NewStats: 3,259,422 , 8,170,053 topics. Date: Saturday, 24 May 2025 at 10:37 PM 586614

Ok i just ed something back in my primary school days even now as an adult

Primary school: How many us used to smell our class mates nyash when someone pollutes the air? or sing the normal "who mess am, na ojo, ojo say na teacher, teacher say no worry na my class people mess am pooommm" song? I was called back then "Jenny the captain smeller"  i was the one incharge of smelling nyashes if i no smell well , i go ask for pants to be pull down and skirts raised up and funny enough people used to obey and even go as far as seriously defending themselves if i say i smelt sthg funny

As grown ups, have you ever been in the shop and felt like farting? It happens to me all the time, especially when im around people, so what i do is stiffen my a:s:s muscle walk softly and gently and then gently release my muscle, and dish out a type of mess i call "yusufffffffffffffffffffffffffhhhhhhhhhh'" (the silent mess that blows like fan) and run away

I actually farted inside a supermarkets fridge one day, turned my back and dished it out, funny enough the fridge survived the massive attack

Share your experience , no shy persons wanted here pleaseee

Ah, the good old days. . .

I smelling class member's backsides, when someone had obviously trumped. Both acoustic and silent versions. From memory, the silent ones stunk the most.

This thread make me laugh so tire, tear bingin commot for my eyes bt i no go confess. . . .

Tasteless.

chei memories! i certainly did the nyash stiffing in school. "who messed here?" everyone will start "not me oo, smell me, smell me not me oo" and oh boy, did i smell them! i was the general nyash inspector. sometimes sef, if i smell them and i feel like their big uniform is concealing it, i will hold their uniform tight (like how those wicked teachers use to hold your cloth tight when flogging you, so that the pain will enter inside) and smell them. if i smell you, i will tell the whole class it is  not you, but if its you eh eh god help you the embarrassment "its you! you messed! and if they deny it, another nyash inspector will confirm it

the silent ones, did it too. i mean there places that you will be that you cant let it out and it wouldnt allow you to rest. sometimes when i do, i will bone so tay. . .  and people will be wondering what that smell is, i will even bone more. and if someone ask me do you hear that smell? i will be like "what smell? me i no hear anything oo" sometimes my laugh will just expose me

the worst one my friends and i did in school is when you mess and catch it with your hands, then cover your hand, call one of your friends or go to them, and just release it on the nose and ran as fast as you can!

Buahahahahhahahaahhahaha sissy you r a comedian i swear

@siena
hahahhahahahaha siena, oh so you urself used to smell ehn? did they smell yours?


@Topic

Actually mine then used to smell like rotten scrambled egss on rotten bacon

jennykadry:


Actually mine then used to smell like rotten scrambled egss on rotten bacon

i had those ones too. especially when i eat beans or any protein rich foods, the smell is indescribable. there are times sef, when the smell will be too much for me who messed, that i will have shift/move from the place and sometimes go to where my friends are so they will smell it too

back in the days: one day when my coz and i were alone in the room, i messed and the thing started to smell so bad eh, she started rubbing her nose, i pretentiously asked her na wetin? she was like, did you mess? (in my mind i'm like ewoo this pikin don catch me!) i told, dont you know you should be jumping up and down, thanking your stars and be very happi that you are privileged enough to smell my mess? do you know how many people stand in line everyday just to smell my mess. she just couldnt hold her laughter either i could

buahahahahaha sissy abeg leave,oh my gawddd, ol boy i dish out the thing,even @ nite my partner got tired of using the blanket to cover nose,that he started counting hw many times i do it, just beside d bed lamp there is a spray for the mess, the other day i tld him to b happy i feed him wt enuff oxygen,there was a day i farted, the way the bomb sounded in the states on sept 11,dats d way mine sounded ,d sound shocked d dude dat he screamed 'JESUS,HABA HONEY WHAT IS IT AGAIN'

~Sissy~:

i had those ones too. especially when i eat beans or any protein rich foods, the smell is indescribable. there are times sef, when the smell will be too much for me who messed, that i will have shift/move from the place and sometimes go to where my friends are so they will smell it too

That got me cracking! 

That has happpened to me a few times. .I used to think that I could withstand my own stuff, no matter how bad it is. .but some had had me thinking "haba ol'boy, wetin u chop" to myself. .

