NewStats: 3,263,414 , 8,180,040 topics. Date: Thursday, 05 June 2025 at 07:50 PM 2x2r4c

Baronthecelebri:
Divorce your wife and Marry another woman.

Here in Africa we don't just divorce like that. A lot of things are taken into consideration.

I have a lovely home with lovely kids. I have invested a lot of my time, energy and money to build this lovely home for close to 20 years.
My wife is a very good wife to me. She scores very high on almost every other indices. Unfortunately she just scores very low on this sexual compatibility angle. So though this is a very critical area for her to score low, I can't throw away the baby with the bath water. So divorce is not an option.

However marrying another woman as a second wife somehow is not ruled out.

Greatmec:
I have been married to my wife for close to 20 years now.
My wife is a very faithful woman. But I can describe her as frigid. As sex/romance/love making is her weakest point. Since she scores very high on almost every other indices except intimacy I thought I could manage.

Anyway 8 years ago I traveled outside the country for 2 years and came back as I used to do. But this time around I noticed that I could no longer get an erection when I want to do the do with my wife. Since then I/we have done everything to look for solution, but curiously till now non has been found. If I go in with another lady everything works out very fine. If I even use an artificial V.G everything works fine. But once I near my wife my John Thomas will not stand. If it makes a mistake and stands a little and enters the honey pot then it will ejaculate within 10 to 30 seconds. It is extremely frustrating.

I have tried medical solutions severally. It didn't help. After several studies I have come to the realization that someone must have placed a charm on me or my wife for the sole sake of giving me temporary impotence only when am with my wife. Something like "Tesho" a charm placed on mostly Yoruba girls to prevent them from having intimacy before marriage. Anyone that wants to have intimacy with them will temporarily become impotent. And if such charm is not removed on her that scenario shall continue throughout her lifetime. That is the scary part. Such charm has no expiry date.

As a matter of principle I do not and have never patronized native doctors. So I have restricted my solution finding to Churches/pastors/prophets etc. Unfortunately after 8 year, till date I have found no single solution.
Right now I am open to getting the solution wherever I can get it.

The answers I seek are:
1) Who placed this charm
2) Is it placed on me or my wife
3) Most important: How to end this charm

I reside at Aba, Abia state.
a) If you know a good church/ministry or man of God that can solve it please inform me.
b) Otherwise if you know a herbal home/ native doctor that can only solve it and not make me enter into some other fetish/complicating things please inform me.
Please help a brother out of this frustrating situation. Thank you all.

Have you ever traveled with her before, like go on a vacation and tried having sex with her?

What I mean is having it with her outside your home and bed.

Greatmec:


Your advise is actually practical.

Mistresses: For me to have survived this marriage this far it is thanks to mistresses (side chicks). Actually some side chicks have ensured the survival of a lot of marriages, ha ha ha. The problem is that initially most side chicks accept their position, respect your set boundaries and stay on their lane. But over time they want to carry your baby or become second wife. You leave her, get and groom another one, only for the scenario to start repeating itself. Over time I am kind of tired of all that.

Second wife: I am a product of polygamy. So I know the advantages and challenges involved in it. I want a stable home with one wife and many kids. However having and retaining my ideal home has been seriously jeopardized by my wife's attitude to sex or our incompatibility on that angle. However a sort of modernized polygamy is not ruled out. But even if a second wife enters into the picture somehow I still need to be able to get it up for my first wife.

And if you experience same erectile dysfunction with the second wife, you'd opt for the third one. See a sex therapist or a psychologist.

Greatmec:


Your advise is actually practical.

Mistresses: For me to have survived this marriage this far it is thanks to mistresses (side chicks). Actually some side chicks have ensured the survival of a lot of marriages, ha ha ha. The problem is that initially most side chicks accept their position, respect your set boundaries and stay on their lane. But over time they want to carry your baby or become second wife. You leave her, get and groom another one, only for the scenario to start repeating itself. Over time I am kind of tired of all that.

Second wife: I am a product of polygamy. So I know the advantages and challenges involved in it. I want a stable home with one wife and many kids. However having and retaining my ideal home has been seriously jeopardized by my wife's attitude to sex or our incompatibility on that angle. However a sort of modernized polygamy is not ruled out. But even if a second wife enters into the picture somehow I still need to be able to get it up for my first wife.

