NewStats: 3,262,364 , 8,176,935 topics. Date: Monday, 02 June 2025 at 12:52 AM 2l4918

Dont know if this has already been discussed but thought I wld throw it to the house cz I wish to knw which is more ideal.

To get married to the one you love or the one tht loves you.

A mate has been leading a girl on for 12yrs girl A and at the same time chasing another girl for 9yrs girl B and has come to me for advice as to what he shd do. I have told him to stick with the one tht loves him as the one he loves have been playing hard to get.

He reckons he will be happy with the both of them in the long term but girl B is more interesting and fun to be with. However, girl A is more loyal and selfless whereas girl B is quite money concious and proud from his observation.

The true picture is tht girl B is unwilling to commit to him as she thinks the friendship cld well develop into the relationship he desires if he's patient and its tht he's her ideal man yet, Girl A has told him it's him or nobody and appears to be the one that loves him more.

The problem now is lettin girl A go with the hope tht girl B will say YES eventually. What if she doesn't? He looses on both sides. I've told him he's bein unfair on girl A which he its but needs advice. Shd be left to sort out his mess but any helpful contribution will be appreciated

Making decision is always complicated but made worse when people double date.

On the issue on ground, I think your friend should marry the woman he loves. _{That is if she agrees to marry him.}.
If he's afriad she might say no, it will be better to ask her first and then, deal with the problem if she refuses.
Once a woman is married, she's settled, she realizes that her world is built round her home, family and most importantly, her husband. So, she can't wonder around. Instead she'll learn to love her husband since she has no choice.
Once a woman likes you at all, it's easy to make her love you. Just be there for her without chocking her.

But if this man marries the woman that loves him and he doesn't really care about, it will be almost impossible for him to be faithful and he'll end up hurting his family. He'll not respect her and will not really care about her.

conclusively, it's ok for a woman to marry a man whom she's not really crazy about but a man should marry a woman only if he's totally into her and loves her to death.
, even the bible says 'husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her'

yimiton:

Making decision is always complicated but made worse when people double date.

On the issue on ground, I think your friend should marry the woman he loves. _{That is if she agrees to marry him.}.
If he's afriad she might say no, it will be better to ask her first and then, deal with the problem if she refuses.
Once a woman is married, she's settled, she realizes that her world is built round her home, family and most importantly, her husband. So, she can't wonder around. Instead she'll learn to love her husband since she has no choice.
Once a woman likes you at all, it's easy to make her love you. Just be there for her without chocking her.

But if this man marries the woman that loves him and he doesn't really care about, it will be almost impossible for him to be faithful and he'll end up hurting his family. He'll not respect her and will not really care about her.

conclusively, it's ok for a woman to marry a man whom she's not really crazy about but a man should marry a woman only if he's totally into her and loves her to death.
, even the bible says 'husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her'

well said. where do you get your inspiration from?

Thanks rockiedink,
All God's inspirations in my head.
By the way, I eezeebone now and you too.

i for one will like to get married to d one dat luvs me n dat am in love wit cus one cant marry d one dey hate, but y shud u double date? stop it real fast

Long thing!

Hello Bellychiz,
Finally I meet a Nairalander based at Abuja!

Making decision is always complicated but made worse when people double date.

On the issue on ground, I think your friend should marry the woman he loves. That is if she agrees to marry him,
If he's afriad she might say no, it will be better to ask her first and then, deal with the problem if she refuses.
Once a woman is married, she's settled, she realizes that her world is built round her home, family and most importantly, her husband. So, she can't wonder around. Instead she'll learn to love her husband since she has no choice.
Once a woman likes you at all, it's easy to make her love you. Just be there for her without chocking her.

But if this man marries the woman that loves him and he doesn't really care about, it will be almost impossible for him to be faithful and he'll end up hurting his family. He'll not respect her and will not really care about her.

conclusively, it's ok for a woman to marry a man whom she's not really crazy about but a man should marry a woman only if he's totally into her and loves her to death.
, even the bible says 'husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her'

---

Well said.

Is it possible 4 two pple to love each other @ d same time. Yes d Bible says men shd love their wives, in a case where a guy really loves me n 4 some reason, i can't seem 2 love him back, wat happens?

A mate has been leading a girl on for 12yrs girl A and at the same time chasing another girl for 9yrs girl B

yimiton the guy in question is not double dating rather he has a bird in hand but prefares the one in the bush.

he knows deep down inside that girlB doesnt love him,at best she will only be tolerating him if she agrees to be intimate with him.

lets not decieve ourselves many couples had to make this decision, when miss/mr available becomes miss/mr right, espescially when time is running out and girlB or guyB(the scenario works both ways) is not yeilding.

many thanks.

