NewStats: 3,263,810 , 8,181,471 topics. Date: Sunday, 08 June 2025 at 02:32 AM 4q6v4i

It's another Monday morning. Agha is busy with preparations towards an interview slated for 9 am of that same day. He was in high spirit and was more than sure he will be taken in. It's now 7:23 am, and he is all set. He stands still, contemplating whether to leave immediately or wait till a time close to the scheduled time. "If I go now, they'll say I'm desperate. Mtceew!", he murmured to himself. So, what's the next go? To lie down and sleep for a while? To start doing house chores as a pastime? All these were ideas popping up from his head. He headed straight to where his mirror was hung. He looked straight into it and smiled, frowned and smiled again. What was he actually doing? Rehearsing an official smile for the interview? With time, he realized he was really getting obsessed. "Guy, you are really desperate for this job. Just dey form.", he said to his other self in the mirror.

After spending about ten minutes doing nothing, he finally resolves to lie down and take a short nap. Just within a blink, he was already shot to 8:51 am. on realizing that, he rose up, racing up and down like an athlete close to finish line. "Just this small sleep?", he asked rhetorically as he speedily locked his door and raced off.

At exactly 9:00 am, he was already standing at the gate of the Federal Inland Revenue Service, FIRS. "You get luck, Oga.", he told himself on noting the time. He walked in, trying to maintain a pace he wouldn't be suspected to have been on the run. He tried to move faster but couldn't as he insisted on portraying that gentleman personality, who surely knows what he's doing.

On entering the office which was the first reach of anyone who enters the building, he saw a good number of other applicants already waiting. "This must be the reception.", he thought to himself. The spirit with which he entered made other applicants to start greeting him, thinking he was the boss. Even the receptionist also greeted him respectfully, thinking he was an authority from the headquarters who has come for supervision. Coincidentally, the manager also entered the office from outside. He met Agha who was still standing, answering greetings from all around. The manager also thought of him just like the receptionist did. He greeted Agha too, shaking him with two hands. Agha was smiling 'officially', returning the greetings, and not knowing what to do next. He was only preoccupied by the thoughts of what will happen when they all realize he also came for the interview.

After the greeting session, the manager invited Agha into his own office, with a 'Manager' tag on the door, so as to hear from him, what called for his visitation. Inside the office, they both sat down to face something serious. The manager was very excited to meet this 'official' gentleman. So was Agha, for having being received by the manager in such good manner.

Manager: So, Sir. How can I be of help to you?

Agha: Well, Sir. I came for the interview.

Manager: Hahaha. Sir, you dey whine me?

Agha: Not at all Sir. I'm actually here for the interview.

The manager stared at Agha unbelievably for about 15 seconds, without saying a word. Agha thought it better to break the silence to save himself from that 'Lord save me' stare of the manager.

Agha: I'm really sorry Sir, if you actually mistook me for someone else. I just have this acumen that makes people mistake me for some very important persons, but believe me, I'm also very important. God knows that.

Manager: Spare me that sermon, Oga!

Agha: I'm sorry, Sir.

Manager: (Tries to calm down and be nice to his interviewee. He breaths in deeply and breaths out) Just tell me about yourself.

Agha: (Smiles 'officially', as properly rehearsed) Thank you very much, Sir. My name is Agha Dike, a graduate of Peace Studies and Conflict Resolution. Over the years, I've been a master of mediation in conflict resolution and a peacekeeping activist. During my undergraduate days in 2012, I facilitated the release of 207 persons abducted by bandits, without any ransom, bloodshed or battles.

Manager: (Already amazed, but tries not to laugh at his 'silly' claims) How did you manage to do that?

Agha: (Happy that the manager seems to be interested in his story) Well, Sir, it was just a strategic application of basic psychology. That's not even all, Sir. In 2014, some bandit groups pleaded that I should come into an issue in which they were conflicting over. I accepted the plea and did what I did to bring peace between the two parties.

Manager: So you mean you work with bandits? Meaning that technically, you're also a bandit.

Agha: Not at all, Sir. I was only being relevant in my field of discipline. I am a peace ambassador and a conflict resolver. That's what I was trained to do.

Manager: Really! What's this place we are?

Agha: An office, Sir.

Manager: I mean, what's the name of this agency?

Agha: Ooh! It's the Federal Inland Revenue Service, Sir.

Manager: Good! So, how's your story relevant to what we do here?

Agha: Thank you for that very wonderful question. Lack of peace is what brings about every other problem you can think about in the universe. Take for instance the bandits I mentioned earlier who, without receiving any ransom, released 207 persons whom they had abducted, after I came into the matter. Sir please, how much do you think bandits charge for ransom in this country?

Manager: (Tries to remain calm to let the young man make his point) Let's say, ₦10,000,000.

Agha: Very good, Sir. So, if this was to be paid for 207 persons, that would have been a sum of ₦2,070,000,000. What if this same amount or even a part of it could be redirected to the government's purse for a better cause?

Manager: (Seeming excited) That would be great!

Agha: Good to hear so, Sir. That was exactly what I did, leading to those particular victims not refusing to pay their taxes as a result of losing such huge sum to ransoms.

Manager: Well, you really made a good point. But...

Agha: Thank you for the acknowledgement, Sir.

Manager: You're welcome. Can I go through your documents?

Agha: Sure Sir. Here they are. (Opens his briefcase, brings them out and hands them over to the manager)

The manager took his time to properly scrutinize them one after the other. At a time, he would look impressed and just another time, he would seem to be suspecting something one cannot tell.