I understand your point sir, and from your reply, I can deduce that you really love and cherish your home. I gave the advise because I've seen it first hand happening. You don't need any spiritual solution, it is more of psychology than physical. Your body will respond positively again the moment you completely stop worring about it. Detach yourself emotionally from her, get a separate room and always be happy at home. And if you can be bold enough, tell her you will get another wife if thing continue like this and see how positively she would respond in finding solutions.

However, in a situation whereby the other half don't care about your feeling or take a sacrifice to make it work, you have no option than to take your destiny into your hands, especially if you want to live long. Women don't change, they only get worse as they aged. If everything you said about her is true, then trust me, a time will come that she won't even entertain sexual discussion again, let alone sex. And it is most likely that your intimate life may finally come to an end immediately she enter menopause.

As for the side chicks, they are not meant to stay long in the game, except if they are single mothers who don't want to give birth again. If you want the one that will stay long with you, consider a single mother that don't want to give birth again.

As for the second wife, you have to be rich to scale through this kind of lifestyle. The ideal to solve this problem is to build same house pattern for both of them. Each stay in their respective home, while you stay more with the one that prioritise your needs.

fbabs:



This sounds like teso

Let me give you the yoruba herbal solution

ERO TESO
Eku asin, iseta, ikamudun, ewe oronbo, ao gun po mo ose ao lemo ogiri ao fi abere oporo gun larin ao ma fi we oko lalale,
Leyi na kolore sun ma iyawore, pelu ase oloun yio wole

Get the below
Eku asin,
iseta,
ikamudun
ose dudu
Abere oporo
Ewe oronbo

Pound the above together and mix with local black soap
Paste the soap on a wall

Insert the needle in the middle of the soap like you throw a dart on the dartboard
Leave the soap on the wall with the needle for ten days

Afterwhich you start washing your manhood with the soap every night before you meet your wife

By the special grace of ALMIGHTY GOD, you will achieve your aim

Can someone please translate these to English for me.

I have tried google translate from Yoruba to English but the result am getting doesn't seem to be correct ...

Below is the results I got:

Eku asin --- RAT AND MOUSE
iseta --- PLOT
ikamudun --- HAPPINESS
ose dudu --- BLACK WEEK
Abere oporo --- CANE NEEDLE
Ewe oronbo --- LEMON LEAVES

yemmit90:


I understand your point sir, and from your reply, I can deduce that you really love and cherish your home. I gave the advise because I've seen it first hand happening. You don't need any spiritual solution, it is more of psychology than physical. Your body will respond positively again the moment you completely stop worring about it. Detach yourself emotionally from her, get a separate room and always be happy at home. And if you can be bold enough, tell her you will get another wife if thing continue like this and see how positively she would respond in finding solutions.

However, in a situation whereby the other half don't care about your feeling or take a sacrifice to make it work, you have no option than to take your destiny into your hands, especially if you want to live long. Women don't change, they only get worse as they aged. If everything you said about her is true, then trust me, a time will come that she won't even entertain sexual discussion again, let alone sex. And it is most likely that your intimate life may finally come to an end immediately she enter menopause.

As for the side chicks, they are not meant to stay long in the game, except if they are single mothers who don't want to give birth again. If you want the one that will stay long with you, consider a single mother that don't want to give birth again.

As for the second wife, you have to be rich to scale through this kind of lifestyle. The ideal to solve this problem is to build same house pattern for both of them. Each stay in their respective home, while you stay more with the one that prioritise your needs.

Your analysis and advises are quite correct, intelligent and practical. Hence I am pushed to divulge further..

I hate divorce and I never planned polygamy. I wanted to avoid polygamy but due to my wife's attitude towards sex/romance/intimacy polygamy has been forced on me as divorce is not an option.

One of the things I have done to remedy this situation is that I have upgraded my most trusted mistress to my second wife and effectively formed a second home in a neighboring country. The lady has all the good qualities of my wife PLUS her sex drive equals or is slightly above mine. She gives me what I want when I want it, and anyhow I want it. She prioritizes my needs. So I spend roughly the same amount of time here and there, shuttling both countries.

However that effectively means that am running two homes and it's quite expensive. But am a hustler and not ready to die young because my good wife has refused to understand and prioritize my sexual needs. This has actually helped me to stop anything side chick and concentrate on only my wife when am here and only my second wife when am there.

