NewStats: 3,259,097 , 8,169,099 topics. Date: Friday, 23 May 2025 at 08:27 PM 4gz

Am soon to be married to this wonderful Man but there's an issue. Am through with masters and want to further and get my Phd. However, He thinks we should get married, he'd open a shop for me and I go into business. He says our children and home will suffer if I work since we plan to live in Lagos.
We are quite young, am 24, he's 26. So I was hoping we could put off having kids for about 2years while I run the degree, but he'll have none of that. says the best time to start building a home is now and that I have to sacrifice my career for that. Dont know how to convince him

Any ideas? or do you think this is the best in the circumstance?

Dont agree to be a housewife.

When you are yet to get married is the best time to lay your cards on the table and stick to it

A good man knows that a happy fulfilled woman is going to be a happy and fulfilled wife. Once the babies come your time is no longer your own until they leave home. I would point out all the benefits of you getting your degree now (it may cost more money in a few years etc.) and see if he will go along with that. If he still does not change his mind, then you have a decision to make. Good luck in whatever you decide.

girl first off congrats on getting your masters  

Now this is your life your talking about, u worked your backside off to get your education and now he just wants u to sit up in a house? Let that man know that your a freaking superwoman, u can do it all (with his help of course) millions of women are doing it everyday. If u can't both be happy and get what you want its a no go in my book, cuz he gets to work, wife, kids, and u will be left wondering what if or what could have been. Compromise baby its 2011, he better ask somebody !!

while you're pursuing the phd degree he doesnt want you to get just yet, and delaying having the babies he wants now, will you mind if he seeks solace with a caring woman while you're so busy doing the things he didnt your doing?



not sure if you're aware nigerian men are very much in demand everywhere.

I 'lolled' at your post because we seem to be in the same dilemma but while I assume your husband's position, my husband assumes your position.
Lol. This life sef.

You'd be stupid to sacrifice your educational pursuit for some stupiddd marriage



Are you serious or just trolling?

very silly no doubt.

but her replacement will be sillier.

fstranger3:

You'd be silly to sacrifice your educational pursuit for some stupiddd marriage



Are you serious or just trolling?

I do agree that she shouldn't sacrifice her education when she can have it all, but be nice this is her life and someone she obviously care about, its not "some stupid marriage".  

I'm surprised that your dude is already making irrational decisions when he hasn't even married you.
Their is so much pride being an independent woman and you are certainly on that track so don't let no man derail it.
Fulfill your ambitions and if he really loves you he'd wait for you and if not let him sod off.

caribchic:

I do agree that she shouldn't sacrifice her education when she can have it all, but be nice this is her life and someone she obviously care about, its not "some silly marriage".  

Hey girl,


First you look good .

Second its "some silly marriage" if the guy cant allow you to achieve your academic goals.

jay bee:

I'm surprised that your dude is already making irrational decisions when he hasn't even married you.
Their is so much pride being an independent woman and you are certainly on that track so don't let no man derail it.
Fulfill your ambitions and if he really loves you he'd wait for you and if not let him sod off.

Sim[ple!

did u say ur husband was 26yrs or 36yrs? infact he is acting 46yrs

dayokanu:

Hey girl,


First you look good .

Second its "some silly marriage" if the guy cant allow you to achieve your academic goals.

First off, thank you.
Secondly, i'm just considering her feelings here, it may be silly to you but if it was to her then she would have just kicked his a*ss to the curb the minute he mentioned that s*it, not ask for advice.

caribchic:

I do agree that she shouldn't sacrifice her education when she can have it all, but be nice this is her life and someone she obviously care about, its not "some silly marriage".  

Have you ever been married in your life?

If no, so STFU, and go back to the beach. Your immature opinion is not needed here.

