NewStats: 3,259,740 , 8,170,753 topics. Date: Sunday, 25 May 2025 at 08:33 PM 4d3h1m

lilvicky68:
1) Do you think if I have something doing I will be here?? Mtchewww..

2)It's like you don't know that I've worked as a mad man before.. don't hire me first and see..

3)I can be unpredictable..

4)how much is your company worth?? Give me 5% of it..

5)I've already started like this...

Security!!!!

Today's interviewees are all late


We will interview them but them can't get the job

TEACHING OPPORTUNITY

Our Client a missionary Christian co-educational school located within Port Harcourt is seeking to engage competent, resourceful and result oriented professional teachers in the following subject specifications;

CHEMISTRY
MATHEMATICS
FRENCH
HOME ECONOMICS
FOOD AND NUTRITION
VISUAL ART
BASIC TECH
BASIC SCIENCE

QUALIFICATIONS

B.Ed or B.A / B.Sc. and HND with PGDE
Required years of teaching experience : Not less than 2 years
Experience teaching certificate classes will be an added advantage )
Interested and qualified applicants should e-mail their resume to [email protected]

Use the subject teaching as the subject of your email e.g.- “Chemistry teacher” on or before October 20th 2021.

Note: Only people residing in Port Harcourt and its environs should apply.

Preciousgirl:
You are at an interview and the ask you:

1. Why Are You Here?

To start collecting salary


2. Why Should we Hire You?

Because I have BVN, NIN so I don't have problem receiving said salary

3. Tell us about yourself?

I'm a big fan of salary alert

4. What is your expected salary?

My house rent is 550k so you people can pay me like 100k minus tax

5. How soon will u start work?

As soon as you tell me which day of the month you people pay your staff salaries.


DUMB and FUNNY REPLIES ONLY

Odetokun3:


4. Boss, how much you dey collect per month? Comot 2k there. , offer me something around that region. You first me reach here.

LOL

Thanks for sharing; this is simply hilarious!

If you are interested in supplying our popcorn to 10 shops around your area or your place of living in Lagos every day. Daily pay of #1,000 or weekly pay of #6,000. me with the WhatsApp number below on my signature. The goods will be brought to you in your location nomatter your location so you don't need to bother about transportation . If interested check my number below this post

Lemme try Zlatan's response

1. Why Are You Here? - I wanted to give the Company an automatic facelift, so I came here.

2. Why Should we Hire You? - Because, without me this Company is fired

3. Tell us about yourself? - I am Zlatan, things don't happen to me, I make things happen.

4. What is your expected salary? - Zlatan doesn't do salary, Zlatan earns revenues.

5. How soon will u start work? - I know Work is eager to have me around, but I can wait.

Shey I try small?

1. Why Are You Here?
Did you not invite me? Mumu Hr. Una think say Una get sense.

2. Why Should we Hire You?
I will never tell you I can turn water to wine. I just wan work. Stop hiring thieves....Una no dey hear word.

3. Tell us about yourself?
Did you not read my CV? Ewu.

4. What is your expected salary?
The exact amount you are earning . Let's start from there first.

5. How soon will u start work?
When I feel less lazy to get out of bed. Na my papa business?

Commentor:
Why are you here?

To preach the gospel to you.

Why should we hire you?

For the same reason they hired you.

Tell us about yourself.

Why? Is this what you called me for?

What is your expected salary?

Sir, any amount is OK . A beggar has no choice.

How soon would you start work?

After you sack that stupid receptionist. She was very rude.
Does she know who I am?

Funniest ever!

Preciousgirl:
You are at an interview and the ask you:

1. Why Are You Here?

Heyyy.... look at this useless man o! What kind of stupid question is that? Isn't it obvious that I am here to earn some money, huh? Nonsense.

2. Why Should we Hire You?

Because I need the money badly.

3. Tell us about yourself?

Everything you need to know about me is in my CV unless you want to tell me you didn't even bother to read it? Please my friend go through that CV again. I don't like repeating myself all the time. I don't have time for Nonsense.

4. What is your expected salary?

Anything as from 150K per month will please me so much because that's what all my friends are earning and I don't want my own case to be different.