More contributions plzzz. Reasonable and sensible contribution so far. Wld invite him to come and read them. Appears we all have different views.

yimiton:

Making decision is always complicated but made worse when people double date.

On the issue on ground, I think your friend should marry the woman he loves. _{That is if she agrees to marry him.}.
If he's afriad she might say no, it will be better to ask her first and then, deal with the problem if she refuses.
Once a woman is married, she's settled, she realizes that her world is built round her home, family and most importantly, her husband. So, she can't wonder around. Instead she'll learn to love her husband since she has no choice.
Once a woman likes you at all, it's easy to make her love you. Just be there for her without chocking her.

But if this man marries the woman that loves him and he doesn't really care about, it will be almost impossible for him to be faithful and he'll end up hurting his family. He'll not respect her and will not really care about her.

conclusively, it's ok for a woman to marry a man whom she's not really crazy about but a man should marry a woman only if he's totally into her and loves her to death.
, even the bible says 'husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her'

Nice contribution I must confess but the truth of the mata is that He has already told girl B he loves her with the hope she would say Yes or No so he knws where he stands but the response he got was neither a No or a Yes as far as he's concerned. "Lets see how it goes, if the friendship continues like this, I do not see why it can't lead to marraige". I have told him this is a Yes but as the girl in question addresses him as a special friend (not as a boyfriend/lover), he thinks it's an indirect No. The good thing's they still get on really well but sadly my mate doesnt knw his position as far as girl B's concerned and feels he's made a mistake for asking in the first place.

@Story. . .hmmm! long years!

I take it that Girl B's pride and money consciousness is no biggie for him.
Why is he wasting his time">
He should push for a definite answer so he can get on with his life, however that goes

Does he have feelings for Girl A?  If he cares deeply for her, they could make a good team.
However, seems he thinks Girl B is more interesting. . .which could mean he might fall to more
scintillating company in the future. . .but that's not always the case.  He should think long and
hard about which to choose. 


@Topic, neither. . .only when reciprocated

from what i see he truly loves Girl B yet she's playing around wit him and is money conscious type, while Girl A is madly in love with him and isn't the money conscious type. Well the only advice here is HE SHUD FOLLOW HIS HEART & USE HIS HEAD.

d one that luvs u

iice:

@Story. . .hmmm! long years!

@Topic, neither. . .only when reciprocated

iice, I agree with you on that. But problem is that most times, love ain't just reciprocal.
There'll be this guy out there you're dying for and he treats you like trash and this other guy who'll do anything to have you and you don't care a hoot about him!
Sometimes, we're lucky enough to have a reciprocal love, when that happens, that is surely the man to settle down with, otherwise, go for the one you'll treat you like a queen as long as you care about him at all and get to love him.

to the one that luvs me

yimiton. . .indeed
But if there is the possibility of not learning to love your partner. . .well personally not for me.

Definitely someone who loves me more!

Let him be the mumu!

almondjoy:

Definitely someone who loves me more!

Let him be the mumu!

let me get this staright my nutty darling;you wan make ya huddy bu sugomu?

iice:

yimiton. . .indeed
But if there is the possibility of not learning to love your partner. . .well personally not for me.

kinda agree with you dearie

yimiton:

Thanks rockiedink,
All God's inspirations in my head.
By the way, I eezeebone now and you too.

you finally got there. i was just bein cheeky, no harm meant

If he's d mumu, then u are?

I would advise you friend to stick to girl A; being a man; he needs his wife to love Him; because when he screws up; (as men are known to do) he could count on her love for him to save him. Also your friend has said he would be happy with them both and been the girl A for 12 years; many marriages does last that long.

From what I can perceive girl B; being proud and money conscious does not presently feel that your friend is upto her level yet but does see the potential in him-only bidding her time to see if the potential materialize or if a better suitor comes along . It is clear that girl B does is see your friend as mr right- but if time is running out she may take him on as mr right now; hence the chasing for 9years. (It´s mostly female thing- but can't blame her, as your friend is ofcourse borrowed from her books)

Also how is your friend able to keep this going for such a long time?

rockiedink:

let me get this staright my nutty darling;

you wan make ya huddy bu sugomu?
kind of agree with you dearie

you finally got there. i was just bein cheeky, no harm meant

Of course--don't you see all the women crying on Nairaland?  At least you will not catch me up there talking all that rubbish of how the man no wan come house or how the man beat me to a pulp!  I will love him about 25 years later when he has finally graduated from his mumuism!

ndumart:

If he's d mumu, then u are?

