NewStats: 3,265,244 , 8,186,117 topics. Date: Saturday, 14 June 2025 at 04:41 AM 4cum

This days I see alot of bad things happening in marriages such as keeping malice, divorce, fighting, killing one's partner etc which at times I believe most couples don't know when to seek help outside. I decide to share this piece to help, it was written by LESLIE BECKER-PHELPS, a
Psychologist.

By the time most couples attend their first counseling session, they are far down the road toward irreconcilable differences. There are many reasons they wait so long. They think the problems aren’t really that bad and they can work it out. They tell themselves that time will take care of it. Life and responsibilities distract or get in the way of sincere efforts to work on the relationship. No matter the reason, the more distant or strained a relationship becomes, the harder it is to repair. So, if you recognize problems in your relationship, begin by asking yourself, How important is my relationship to me?

A good follow up question to consider is: How important is it for me to work on making my relationship strong and healthy? It is all too easy to let your relationship become the backdrop as you focus on attending to the many different facets of life. But if you value your relationship, it’s essential that you make a conscious effort to nourish it.

Do what you can to come together with your partner to address problems that arise, but know that there are times when you probably need the help of a therapist. Here are some of the most common signs that it’s time to seek counseling:


You don’t enjoy each other’s company.

There is a lack of affection. This might signal negative or hostile feelings. Or, it might reflect a lack of feeling.

You lead parallel lives. If you make attempts to connect, you still seem to miss each other.

You feel alone even when you are together.

Every little difference of opinion leads quickly to tension. Most attempts to discuss disagreements end in heightened conflict or avoiding each other. Both of you feel misunderstood and criticized.

You are defensive in each other’s company. Because you are primed to protect yourself, you are each quick to see negativity in your spouse’s comments.

You keep secrets. With a sense of distance or being at odds, you tend to avoid talking about much that is important. You might also lie about things you think your spouse would disagree with or hold against you.

You have thoughts of having an affair… or you are already involved in one. This includes emotional affairs. (In an emotional affair, you are not physically intimate, but you likely share personal experiences that you don’t share with your spouse. You also either don’t tell your spouse about the person, or you minimize their importance.)

You feel more like adversaries than a team. You may not care if they are upset, or you may even want to hurt them (most likely because of how much they’ve hurt you).

You don’t feel any warmth when you think of your spouse. This is true even when you reflect on your early days of dating and your wedding.

Your trust is broken. This is a tough one. Though you may feel that broken trust can never be repaired – such as after one of you has an affair – this is not necessarily true. Marital therapy has helped many couples regain trust, albeit slowly, and rebuild a relationship that’s stronger than ever.

You don’t respect your spouse and may even feel disdain for them. (At this point, even marriage counseling may not be able to revive your marriage – though you might still try it, if you are truly motivated).

If you notice any of these signs, it’s time to consider getting outside help. While marriage counseling is not a cure-all for relationships, it does offer a better chance at a happier future together.

This is story for the gods, how can you tell us that this girl is 18years old. You should just come up straight and tell us she's under 15 forced into marriage. Some stories no just get alignment

Hmmm, this one weak me Sha. I don't think this really affects your legs, e suppose affect all your system, even this write-up wey you garnish with pingin English go get k-leg. As u don know now, your eye don clear, move on

NockMedia:
Marriage is overrated. Some folks get married just because they want to procreate.
Don't allow society brainwash y'all. Even the writer of this article is guilty of some of these points mentioned above.
Nobody is perfect. Not even pastors.

You are right no one is perfect. The writer might be guilty of some of the points listed. But all we need to do is to learn from the mistakes of others in marriages that leads to divorce. Marriage might be overrated but I believe many marriages started well but due to some points listed here, the marriage fail. At times we don't need to criticize, we just need to pick what is essentially needed from some write up and move on.

I feel like sharing this piece with you Nairalanders. It was Written by Sue Schlesman. I believe it would be good for both married, single and everyone in general as it can mend bad relationship in marriage. Those who are single will learn to avoid such things in future when they get married.

Marriages fail for many reasons and often from a combination of reasons. Any of the issues listed here should give cause for concern and care. Unaddressed personal and spiritual issues will affect both partners, even if one is unaware or innocent. If you're wondering why your marriage is failing, this list may have the answer.

