NewStats: 3,262,126 , 8,176,141 topics. Date: Saturday, 31 May 2025 at 09:03 PM 16626o

ExudeLoveToAll:
∆ if you don't take corrections now is it when you hit 50s that you would? A stitch in time saves nine.

Nonsense!

I think this is like many other cases out there: parents bullying their children to marry their preferred candidate. The lady in question doesn't seem like someone anyone should want to raise a family with. People who are good at pretending are dangerous..

Kobojunkie:
You should see it then from my angle. I don't understand why people even bother to seek consent to marry when they don't do that to date each other, have sex, get pregnant and even have babies. If you are able to pretty much do all of that without consent, then what is the use of consent again? It does not compute.

ah, I think I get your point. But, that can't happen especially if the girl in question is scared of the family. This is quite a difficult feat in our part of the world. The girl becomes isolated and is left almost at the mercy of her husband. So, if things go south, there's no one she can run to. Plus, there's the whole stigma against marrying without the blessings of the parents(like as if people can't get married if the parents are late).

Since the girl didn't inform him of the issue on ground, the OP is absolved of all faults.

kkins25:
∆ ah, I think I get your point. But, that can't happen especially if the girl in question is scared of the family. This is quite a difficult feat in our part of the world. The girl becomes isolated and is left almost at the mercy of her husband. So, if things go south, there's no one she can run to.
∆ Plus, there's the whole stigma against marrying without the blessings of the parents(like as if people can't get married if the parents are late).
Since the girl didn't inform him of the issue on ground, the OP is absolved of all faults.

I didn't get any sense of her being afraid of her family at all. And Op did insist that not only did she abort their baby but she went back to marry the guy she dated at least 6 years prior. That seems to me more like a gal who got tired of dragging, family drama and decided to take her bets elsewhere. We don't know since this is OP telling his side of the story.

2. Stigma against marrying without consent but none against doing everything married people do anyways outside of marriage? Abegi! I don't take folks who believe such things seriously anyways. .

Also, sitting back for over 6 months saying you are waiting for consent to marry after dating for over 4 years without it? Una for go registry if say una really dey in love. Anyways, that is the way I see these things.

Just move on and forget about her, u will get a better and more reliable person soonest. Pls don't blank ur mind yet on women and don't stereotype, there are still good ones out there.

Irreplaceable01:

The excuse they are giving is that Edo men_that are not even from my side of Edo_has hurt two of their daughters in the past. So they no longer want to give out their daughter to Edo people. This girl and her family totally kept everything a secret from me. It now look as though they are using her to avenge what was done to their daughters before. And she totally played the script. All I had was good intentions and love for her and her family.

My guy, they have shown you that you are not irreplaceable. Be happy that they are doing this to you now. Do you know what this could mean to you when you force your love to marry her? They will take over your properties and your kids. Be happy that they have shown you their true colors now. You dodged a bullet. Family that can arrange your death for their own daughter to enjoy life and you are here talking about love. If you marry a woman who does not have a mind of your own, you will have a problem in your house. She will follow the script of my brother said, my uncle said in your own house. Love has taught you a lesson.

Kobojunkie:
I didn't get any sense of her being afraid of her family at all. And Op insisted that not only did she abort their baby, but she went back to marry the guy she dated at least six years prior. That seems more like a gal who got tired of dragging, maybe even family drama and decided to take her bets elsewhere. We don't know since this is OP telling his side of the story.

2. There is a stigma against marrying without consent, but none against doing everything married people do anyways outside of marriage. Abegi! I don't take folks who believe such things seriously anyway.

Given all he's said, the OP's story makes sense to me.
1) He had already approached the family for marriage. And they appeared to welcome him.
2) by his actions, he had made it known to her that they were to settle down. All that was left was for the girl to play her part, which she didn't. They dragged out the date to make the whole ordeal formal.
3) The girl is the one who denied the OP access to her parents, knowing that they disapproved of the inter-tribal marriage.
4) If the girl hadn't succumbed to pressure, she'd have kept the baby, which would have forced the parents' hands, just like my mom did in my situation.
5) She hid the fact that her parents weren't okay with the marriage, yet continued to be intimate with him while rekindling old flames with another lover.
6) I understand the lady and her action, but being pretentious to that extent trumps whatever dragging she had to endure from the OP.
7) Unfortunately for the old lover, he was the second choice....ehyaaa....

