NewStats: 3,262,335 , 8,176,858 topics. Date: Sunday, 01 June 2025 at 08:27 PM 5a663

From DM

I have a wonderful relationship with an amazing woman. She's a complete spec of all I ever wanted in a woman. She's extremely beautiful, kind, ive... She doesn't hesitate to buy me gifts even in her moment of lack.

I'm convinced beyond all doubts that we're SOULMATES. Our love story is very interesting and we're truly in love. Time will fail me to discuss US in this thread.

However, we both agreed mutually to have sex only after we're married but she has a very ugly memory that's hunting and hurting her emotions so much that we really need find a solution to it before it causes us a great damage.

MY FIANCÉE WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED AT A VERY TENDER AGE BY A RELATIVE WHO LIVED WITH THEM. She was molested uncountably by this monter of an Uncle who took advantage of her who found pleasure in defiling a primary school pupil.

I've tried so much to counsel her but somehow, I still believe she's not totally free from that trauma. I was a victim of sexual abuse, as well but I found the courage to heal on time but my Fiancée is still battling with this horrible experience.

I hate to see my woman in pains cos I truly and genuinely love her.

I Need help urgently on how best to help my woman heal from this ugly encounter. Please, anyone with practical experience should advise me on how to handle this situation and save my fiancée from this trauma.

Mods, kindly help me reach a wider audience

My own problem here is that you have not tasted her kuntus because of the law she has created for you to follow... I do not buy that idea of a mutual brouhaha shit

On the flip side of things... With the way the life is now...

1. No one should wait or be expecting to be told that, you don't have to think or dwell too much on the past... Focus on the future and forget the past

2. When there's life there's hope...

Me I don't always have any advice other than this two things to tell people who have had some bad experience in the past ... If she wants to keep dwelling on it, her business...

My own is that be a man and stop living by the rules a lady created for you to follow...

Both of you sexually abused hmm.

Though uncountable time'' that is very bad.
Oga if u are not from a rich family in nigeria chances of being abuse are high .
We all was abused in this nigeria in one way or the other' but u have to overcome some challeges and put them behind.
U and ur wife are too emotional'' especially ur wife, op na naija u dey no come behave like u dey oversea.
People go give u advice sha

lavylilly:
From DM

Dear OP,

I think it's irable that you care so much about her. Here are a few steps you can take that should help her:

1. Yesternight, there was a video that made frontpage here: How you can reshape trauma. Several women on the show shared stories of childhood trauma, parental issues, domestic/sexual violence and abandonment. It's a bit lengthy but worth watching. I'd advise you to watch it first in it's entirety on your own. Then watch it together with your fiancee, pausing to discuss those women's experiences. It might help you and her better understand where she's coming from using their stories as a reference.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjG7yR_k3wQ

2. Also, I'd advise you to reach out to the show's producers just like I did yesterday (on behalf of a close friend with similar childhood trauma). I was told they'll be having a psychologist on for the next instalment of the production series. Apparently, I wasn't the first to them yesterday. Seems several people also did reach out about their trauma issues. If your fiancee is interested, she might be able to them for one of their sessions. That could be an inexpensive way if getting mental healthcare. She won't have to pay to be in the live session. However, they record live in Lagos State. That means of travelling into if you're outside Lagos like me.

Alternatively, If she has concerns about privacy like my friend does (since it's a show that airs), I was told they might be able to link people directly to a psychologist with specialty in trauma to discuss her ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences). I guess you might have to pay for such a private session.

You can pull the email and other details from the links in the video description. I would have copied it here but I don't want to violate nairaland's rules about emails and phone numbers.

All the best to your fiancee. Things will definitely get better for both of you. Cheers

Mumu

Go and beat the uncle na so that you and your woman will be free from trauma. Ode

Oga, you people should move on and pray to God for his grace to forget everything totally.

Familiar lyrics

Don't be surprised if she already had 2 kids

helinues:
Familiar lyrics

Don't be surprised if she already had 2 kids

More surprising a guy may be somewhere lashing her with ease... And the muzungu is there obeying her no sex before marriage law

lavylilly:
From DM

visit a professional counselor... It will cost you money but worths it at the long run

Bigredmachine:


More surprising a guy may be somewhere lashing her with ease... And the muzungu is there obeying her no sex before marriage law

I dey tell you. Some ladies get mind to lie ridiculously sometimes

lavylilly:
From DM

Dear OP,

I think it's irable that you care so much about her. Here are a few steps you can take that should help her:

1. Yesternight, there was a video that made frontpage here: How you can reshape trauma. Several women on the show shared stories of childhood trauma, parental issues, domestic/sexual violence and abandonment. It's a bit lengthy but worth watching. I'd advise you to watch it first in it's entirety on your own. Then watch it together with your fiancee, pausing to discuss those women's experiences. It might help you and her better understand where she's coming from using their stories as a reference.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjG7yR_k3wQ

2. Also, I'd advise you to reach out to the show's producers just like I did yesterday (on behalf of a close friend with similar childhood trauma). I was told they'll be having a psychologist on for the next instalment of the production series. Apparently, I wasn't the first to them yesterday. Seems several people also did reach out about their trauma issues. If your fiancee is interested, she might be able to them for one of their sessions. That could be an inexpensive way if getting mental healthcare. She won't have to pay to be in the live session. However, they record live in Lagos State. That means of travelling into if you're outside Lagos like me.

