NewStats: 3,261,342 , 8,173,727 topics. Date: Wednesday, 28 May 2025 at 09:29 PM 4q3a34

Hmmm.....

People are in their BEST behavior when they are dating. If the above is your fiancee's best behavior, I wonder what will be after tying the knot.

U are not yet married but you have started calling your parents upandan. When you marry nko

Marry someone that understands you even without saying a word.

All the red flags are right before your eyes, if you like ignore it... Don't say you weren't told! If you don't value your PEACE, kindly go ahead with the wedding.

I know people will come hear and start advising you on how you can change her and what you need to do to change her....listen to them at your own peril.

A word is enough for the wise!!!

Instead of focusing so much on what your wife does or doesn't do, you need to FOCUS on your hustle and pray that God will lift your head and bless you.

That is what will end all this drama, you won't believe the change you will see in your wife. Na you go start to dey do yanga.....

Fear God na!!!

Do the needful, how much is registry/court wedding? It doesn't have to be elaborate.

Mariangeles:
Believe me she's not okay wherever she is since you have not called her back as you used to...she is panicking wherever she is right now!
I'm quite sure she's afraid (to lose you because you're probably the only man who can tolerate her) since you haven't called her unlike before, she's probably wondering if there is another woman .
You've got to stand your ground!
Don't call her!
Let her be the one to call you so you can set some conditions!
Let her be the one to fight for you and her marriage this time!
If she still loves you, she'll fight for you!

Best advice but not for the faint-hearted!

doreto:
Better to just stay one's lane after reading all these news of murders by spouses.I am so scared.

You're so scared and yet you are here talking about reconciliation

Have you addressed what is causing your fears

prechbills1:



this isn't a made up of story, whenever I visit their home the wife is kinda harsh and bossy and she's not contributing more than 20percent to their home. my friend is not broke either, my friend thought she wouldn't slap her but it came as a shock and lemme say the truth he's kinda weak, back then in school even ladies used to beat him, I don't know if he have changed now.

Okay now...since you say na true tory....

To avoid stories that touch in the nearest future...your friend needs to get out of such environment/relationship and ensure he has custody of the son based on domestic abuse/violence.

He also needs to ask himself truthful questions on why he is comfortable in such abusive situation/relationship. If he wasn't, he would have separated himself from such abusive relationship long time ago.

The fact that the wife isn't remorseful says a lot and shows she probably doesn't see anything wrong in what she did. It also shows she is so confident that no matter how she treats your friend, he has no where to go hence, the abuse.

Kai...when MEN used to be MEN!!!

I wonder who/what is responsible for this new breed of men...is it lack of cash, economy or awoof

TBH, I hope this is a made up story....so unfortunate.

There is not a ''one size fits all" approach to any aspect of life and that includes marriage.

Know who you are and act accordingly, you will have no regrets!!!

It's time to send her back to her parents house...she needs a brain reset.

#pikin wey say him mama no go rest, him sef no go rest...no need for long thing!

@ op,

It is really disheartening reading your write-up.

Make God your source and He will change your story and make you the man of your house.

You have given too much power to your wife, and I guess it's because of your present financial state. This isn't LOVE!!! How can a person claim he loves someone that treats him so badly and can't forgive, so you can have peace after so much plea. This can only be the case where you don't love yourself and you have a low self-esteem.

Focus your energy on becoming a better you. Be optimistic, get other sources of income, get another degree, do whatever it takes to improve your self and status, make new friends....Instead of letting your wife and her "lack of love" consume you so much.

Start telling yourself you deserve better and you will start believing it and start seeing changes all around you.

Crying doesn't change anything, prayers and actions bring the change one desires. Rise above your present situation. You are made for more!!!

Tis well oh....

Where are all the MEN

This issue wouldn't arise if the men in this family will take charge and direct the affairs of their homes properly. Where is your father-in-law? Where is your SIL's husband?

Men need to stop being emotional, set clear boundaries in their homes and take charge pls!!!!

If you haven't gotten them involved, do so asap!