Without a doubt, the real dubious person here is no other than the girl. What we have here is a girl without the stomach-to-face stigma and a dubious individual who continued to lead the Op on knowing she wasn't going to marry him. She even made him build a baby-bed..

I think OP dodged a bullet because if things go south, she'll blame her woes on all of him. And the marriage would be a living hell.

kkins25:

I think OP dodged a bullet because if things go south, she'll blame her woes on all of him. And the marriage would be a living hell.

someone that should be celebraring his escape. I sympathize with him na love de shack am. Na dis kain woman fit cost am dna test and small boys on nl will be calling him sim card. Love is blind, marriage is an eye opener.

kkins25:
∆ Given all he's said, the OP's story makes sense to me.
1) He had already approached the family for marriage. And they appeared to welcome him.
2) by his actions, he had made it known to her that they were to settle down. All that was left was for the girl to play her part, which she didn't. They dragged out the date to make the whole ordeal formal.
3) The girl is the one who denied the OP access to her parents, knowing that they disapproved of the inter-tribal marriage.
4) If the girl hadn't succumbed to pressure, she'd have kept the baby, which would have forced the parents' hands, just like my mom did in my situation.
5) She hid the fact that her parents weren't okay with the marriage, yet continued to be intimate with him while rekindling old flames with another lover.
6) I understand the lady and her action, but being pretentious to that extent trumps whatever dragging she had to endure from the OP.
7) Unfortunately for the old lover, he was the second choice....ehyaaa....
Without a doubt, the real dubious person here is no other than the girl. What we have here is a girl without the stomach-to-face stigma and a dubious individual who continued to lead the Op on knowing she wasn't going to marry him. She even made him build a baby-bed..
I think OP dodged a bullet because if things go south, she'll blame her woes on all of him. And the marriage would be a living hell.

I am not saying that his story does not make sense, and yes the gal acted dubiously. What I am saying is that given the details provided by OP, I can equally understand why she may have decided at some point to abandon OP entirely. I would not blame her folks at all cause this all seems like something she did for reasons best known to her.

Irreplaceable01:
Read and understand before you reply. I already proposed marriage to her which she accepted and started meeting with her family long before the pregnancy came up.

Sorry for your loss bro!

I was in same situation 2 years ago.

See bro, I don't see any reason why a man will date a girl for more than one year with the intention of getting to know her not to talk of dating a woman for over 3 years.

A month is enough to know a marriageable girl, six months at least.

The truth is that you lost that girl six months into your relationship with her.

Irupetepete:
my problem is giving my all to whomsoever I am dating, like 💯 dedicated...
When the last one eloped with my kids in the name of not being financially buoyant, I lost every atom of love and dedication, I lost my soul for loving...
Met a lady recently, I took her virginity, this lady is beautiful, like exactly what I needed in a lady..
She is respectful, responsible, ive and dedicated and believe me, I just can't love her.. I tried every single day to bring myself to love her but I just can't.. Not cheating on her, I do whatever am supposed to do for her but still, the love is not forthcoming... That's what betrayal can do...
I told her, she said with time the love will come that if I dare leave her, she will commit suicide...

You have not healed fron that relationship and if you do not heal, it will co tinue to affect you for life. Go for therapy, it will help you

Kobojunkie:
I am not saying that his story does not make sense, and yes the gal acted dubiously. What I am saying is that given the details provided by OP, I can equally understand why she may have decided at some point to abandon OP entirely. I would not blame her folks at all cause this all seems like something she did for reasons best known to her.

could you share how you came to such conclusions? Because I really cannot see it.

Kloenboi:


Sorry for your loss bro!

I was in same situation 2 years ago.

See bro, I don't see any reason why a man will date a girl for more than one year with the intention of getting to know her not to talk of dating a woman for over 3 years.

A month is enough to know a marriageable girl, six months at least.

The truth is that you lost that girl six months into your relationship with her.

Are you saying it was because he waited for too long that she gave up and married someone else?

kkins25:

Are you saying it was because he waited for too long that she gave up and married someone else?

Of course yes.

Why would you date a girl for more than a year?

He even said that he met the girl during nysc.

What is it that you can't know within a month or two about her?

You keep knacking a girl for more than a year without defining your relationship with her while another man elsewhere is asking for her hand in marriage.