Alternatively, If she has concerns about privacy like my friend does (since it's a show that airs), I was told they might be able to link people directly to a psychologist with specialty in trauma to discuss her ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences). I guess you might have to pay for such a private session.

You can pull the email and other details from the links in the video description. I would have copied it here but I don't want to violate nairaland's rules about emails and phone numbers.

All the best to your fiancee. Things will definitely get better for both of you. Cheers

dawnomike:
visit a professional counselor... It will cost you money but worths it at the long run

Kindly recommend any Nigeria.

Bigredmachine:


More surprising a guy may be somewhere lashing her with ease... And the muzungu is there obeying her no sex before marriage law

Not ‘May’. One guy is def smashing that puzzay to nonsense

She is not a virgin and she is telling u "no sex before marriage" dey play.
One day u go do mistake stumble on her whatsapp na that time u go know wetin be heartbreak.

Old format. U better run for Ur life....

It's unfortunate that your wife experienced what we call adverse childhood experience in professional counselling.

She will require professional help to resolve the trauma. It is not something you can handle without .

She can overcome the challenge and build a wonderful homke with you.

You can me for guidance

Na lie o...they all have this same story

Don't sha abuse her further. Useless, demonic gender. Useless obajimi.

YoungBlackRico:
Na lie o...they all have this same story

Why do you think she's lying?

lavylilly:
From DM

Even if she doesn't want to go to firms tackling child abuse. She can tell her family and they will invite the man for questioning and resolution.

But before she does such, she should invite some of these pranksters or a good cameraman. They will follow her covertly. She'll call the man for a meeting in her choice location. Once the man comes, she should confront him about it. If the man feels she's alone he will definitely it it and that is the evidence.

She can now use it to make him confess it before the family and ask for forgiveness.

Even if she doesn't want to go to firms tackling child abuse. She can tell her family and they will invite the man for questioning and resolution.

But before she does such, she should invite some of these pranksters or a good cameraman. They will follow her covertly. She'll call the man for a meeting in her choice location. Once the man comes, she should confront him about it. If the man feels she's alone he will definitely it it and that is the evidence.

She can now use it to make him confess it before the family and ask for forgiveness.

All these bannies with the same piece of crap lines, how niggas still fall for this sh*t baffles me. To even be in a relationship and not lash is funny as fu*k, naso my GF say that as a kid she was kidnapped for 4 days and knacked by men. She con like sex anything as I dey give am back to back. One thing I no too understand be say na you carry the matter anything. Oga e be like you never enter woman trap before, dem dey play you wayo. You better start to knakana the banny and no dey play mumu love.

Y do you feel his lying

OKOATA:
All these bannies with the same piece of crap lines, how niggas still fall for this sh*t baffles me. To even be in a relationship and not lash is funny as fu*k, naso my GF say that as a kid she was kidnapped for 4 days and knacked by men. She con like sex anything as I dey give am back to back. One thing I no too understand be say na you carry the matter anything. Oga e be like you never enter woman trap before, dem dey play you wayo. You better start to knakana the banny and no dey play mumu love.

lavylilly:
Y do you feel his lying

Cos I don't fall for women manipulations, person wey no be virgin dey give you zobo. Dey do mumu love up and down. Instead of you to ask her if she never nakana since the incident make she swear with her life. Use your brain oga.

I used to have a fwb who I didn't know had a fiance until more than a year after we started having sex

She told her guy same story as yours and they were doing no sex till marriage. They will be doing prayer meeting and all. Yet, she was still coming to me for sex.

She's telling you all these feel-good lies to massage your ego. Religious sisters don't like sharing their true sexual history, but as an OG, we know as e dey go.

Leave her now

Hotfreeze:
I used to have a fwb who I didn't know had a fiance until more than a year after we started having sex

She told her guy same story as yours and they were doing no sex till marriage. They will be doing prayer meeting and all. Yet, she was still coming to me for sex.

She's telling you all these feel-good lies to massage your ego. Religious sisters don't like sharing their true sexual history, but as an OG, we know as e dey go.