5. How soon will u start work?

As you can see, today is Monday and I am observing the IPOB sit at home, so don't expect me to start today... and don't expect to see me on subsequent Mondays too, as a matter of fact.

Commentor:
Why are you here?

To preach the gospel to you.

Why should we hire you?

For the same reason they hired you.

Tell us about yourself.

Why? Is this what you called me for?

What is your expected salary?

Sir, any amount is OK . A beggar has no choice.

How soon would you start work?

After you sack that stupid receptionist. She was very rude.
Does she know who I am?

Odetokun3:
1. I am here because you told me to come.

2. Because you for vacancy position(s)

3. This is me in front of you. Ask me whatever you care to know about me plus you have my Resume before now sir.

4. Boss, how much you dey collect per month? Comot 2k there. , offer me something around that region. You first me reach here.

5. Where the work make we start abeg. No time

correct guy no mind them :

Preciousgirl:
You are at an interview and the ask you:

1. Why Are You Here?

2. Why Should we Hire You?

3. Tell us about yourself?

4. What is your expected salary?

5. How soon will u start work?


DUMB and FUNNY REPLIES ONLY

1. I don't even again gan sef.
2. Enu gbe
3. I'm a look gooding guy
4. If I say it e go shock you ooo
5. I think say work don start already

1. Why Are You Here? I have been asking myself that question.

2. Why Should we Hire You? Because you are the hire hire people.

3. Tell us about yourself? I am kuku there.

4. What is your expected salary? OPP or OPG

5. How soon will u start work? Since yesterday.

Preciousgirl:
You are at an interview and the ask you:

1. Why Are You Here?

Me, I don't know oo somebody told me you said we should come.

2. Why Should we Hire You?

I need a job, you get vacancy, matter don settle na.

3. Tell us about yourself?

I no de brag, just ask about me.

4. What is your expected salary?

Sey you no get salary scale ni? Abeg, ask serious question jare.

5. How soon will u start work?

Next year, this year don nearly end but show me my office make I lock am


DUMB and FUNNY REPLIES ONLY

AJSfan:


1. I don't even again gan sef.
2. Enu gbe
3. I'm a look gooding guy
4. If I say it e go shock you ooo
5. I think say work don start already

Omo

koyyes:
1. Why Are You Here?
Did you not invite me? Mumu Hr. Una think say Una get sense.

2. Why Should we Hire You?
I will never tell you I can turn water to wine. I just wan work. Stop hiring thieves....Una no dey hear word.

3. Tell us about yourself?
Did you not read my CV? Ewu.

4. What is your expected salary?
The exact amount you are earning . Let's start from there first.

5. How soon will u start work?
When I feel less lazy to get out of bed. Na my papa business?

You won't kill me with laugh

Preciousgirl:
You are at an interview and the ask you:

1. Why Are You Here? = Dumb question! Is that supposed to be a question??

2. Why Should we Hire You? = Another Dumb question!! Like seriously? So you don't even know why you want to hire me and you asked me to come?

3. Tell us about yourself? = Yet another Dumb question!!! If only you had gone through my CV or Resume you wouldn't be asking me such dumb questions.

4. What is your expected salary? = Dumb Question again!!!! I'm sure you're not expecting me to accept my salary in Naira, considering the language Naira and Dollar is speaking at the moment.

5. How soon will u start work? = Can you please stop already with all these dumb questions, I'm getting bored!!! I'm starting now because if I leave here I you had better not call me because I ain't coming back. (Stands to leave)


DUMB and FUNNY REPLIES ONLY

1. Why Are You Here?
* Why did you call me?

2. Why Should we Hire You?
*For the reason that makes you to call me

3. Tell us about yourself?
*If you can't read, find someone to read my CV to you

4. What is your expected salary?
*Monthly, weekly or daily?

5. How soon will u start work?
* I have started already, and if my service is no longer needed then you will pay for the hours i have spent

Now to humble guy's response

1. Why Are You Here? - Haa Oga, Sapa dey. I want to resign my post as minister of Sapa affairs.

2. Why Should we Hire You? - Because Sapa will kee me if I no comot here with offer letter.

3. Tell us about yourself? - Sapa is my companion, but I want a divorce. I am very humble and wee humble your Company as well