While there is little difference between Christian and non-Christian marital woes, a Christ-follower has the power to recognize issues in the light of God’s Word and experience the transforming power of His Spirit. Marital bliss is fictional, but marital happiness can be a reality.

Here are 20 reasons why marriages (even Christian marriages) fail...

1. Unforgiving Spirit
Learn to extend forgiveness because it’s critical to harmony. Instead of obsessing about how you’ve been wronged, treat your spouse how God treats you. “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13)

2. Financial Pressure
Don’t spend your life trying to earn more and spend more, or you will enslave yourself to a life of dissatisfaction, materialism, and endless stress. “For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves through with many griefs.” (1 Timothy 6:10)

3. Infidelity
Lust always leads to infidelity of the heart, mind, and body. No sexual experience outside of marriage is okay. God will never lead you to fall in love with someone other than your spouse. “You shall not commit adultery.” (Exodus 20:14)

4. Insecurity and Worry
Take your eyes off the world and its illusion of happiness; you will never find peace from anyone or anything the world offers you. Trust in the Lord. “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow.” (Matthew 6:32-33)

5. Secret Sins
If you hide a sinful fantasy or habit, it will grow stronger; pretending something doesn’t exist or isn’t wrong gives it greater power over your life. “You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence.” (Psalm 90:

6. Parenting Differences
The Bible is the best parenting source available; seek to follow Christ and point your kids toward Christ, and parenting details will fall into place. “Do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the nurture and onition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)

7. Interference from Others
Dysfunctional or controlling relatives and friends will put tremendous pressure on your family unit; seek God’s wisdom and perspective about how to handle your decisions. Then draw necessary boundaries with everyone outside God’s will for your life. “Respect one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21)

8. Selfishness
We all look out for ourselves, especially when someone challenges our desires. Begin considering your spouse’s perspective first; winning an argument only weakens your marriage. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves.” (Philippians 2:23)

9. Entitlement
Self-pity, disillusionment, and frustration come from an “I-deserve-this” attitude. Watch for these feelings—the core problem is self-worship. “You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” (James 4:2-3)

10. Spiritual and Emotional Immaturity
Maturity takes a lifetime, so give your spouse room to grow without ridiculing or reprimanding for him/her for immaturity. Surround your marriage with godly, mature role models. “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things.” (Philippians 3:14-15)

11. Grief and Depression
Everyone goes through periods of grief and sadness; be ive and understanding when your spouse is sad, by gently guiding him/her toward help. “Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief.” (Psalm 31:9)

12. Greed
You were created to be satisfied only in God’s presence. Don’t feed grief because the things you want will not satisfy you. “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to one and despise the other.” (Luke 16:13).

13. Shame
God’s Spirit convicts us when we sin; He doesn’t shame us for our mistakes. Embrace that fact that Jesus’ grace will set you free from the shame you feel. “I live in disgrace all day long and my face is covered with shame.” (Psalm 44:15).

14. Anger
If you have a short fuse, you need to find out why and stop making excuses. Get help to overcome this destructive and addictive habit. “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.” (Ephesians 4:31).

15. Dishonesty
Never lie, mislead, or deceive your spouse; don’t keep secrets because it will drive a wedge between you. Plus, one falsehood always births another one. “Do not lie to each other.” (Colossians 3:9)

16. Worldliness
When your hearts pines for recognition, wealth, and beauty, you will believe that your worth is attached to who you are and what you do; and the more you doubt your worth, the more you will find your spouse to be unsatisfactory. “Teaching us, that denying all ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in this present world.” (Titus 2:12)

17. Pride
Here lies the root of all conflict, insecurities, and sin. So instead of thinking about yourself, spend your energy and love by giving your spouse grace and love. “Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found with those who take advice.” (Proverbs 13:10)

18. Disappointment
When hard times hit, you might feel that your spouse has not done enough to make you happy. Take a look at where you place your hope; if it’s not God, you will continually struggle with disappointment. Start praising God for all His provision, and your disappointment will vanish. “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 42:5)

19. Different Priorities/Value System
You and your spouse may have live by opposite standards, which can cause contention and frustration. Try to that God holds you able for your actions; live your life and don’t focus on what your spouse is doing or not doing. “How can a young person stay on a path to purity? By living according to your word? I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands.” (Psalm 119:10-11)

20. Self-image
If you suffer from low self-esteem, the solution is not to love yourself more—it’s to love God and thank Him for His ongoing work in your life. Let God transform you into His image; embrace your process, instead of comparing yourself to others. “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:14).

