Please, I need your opinion on this issue. So I’ve known my girlfriend since NYSC 2019, and ever since then, we’ve been best of friends. I travelled out in 2022, but we still kept in touch and from there we started dating. I’m 29 and she’s also 29. Honestly, I have plans to settle down and marry her when things are right.
A quick note: she’s been trying to come over to meet me as a student ever since I got here, but for one reason or the other it hasn’t worked out (Canada visa rejections and all). Now, she’s talking about how she plans to settle down before her next birthday and even suggested that I marry her while she waits in Nigeria for a maximum of two years before ing me. She really just wants to get married.
To be honest, I currently work and I’m also doing another master’s program in a very reputable institution here in Canada, and I will be done this year. The stress of working and schooling is a lot, and my current workplace pays the barest minimum. I literally have nothing left after sorting out all my bills and expenses. I’m not financially ready to settle down right now, and I even gave her a timeline of two years. Worst case, no matter what, we’ll settle down in two years max. Let me try and fix things for myself here. I can’t marry and bring someone’s daughter here to come and suffer.
I’m a worried person. My dreams are really big and God knows I’m working tirelessly to achieve them. She also knows because I discuss everything with her. Honestly, I understand her point of view, but I’m the kind of person that gets really anxious easily. It would kill me to get married, have kids, and not be able to cater for them.
I know you can’t have everything financially before settling down, but I want at least a moderately stable job. One that allows me to take care of her confidently even if she comes over and doesn’t work immediately. To be honest, my job pay is very low, like unimaginably low, and I’m just barely surviving. I’ve pictured every possible scenario, thinking and planning ahead, but everything is pointing to one answer — I’m not ready.
Considering her age and the kind of person she is, I strongly believe that after marriage she will want kids and to start building a family. That’s not a bad thing, but I, as a man, don’t want to get stuck in that life yet because I know the kind of future I envision. I’ve always promised myself that I won’t raise a family on “manage-manage.” I feel like if I get married now and start raising a family, my focus will shift entirely to making sure they live well, which could make me lose track of my personal goals.
I swear, I know my girlfriend loves me. That’s not in doubt. But I’ve been pleading with her to give me at least two more years. If after that things are still not great, then we’ll settle down and manage until something better comes.
Right now, to be honest, I don’t even have anything financially to plan a small wedding, and I definitely won’t borrow or ask anyone for financial to do a wedding.
Please, I want your honest opinion. The two options here are: either get married before this time next year or end the relationship now, as there are other people already asking for her hand in marriage.
Her desperation for marriage seems to be the secret of her love for you.
Marry when you are willing and capable, not because you are being pressured.
She is waiting on you for marriage because she has not found another man that meets her requirements. But you might think that she is rejecting good men for your sake. A woman who is desperate for marriage goes into it with a man not because she loves him nor because he loves her. She goes into the marriage because he is ready.
If she is yours, she will not be able to find another man until you are ready to marry her. If she finds another man now that you are not ready, she is not yours. Don't ask her to wait for you. What if she waits and you later choose another person?
My opinion is this telling her to wait for another two years when she will be 31 years is not easy. What if you decide not to marry her, and you marry someone else there or back here in Nigeria, for me I think you have to let her know your current financial situation there in Canada, for her to really believe that you are very serious with her, send some of your family to go and see her family and if possible pay a little token just to secure her trust and that of the family that you are indeed a son in law to be, if you don't have this plans , I suggest you just allow her to go. My opinio.
My problem with this story is that sh only started to date you when u travelled out..
Sh didn't let u reach your destination and started a string push to move over there.. not as a wife, but as a free and single female whom u never dated in real sense of dating..
And when it failed, it's all about u marrying her which still leads to travelling...
Why didn't sh start something doing since 2019, why didn't she seek for a job since 2019. Why didn't she consider you datable until u travelled....
Why is the talk of marrying her only after all effort for her to travel failed...?
No woman loves you just like that ...got to know this even recently..they want money and the comfort it brings even before love...only few women are exempted...