4. What is your expected salary? - Any salary that will drive Sapa away is ok for me.

5. How soon will u start work? - Haven't I started already?

Preciousgirl:
You are at an interview and the ask you:

1. Why Are You Here?

2. Why Should we Hire You?

3. Tell us about yourself?

4. What is your expected salary?

5. How soon will u start work?


DUMB and FUNNY REPLIES ONLY

1. Bros, I dey H na why.


2. My name na Zacheaus and I no too tall.


3. Bros, I no Sabi Yourself..... Abi na Yousef u want talk.


4. Na when month end we dey expect salary


5. E nor dey start work... The battery nor good..we go need push am to start work

1. Why Are You Here?


to See those Ashana Angels in your company



2. Why Should we Hire You?

because I need to feed my family


3. Tell us about yourself?


we will get to know ourselves better when I'm employed alaye


4. What is your expected salary?


the amount that will solve all my challenges



5. How soon will u start work?



when you pay me 6 months salaries in arrears

Preciousgirl:
You are at an interview and the ask you:

1. Why Are You Here?

2. Why Should we Hire You?

3. Tell us about yourself?

4. What is your expected salary?

5. How soon will u start work?


DUMB and FUNNY REPLIES ONLY

(1) Dem talk say, no food for lazy men, I want to leave the league of lazy people

(2) hmmm, even investigative journalist self 4 don check my
CV b4 further questioning

(3) I am who I am by the grace of God

(4) should be twice the national minimum wage multiplied by a score divided by 4 and subtract a gross out of it

(5) as soon as no time to die 007 hit the cinema

Preciousgirl:
You are at an interview and the ask you:

1. Why Are You Here?
You post vacancy, I submit CV to apply...shey e be like I come wash car for here?

2. Why Should we Hire You?
There's only one way to find out. After one month, you'll feel me.

3. Tell us about yourself?
I'm a Chelsea fan and I don't joke with pu-na-ni.

4. What is your expected salary?
Make I for no sound greedy, let's start with ₦342,553.68

5. How soon will u start work?
As soon as you're seriously ready, call me.

DUMB and FUNNY REPLIES ONLY

Preciousgirl:
You are at an interview and the ask you:

1. Why Are You Here?
I am here to fry akara, gimme tray

2. Why Should we Hire You?
Why shouldn't you?

3. Tell us about yourself?
Check my CV

4. What is your expected salary?
Something light but 6 digits

5. How soon will u start work?
This week is gone so ill resume next week (on a tuesday)


DUMB and FUNNY REPLIES ONLY

Odetokun3:
1. I am here because you told me to come.

2. Because you for vacancy position(s)

3. This is me in front of you. Ask me whatever you care to know about me plus you have my Resume before now sir.

4. Boss, how much you dey collect per month? Comot 2k there. , offer me something around that region. You first me reach here.

5. Where the work make we start abeg. No time

your number 4 dey correct.you be sharp man.

Commentor:
Why are you here?

To preach the gospel to you.

Why should we hire you?

For the same reason they hired you.

Tell us about yourself.

Why? Is this what you called me for?

What is your expected salary?

Sir, any amount is OK . A beggar has no choice.

How soon would you start work?

After you sack that stupid receptionist. She was very rude.
Does she know who I am?

Hahahaha, na security go bundle you out!

1. Why Are You Here?
Are you supposed to ask me again? No be you call me?

2. Why Should we Hire You?
If you no know, why do you write vacancy outside?

3. Tell us about yourself?
You no see the information from where you picked my number?

4. What is your expected salary?
Comot like 5k from your salary and pay me the remaining because you senior me.

5. How soon will u start work?
I never start so? Anytime you are ready, call me.

Preciousgirl:
You are at an interview and the ask you:

1. Why Are You Here?
Me: Shuuu are you not the one that posted an advert for a job...

2. Why Should we Hire You?
Me: Why should you not hire me, what kind of interview is this.

3. Tell us about yourself?
Me: Didn't you get my C.V and Cover Letter...

4. What is your expected salary?
Me: The same as the M.D...

5. How soon will u start work?
Me: When I am ready...


DUMB and FUNNY REPLIES ONLY