I will be the "mumu-ee" or the "mumu-er"!  The sole beneficiary of "sweet mumscious services"!!!! He will get his after 25 years of dutiful service!

I will be the "mumu-ee" or the "mumu-er"! The sole beneficiary of "sweet mumscious services"!!!! He will get his after 25 years of dutiful service!




[quote][/quote]

I like ur school of thought

yimiton:

iice, I agree with you on that. But problem is that most times, love ain't just reciprocal.
There'll be this guy out there you're dying for and he treats you like trash and this other guy who'll do anything to have you and you don't care a hoot about him!
Sometimes, we're lucky enough to have a reciprocal love, when that happens, that is surely the man to settle down with, otherwise, go for the one you'll treat you like a queen as long as you care about him at all and get to love him.

yeah, i prefer this one, and feel like a queen than to hail/exalt someone like a king and he sees me as a love slave

almondjoy:

Of course--don't you see all the women crying on Nairaland? At least you will not catch me up there talking all that rubbish of how the man no wan come house or how the man beat me to a pulp! I will love him about 25 years later when he has finally graduated from his mumuism!

I will be the "mumu-ee" or the "mumu-er"! The sole beneficiary of "sweet mumscious services"!!!! He will get his after 25 years of dutiful service!

you harsh o!!! now do i wanna be in that position, _{thinkin, still thinkin}

Definitely stick with the one who loves him more or at least who cares about him and he’s feelings not someone who has an indifferent air around him and who is money conscious might be only there when the going is good. Marriage is a long term thing it’s not all about fun….

Pepeye:

Definitely stick with the one who loves him more or at least who cares about him and he’s feelings not someone who has an indifferent air around him and who is money conscious might be only there when the going is good. Marriage is a long term thing it’s not all about fun….

Love your school of tots Pepeye but would u rather end up with someone who's interesting and vocal or someone who though not boring is preserved bcs He's scared of hurtin u. Apparently, Girl A will never say anythin in the form of an insult as a joke e.g, "You no well", I mean as a joke bcs she finds it disrespectful. This makes her ive and short of words whereas, in addition to being assertive, Girl B is very open and would say offensive things not necessary as a joke (perhaps as a result of her pride).

Dont knw exactly how u'd luk at this but the bottomline is that Girl A obviously likes him more and I can tell that, he does have a feelin for girl A. However, In the long term, he feels he would be much happier with girl B bcs she's more lively, more interestin and more social yet, she fails to commit herself to him and thts wht the problem is.

On the issue on ground, I think your friend should marry the woman he loves. That is if she agrees to marry him,
If he's afriad she might say no, it will be better to ask her first and then, deal with the problem if she refuses.
Once a woman is married, she's settled, she realizes that her world is built round her home, family and most importantly, her husband. So, she can't wonder around. Instead she'll learn to love her husband since she has no choice.
Once a woman likes you at all, it's easy to make her love you. Just be there for her without chocking her.

@ Yimiton

Fair comments but my mate have already told her he loves her but girl B is neither saying YES or NO and he fears pressin for a definite answer wld make him loose her friendship altogether in an embarassin fashion. Can tell tht my mate knws how to treat a girl well but to be honest, though he think he will be much happier with girl B due to reasons hinted in your comments, Girls B's unwillingness to commit to him even though she claims to love him (yet sees him as a "special friend" instead of a boy friend) makes me think it will be somewhat difficult for him to take ur advise.

@Btayo

Another fair comment and this is one reason why I am of the opinion tht he sticks to girl A and I think he knows this quite well but Ironically, as Yimiton pointed out, I can say tht He's likely to respect Girl B more as Girl B wld not tolerate a fraction of what Girl A wld tolerate which cant be bad as he's more likely to discipline himself but then, his problem like you recognise is that Girl B though claims to love him, wld not commit to him. Perhaps, I shd just tell him to forget abt girl B. Mind you, he believes in the long term, he wld be happy with either or them even though girl B seems to be assertive, more exposed/social and interesting.

On the issue on ground, I think your friend should marry the woman he loves. That is if she agrees to marry him, 
If he's afriad she might say no, it will be better to ask her first and then, deal with the problem if she refuses.
Once a woman is married, she's settled, she realizes that her world is built round her home, family and most importantly, her husband. So, she can't wonder around. Instead she'll learn to love her husband since she has no choice.
Once a woman likes you at all, it's easy to make her love you. Just be there for her without chocking her.