She is 29..so let her go marry someone else....since you aren't ready ...I wish I can type this to your very ears....I know it's not easy but guy....hmm...your goals are important...
If you are in the same space..I would have advised you go ahead and grow together....but this is not the situation here...so it's a bit complicated....
I understand her desperation to marry...cos she is 29....but ...bro if you're not ready...let her go....we all have our lives....finance is very important in marriage bro....you don't wanna get the shock of your life...
Besides There are plenty of women...do not deceive yourself....there were women in your 20s...there will still be women in your 30s 40s 50s even in your 70s... beautiful and undefiled
Let her go ....build Up yourself..... don't let no body psych you up....choose you....she will do the same, if provided with the opportunity...
Well, I see the ages as factors here. While at 29 , a guy is still trying to put things in shape for a good future, a lady at that age is already under the pressure of marriage as the biological clock has started ticking against her.
On another note, a japa guy tends to be a good & scarce husband material to come bye for an average Naija lady.
My advice to you Bro, first get a convincion that the deadlined call for marriage is not because of either factors mentioned above .
Please, I need your opinion on this issue. So I’ve known my girlfriend since NYSC 2019, and ever since then, we’ve been best of friends. I travelled out in 2022, but we still kept in touch and from there we started dating. I’m 29 and she’s also 29. Honestly, I have plans to settle down and marry her when things are right.
A quick note: she’s been trying to come over to meet me as a student ever since I got here, but for one reason or the other it hasn’t worked out (Canada visa rejections and all). Now, she’s talking about how she plans to settle down before her next birthday and even suggested that I marry her while she waits in Nigeria for a maximum of two years before ing me. She really just wants to get married.
To be honest, I currently work and I’m also doing another master’s program in a very reputable institution here in Canada, and I will be done this year. The stress of working and schooling is a lot, and my current workplace pays the barest minimum. I literally have nothing left after sorting out all my bills and expenses. I’m not financially ready to settle down right now, and I even gave her a timeline of two years. Worst case, no matter what, we’ll settle down in two years max. Let me try and fix things for myself here. I can’t marry and bring someone’s daughter here to come and suffer.
I’m a worried person. My dreams are really big and God knows I’m working tirelessly to achieve them. She also knows because I discuss everything with her. Honestly, I understand her point of view, but I’m the kind of person that gets really anxious easily. It would kill me to get married, have kids, and not be able to cater for them.
I know you can’t have everything financially before settling down, but I want at least a moderately stable job. One that allows me to take care of her confidently even if she comes over and doesn’t work immediately. To be honest, my job pay is very low, like unimaginably low, and I’m just barely surviving. I’ve pictured every possible scenario, thinking and planning ahead, but everything is pointing to one answer — I’m not ready.
Considering her age and the kind of person she is, I strongly believe that after marriage she will want kids and to start building a family. That’s not a bad thing, but I, as a man, don’t want to get stuck in that life yet because I know the kind of future I envision. I’ve always promised myself that I won’t raise a family on “manage-manage.” I feel like if I get married now and start raising a family, my focus will shift entirely to making sure they live well, which could make me lose track of my personal goals.
I swear, I know my girlfriend loves me. That’s not in doubt. But I’ve been pleading with her to give me at least two more years. If after that things are still not great, then we’ll settle down and manage until something better comes.
Right now, to be honest, I don’t even have anything financially to plan a small wedding, and I definitely won’t borrow or ask anyone for financial to do a wedding.
Please, I want your honest opinion. The two options here are: either get married before this time next year or end the relationship now, as there are other people already asking for her hand in marriage.
Open and honest communication is the key to the situation, explain your current situation word for word hook line and sinker. Then guage her reaction , sincerity, and , make sure she comments on whatever it is you guys discuss, marriage is an agreement between two persons. If she is ok work with a timeline and achieve your goals, if she isn't ok let her go quickly.