I've done the "hand-capture thingy" a few times too, but I only do it to myself when I'm investigating the "degree of smelliness" of the fart. .

And as for the silent yusufffffffffffffffhhhhhhhhh thing, I be pro 4 that one. .

jennykadry:

buahahahahaha sissy abeg leave,oh my gawddd, ol boy i dish out the thing,even @ nite my partner got tired of using the blanket to cover nose,that he started counting hw many times i do it, just beside d bed lamp there is a spray for the mess, the other day i tld him to b happy i feed him wt enuff oxygen,there was a day i farted, the way the bomb sounded in the states on sept 11,dats d way mine sounded ,d sound shocked d dude dat he screamed 'JESUS,HABA HONEY WHAT IS IT AGAIN'

oYaTo:

That got me cracking! 

That has happpened to me a few times. .I used to think that I could withstand my own stuff, no matter how bad it is. .but some had had me thinking "haba ol'boy, wetin u chop" to myself. .

I've done the "hand-capture thingy" a few times too, but I only do it to myself when I'm investigating the "degree of smelliness" of the fart. .

And as for the silent yusufffffffffffffffhhhhhhhhh thing, I be pro 4 that one. .

LMFAOOOOO!!!!

This thread is so funny, made my day menhhh I wish I could contribute but unfortunately am the shy
type sorry Jenny.

muki and roki oya contribute

LOl

haha, who mess, na you, no be me na lie, na you, and fiam i start singing eni so ko ni ku, eni so ko ni ru, toba dele a ra moto, aindele a ra moto, egbe lo ma ya dele, gbe gbe shukutu epus hehehehe,
oh man!!!

@Jennnnnyyykadri, your post definately doesnt deserve a bravo its totally revolting, but its absolutely and I mean absolutely HILARIOUS. Its always good when people dont take themselves that seriously sometimes. I never thought of myself as the shy type until this thread, so guys keep them fart stories rolling. LMAO and it feels good.

I HAVE NOT HAD A GOOD LAFF AS MUCH AS I DID READING THIS THREAD. My colleagues in the office actually thought i was losing it

Lol, this Jenny sef. So this thread is about farting?
I've never farted a day in my life.
A certain Mister Somebody's fart smells like a toilet in hell.

spikedcylinder:

Lol, this Jenny sef. So this thread is about farting?
I've never farted a day in my life.
A certain Mister Somebody's fart smells like a toilet in hell.

who you wan deceive">

My next farting target will be on the plane, ive tried to do it, but whenever i want to, the mess go run, go back, e no wan cause massive explosion before them go accuse am of being bin laden the second

SA Lady:

@Jennnnnyyykadri, your post definately doesnt deserve a bravo its totally revolting, but its absolutely and I mean absolutely HILARIOUS. Its always good when people dont take themselves that seriously sometimes. I never thought of myself as the shy type until this thread, so guys keep them fart stories rolling. LMAO and it feels good.

My dear, like i said earlier, life is too short to be serious all the time, this is the net,and im just having fun with invisble faces

I love this thread . In my former work place i had a colleague that was my competitor in farting. Ol boy! when we start,the walls dey bow. One day i told my present colleague that i was missing my former workplace, because i had freedom to release at any time. Here i no fit because junior staff can come in at any times to sign or report.

funny thread!

I read this some where, sounds like me the other day with my girl.

As I woke up, I yawned, took a sideway glance and saw what it was. I was not alone, that was my babe lying by my side. From habit, I did the usual – I let out a very loud burst of wind from my behind. I normally tighten the opening and apply pressure from the innermost part of the belly to produce something close to a high octave note on a rusty trumpet. Madam woke up. Confused, then asked what was that? I told her some terrorists just bombed an embassy in Malawi.

OAM4J:

funny thread!

I read this some where, sounds like me the other day with my girl.

As I woke up, I yawned, took a sideway glance and saw what it was. I was not alone, that was my babe lying by my side. From habit, I did the usual – I let out a very loud burst of wind from my behind. I normally tighten the opening and apply pressure from the innermost part of the belly to produce something close to a high octave note on a rusty trumpet. Madam woke up. Confused, then asked what was that? I told her some terrorists just bombed an embassy in Malawi.

i'm a shy person so any bodily activity is very private. Tho i rem with much nostalgia my brothers trying to out do themselves and me having to bear he brunt of that
but good lord! jenny, sissy, oyato,oam4j and siena you guys are just absolutely hilarious!