The only caveat is that I have not yet officially informed my wife, though I know that she is privy to this information on a limited version. I shall do that at the appropriate time.

When am there I enjoy everything "including great sex". When am here I enjoy everything "excluding intimacy". However since am making all the sacrifices including running two homes effectively I deserve to also enjoy good sex here. So that's why am not relenting in finding a solution to this problem. And after all my analysis I strongly believe that the problem is spiritual. So I shall put the advises I have obtained on this Nairaland to practice hoping for a good result.

Latty88:




Have you ever traveled with her before, like go on a vacation and tried having sex with her?

What I mean is having it with her outside your home and bed.

Yes of course. And the result has been the same.

Greatmec:


Your analysis and advises are quite correct, intelligent and practical. Hence I am pushed to divulge further..

I hate divorce and I never planned polygamy. I wanted to avoid polygamy but due to my wife's attitude towards sex/romance/intimacy polygamy has been forced on me as divorce is not an option.

One of the things I have done to remedy this situation is that I have upgraded my most trusted mistress to my second wife and effectively formed a second home in a neighboring country. The lady has all the good qualities of my wife PLUS her sex drive equals or is slightly above mine. She gives me what I want when I want it, and anyhow I want it. She prioritizes my needs. So I spend roughly the same amount of time here and there, shuttling both countries.

However that effectively means that am running two homes and it's quite expensive. But am a hustler and not ready to die young because my good wife has refused to understand and prioritize my sexual needs. This has actually helped me to stop anything side chick and concentrate on only my wife when am here and only my second wife when am there.

The only caveat is that I have not yet officially informed my wife, though I know that she is privy to this information on a limited version. I shall do that at the appropriate time.

When am there I enjoy everything "including great sex". When am here I enjoy everything "excluding intimacy". However since am making all the sacrifices including running two homes effectively I deserve to also enjoy good sex here. So that's why am not relenting in finding a solution to this problem. And after all my analysis I strongly believe that the problem is spiritual. So I shall put the advises I have obtained on this Nairaland to practice hoping for a good result.

If you strongly believe the problem is spiritual, then it's most likely she has a spiritual husband. If I may ask, does sleeping with her cause you financial steadbacks, if it does, then she likely has a spiritual husband. Either you pray, use traditional means or I don't know.. All the best 👍

HAVE YOU TRIED USING SILDENAFIL( VEGA, VIAGARA ETC) FOR ERECTION ON HER

capnies:
HAVE YOU TRIED USING SILDENAFIL( VEGA, VIAGARA ETC) FOR ERECTION ON HER

This is an interesting question.
Yes I have used something similar to Viagra . It's called Re-vive from Kedi Healthcare, and the thing actually worked like magic.
I discovered this Re-vive like 2 years ago and we tried it. It worked very well. I was happy that I have found a solution of sorts at least for the mean time until I find a permanent solution. But being that all the cases of men that die in a hotel room after sex rump with a lady always has a sex enhancement pills at the background I was scared. Went to their office and they reassured me that the drug is not toxic. So I relaxed.

Problem started with my wife again. She has to agree for sex before I take the pills. She would only manage to agree once in a month or once in 2 months.

After so much discussion and problem over this issue I finally gave her a financial sanction as I can't be doing everything to make her happy and comfortable while she keeps withholding the one thing that would make me happy.

When the sanctions started bitting her she told me that these pills are not a permanent solution, what if it stopped working. I said it has always worked, let's keep using it till I find a permanent solution.

Curiously 2 days later she said - YES I should take the pills. I was happy and took it. But strangely the pills failed woefully like I didn't take anything. Ah ah I couldn't understand. Next 2 days I took it again, another total failure. She said I told you. Haba . Am now like we are back to square one. But these pills used to work na. I can't understand how all of a sudden it stopped working.

That's my story with sex enhancement drugs oh. What do you make of it ..

ufy4success:

If you strongly believe the problem is spiritual, then it's most likely she has a spiritual husband. If I may ask, does sleeping with her cause you financial steadbacks, if it does, then she likely has a spiritual husband. Either you pray, use traditional means or I don't know.. All the best 👍

No, I don't think sleeping with her causes me any financial setback.

I don't really understand this spiritual husband stuff. But sometimes I can't help feeling like there is an invisible barrier between us while we sleep.