A word is enough for the wise, everyone has their story, make I keep my own for now
Please, I need your opinion on this issue. So I’ve known my girlfriend since NYSC 2019, and ever since then, we’ve been best of friends. I travelled out in 2022, but we still kept in touch and from there we started dating. I’m 29 and she’s also 29. Honestly, I have plans to settle down and marry her when things are right.
A quick note: she’s been trying to come over to meet me as a student ever since I got here, but for one reason or the other it hasn’t worked out (Canada visa rejections and all). Now, she’s talking about how she plans to settle down before her next birthday and even suggested that I marry her while she waits in Nigeria for a maximum of two years before ing me. She really just wants to get married.
To be honest, I currently work and I’m also doing another master’s program in a very reputable institution here in Canada, and I will be done this year. The stress of working and schooling is a lot, and my current workplace pays the barest minimum. I literally have nothing left after sorting out all my bills and expenses. I’m not financially ready to settle down right now, and I even gave her a timeline of two years. Worst case, no matter what, we’ll settle down in two years max. Let me try and fix things for myself here. I can’t marry and bring someone’s daughter here to come and suffer.
I’m a worried person. My dreams are really big and God knows I’m working tirelessly to achieve them. She also knows because I discuss everything with her. Honestly, I understand her point of view, but I’m the kind of person that gets really anxious easily. It would kill me to get married, have kids, and not be able to cater for them.
I know you can’t have everything financially before settling down, but I want at least a moderately stable job. One that allows me to take care of her confidently even if she comes over and doesn’t work immediately. To be honest, my job pay is very low, like unimaginably low, and I’m just barely surviving. I’ve pictured every possible scenario, thinking and planning ahead, but everything is pointing to one answer — I’m not ready.
Considering her age and the kind of person she is, I strongly believe that after marriage she will want kids and to start building a family. That’s not a bad thing, but I, as a man, don’t want to get stuck in that life yet because I know the kind of future I envision. I’ve always promised myself that I won’t raise a family on “manage-manage.” I feel like if I get married now and start raising a family, my focus will shift entirely to making sure they live well, which could make me lose track of my personal goals.
I swear, I know my girlfriend loves me. That’s not in doubt. But I’ve been pleading with her to give me at least two more years. If after that things are still not great, then we’ll settle down and manage until something better comes.
Right now, to be honest, I don’t even have anything financially to plan a small wedding, and I definitely won’t borrow or ask anyone for financial to do a wedding.
Please, I want your honest opinion. The two options here are: either get married before this time next year or end the relationship now, as there are other people already asking for her hand in marriage.
oga let her go. Make she wait 2 years then your eye clear, by then she is 31
Xavier0978: Considering her age and the kind of person she is, I strongly believe that after marriage she will want kids and to start building a family. That’s not a bad thing, but I, as a man, don’t want to get stuck in that life yet because I know the kind of future I envision. I’ve always promised myself that I won’t raise a family on “manage-manage.” I feel like if I get married now and start raising a family, my focus will shift entirely to making sure they live well, which could make me lose track of my personal goals.
I swear, I know my girlfriend loves me. That’s not in doubt. But I’ve been pleading with her to give me at least two more years. If after that things are still not great, then we’ll settle down and manage until something better comes. Right now, to be honest, I don’t even have anything financially to plan a small wedding, and I definitely won’t borrow or ask anyone for financial to do a wedding.
Please, I want your honest opinion. The two options here are: either get married before this time next year or end the relationship now, as there are other people already asking for her hand in marriage.
immortalcrown:
Her desperation for marriage seems to be the secret of her love for you.
Marry when you are willing and capable, not because you are being pressured.
She is waiting on you for marriage because she has not found another man that meets her requirements. But you might think that she is rejecting good men for your sake.
If she is yours, she will not be able to find another man until you are ready to marry her. If she finds another man now that you are not already, she is not yours. Don't ask her to wait for you. What if she waits and you later choose another person?
