NewStats: 3,262,326 , 8,176,818 topics. Date: Sunday, 01 June 2025 at 07:46 PM 6i2k2j

Top of the day to my nairalanders fam.
Majority of people here have idea about my story and if you don't, you can go through my previous post to get a glimpse.

This month made it one year and seven months have been Separated and living apart from my ex wife due to infidelity and cheating from my ex wife part. Since then, my two daughter aged 8 and 7 had been living with her and I do take responsibility of them until this January 2024 when my wife took my kids to her father and step mom place because there was this course she was order to go for 6months officially outside lagos state. I was so angry because she never seek my permission or approval before taking them there and because of this, I stop sending money or paying their fees till now. I saw it as a act of disrespect if I the father can't be informed of where my kids are been taking to for a long period of time. She already took them there before informing me.

She was supposed to finish her course outside the state by June and since then, she never called me to inform me she is back until yesterday when I put a call to her and she told me she got back since June. I asked about the kids and to my shock, she told me the kids are still there with her father and step mom. How can you leave the kids at your parents place while the father and mother are available, I got so upset and the discussion resulted to insult and curse on phone. She told me she had a serious issue at work and she couldn't combine the kids stress to what she is going through presently. To be honest, I was even thinking to reconcile with her cos of the kids despite she cheated but the way she behave and talks on phone shows she is not remorse or even care if the family is back together or ready for any reconciliation despite the fact she was at fault. Now my kids are my focus but I don't know how to go about this.

The information I got from her dad was that he will not release the kids to either me or her on less the money he had spent on them is refunded back to him. This is already looking like a kidnap and abduction case which I told her that if she doesn't pick those kids before weekend, I will file a case of child kidnap and abduction against her and her father. Pls I need advice on how to go about this and those that have first class experience with such should assist with advice. Thank you all

What has your family (at least your parents) done about this matter?

Involve your family in the matter before going to court.

I really don't know what to opine here.

Any Family Lawyer in the house?

Thats by the way. Are you both divorced legally or just separated. There should be a binding clause on who takes custody and responsibility of the children as at when due.

This can be resolved amicably.

An African marriage is one that involves two families. Try getting your family involved first before seeking redress in court.

We married through the traditional way and we have not done any legal divorce, just separated for now and it's almost two years now. I feel she never expected I will move on so easily after all what I went through in the marriage and she feels better and regret now, so her best bet is to use the kids as bargain chip. Pls lawyers, how is divorce proceeding done for people that got married traditional without court.

Pls mod, help push to FP for wider audience

guyboss:
I really don't know what to opine here.

Any Family Lawyer in the house?

Thats by the way. Are you both divorced legally or just separated. There should be a binding clause on who takes custody and responsibility of the children as at when due.

This can be resolved amicably.

Her family contributed to the breakdown of the marriage due to many interference which she caused.

nato20ng:
An African marriage is one that involves two families. Try getting your family involved first before seeking redress in court.

My family are aware of what's going on and for now, they don't want to interfere because my ex wife family is not making any effort. Initially we had plans to go to the father's place but I thought about it that it doesn't make any sense cos I did not send those kids there at first.

immortalcrown:
What has your family (at least your parents) done about this matter?

Involve your family in the matter before going to court.

Afodot0022:
My family are aware of what's going on and for now, they don't want to interfere because my ex wife family is not making any effort. Initially we had plans to go to the father's place but I thought about it that it doesn't make any sense cos I did not send those kids there at first.

Consult your family before going to court.

You think you can take care of two young daughters as a single man? No, you cannot. They are better off staying with Grandpa/wife.
Your ex wife informed you about the kids whereabouts after she had taken them to Grandpa's house, so what? She at least informed you. Then you stopped paying school fees/feeding, you thought they will beg you, but grandpa stood up and took responsibility, now you are back complaining. Grandpa told you to return all expenses before he will release the kids to you or mother, yet you are still here arguing. Even if Grandpa says you should pay 2million, then be ready to cough out that amount, you can never win the case in court because you stopped paying for their upkeep.

You are a woman so you will never understand my point. Am not trying to take custody of the kids, but they should stay with either the mom or dad. I won't pay any money to the father cos I never approved or permit her taking them there .. I won't want her to push me to forget about those kids and move on. I will count my loss and move on

LilMissFavvy:
You think you can take care of two young daughters as a single man? No, you cannot. They are better off staying with Grandpa/wife.
Your ex wife informed you about the kids whereabouts after she had taken them to Grandpa's house, so what? She at least informed you. Then you stopped paying school fees/feeding, you thought they will die cry and beg you, but grandpa stood up and took responsibility, now you are back complaining. Grandpa told you to return all expenses before he will release the kids to you or mother, yet you are still here arguing. Even if Grandpa says you should pay 2million, then be ready to cough out that amount, you can never win the case in court because you stopped paying for their upkeep.