Defender of the universe!
For your own good, you better learn how to mind your own business and stay on your lane.

singledad40:
I’m a father of two beautiful children and was widowed so my friends wanted me to get back out there and give love another chance. My kids aren’t that old yet and I’m worried what they would think since it is a little too soon. But I tried one of those international dating social events and left them with their aunt for a week and a half. Since I got back I kept to myself and kept my girlfriend secret. Now I’m wondering, how do I break it to my kids that i’m thinkin about remarrying? I’m afraid they’ll resent me for replacing their ma so fast.

Your friends
When will people realise it's their life NOT their friendsssss life?

Apparently you don't have a release to start dating again. If you did, you won't be here asking this question.

Follow your heart, be true to yourself and take your time! When the time is right, you would know and things would naturally fall in place. Don't lose what you value while, trying to please your friends.

It's okay to remarry but it is only a GOOD decision when you marry the right person at the right time. Don't RUSH things!

MissRaine69:

Maybe he secretly likes this
Makes no ounce of sense to me

I think he still has a soft spot for her and she knows this else, he won't be here asking this question in the first place. He should hand over the matter to his wife to handle and it shall definitely be well handled!

Next time she calls you, GIVE THE PHONE TO YOUR WIFE TO ANSWER.....

Thank me later!

A woman needs SECURITY!!! Put a ring on it and you go begin to dey get mouth as it relates to your "baby mama" and son. The last time I checked, it's not compulsory for baby mamas to stay with their baby fadas (whatever that means ) , it's only compulsory for WIVES to stay with their HUSBANDS!

Trivia:
They say events come at you either as blessings or lessons. My marriage has been half of both. I married from a relatively richer family, and I must add that the fact that my wife came from a wealthy family, had absolutely no influence on my choice. I met her when her parents were not as wealthy as they would later become, and we were in love. At that time, my parents gave me a ‘mid-budget vehicle’ shortly after my graduation from a state University in Nigeria. And so, even though my father was not Dangote, he could afford quality life and education for his children. My wife’s parents over the years ascended in wealth and riches, and our wedding was relatively big. Dowry from her side of Nigeria was expectantly high, and I paid it with relative ease.

Fast forward to seven years afterwards, when as a man your financial apron-strings to your parents has had to be cut even before leaving your parents’ house, as you make your way for yourself. I have come to learn that these apron-strings are easier to cut for a man than they are for women, especially women from comparatively well to do backgrounds, and hence the troubles for the unwise woman in this situation.
Leaving the comfort of my father’s house in Ibadan, I could afford a mid-income apartment in a sub-urban part of Lagos, with few house gadgets and facilities. My business was doing great, and even though not luxury, our living was comfortable. But then, comfort is subjective, for no matter how much sacrifices I put into stocking my abode with items to ensure comfort for my wife, she and her parents always believed I could do better. They rarely visited, and when they did, would sit in a corner with their noses in the air, and as they leave shortly I would swear they will take a long bath in hand-sanitizers when they got home. Nonetheless, I did do better, and over the years things went on fine at the expense of my personal self-care.

And then came that family-finance stifling recession. You assure yourself that things would be fine, and all you needed to do was double your hustle. Hustle doubled, and results reduced. Bills increased, and nagging followed suit. I have found out that a woman’s nagging on her husband could either be overt or covert. I’d take the overt nagging any day, over the quiet and obvious discontent. At least with the expressed discontent, you can target your financial attention. No matter how much you try, her communication reduces and you know why. She starts visiting her parents more often, and discussing financial choices with them. They start dropping hints into her bank . She starts paying some bills and buying ‘luxury food-items’, but you cannot complain, even though you know where the money came from. Yet you double, nay, triple your hustle and hope for better days.

And that’s when the problems started- A classic case of he who pays the piper. Her parents start giving instructions without consulting you. It starts with suggestions, and then downright directives on how your home should be run. But you are the man of the house and you direct otherwise. Short of them laughing at your effrontery, they are infuriated that you dare overrule their wishes. Who are you? You observe the gradual disappearance of your wife’s respect for you, while you notice that her parents don’t even factor your presence in any equation. You are vilified, and your wife is torn between obeying her parents’ wishes and abiding by your directives.