LET HER GO!!! You've got visions and goals, you need to stay focused to accomplish them all. She on the hand, has already given herself a timeframe to get married and that's a recipe for disaster, so the best thing is for you guys to go your separate ways amicably. Who knows, you might end up changing your mind after two years( uncertain) so it's best you let her go since she already wants to start a family.
Be reminded that love is never enough to build a lasting home
Let her go and concentrate on building yourself first.
In the first place, why will you ever think of marrying her?
Don't try that nonsense. Leave that evening news paper alone. Her secret desire is to use you japa.
No good thing can ever come out from marrying a 9ja girl. They are all for use and dump and baby mama. Don't kill yourself B4 ur time or destroy your beautiful dream.
bigpicture001:
My problem with this story is that sh only started to date you when u travelled out..
Sh didn't let u reach your destination and started a string push to move over there.. not as a wife, but as a free and single female whom u never dated in real sense of dating..
And when it failed, it's all about u marrying her which still leads to travelling...
Why didn't sh start something doing since 2019, why didn't she seek for a job since 2019. Why didn't she consider you datable until u travelled....
Why is the talk of marrying her only after all effort for her to travel failed...?
I smell rat!
and the op is saying the he is very sure that she loves him
Ogbeni stop this grammer o!
With your level of education and exposure, one would entrust you to make an acurate and spontanous decision abt this matter- well thats what premarital sex does; it weakens your zeal and makes you contemplate your life purpose.
You; your LIFE PURPOSE is the price.
she; YOU are the prize.
If her creed is not in consonate with your plan, LET her suit herself. because if you compromise and fail in your life quest she SHALL still leave you for a more discretional guy in future.
Bro marry when you are ready... I got married this January & I'm already tired. You must be ready Financially, Emotionally & otherwise. Don't be pressured into marriage, it won't be a funny experience. Finally, make sure she's the right person, So she doesn't use u to achieve her aim of Japa & then serve u breakfast when she gets there.
With what happened to my brother, I'm just against a man taking his girlfriend or wife to Europe.
Most times it doesn't end well, some of them go there and become something else entirely.
Op build yourself financially before venturing into marriage.
Let her know your take on this so that she dont keep waiting for you....but as a Nigerian girl...i believe she has plan B....they always do.
You worry too much, that's the problem but you must know that she's not getting younger. Women have biological clocks and if you don't take the decision, let her go. She is almost 30, I understand the pressure she has.
Considering her age and the kind of person she is, I strongly believe that after marriage she will want kids and to start building a family. That’s not a bad thing, but I, as a man, don’t want to get stuck in that life yet because I know the kind of future I envision. I’ve always promised myself that I won’t raise a family on “manage-manage.” I feel like if I get married now and start raising a family, my focus will shift entirely to making sure they live well, which could make me lose track of my personal goals.
I encourage people to marry early. It's an illusion to think you will arrive before getting married. You are being selfish. If you know she will want kids and you are not ready for kids now, please let her go.
I agree. Maslow's hierarchy of needs, when you look at it has the basic items we need. Food, air, water, clothing and security. The best time to fight challenges is when you are young because you still have energy. What we need is mentoring, this is what Africa got right in the past. Young people were mentored, especially in the villages. They learned responsibilities very early until oyinbo came and said some of these things were child abuse but if you live with oyinbo who live in rural areas, who have farmland or something agrarian that brings them money, they are very African like. You go to school of life and school of the world so you can learn how to live as an adult. Today's adult is being pampered and living in an illusion, fighting each other instead of working together. They believe they are smarter than each other and in a competition. Mind you, our mothers of those days were not lazy, they also worked but they were independent. They would take their kids with them or have other women look after them, they had a tribe. Family is the bedrock of society and those who know this take it seriously because we know the truth is that no man is an island. It is difficult, not impossible to do it all alone. Women who are succeeding today will tell you the network is important but it is usually about career, not family. The way a woman needs a group to build her family is the same way a man needs it too. I still see some people in trades doing this but the world we live in now is capitalist, we think money is the ultimate goal of living so everyone is in a competition trying to make more money first before living, when life is not as expensive as we have made it up in our heads. We are living in isolation and we are the most disconnected from life even though we have the best technology.