Mom007:


Why do you want her to marry you, an edo guy before? Even if she was dating you, being childish and uninformed, the moment she introduced you to her parents, they must have told her to wake up from her slumber and let you go. Una no good fa!

I was once dating an edo guy from esan. When he took me to meet his parents, his mom called me aside and told me hoo-ha that 'esan no dey marry outside, na esan dey marry esan!' I comported myself instantly. At least she didn't waste my time. Go and look for your tribe to marry.

That the mum informed you herself without you wasting your time is a sign that they were good to you. You know how much I spent on that girl. On hospital bill for her mum. And on her mum burial arrangements. Not to talk of antenatal, provisions and all the essentials for a pregnant woman. Should we talk about the time wasted.

I was faithful to her to the point of staying off female friends. One of the girls that had a crush on me came to inform me last year that are boyfriend is planning to propose if there was any hope for us. I told her I was already in something serious and today she's married.

kkins25:


Given all he's said, the OP's story makes sense to me.
1) He had already approached the family for marriage. And they appeared to welcome him.
2) by his actions, he had made it known to her that they were to settle down. All that was left was for the girl to play her part, which she didn't. They dragged out the date to make the whole ordeal formal.
3) The girl is the one who denied the OP access to her parents, knowing that they disapproved of the inter-tribal marriage.
4) If the girl hadn't succumbed to pressure, she'd have kept the baby, which would have forced the parents' hands, just like my mom did in my situation.
5) She hid the fact that her parents weren't okay with the marriage, yet continued to be intimate with him while rekindling old flames with another lover.
6) I understand the lady and her action, but being pretentious to that extent trumps whatever dragging she had to endure from the OP.
7) Unfortunately for the old lover, he was the second choice....ehyaaa....

Without a doubt, the real dubious person here is no other than the girl. What we have here is a girl without the stomach-to-face stigma and a dubious individual who continued to lead the Op on knowing she wasn't going to marry him. She even made him build a baby-bed..

I think OP dodged a bullet because if things go south, she'll blame her woes on all of him. And the marriage would be a living hell.

Thank for this. This is such a a relief. I think you are among the few that truly understood the writeup.

papyjaypaul:


My guy, they have shown you that you are not irreplaceable. Be happy that they are doing this to you now. Do you know what this could mean to you when you force your love to marry her? They will take over your properties and your kids. Be happy that they have shown you their true colors now. You dodged a bullet. Family that can arrange your death for their own daughter to enjoy life and you are here talking about love. If you marry a woman who does not have a mind of your own, you will have a problem in your house. She will follow the script of my brother said, my uncle said in your own house. Love has taught you a lesson.

Exactly what her pastor said. She is very timid person that doesn't have a mind of her own. It was even her friend that convinced her to accept me when I first approached her. Note that I don't know the said friend, neither did I speak with the friend. She told me she discussed with her friend that someone wooed her and the friend asked for my pics. The friend saw me and told her to consider me. That the type of person she's is. Easily influenced and manipulated.

Secondly, she told me that she can't be happy in a marriage without family approval, if she had gone ahead to marry me. This is a girl of 27yrs

Klass99:


Can you please learn to STFU and stop displaying your stupidity all over the forum. The guy's story is clear and easy to understand.

There is no greater simp than a man who does nothing for a living except to run his mouth waaaa on a public forum, always rushing to comment foolishly and asking if he can send or drop aza for hand outs. That simp is no other person but you.

Unlike you the OP has a job in the power sector and does something worthwhile for a living. What exactly do you do for a living besides being foolish on NL.

And when they gave birth to you some people probably gathered round to celebrate and give thanks. They didn't know what a complete waste of sperm and egg you would turn out to be.

Kobojunkie:
You should see it then from my angle. I don't understand why people even bother to seek consent to marry when they don't do that to date each other, have sex, get pregnant and even have babies. If you are able to pretty much do all of that without consent, then what is the use of consent again? It does not compute.

What about staying together. We were not cohabiting cause she's the religious type.

Irreplaceable01:
pls believe whatever you want to believe. How did the pregnancy now disappeared. I took her for ultrasound and nothing was there again.

OP I believe your story, I believe the pregnant aspect of it but I want you to also believe that your ex aborted that pregnancy even before it got to the 7th month she was just deceiving you to think that the baby was still intact. Focus on your healing, move on and be more careful in your next relationship.

papyjaypaul:


You have not healed fron that relationship and if you do not heal, it will co tinue to affect you for life. Go for therapy, it will help you

bro, been to therapy o, it just seem as if the love aspect of my heart was switched off or damaged.... This lady is very good but I just can't love her, have tried

Irreplaceable01:
I don't have time to be dragging words with you. I probably could pay your full year salary and not wink.