Manager: You just graduated last two years? 2021?

Agha: Exactly, Sir.

Manager: Everything here seems contradicting. Your said earlier that you were already an undergraduate by 2012. Then you graduating on 2021 means you spent 9 years for the program. And your document here is saying that your course is a four years program. What explanation do you have for all these?

Agha: Well, that's the nature of the country we live in. It's actually a four years program. The four years here implies four academic sessions. The truth of the matter is that these four academic sessions spanned through nine calendar years. This was owing to strike actions and emergency breaks we usually embark on, due to insecurity. And all these, just like I said earlier, are due to lack of peace.

Manager: As for the insecurity, it is clear. But how would you reconcile this your lack of peace with the strike action?

Agha: ASUU and their mother, the NLC are never on the same page with the government. They are always wanting this while the government is always wanting that. These such disagreements and conflicting situations have led them to, on countless occasions, embark on strike actions. Helping resolve these conflicts by experts like me would really go a long way in bringing positive changes to our educational sector and many other sister-sectors.

Manager: (Tries not to get impressed by his points) You applied for a position in the SERVICOM department. What role do you plan to play to move this agency forward? What do you have to offer?

Agha: Well, the SERVICOM was established to monitor and enforce better public service delivery by public service agents responsible for a particular role or service in the public service. This is because people often take the public service as a 'not-my-own' stuff, thereby not putting in their best and sometimes, not even performing at all. The truth is that just monitoring or enforcing these people to work will only make them to just work. It won't make them do their best like they'd have done had it been it was their own businesses they were running. The only way to this would be to change their mental attitude to public works, placing implications for not meeting up with specific targets - ones which will directly affect them too. Imagine you as the boss in a production firm and you tell your staff that any month end in which the firm does not have enough revenue to purchase raw materials for the coming month, their salaries would be reduced by 40% to meet up with the purchase. You will see that even without you supervising them, those in the production unit will do all they could to maximize production, while those in the sales unit will also do all they could to see that they maximize sales, in order to maintain full salaries. And anything that will compromise their earning potential will be fully avoided or put away, be it poor work attitude or the likes.
So, coming back to your question, Sir. That is exactly what I will introduce - implications and reward systems that will create in workers, the required motivation to deliver even without being supervised. It'll only take basic psychology, Sir.

Manager: (Can't hide his excitement again) Oil dey your head!

The two men spoke at length that the interview suddenly graduated to a discussion and then to a debate and then to a lecture by the interviewer. 11:47 am met them still on the talk. Suddenly the receptionist walked in with three men while two were waiting outside. The men were dressed somewhat like surgeons, holding a cane each. The receptionist looked completely surprised, having being briefed by the men in the reception.

Man 1: (Speaking to the manager while motioning with his cane) Amadi! Come let's go home.

The manager knew all of these men so well. Punishers. He stood up quietly and followed them without arguing. They took him outside and drove him back to Yaba Left. Agha was now left inside the office with the receptionist.

Agha: Can you tell me what exactly is going on?

Receptionist: (Sighs heavily) That man was actually a runaway mental patient whom they said was close to recovery.

Agha: (Looking more surprised than the receptionist) Whaat! So, how did he find his way into this office? And why did you do nothing knowing fully well that he wasn't the manager.

Receptionist: The actual manager called me earlier this morning telling me that he has an emergency to handle with the police and would be sending someone who will take care of the interview. When I saw the man that was just taken away, I thought he was the one as he just made his way to the manager's office without prior introduction. The manager just called me few minutes ago telling me that the person he sent couldn't also make it, and that I should know how to handle the situation.

Agha: (Feeling completely bemused): That man seems really smarter than a mental patient. But wait. What other information did those men give you about that idiot who was keeping me here?

Receptionist: They said he was a top graduate of business istration and that ever since they took him in, he has always believed that he is the manager of every establishment. He is highly intelligent, but has a slight mental disorder which he struggles to control, they said.

Agha: So I've been here wasting my time with a man. This world!

Receptionist: Sorry about that, Sir. So, how exactly can I be of help to you now?

Agha: I actually came for the interview too.

Receptionist: (Not believing her ears) You said?!

Agha: Yes. I got invited for the interview.

Receptionist: Sir, please the interview has been rescheduled and we will communicate the details to you, after we've finalized on a date.

Agha simply remained silent and then started packing his documents back to his briefcase only for him to realize that his 'mad manager' had left with his NYSC certificate and statement of result.

Agha: Haaiii!! Umu Uwa! So this man has made away with my documents! (He tries to put himself together. He can't compromise his 'official' personality. Not before this girl) Alright. I'll be leaving. Have a nice day.

Receptionist: You too, Sir.

Agha hastened to the gate where he further made his way to Yaba Left, in search of the 'mad manager'. It was a hectic and yet futile search for a man whom he couldn't even recall his name. The mental center personnel couldn't help him any longer in the search of a non-existent nameless ghost. Agha grew infuriated and threatened to involve the police. Maybe he could not resolve this particular conflict himself. Or perhaps, there was no peace left in his 'peace and conflict resolution' bank, to share around. Nevertheless, the police always has a reserve that never goes dry. Maybe he'll have to leverage on that. LOL.

After a completely dramatic day, Agha returned home tired and with no peace. He slept 'officially' in his suit for as long as it was still enjoyable. One thing was certain. He will wake up stronger with new resolutions, as he never gives up. "Country hard, but I go still make am." has always been one of his numerous slogans