Pretty couple....

Hello NL,
As we all know the transfer market is open and clubs are buying and selling to their own benefit. Barcelona and Liverpool have been on the news line every day pertaining Coutinho. My question now is that, Coutinho has played the Champion league with Liverpool, is there any means he can also play for Barcelona this same season or till another season again? Is there any rule that says if for example Barcelona sign more than three different players that have played the champion league for previous clubs, Barcelona will be allowed to select one to play in the champions league for that same season?

Need your clarification pls, trust my NL people

I believe this would help a lot of researchers, students and others. It's about citation and referencing in research writing.

Most of us (researchers, students and even educators) find it difficult in this particular area of research. Due to different knowledge of this aspect of research, researchers find it difficult citing and referencing other people's work.

The lack of knowledge of this aspect lead to plagiarism. Many people think of plagiarism as copying another's work or borrowing someone else's original ideas. But like "copying" and "borrowing" can disguise the seriousness of the offense:

What is plagiarism?
According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, to "plagiarize" means:
* to steal and off (the ideas or words of another) as one's own
* to use (another's production) without crediting the source
* to commit literary theft
* to present as new and original an idea or product derived from an existing source

In other words, plagiarism is an act of fraud. It involves both stealing someone else's work and lying about it afterward. (http://www.plagiarism.org/article/what-is-plagiarism).

Now back to the main reason of this topic, most of us have different view and would like us to share your experience and how you were able to tackle this problem which I believe would help others.
My question is this, how do you go about a research supervisor said the citations should not be less than five (5) years?

Please your contributions would go a long way in helping others. You can also add other questions relating to this aspect of research while others who have more knowledge give answers to that.

Na wa oo, sometimes I sit down and wonder why do we do dis. What is d big deal here? is there anytin wrong with knowing about other religion. I tired for u ooooo

Sent sir

Why all dis Dino wahala nau, it's seems there is more to this case. I don't know y we keep wasting time on irrelevant issue as such. There are other important issues that are suppose to be dealt with but instead we believe in wasting precious time in answering "attention seekers". This is almost a month now no one even know the truth of the matter. Pls u guys shld free him frm all dis scandals

Good day Nairaladers,

I always have confident in this site because of the gr8 people here in Nairaland. Not to waste time, a friend of mine did his NCE in Mathematics/computer science at a college of Education and further did BSc Computer Science in a university. Now he want to go for his masters in education (let's say Instructional Technology) but don't really know how to go about it.

The problem now is, can he go for his masters in Education with his qualifications? What can he do to achieve his Masters in d Education?

Thanks for ur usual cooperation.

Pls what is really going on, the present batch Corpers are crying cos they've not been paid their allawee for the month of March and today's date is 6th April. The way the country is moving is not encouraging at all as everything is just upside down. And things r not rili getting any better. Some corpers depend on dis allawee just as the fish's live depend on water.

Please can someone tell us what is really going on pertaining d payment cos its really getting out of hands.

Lalaticlala forwarding things abeg

Gud day Nairalanders, I know my coming here for answers will not be in vain. People who have read the book "THE 48 LAWS OF POWER" can help in contributing to this post. There is an argument between some group of people about the book and I believe once I tender it here (nairaland) answers will come.

Need answers to this questions
1. Is the book meant to be read by everyone?
2. Is the book educative?
3. Do the book teaches right or wrong?
4. What can you say about d book?

I believe d answers will help those who have or have not read d book to know their stands. It may encourage many to read it and/or discourage some people from reading it.

Thanks and God bless aal Nairalanders, love u aal

blackboy:
If you are a Christian you won't be raising such question. So long as the beer parlour is not operating in the church its okay. So long as the LovePeddler house is not operating from the church okay.
You could also ask why are Christians in this evil world , God should take them all away to heaven but no.
This life is a test, a lesson and for Christians to be examples of good around evil.