I mean for example, how do you explain that a husband and wife sleeps in the same bed every night for 4 months but I can't bring myself to place even a hand or leg on any part of her body.

Since she can't touch me if I don't and most times I try she seems irritated I can decide not to touch her for like 4 months and though we sleep on the same bed but our body will hardly touch each other throughout this period. I mean not even mere touching, talk less of romancing, kissing or lovemaking. Sounds bizarre, doesn't it?

Even though I have chronic insomnia ie sleeplessness I can't feel the reassuring touch of a woman beside me. Even if it's cold we don't hold each other. Each one covers himself or herself with blanket and manages the situation. This is quite bizarre to me and very very contrary to what is obtainable when I have a different bed partner.

Am quite a handsome, reasonably well to do guy. So I have really had my fair share of women in this life. Sometimes I can't believe how, with my experience and wide eyes I actually ended up with a life partner who happens to be the worst and most useless bed partner I have ever encountered.

In of bedmatics ie romance/kiss/sex/sleeping together, my wife is an average man's worst nightmare, hahahaha

Greatmec:
I have been married to my wife for close to 20 years now.
My wife is a very faithful woman. But I can describe her as frigid. As sex/romance/love making is her weakest point. Since she scores very high on almost every other indices except intimacy I thought I could manage.

Anyway 8 years ago I traveled outside the country for 2 years and came back as I used to do. But this time around I noticed that I could no longer get an erection when I want to do the do with my wife. Since then I/we have done everything to look for solution, but curiously till now non has been found. If I go in with another lady everything works out very fine. If I even use an artificial V.G everything works fine. But once I near my wife my John Thomas will not stand. If it makes a mistake and stands a little and enters the honey pot then it will ejaculate within 10 to 30 seconds. It is extremely frustrating.

I have tried medical solutions severally. It didn't help. After several studies I have come to the realization that someone must have placed a charm on me or my wife for the sole sake of giving me temporary impotence only when am with my wife. Something like "Tesho" a charm placed on mostly Yoruba girls to prevent them from having intimacy before marriage. Anyone that wants to have intimacy with them will temporarily become impotent. And if such charm is not removed on her that scenario shall continue throughout her lifetime. That is the scary part. Such charm has no expiry date.

As a matter of principle I do not and have never patronized native doctors. So I have restricted my solution finding to Churches/pastors/prophets etc. Unfortunately after 8 year, till date I have found no single solution.
Right now I am open to getting the solution wherever I can get it.

The answers I seek are:
1) Who placed this charm
2) Is it placed on me or my wife
3) Most important: How to end this charm

I reside at Aba, Abia state.
a) If you know a good church/ministry or man of God that can solve it please inform me.
b) Otherwise if you know a herbal home/ native doctor that can only solve it and not make me enter into some other fetish/complicating things please inform me.
Please help a brother out of this frustrating situation. Thank you all.

May be try masturbating when she is beside you and see if you have an erection. Have you been to the clinic? what if her "frigidity" also affected you. Sex starts from the mind, it is more intense as a mind thing for some men. Have her naked for at least 3 consecutive days with no intention of having sex but just to romance her, while doing this imagine how loving a wife she is, just only the great things she may have done for you.

While away, did you nurse the idea she may be cheating on you? That may also have messed up your mind.

sisisioge:
Hmmmmm

*She doesn't like sexx
*You force her to do the do
*You don't get election with her except with enhancement but you're perfectly ok with others.
*You found one enhancer but you had to work with her timetable to use it.
*You read her the riot act about sex availability and suddenly after she had a talk with you regarding sustainable solution, the drug that has been working stopped working
*Now you are back to nothing working again.....hmm


Oga, I hope you've not been spending money on finding solutions....cos madam knows the solution o. Meanwhile, as you knew from start that she doesn't like sexxx, biko no stress her fa. As for your needs.....

It amazes me how men call women fish brain when they are.....

@ op, if it is truely spiritual, listen to this op.

I am not always in a hurry to jump to spiritual issues, but it may truely be spiritual.

There are too many concerns about a woman whose husband has barely slept with her for 8 years, even if menopausal,, but not worried for the husband. It has all the signs of self centeredness. She needs to be at the clinic seeking help and has not shown she truly love you or does not understand how love works.

If spiritual , my theory is that when op was not around for 2 years,, she felt at peace and desperate to keep the "peace" took some steps.