I give you an example. This here school is where my children will go, because that’s what I can afford and they are happy in this school, you say. And the response through her, of course because they don’t call you directly but speak to your wife. They say, ‘what? That school? Okay, find a better school in your neighbourhood and let us know how much it costs.’ You get to know about this when your wife starts hunting for a new (expensive) school. I can’t afford that for the two of them, you say. ‘Don’t worry,’ she responds. ‘Mummy said she will pay for it.’ Now, domestic violence is a big matter to the state government and the news is rife with men sent to jail for wife battery. Otherwise, you would have sent those series of slaps in quick succession, enough to wipe her make-up clean off and change her phone network. Besides, if you had done that, her parents would be glad to take her back in their huge mansion, while you battle for your children’s custody or even access to them. Since you can’t react, you swallow your anger and put your foot down, albeit tenderly.

But things did change for the better part of 2017, far better than before, and during the festive season you conveniently sent bags of rice and vegetable oil to them. Occasionally, you send recharge cards and cash, no matter how small to them, while maintaining your physical absence. You can now restrict your wife’s visit to them. I must add, that the respect has grown tremendously, and hilariously too. Now they call for permission before they send her on errands. Now their calls always go unanswered because I am busy, and they graciously understand, and just wanted to check up on you.

Lessons: In family relationships, money is important. Your love is noticed when ed with money. Maintain your respect with strategic absence. Money used strategically buys your wife's (and in-laws) respect. Teach your wife to always reveal lesser information than necessary; the less you reveal to people (in-laws) about what goes on internally, the better, and more respect both of you get. There can only be one captain in a ship, and as a husband you need to put your foot down, sometimes diplomatically. Your ships must sail in one direction, and orders are from only one captain. As much as possible, reduce or eliminate holes in your matrimonial walls, to prevent matrimonial lizards from creeping in. No matter what you are going through, you will go through it. I knew that that phase would , and I pray I live to tell this tale to my kids when they are about to get married. Importantly, I have learnt that my boys should pick from a home and not a house with arrogant in-laws with the feeling of entitlement. And if you can avoid it, try not to marry a woman from a wealthy background, unless you can assure yourself of her humility.

LADIES/WOMEN....this is a lesson for you....It is not every woman a man can touch talkless of BEAT. Water will always find its level....Raise your standards!!!!

Cornido:

The thing is this.... If you give him a taste of whatever we are eating, he accepts it readily and even comes for more, be it beans, semi, soup, bread, rice etc but he doesn't take enough of it for it to be a meal for him

Herein lies the answer you're seeking for now....I like this kind of kids sef, very cost effective....saves you from spending money on oyinbo food upandan....lol. All you need to do is to give him these foods that he likes but, at shorter intervals.

Feeding time is meant to be pleasurable so, no more force feeding abeg, to avoid stories that touch. Children are different, feed your child what he likes not what you think he should like.

Genuine love is UNCONDITIONAL!!!

It's marriage not bondage!

@Op...you better be honest with yourself and go and renew your mind...and stop trying to lead people astray with your short-sighted conclusions.

Follow the ops advice at your own peril. This is what you get when you're trying to "ladder up" and still wanting to eat your cake and have it!

@ Joyfulgal,

I'd like to make my suggestions as practical as possible and I hope it helps. Eight years is a long time to wait and I am basing my suggestions on this.

that your husband is an individual so, he has a mind of his own. Most times, women tend to feel that they're the cause of whatever their husband does or doesn't do but, when you think about it more, you will realize that the choice lies with him. Don't focus on curbing his 'bad' habit / change him - You can't do it, you will only drive him away further. The best you can do, is to pray for him and God that knows where the shoe pinches, will bring about the positive changes you desire in your home.

FOCUS on what you can change. To help you stop being introspective about this issues, you need to find some distractions that will take your attention away from yourself.

Try adopting a child or twins! Children attract more children and they will also serve as a good distraction while you both wait, bringing joy and laughter into your home.

Go get yourself another job! This is also another good distraction for you, you will be too busy to be checking your husband's phones...lol. You will also meet new people which is good.

What this 'distractions' will do for you is that they will place you in a position of REST and keep anxiety at bay.