I agreed to all what u said. I know a lot of comments are still coming

maxti:
Thinking about this too. But in different frequency

Please bring it up, I believe its very important

I have been thinking of dis issue for some time now, and don't really know how to conclude it but I believe placing it here on Nairaland, I will b clarified.

Have travelled to several places (such as Kano, Katsina, Kaduna Niger, Ibadan, etc), I saw churches situated close to beer parlour or beer parlour or prostitutes houses situated close to churches. I started saying why do people disrespect the church. It will be very hard for u to see any beer parlor or house of prostitutes close to the Mosque because they value n respect God and His abode.

Even though Christianity as we all know is a religion of love and peace but that doesn't mean we should allow such things to happen close to the house of God. You can imagine a church situated close to the prostitute house, tell me what u think may happen to d by d time they begin to see naked women not to even talk of the pastors. Places like Sabon Gari in Kano, you will see a church close to beer parlour, as d service is going on, d beer parlour activities are also going on at d same time. This closeness has brought many christians to destruction, just as d saying, "if you cannot beat them, them".

Its high time our church leaders start fighting such abnormality as I see it. The damage such issue has created in d life of many is too much. Let's learn from our Muslim counterpart in purifying our place of worship.

I know most of us have seen and experience such things. What do you think is d cause and way out. Love to hear from u guys.


Lalalalalalalalalalastic

Good day Nairalanders, I have been very observant this days, it seems each tribes in Nigeria are good in one work than the other. Here are some occupations and the tribe I believe are good in it than any other tribes.

Barbing - Ebira
Meat selling. - Hausa
Mechanic. - Yoruba
Spare part business - Igbo

The ground is open for additional occupations and tribes

This words are for both married men and young men about to be married: love ur wife as urself, its so important that men love their wives as themselves. Your wife is a companion not an enemy, a partner not a competitor. Colossians 3:19 - Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; and finally, Ephesians 5:28 - So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Your wife should not be ur bunching bag or a competitor but should be ur world. May God help us aal.

#Aal izz well n fair#

NEPA no dey try at aallllllllll. Students turning a class to Charging centre. Very disappointing. Our government shld do sumtin about this electricity problem.

Gud p.m Nairalanders, am right now in one of the NYSC camp orientation. Uptil date I wonder why some of us still behave like an illiterate. No wonder it is said, it is either u tru sch or sch tru u. I believe we r all fighting for unity in dis country and that is the objective of the NYSC scheme. We still find some tribalist fools fighting that they r good in dis or in that. We r all Nigerians its high time we stop all dis segregation. We as Nigerians can't live without one another. Yesterday before we sleep, some of our colleagues were arguing among themselves on dis tribal issue say Hausa is dis, Yoruba is dat, Igbo ... etc. Until we stop all dis that is when Nigeria will b gr8 and God will b happy wit us. Pls let's hand n make Naija a gr8 country. Let's stop all dis segregation. Thank u

Chaiiiiiiiii, thank God i was not posted to Kwara though i choose the state as my second choice. Mo dupe ooooooooo Baba wetin i for do

NAME: Mike
From Kano
To Katsina
Stream 1

We call it DUE

Happy Birthday our hero

Why are they looking scary

Hahahahahahahaahaha
heheheheheheheheheeh
loba

SovietBomber:


Since you already have answers why bother us here?

Thanks, is a question which I know people might have different view. Tell us ur view

Adultery (anglicised from Latin adulterium) according to wikipedia is extramarital sex that is considered objectionable on social, religious, moral or legal grounds. Though what sexual activities constitute adultery varies, as well as the social, religious and legal consequences, the concept exists in many cultures and is similar in Islam, Christianity and Judaism.

Masturbation is when people touch their own bodies for sexual pleasure. People masturbate in lots of different ways.

The Bible said in Matthew 5:28
"But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart".

Masturbation is like committing adultery because before someone engaging in masturbation, that person must have a lustful ideas in his mind. Masturbation is done with a lot of imaginations which are lustful (which is inline with Matthew 5:.