Edit: today's generation thinks they are smart but they are dumb. They think they are the first that will discover family conflicts so they make so much noise on the internet, bad news spreads fast so the more people see bad news about marriages and family, they won't want to do it. Girls are ready to make money on the internet shaking their bodies for men to pay for because they want to 'have money'. We are making people more independent so they can MAKE MONEY. No one is interested in building the fabrics of society, which is the family. They are scaring you and I am a realist. If you can sleep with that girl from age 13, you better start learning how to take care of your house. Don't use education as an excuse. Handle your business. Life will never start on a golden plate, stop waiting for the perfect time. Get that girl who will build with you if you don't have enough. Families should you and not put pressure on you, whether it's to have a child or to live according to standards they cannot sponsor you for.
Please, I need your opinion on this issue. So I’ve known my girlfriend since NYSC 2019, and ever since then, we’ve been best of friends. I travelled out in 2022, but we still kept in touch and from there we started dating. I’m 29 and she’s also 29. Honestly, I have plans to settle down and marry her when things are right.
A quick note: she’s been trying to come over to meet me as a student ever since I got here, but for one reason or the other it hasn’t worked out (Canada visa rejections and all). Now, she’s talking about how she plans to settle down before her next birthday and even suggested that I marry her while she waits in Nigeria for a maximum of two years before ing me. She really just wants to get married.
To be honest, I currently work and I’m also doing another master’s program in a very reputable institution here in Canada, and I will be done this year. The stress of working and schooling is a lot, and my current workplace pays the barest minimum. I literally have nothing left after sorting out all my bills and expenses. I’m not financially ready to settle down right now, and I even gave her a timeline of two years. Worst case, no matter what, we’ll settle down in two years max. Let me try and fix things for myself here. I can’t marry and bring someone’s daughter here to come and suffer.
I’m a worried person. My dreams are really big and God knows I’m working tirelessly to achieve them. She also knows because I discuss everything with her. Honestly, I understand her point of view, but I’m the kind of person that gets really anxious easily. It would kill me to get married, have kids, and not be able to cater for them.
I know you can’t have everything financially before settling down, but I want at least a moderately stable job. One that allows me to take care of her confidently even if she comes over and doesn’t work immediately. To be honest, my job pay is very low, like unimaginably low, and I’m just barely surviving. I’ve pictured every possible scenario, thinking and planning ahead, but everything is pointing to one answer — I’m not ready.
Considering her age and the kind of person she is, I strongly believe that after marriage she will want kids and to start building a family. That’s not a bad thing, but I, as a man, don’t want to get stuck in that life yet because I know the kind of future I envision. I’ve always promised myself that I won’t raise a family on “manage-manage.” I feel like if I get married now and start raising a family, my focus will shift entirely to making sure they live well, which could make me lose track of my personal goals.
I swear, I know my girlfriend loves me. That’s not in doubt. But I’ve been pleading with her to give me at least two more years. If after that things are still not great, then we’ll settle down and manage until something better comes.
Right now, to be honest, I don’t even have anything financially to plan a small wedding, and I definitely won’t borrow or ask anyone for financial to do a wedding.
Please, I want your honest opinion. The two options here are: either get married before this time next year or end the relationship now, as there are other people already asking for her hand in marriage.
I think your girlfriend is worried that all her wait may be in vain as you may settle with a foreigner. Alot of Nigerians do that.
If you truly love her, you can have a small-scale wedding. Get her wedding list and she should make sure that it is hugely subsidised. Opt for a parlour traditional ceremony to save cost. Tie to knot in a court instead of a white wedding. You can delay making babies until you both are ready.
When you carrying out these marriage rites, it would be easier for her to relocate to your country. If both of you are hustling over there, the chances of succeeding would be higher.