@ Yimiton

Fair comments but my mate have already told her he loves her but girl B is neither saying YES or NO and he fears pressin for a definite answer would make him loose her friendship altogether in an embarassin fashion afterall, Girl B have told him that she "cherishes" him and wld love to end up with him if the "friendship" continues that way. Can tell that my mate knws how to treat a girl well but to be honest, though he think he will be much happier with girl B due to reasons hinted in your comments, Girl B's reluctance to call him a boyfriend makes me qstion her love for him but from then, the bottom line is that girl A and girl B do love him, girl A loves him more, He loves girl B more and thats where the problem is.


@Btayo

Another fair comment and this is one reason why I am of the opinion that he sticks to girl A and I think he knows this quite well but Ironically, as Yimiton pointed out, I can say that He's likely to respect Girl B more as Girl B would not tolerate a fraction of what Girl A would tolerate which can't be bad as he's more likely to discipline himself but then, his problem like you recognise is that Girl B though claims to love him, her love doesn't compare to that of girl A. Perhaps, I should just tell him to forget about girl B. Mind you, he believes in the long term, he would be happy with either or them even though girl B seems to be assertive, more exposed/social and interesting where as, girl A is ive and more dependent on him especially for decision makin

btayo1:

I would advise you friend to stick to girl A; being a man; he needs his wife to love Him; because when he screws up; (as men are known to do) he could count on her love for him to save him. Also your friend has said he would be happy with them both and been the girl A for 12 years; many marriages does last that long.

From what I can perceive girl B; being proud and money conscious does not presently feel that your friend is upto her level yet but does see the potential in him-only bidding her time to see if the potential materialize or if a better suitor comes along . It is clear that girl B does is see your friend as mr right- but if time is running out she may take him on as mr right now; hence the chasing for 9years. (It´s mostly female thing- but can't blame her, as your friend is ofcourse borrowed from her books)

Also how is your friend able to keep this going for such a long time?

Spot on. This is exactly what I think. I mean exactly what I think but as Yimiton pointed out, he's likely to respect Girl B more but as u rightly observe, She does see my mate as someone with potential but I'm not sure if she's waitin for the potential to materialise but then, you can't be far from the truth as she's unwillin to commit to him just now (calling her special friend instead of boyfriend as my mate would xpt).

Funny to say my mate borrowed from her books but to be honest, he regrets eva tellin girl B he loves her as he expected either a Yes or a No but got neither in response when his relationship with girl A seemed to have ran its course but now, the relationship is still alive after so many years and can tell that they both care for each other deeply. It is probable that had girl B replied with an emphatic Yes, things would hv been different (though not sure). That is why I kind of think he's bein unfair to girl A which he its but claims he needs advise especially as he think either way, a heart wld be broken.

Please keep the comments comin

I take it that Girl B's pride and money consciousness is no biggie for him.
Why is he wasting his time? She didn't give him a straight answer and he lets her
He should push for a definite answer so he can get on with his life, however that goes

Does he have feelings for Girl A? If he cares deeply for her, they could make a good team.
However, seems he thinks Girl B is more interesting. . .which could mean he might fall to more
scintillating company in the future. . .but that's not always the case. He should think long and
hard about which to choose.

@iice

He does have feelins for girl A and they get on fabulously and brilliantly well. Neva tot of the fact that girl B is more likely to fall to more scintillatin company in the future like you pointed out and I doubt he did. Fair to say it's not alwz the case which sorts of s yimiton's comments but tht was a brilliant contribution.

@ur ans

Yimiton was spot on.

I take it that Girl B's pride and money consciousness is no biggie for him.
Why is he wasting his time?  She didn't give him a straight answer and he lets her  
He should push for a definite answer so he can get on with his life, however that goes

Does he have feelings for Girl A?  If he cares deeply for her, they could make a good team.
However, seems he thinks Girl B is more interesting. . .which could mean he might fall to more
scintillating company in the future. . .but that's not always the case.  He should think long and
hard about which to choose.  

@iice

He does have feelins for girl A and they get on fabulously and brilliantly well. Neva tot of the fact that girl B is more likely to fall to more scintillatin company in the future like you pointed out and I doubt he did. Fair to say it's not alwz the case which sorts of s yimiton's comments but tht was a brilliant contribution.

@ur ans

Yimiton was spot on.

well i think what goes around comes around. the person in concern should obey his heart. in my case i waould go for the person that loves me cos i know i would learn to definately love her if u give my heart the chance for her to sink in me.