,all your earnings will go.to funding your mum and sisters and your wife's into the family. Would she accept and be happy with this?

your mum has already made a comment about her brother and if you marry and move,she will feel abandoned and channel her ill will towards your wife.

Your sister is living with some man isn't she? If she's old enough to move in with a man,she is old enough to fend for herself without getting you involved with her own debts.

Why are you the one paying off the 50k she incurred?

You are not rich enough to settle them into any business ,they should be out there job hunting and not relying on you to play Jesus. You should only help.out when you can and if you have the ability,donate some money towards their business.They must make the effort.

Have a discussion with them and explain things.Then take the next 6 months to one year to play out this new pattern ,then go and marry if you can.

Bringing anyone's daughter into this scenario is just a nightmare waiting to happen.

Start drawing your boundaries now.