I will recommend they start with romance, thathas failed from the op's , and makes me wonder how sexual attraction can even last long for couples in the neigbourhood of 50 's year by my estimation. It is not unusual for a drop in sexual attraction between couple of 20 years, but to not able to even bring yourself to touch one another suggest deep seated issues. Start from romancing for now, it may not be spiritual.

chinchum:
May be try masturbating when she is beside you and see if you have an erection. Have you been to the clinic? what if her "frigidity" also affected you. Sex starts from the mind, it is more intense as a mind thing for some men. Have her naked for at least 3 consecutive days with no intention of having sex but just to romance her, while doing this imagine how loving a wife she is, just only the great things she may have done for you.

While away, did you nurse the idea she may be cheating on you? That may also have messed up your mind.

My wife is a very very responsible woman. I can leave her and travel for 2 straight years and never be perturbed about her cheating on me. She has never given me any reason to even imagine that she is capable of such. Ironically that faithfulness is actually what ultimately lured me into this incompatible union.

As for your other suggestions:
Hmm my wife hates anything stress and I guess she almost sees sex as stress. So she would prefer we get on with the "do" instead of 'wasting time' on romance.

So our typical love making has zero romance, zero kissing, zero spicing. Just get your erection and get on with the act. Oh there must be Vaseline or lubricant else no show. In these 20 years together I can't making love with her once without lubricant. No moaning, never. Most ladies I have made love with I am always aware at least when 8 out of 10 of them reach orgasm on a regular basis. But in these 20 years I can't being aware if my wife has ever reached orgasm once. She can't handle my microphone, she doesn't know how to do such things and don't wanna learn either.

However in spite of her colorless attitude towards sex I have always been super attracted to my wife and once we are doing the do I actually enjoy my wife so very much. All she needs do is agree for us to do the do and automatically I will get a great erection that will last us for 30 to 45 minutes one round duration. That is why I can't understand how all of a sudden - 8 years ago this nightmare started - I can't get an erection for my wife again no matter how I try. Even if I force it inside slightly erect or semi erect it will ejaculate within 10 to 30 seconds and instantly dies.

It's very possible though that her frigidity might have affected me. To what extent I wouldn't know ...

Greatmec:


No, I don't think sleeping with her causes me any financial setback.

I don't really understand this spiritual husband stuff. But sometimes I can't help feeling like there is an invisible barrier between us while we sleep.

I mean for example, how do you explain that a husband and wife sleeps in the same bed every night for 4 months but I can't bring myself to place even a hand or leg on any part of her body.

Since she can't touch me if I don't and most times I try she seems irritated I can decide not to touch her for like 4 months and though we sleep on the same bed but our body will hardly touch each other throughout this period. I mean not even mere touching, talk less of romancing, kissing or lovemaking. Sounds bizarre, doesn't it?

Even though I have chronic insomnia ie sleeplessness I can't feel the reassuring touch of a woman beside me. Even if it's cold we don't hold each other. Each one covers himself or herself with blanket and manages the situation. This is quite bizarre to me and very very contrary to what is obtainable when I have a different bed partner.

Am quite a handsome, reasonably well to do guy. So I have really had my fair share of women in this life. Sometimes I can't believe how, with my experience and wide eyes I actually ended up with a life partner who happens to be the worst and most useless bed partner I have ever encountered.

In of bedmatics ie romance/kiss/sex/sleeping together, my wife is an average man's worst nightmare, hahahaha

I am still of the opinion that you both don't love each other because it appears you are forcing this love and she too doesn't want it but is just there maybe because of the children and what society might say when the marriage doesn't work.
If I may ask, did you people date, and really enjoy your courting relationship and hope she wasn't pregnant before you married her. Because a woman that loves a man will always want to have sex with him and would always want to make sure their sex life is great.
Finally, how do you manage polygamy? You dey try o. Two women? Hope that's not what is making her not want sex?
All the best in finding a solution because to me, una no love each other.

Greatmec:


My wife is a very very responsible woman. I can leave her and travel for 2 straight years and never be perturbed about her cheating on me. She has never given me any reason to even imagine that she is capable of such. Ironically that faithfulness is actually what ultimately lured me into this incompatible union.

As for your other suggestions:
Hmm my wife hates anything stress and I guess she almost sees sex as stress. So she would prefer we get on with the "do" instead of 'wasting time' on romance.