Dexy4yah: With what happened to my brother, I'm just against a man taking his girlfriend or wife to Europe.
Most times it doesn't end well, some of them go there and become something else entirely.
Op build yourself financially before venturing into marriage.
Let her know your take on this so that she dont keep waiting for you....but as a Nigerian girl...i believe she has plan B....they always do.
Your brother is one out of the thousands of Nigerians abroad.
abiolert2:
My opinion is this telling her to wait for another two years when she will be 31 years is not easy. What if you decide not to marry her, and you marry someone else there or back here in Nigeria, for me I think you have to let her know your current financial situation there in Canada, for her to really believe that you are very serious with her, send some of your family to go and see her family and if possible pay a little token just to secure her trust and that of the family that you are indeed a son in law to be, if you don't have this plans , I suggest you just allow her to go. My opinio.
I love women...
Without shishi in their pocket, they will put you under pressure, say u are wasting their time and make you work on their own time to achieve their own aim in life.............while the reality is that they have no where to go because their plans B, C & D is not set,
How can u want to come into my life without shi shi, to increase my expense yet you are making it look like you are doing me a favor..
Marry for your own gains or personal interest, what can she offer, if she comes there, can she work while you school? is she a nurse or doctor or computer major?
Be selfish about marriage, what can she offer to make your life easier, if there's none, then don't go ahead with the marriage, let her go. She will find someone else. You can marry at 35 as a man.
Please, I need your opinion on this issue. So I’ve known my girlfriend since NYSC 2019, and ever since then, we’ve been best of friends. I travelled out in 2022, but we still kept in touch and from there we started dating. I’m 29 and she’s also 29. Honestly, I have plans to settle down and marry her when things are right.
A quick note: she’s been trying to come over to meet me as a student ever since I got here, but for one reason or the other it hasn’t worked out (Canada visa rejections and all). Now, she’s talking about how she plans to settle down before her next birthday and even suggested that I marry her while she waits in Nigeria for a maximum of two years before ing me. She really just wants to get married.
To be honest, I currently work and I’m also doing another master’s program in a very reputable institution here in Canada, and I will be done this year. The stress of working and schooling is a lot, and my current workplace pays the barest minimum. I literally have nothing left after sorting out all my bills and expenses. I’m not financially ready to settle down right now, and I even gave her a timeline of two years. Worst case, no matter what, we’ll settle down in two years max. Let me try and fix things for myself here. I can’t marry and bring someone’s daughter here to come and suffer.
I’m a worried person. My dreams are really big and God knows I’m working tirelessly to achieve them. She also knows because I discuss everything with her. Honestly, I understand her point of view, but I’m the kind of person that gets really anxious easily. It would kill me to get married, have kids, and not be able to cater for them.
I know you can’t have everything financially before settling down, but I want at least a moderately stable job. One that allows me to take care of her confidently even if she comes over and doesn’t work immediately. To be honest, my job pay is very low, like unimaginably low, and I’m just barely surviving. I’ve pictured every possible scenario, thinking and planning ahead, but everything is pointing to one answer — I’m not ready.
Considering her age and the kind of person she is, I strongly believe that after marriage she will want kids and to start building a family. That’s not a bad thing, but I, as a man, don’t want to get stuck in that life yet because I know the kind of future I envision. I’ve always promised myself that I won’t raise a family on “manage-manage.” I feel like if I get married now and start raising a family, my focus will shift entirely to making sure they live well, which could make me lose track of my personal goals.
I swear, I know my girlfriend loves me. That’s not in doubt. But I’ve been pleading with her to give me at least two more years. If after that things are still not great, then we’ll settle down and manage until something better comes.
Right now, to be honest, I don’t even have anything financially to plan a small wedding, and I definitely won’t borrow or ask anyone for financial to do a wedding.
Please, I want your honest opinion. The two options here are: either get married before this time next year or end the relationship now, as there are other people already asking for her hand in marriage.
The whole situation is way tricky.