Pls.......do good completing this story by mentioning the ethnicity of the girl........

Instinct tell me she's probably from south eaaaaas.........

Irreplaceable01:
The person that said "fear woman" was right. Fear that gender and trust them at your own risk.

Let me share my story anonymously...

Man I read your story with shock and wonderment. First of all, you don't know how unintelligent a majority of the populace is until you begin to interact. #SMH

To your story, I wish you love, light and strength. As a man, you are expected to brave through it with stoicism and valour, but I say, take time to cry, express yourself like you've done then move on.

It is unfortunate there are still people in that country poised to make our national unity impossible. If we are honest, there is always one tribe that plays the tribal card always. Unfortunately, you fell into their pit.

You would rise above it with your head held high. Keep grinding, keep pushing. Focus on yourself... not for them, but for yourself.

You should know before now. Sha focus on your job make power no go cash you one day.

Irreplaceable01:
What about staying together. We were not cohabiting cause she's the religious type.

Consent was so you could live together after doing everything else without it? Ok!

tommy589:


How you were able to move on within the space of Feb. to March is what amazes me

I have had my own fair share of broken heart,the last was my first marriage that ended in the tenth year Keeping face is what I do so well but it takes me more time to heal

the girl has moved on but u expect the guy to keep crying over a lost cause. It is good as u have moved on, I hope u have found someone better as she wasn't the one meant for u.

heniford2:
I read it so what's ur point stop mentioning me u asked for advice which was giving ur asking if i did read it haba!🤌🏿

I guess u only read the one on the front page before commenting. U would still have to read other comments to get more on the issue here.

Mom007:


Why do you want her to marry you, an edo guy before? Even if she was dating you, being childish and uninformed, the moment she introduced you to her parents, they must have told her to wake up from her slumber and let you go. Una no good fa!

I was once dating an edo guy from esan. When he took me to meet his parents, his mom called me aside and told me hoo-ha that 'esan no dey marry outside, na esan dey marry esan!' I comported myself instantly. At least she didn't waste my time. Go and look for your tribe to marry.

I don't understand this tribe tribe nonsense. We are no longer in the stone age. If u cant marry outside ur tribe, no problem that is ur business but don't try to make it look like that is the general accepted ways things are

Mom007:


Why do you want her to marry you, an edo guy before? Even if she was dating you, being childish and uninformed, the moment she introduced you to her parents, they must have told her to wake up from her slumber and let you go. Una no good fa!

I was once dating an edo guy from esan. When he took me to meet his parents, his mom called me aside and told me hoo-ha that 'esan no dey marry outside, na esan dey marry esan!' I comported myself instantly. At least she didn't waste my time. Go and look for your tribe to marry.

I don't understand this tribe tribe nonsense. We are no longer in the stone age. If u cant marry outside ur tribe, no problem that is ur business but don't try to make it look like that is the general accepted way things are done. My mom is Yoruba and my dad is delta ND they have been married for more than 33years now.

FairlyUSEDpussy:



Pls.......do good completing this story by mentioning the ethnicity of the girl........

Instinct tell me she's probably from south eaaaaas.........

guys read now. Why do u guys hate reading like this and what do u even need the ethnicity for.

tuzle:
the girl has moved on but u expect the guy to keep crying over a lost cause. It is good as u have moved on, I hope u have found someone better as she wasn't the one meant for u.

Very cool with this one

Thank you

tuzle:
I don't understand this tribe tribe nonsense. We are no longer in the stone age. If u cant marry outside ur tribe, no problem that is ur business but don't try to make it look like that is the general accepted way things are done. My mom is Yoruba and my dad is delta ND they have been married for more than 33years now.

It looks like foolishness to you but try to listen and heed when your parents advice you. By the time your potential mother in law gives you such an obvious indication of what your life would be like should you persist, my dear, save yourself the heartache and look elsewhere. My sister married a yoruba as well, I married outside my tribe as well so I obviously have nothing against inter tribal marriage in general. Edo people are just not it. Leave them for themselves as the elders used to say, if cunny man die, na cunny man go Bury am.