So our typical love making has zero romance, zero kissing, zero spicing. Just get your erection and get on with the act. Oh there must be Vaseline or lubricant else no show. In these 20 years together I can't making love with her once without lubricant. No moaning, never. Most ladies I have made love with I am always aware at least when 8 out of 10 of them reach orgasm on a regular basis. But in these 20 years I can't being aware if my wife has ever reached orgasm once. She can't handle my microphone, she doesn't know how to do such things and don't wanna learn either.

However in spite of her colorless attitude towards sex I have always been super attracted to my wife and once we are doing the do I actually enjoy my wife so very much. All she needs do is agree for us to do the do and automatically I will get a great erection that will last us for 30 to 45 minutes one round duration. That is why I can't understand how all of a sudden - 8 years ago this nightmare started - I can't get an erection for my wife again no matter how I try. Even if I force it inside slightly erect or semi erect it will ejaculate within 10 to 30 seconds and instantly dies.

It's very possible though that her frigidity might have affected me. To what extent I wouldn't know ...

i think you are catching cruise or you are not a man in your home. So you have a sex problem and in an attempt to get a fix that may help, your wife wont even allow romance because it is "stress". Stop
playing bro, you either have an enemy in the home or you both are living a lie. The issue you have in your marriage is not romance or sex, it is deeper than that

I suspect this is one of the tales by moonlight from the round 20 years you mentioned you have been married.

Op do you know about your wife's sexual background...?

Maybe she had some sort of trauma in the past that made her loathe sex so much.

Could be rape or something!

brain54:
Op do you know about your wife's sexual background...?

Maybe she had some sort of trauma in the past that made her loathe sex so much.

Could be rape or something!

I have always been convinced that she must have a sort of rape case in the past or some ugly occurrence that affected her so negatively.

However I have asked her about it severally on so many occasions and her answer has always been - No, that she doesn't have any such experience in her past.

Greatmec:


I have always been convinced that she must have a sort of rape case in the past or some ugly occurrence that affected her so negatively.

However I have asked her about it severally on so many occasions and her answer has always be - No, that she doesn't have any such experience in he past.

Could be she isn't opening up 💯...

Or could just be a bad and severe case of frigidity!

chinchum:
i think you are catching cruise or you are not a man in your home. So you have a sex problem and in an attempt to get a fix that may help, your wife wont even allow romance because it is "stress". Stop
playing bro, you either have an enemy in the home or you both are living a lie. The issue you have in your marriage is not romance or sex, it is deeper than that

I suspect this is one of the tales by moonlight from the round 20 years you mentioned you have been married.

My dear, at almost 50 years you think I have time for kids plays.

Our people says that when other people's corpse is carried across the street it looks like firewood to you until the corpse is your family member then you feel it deeply.

You insinuated that am not a man in my house - I guess you are the kid here without life experience.

Over the years there is no style I have not used to make our sex life to become great. I have taken all the good gentle man advises, I have also taken strict measures, I have disciplined, I have applied sanctions, all to no avail.

I also came to realize that the move that hardly succeeds is force or too much manning up. Why? When I decree things or force it, most times she ends up complying, but you won't like the outcome. Have you ever tried to romance a dead wood? Ever tried kissing someone who allows you but can't kiss back? Ever tried making love to someone who refuses to participate at all but has submitted her body to you to do as you like?

If it's a new girl you might not .mind and just go on to do your do. But when it is your wife my dear you won't find it funny. It's like taking a horse to the stream and trying to force it to drink.

I'm one of those guys that girls love and fall for naturally. So her attitude messes up with my head. I am incapable of raping someone simply because once a lady manifests her unwillingness or resistance for the sex act with me, my manhood falls, I can't proceed. I only make love when it is mutual. So when I use man of the house tactics on my wife, believe me the result is never good. Reason why I do everything to get proper consent.

I use "almost 20 years of marriage" and "almost 50 years old" Just so that someone who knows me very well won't just fall on this post and be 100% sure that's it's me. But even these are very true. 46 to 49 is almost 50. 16 to 19 is almost 20.

I am able to write everything here because it's sort of a faceless forum. If not you and I know that I couldn't be able to open up this much.

Greatmec:


My dear, at almost 50 years you think I have time for kids plays.

Our people says that when other people's corpse is carried across the street it looks like firewood to you until the corpse is your family member then you feel it deeply.