@OP: This is a no brainer, get your education, believe me, every thing else will fall in place seamlessly.

the issue isnt necessarily the quandary itself but the fact that both of them are at loggerheads already before the actual ceremony.

well, your education is also important @ poster, and if your fiance doesnt see your point of view, then just go ahead and do as you like.

time will tell if you made the right decision.

believe me, every thing else will fall in place seamlessly

indeed!!

caribchic:

First off, thank you.
Secondly, i'm just considering her feelings here, it may be silly to you but if it was to her then she would have just kicked his a*ss to the curb the minute he mentioned that s*it, not ask for advice.

^^ First off, where do you live cos I would like to meet you.

Second thing: In this situations most ppl are clouded by their emotions and cant reason straight.

IMO Any partner who tells you to quit school should be avoided. The guy is just 26yrs old for God sake?

Did he send her to school or sponsor her grad sch up til Masters level? He hasnt even married her and is already giving orders?

tpiah!:

indeed!!

So Tope, Would you give up your CNA school for our marriage?

no cna school, and likewise, no marriage although i cant control your dreams.

dont change the topic or derail the thread, thanks.

So lets look for a thread where we can do all we want and even make babies on the thread.

The child would be called "Dividend of democracy"

fstranger3:

Have you ever been married in your life?

If no, so STFU, and go back to the beach. Your immature opinion is not needed here.

@OP: This is a no brainer, get your education, believe me, every thing else will fall in place seamlessly.

Ok ur just mean, when u don't have to be cuz obviously i am in agreement that she should get her education  and have not said otherwise in  my posts

dayokanu:

^^ First off, where do you live cos I would like to meet you.

Second thing: In this situations most ppl are clouded by their emotions and cant reason straight.

IMO Any partner who tells you to quit school should be avoided. The guy is just 26yrs old for God sake?

Did he send her to school or sponsor her grad sch up til Masters level? He hasnt even married her and is already giving orders?

Again, i do agreee that she should get her edu, if u read my first reply to her.

^^ What of my first question

Where do you live, and How soon can you come live with me?

so having a masters is no longer considered an edu.

interesting!!!

yes these same men wont marry women they consider overeducated, citing reasons like she'll be too independent, white [or non-naija]women are better, etc etc.

they'll cheerfully date the uneducated typist from non-naija though.

Get Your Phd Dont sacrifice that for anyone if he loves you he will understand but do it in a mature not enough for a breakup or anything make him understand and see reason with u

tpiah!:

so having a masters is no longer considered an edu.

interesting!!!

Thats the minimum nowadays.


He needs to push further, if possible, she should do a post-doc before marriage

maybe she should become a VC before marriage.

dora akunyili sef married too early. what was her rush and why didnt she get her ministerial appointments before considering marriage.

tpiah!:

so having a masters is no longer considered an edu.

interesting!!!

yes these same men wont marry women they consider overeducated, citing reasons like she'll be too independent, white [or non-naija]women are better, etc etc.

they'll cheerfully date the uneducated typist from non-naija though.

You are wrong Tpiah!

no i'm not!!

tpiah!:

so having a masters is no longer considered an edu.

interesting!!!

yes these same men wont marry women they consider overeducated, citing reasons like she'll be too independent, white [or non-naija]women are better, etc etc.

they'll cheerfully date the uneducated typist from non-naija though.

I wonde where you get your ideas from Tope.

A woman overeducated? abeg send such women to me as long as she is sexy. WHo wants to date an uneducated typist?

I can come up with theories how Naija women prefer to date illiterate mechanics too you know.

BTW how far?

tpiah!:

[b]maybe she should become a VC before marriag[/b]e.

dora akunyili sef married too early. what was her rush and why didnt she get her ministerial appointments before considering marriage.

If she can achieve that before her 27th birthday, why not.

The more success, the better for me

dayokanu:

I wonde where you get your ideas from Tope.

A woman overeducated? abeg send such women to me as long as she is sexy. WHo wants to date an uneducated typist?

I can come up with theories how Naija women prefer to date illiterate mechanics too you know.

BTW how far?

so you check women's credentials before banging them i suppose.


ask your fellow naija males if they're marrying post-Phds.