Honestly i don laff die for oam4j post oh my gawdddd

OAM4J:

funny thread!

I read this some where, sounds like me the other day with my girl.

As I woke up, I yawned, took a sideway glance and saw what it was. I was not alone, that was my babe lying by my side. From habit, I did the usual – I let out a very loud burst of wind from my behind. I normally tighten the opening and apply pressure from the innermost part of the belly to produce something close to a high octave note on a rusty trumpet. Madam woke up. Confused, then asked what was that? I told her some terrorists just bombed an embassy in Malawi.[color=#990000][/color]

oh gawdddddd

@bluspice

eyyaaaaaaaa , we used to compete then when we were little, mine was always terrible cos i used to constipate a lot then, infact i could stay for a week without shaiting, so whenever it comes to mess competition, my bros's and sis's sure knew they had one helluva rival, and the best part of it is when i do the thing for public and the thing make noise, all i do then is use my mouth begin beat drum or making sounds, so that the people around me go think say it was my mouth in action not my behind

jennykadry:

, all i do then is use my mouth begin beat drum or making sounds, so that the people around me go think say it was my mouth in action not my behind

a girl did this sometime ago, she let one out and then dropped her bag  and kept on shuffling , she didnt know the more she moved, the more the flavour got out

Jenny
i dunno what you talking about sha . .far, t  and me? no way man

I am innocent

mukina2:

a girl did this sometime ago, she let one out and then dropped her bag  and kept on shuffling , she didnt know the more she moved, the more the flavour got out

Jenny
i dunno what you talking about sha . .far, t  and me? no way man

I am innocent

I hear you, inno cent, give us the farting stories abi u wan tell me say u never fart for your husband presence before

And the best part is farting when d dude is eating,i always do that when i am eyeing the dude's stock fish, cos sometimes when he wants to eat, and the food has some stock fish innit, he'd rather serve himself, and the dude get microscopic eyes so tey i wonder why i did not see dat fish after cooking,so all i do is release some air pressure ,cos i know he's gonna postpone eating for a while, that gices me a enuff time to chop the fish, but now the dude don sabo my style, even if i do am inside his food, the dude go lick plate finish, then tell me "Thank you for the extra ingredients"

you bad sorry you got caught

i have never farted a day in my life

some people have degrees in that sha, especially boys, and they will want you to stay and smell it

mukina2:



you bad sorry you got caught

i have never farted a day in my life

some people have degrees in that sha, especially boys, and they will want you to stay and smell it

omg this is sooooo true!
especially the never farting bit,
i'm a member of a higher evolved specie of human beings. We have perfected the art of getting rid of human waste by simply. . .
wait for it. . . .




you guessed it, i aint gotta do none

Jenny, I used to have a classmate like you back in primary school those days, she was the 'captain smeller' like you. So many times she embarrassed me in front of the class because she always caught me. One day someone messed in the class, while everyone was asking who did it? who did it? I felt a big one coming, I ran to my dear smelling captain, 'oya smell me' as she bent to smell my yansh, I released an heavy bazooka straight to her mouth and nose, to my iration and the excitement of the whole class.

Needless to say that was the lass day she smell anybody yansh.

another one.

I went to pick my friend (white guy) from the airport, on our way back he released a loud fart (very explosive) and all he said was ‘sorry’, I could not wind down the car windows because it was freezing cold outside. I had to absorb every bit of that corrosive odour. About 15 minutes after he released another one; it’s the type that keeps sounding like an SMG – pra – pa – pa – pra – pa. It was too much for me, I screamed; ‘won fi se e ni’ (meaning – are you under a curse). . . all the car four windows came down in 3 secs. Till today the guy is still asking me for the meaning of 'won fi se e ni'

OAM4J:

another one.

I went to pick my friend (white guy) from the airport, on our way back he released a loud fart (very explosive) and all he said was ‘sorry’, I could not wind down the car windows because it was freezing cold outside. I had to absorb every bit of that corrosive odour. About 15 minutes after he released another one; it’s the type that keeping sounding like an SMG – pra – pa – pa – pra – pa. It was too much for me, I screamed; ‘won fi se e ni’ (meaning – are you under a curse). . . all the car four windows came down in 3 secs. Till today the guy is still asking me for the meaning of 'won fi se e ni'