You insinuated that am not a man in my house - I guess you are the kid here without life experience.

Over the years there is no style I have not used to make our sex life to become great. I have taken all the good gentle man advises, I have also taken strict measures, I have disciplined, I have applied sanctions, all to no avail.

I also came to realize that the move that hardly succeeds is force or too much manning up. Why? When I decree things or force it, most times she ends up complying, but you won't like the outcome. Have you ever tried to romance a dead wood? Ever tried kissing someone who allows you but can't kiss back? Ever tried making love to someone who refuses to participate at all but has submitted her body to you to do as you like?

If it's a new girl you might not .mind and just go on to do your do. But when it is your wife my dear you won't find it funny. It's like taking a horse to the stream and trying to force it to drink.

I'm one of those guys that girls love and fall for naturally. So her attitude messes up with my head. I am incapable of raping someone simply because once a lady manifests her unwillingness or resistance for the sex act with me, my manhood falls, I can't proceed. I only make love when it is mutual. So when I use man of the house tactics on my wife, believe me the result is never good. Reason why I do everything to get proper consent.

I use "almost 20 years of marriage" and "almost 50 years old" Just so that someone who knows me very well won't just fall on this post and be 100% sure that's it's me. But even these are very true. 46 to 49 is almost 50. 16 to 19 is almost 20.

I am able to write everything here because it's sort of a faceless forum. If not you and I know that I couldn't be able to open up this much.

Toh. By your explanation, it is not spiritual. Her attitude is what switched you off. The bigger issue is communication in my estimation. I have heard women not wanting sex, but a woman continually turned off by the touch of her man that she loves need help. Maybe seek a TRAINED counselor, most likely not pastor oooo. Hope she consents to you both seeing one.

ufy4success:



I am still of the opinion that you both don't love each other because it appears you are forcing this love and she too doesn't want it but is just there maybe because of the children and what society might say when the marriage doesn't work.
If I may ask, did you people date, and really enjoy your courting relationship and hope she wasn't pregnant before you married her. Because a woman that loves a man will always want to have sex with him and would always want to make sure their sex life is great.
Finally, how do you manage polygamy? You dey try o. Two women? Hope that's not what is making her not want sex?
All the best in finding a solution because to me, una no love each other.

My case is somehow. I can assure you that we really do love each other. We are best friends. We do so much together, gist a lot and do a lot of things together. People around can't believe that we have these issues because the reality of what people see is a very happy couple.

And of a truth I have a lovely and peaceful home. My wife is a good wife, respectful, great cook, neat, takes good care of the family and kids, meets my physical beauty expectations. Almost every other thing works fine except the sexual angle.

We dated for 3 years before getting married. Sex was always an issue. But then she at least made efforts and I thought with time that I would build her up on that level. Unfortunately once inside marriage she never really made much efforts to improve again and our sexual life became what it is.

Yes, she was pregnant before I married her. But that pregnancy was not the reason for the marriage, it only hastened it up. This is because I already told my people that I was gonna marry her once am done with one or two things. The pregnancy cropped up and since we didn't want to abort we just fast forwarded the marriage.

On polygamy:
Mine is still a coded polygamy. Officially my wife "is not aware" if there is any second wife or family.

The second wife is in another neighboring country where I shuttle to do business. The entrance of this second lady is a direct result of my wife's attitude towards sex. But of course if you ask my wife now she might capitalize on that as she is "partially aware" of her existence.

So as it stands, in the eyes of everyone in this country I am married to one wife and have four kids. It's me that know for sure that there is a second family somewhere else.

The second wife has helped sanitize and stabilize my life as with her entrance I have cut off everything side chick since she meets up my sexual needs very well when am there.

The only thing is that it's quite expensive running two families. But a man got to do what a man got to do. Whatever life throws at one you manage it the best way you think.

The only other option would have been to divorce my wife for sexual incompatibility and marry another wife. But that would destroy my lovely peaceful home and destroy a smooth relationship with my lovely kids. I can't afford to do that. I can't throw away the baby with the bath water. So that's why I opted for a coded polygamy and so far it's working.

If I may ask you, you said it somewhere that you are a product of polygamy. Please does this polygamy thing you spoke about started with your Dad or...? Let start from here Bro.

Greatmec:


Can someone please translate these to English for me.