Don't lose your JOY for any reason. Be happy and joyful at all times, hang around positive and optimistic people. Joy is contagious! Your husband will find the happy you more fun and desirable.

Seek God and ask for his mercies and blessings on your home and He will grant you the desires of your heart.

Hmm...instead of two adults to sit down and talk with the aim of sorting out their issues and getting to know each other more, they will be playing games upandan....

Why collecting feeding money, when you know you don't plan to cook? people committing 'thiefery' under the guise of protesting / ing across a message. Whenever she needs extra cash, all she has to do is to start vexing and pocketing soup money....lol

DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB!!!

Why would you do that anyway? No need adding kerosene to fire. If you know how many people that are desperately looking for a child, you will know that there's nothing to be ashamed of. Carry that pregnancy with pride and joy. Children are always a gift from God and you should see yours as one, whether you planned it or not and irrespective of who is with you or not.

Besides, money is never too much and you will need it much more after the little one arrives.

This issue is beyond breakfast or food. Op is just hiding behind that to express his insecurities.

@Op,

Why get married to someone you cannot TRUST? Except there is something in it for you that you're not telling us about here. Well, your wife has had enough of your insecurities else, she would have begged you since to eat her food. This also shows that you have been exhibiting your lack of trust/insecurities in various ways in your home hence, she is tired!

It's time to grow up and start giving your wife the benefit of the doubt. After all, person wey wan cheat go still cheat! No be to comot ring, put am for bag or pocket sef after stepping out of the house.

Hi dear,

I usually like to mind my business...lol but, on reading this, I just feel I need to draw your attention to some things, as I can relate to some of the things you wrote above, having been married for several years now and also from observing other people's marriages.

Money has a way of making one lose value in the sight of others when one doesn't have it but, the truth of the matter is, the value of an individual goes beyond how much he has in his pocket at a particular time. Your husband is losing value in your sight, because of the present financial challenges hence, making you lose RESPECT for him.

You need to remind yourself of the value you saw in him that made you marry him and also leave your job and relocate to where he stays. For instance, from reading your write up, I can see that he is a good planner and by implementing his plan you are already running a laundry business which is profitable. If this is well harnessed, you will be surprised at how much you can do together as each person focuses on the strength of the other.

Also, a man doesn't need/want another man in his house else, he would have married his best friend. A woman's strength lies in her softness not GRA GRA because that is what attracted him to you in the first place. You need to calm down!!! Your husband his not your rival or competitor. You are both a team working together to better each other and your children's lives.

Look to God to reward you for the sacrifices you are making for your home. HE has a way of blessing you when you least expect it, when you do it in obedience to Him knowing that marriage is his idea.

If my mother waited for my father to sponsor the children's education, my siblings and I will all be illiterates today. In the long run, it doesn't matter who gets the job done as long as it is done! Enroll your child in a school that you can afford without unsettling your home. Do whatever you need to do without expecting your husband's input and you will become invaluable to him. I can't promise you that he will eventually meet you where you want to be met but, you will start to gain his RESPECT which is what you need to stop all his threats.

Shalom!

tollahni:




No he doesnt

Why not? Madam! Play this to your advantage... Use it to win your husband back. God has given you both a second chance to make your marriage work. Every marriage has its trying times, if you handle it well, both of you will come out on the other side loving each other more and your union will be stronger. Your marriage will then be like fine wine, which gets better with time. All the best! I pray it works out for you because being a single mother with 2 children ain't child's play & all hope isn't lost yet.

Gbemisolarh:
Madam @Lagosismyhome pls check your mailbox.....


Any other God sent people at home to help me pay the other three remaining application fee of $50 each should pls PM me.....I will credit your naira immediately .....

Madam Lagosismyhome has agreed to help me with $50

U can tosjame on his siggy. He might be able to help you.

goldenfresh:
I need your help, I want make Sevis payment. This is urgent please

Thanks

U can tosjame on his siggy. He will help you asap, Cheers!

Teminiyii:
Please am in need of help urgently... I want to pay for my sevis fee...

U can tosjame on his siggy. He will help you asap, Cheers!

ashkenking:
Please who can help with the payment of sevis fees..

tosjame on his siggy. Thank me later