You just have to tell her that you understand that she's on a biological clock and that you're aware of that. You ain't ready for marriage financially now. You are there mentally but not financially. Say it bluntly. That you barely a penny to spare for even a bottle of beer. Once you marry a lady you're her responsibility. Now from all you're saying it seems she won't be contributing financially.
Iinform her you have two years left and you're done with your program and can foot the bill of a family. Now give her that freewill of choosing to wait for you for those 2years or opting out.
If she chooses to wait. Please save and do the bare minimum. Pau her dowry. You asking her to wait and yet you have not done anything. 2yrs time and she is 31+ .
At the end of day. You have made it clear to her and your conscience would be at ease.
If it is meant to be, it will work out. If it's not. It won't.
The future is uncertainty either good or bad, 1.find ways how to get her to your location that will ease her mind
2.watin for better things before getting back marriage may be what you will later regret,get her job as little as yours
Life is a process with a lot of waiting time
Please, I need your opinion on this issue. So I’ve known my girlfriend since NYSC 2019, and ever since then, we’ve been best of friends. I travelled out in 2022, but we still kept in touch and from there we started dating. I’m 29 and she’s also 29. Honestly, I have plans to settle down and marry her when things are right.
A quick note: she’s been trying to come over to meet me as a student ever since I got here, but for one reason or the other it hasn’t worked out (Canada visa rejections and all). Now, she’s talking about how she plans to settle down before her next birthday and even suggested that I marry her while she waits in Nigeria for a maximum of two years before ing me. She really just wants to get married.
To be honest, I currently work and I’m also doing another master’s program in a very reputable institution here in Canada, and I will be done this year. The stress of working and schooling is a lot, and my current workplace pays the barest minimum. I literally have nothing left after sorting out all my bills and expenses. I’m not financially ready to settle down right now, and I even gave her a timeline of two years. Worst case, no matter what, we’ll settle down in two years max. Let me try and fix things for myself here. I can’t marry and bring someone’s daughter here to come and suffer.
I’m a worried person. My dreams are really big and God knows I’m working tirelessly to achieve them. She also knows because I discuss everything with her. Honestly, I understand her point of view, but I’m the kind of person that gets really anxious easily. It would kill me to get married, have kids, and not be able to cater for them.
I know you can’t have everything financially before settling down, but I want at least a moderately stable job. One that allows me to take care of her confidently even if she comes over and doesn’t work immediately. To be honest, my job pay is very low, like unimaginably low, and I’m just barely surviving. I’ve pictured every possible scenario, thinking and planning ahead, but everything is pointing to one answer — I’m not ready.
Considering her age and the kind of person she is, I strongly believe that after marriage she will want kids and to start building a family. That’s not a bad thing, but I, as a man, don’t want to get stuck in that life yet because I know the kind of future I envision. I’ve always promised myself that I won’t raise a family on “manage-manage.” I feel like if I get married now and start raising a family, my focus will shift entirely to making sure they live well, which could make me lose track of my personal goals.
I swear, I know my girlfriend loves me. That’s not in doubt. But I’ve been pleading with her to give me at least two more years. If after that things are still not great, then we’ll settle down and manage until something better comes.
Right now, to be honest, I don’t even have anything financially to plan a small wedding, and I definitely won’t borrow or ask anyone for financial to do a wedding.
Please, I want your honest opinion. The two options here are: either get married before this time next year or end the relationship now, as there are other people already asking for her hand in marriage.
Two questions; is she on a journey of constant self discovery as you, trying to do better by you since your dating days? Will she love you even if things become good and later go awful? If yes, marry her. Just plan your kids when the bag is good. Don’t make the mistake of letting her go and having to start from scratch looking for a woman! The thing about your worry is, it’s an endless one, what if you make it and you get married and things later go awry? Would you now say since things aren’t as good as they used to be, you’d divorce? No. Instead y’all will work through it together “for better for worse” a lifetime together with your woman is full of uncertainty which is the joy of raising a family, as far as you both don’t ever give up on each other then it’s a go