I have tried google translate from Yoruba to English but the result am getting doesn't seem to be correct ...

Below is the results I got:

Eku asin --- RAT AND MOUSE
iseta --- PLOT
ikamudun --- HAPPINESS
ose dudu --- BLACK WEEK
Abere oporo --- CANE NEEDLE
Ewe oronbo --- LEMON LEAVES

Take it to Yoruba herbal materials sellers to interpret

Greatmec:


Here in Africa we don't just divorce like that. A lot of things are taken into consideration.

I have a lovely home with lovely kids. I have invested a lot of my time, energy and money to build this lovely home for close to 20 years.
My wife is a very good wife to me. She scores very high on almost every other indices. Unfortunately she just scores very low on this sexual compatibility angle. So though this is a very critical area for her to score low, I can't throw away the baby with the bath water. So divorce is not an option.

However marrying another woman as a second wife somehow is not ruled out.

Why do i feel this is more of spiritual case?

Can you just take out 3 days and ask God to reveal the cruise of the matter to you.

Feels strongly like a marine case but however, DO a 3 days fast concerning it, Whatever you see i hope you would be able to handle it.

Lastly, You dont want to fight her over this matter.. Seek wisdom... The Lord would guide you appropiately.

Greatmec:


No, I don't think sleeping with her causes me any financial setback.

I don't really understand this spiritual husband stuff. But sometimes I can't help feeling like there is an invisible barrier between us while we sleep.

I mean for example, how do you explain that a husband and wife sleeps in the same bed every night for 4 months but I can't bring myself to place even a hand or leg on any part of her body.

Since she can't touch me if I don't and most times I try she seems irritated I can decide not to touch her for like 4 months and though we sleep on the same bed but our body will hardly touch each other throughout this period. I mean not even mere touching, talk less of romancing, kissing or lovemaking. Sounds bizarre, doesn't it?

Even though I have chronic insomnia ie sleeplessness I can't feel the reassuring touch of a woman beside me. Even if it's cold we don't hold each other. Each one covers himself or herself with blanket and manages the situation. This is quite bizarre to me and very very contrary to what is obtainable when I have a different bed partner.

Am quite a handsome, reasonably well to do guy. So I have really had my fair share of women in this life. Sometimes I can't believe how, with my experience and wide eyes I actually ended up with a life partner who happens to be the worst and most useless bed partner I have ever encountered.

In of bedmatics ie romance/kiss/sex/sleeping together, my wife is an average man's worst nightmare, hahahaha

Loool.. I didt see this comment when i typed what my earlier stuff.

For you to her with the spirit husband matter she has to be willing to delivered and by the way if it is actually that then there is already a very good probablity she knows about the said second woman...

I dont know how to explain.. Just look for an MFM region close to you and go for deliverance..

They would guide you appropiately

Greatmec:


No, I don't think sleeping with her causes me any financial setback.

I don't really understand this spiritual husband stuff. But sometimes I can't help feeling like there is an invisible barrier between us while we sleep.

I mean for example, how do you explain that a husband and wife sleeps in the same bed every night for 4 months but I can't bring myself to place even a hand or leg on any part of her body.

Since she can't touch me if I don't and most times I try she seems irritated I can decide not to touch her for like 4 months and though we sleep on the same bed but our body will hardly touch each other throughout this period. I mean not even mere touching, talk less of romancing, kissing or lovemaking. Sounds bizarre, doesn't it?

Even though I have chronic insomnia ie sleeplessness I can't feel the reassuring touch of a woman beside me. Even if it's cold we don't hold each other. Each one covers himself or herself with blanket and manages the situation. This is quite bizarre to me and very very contrary to what is obtainable when I have a different bed partner.

Am quite a handsome, reasonably well to do guy. So I have really had my fair share of women in this life. Sometimes I can't believe how, with my experience and wide eyes I actually ended up with a life partner who happens to be the worst and most useless bed partner I have ever encountered.

In of bedmatics ie romance/kiss/sex/sleeping together, my wife is an average man's worst nightmare, hahahaha

You still dey this matter? It is well fa.

Your complaint is similar to the reality of a great number of men who when it's time to choose a wife,they choose domestic attributes ahead of compatibility: sexual,intellectual, physical, etc. After the initial gragra of marriage and having children don ,them go come settle into "siblinghood". It Is well jare.