OP all these happened because they know you are weak by giving birth to girls in the first place.

Go give another woman belle first make that one born then you go dey fight for these ones



Try and be visiting them in their grandparents place once in a while

You de form city boy

When you knew your wife was traveling for a course, did you suggest to her to bring the kids over to you and she refused? If not, where did you expect her to keep the kids?

Afodot0022:
You are a woman so you will never understand my point. Am not trying to take custody of the kids, but they should stay with either the mom or dad. I won't pay any money to the father cos I never approved or permit her taking them there .. I won't want her to push me to forget about those kids and move on. I will count my loss and move on

You are not serious. You don't want them but you want her to want them. Is that not double standard? If she says she cannot cope as a single parent with them and still be working, then what stops you from going for them? Because you know you cannot cope either but instead of humbling yourself and providing for your children regardless of your differences with the mom, you chicken out and think you are in any position to have a say on where and how they are raised. A roof over their head, u no provide. Upkeep nko, nothing like that. You don't even want them with you! So in what way are you a father to those kids? Is it the 5minutes role you played in their conception that you think qualifies you to answer 'father'? Again, you are not serious. Take your case anywhere, you will not only loose but be forced to resume paying upkeep although I don't know why you have to wait for someone to force you. Mini man!

Afodot0022:
You are a woman so you will never understand my point. Am not trying to take custody of the kids, but they should stay with either the mom or dad. I won't pay any money to the father cos I never approved or permit her taking them there .. I won't want her to push me to forget about those kids and move on. I will count my loss and move on

I think you are being too rigid. You think it's easy taking care of two kids and working also? Think about it

Mom007:


You are not serious. You don't want them but you want her to want them. Is that not double standard? If she says she cannot cope as a single parent with them and still be working, then what stops you from going for them? Because you know you cannot cope either but instead of humbling yourself and providing for your children regardless of your differences with the mom, you chicken out and think you are in any position to have a say on where and how they are raised. A roof over their head, u no provide. Upkeep nko, nothing like that. You don't even want them with you! So in what way are you a father to those kids? Is it the 5minutes role you played in their conception that you think qualifies you to answer 'father'? Again, you are not serious. Take your case anywhere, you will not only loose but be forced to resume paying upkeep although I don't know why you have to wait for someone to force you. Mini man!

Don't mind the man, he's been unreasonable. He's even heartless not sending upkeep money for the children just because they in their grandparents house. Who does that sef

OP. Your wife cheated on you brazenly. Which respect do you say you are looking for again? You mentioned that you wanted to reconcile with her. You wanted to reconcile with a woman who stepped out of her marriage and got good dicked. I need you to hear yourself.

It is no surprise she disrespects you.

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Pls just shot the hell up. You don't know what transpires but you already start judging. I don't blame you, it's either you are a single mother that is pained and using that to get back at me. You women believe you can always behave stupidly and get away with it. Someone took my kids to where I didnt approved. You didn't read the part I said I was taking responsibility of them before this situation. Pls just leave emotion and think logically. If she wants to have the kids, let her have them. Na she go suffer am

Mom007:


You are not serious. You don't want them but you want her to want them. Is that not double standard? If she says she cannot cope as a single parent with them and still be working, then what stops you from going for them? Because you know you cannot cope either but instead of humbling yourself and providing for your children regardless of your differences with the mom, you chicken out and think you are in any position to have a say on where and how they are raised. A roof over their head, u no provide. Upkeep nko, nothing like that. You don't even want them with you! So in what way are you a father to those kids? Is it the 5minutes role you played in their conception that you think qualifies you to answer 'father'? Again, you are not serious. Take your case anywhere, you will not only loose but be forced to resume paying upkeep although I don't know why you have to wait for someone to force you. Mini man!

So since June, you never ring your wife to know how the kids are doing?
Who do you this thing?

All I see is a very self entitled man.

Wifey is regretting you moved on
She want to usethe kids as bargaining chips yet since she came back, she didn't bother calling you to pay up
And you think she hasn't moved on.


You sounded very jealous. Really jealous, petty and so full of yourself.

We are yet to hear from your so called cheating wife.
And if you are so right, your family would have stood by you but you are giving reasons why your family don't want to get involved yet.
Your kids are with their grandparents abi you think the kids belong to your family only?


You have no case. Your lawyer will ask you to pay up
Since you are a working man, children that age usually stays with mum
And you must provide monthly financial upkeep.
Then you have visiting hours in a week you must adhere to.
That's the simplest of it

Neptunium:
You want to sue her or they want to sue you? You're owing her a year or so of child .

The guy ticked all bad.
He is owing child .
Kids are with their grandparents
He don't even call or visit them ani he don't know the way to the grandparents house.
If he has gone there and they pursue him, now, he has a case but as it is, he is digging his own grave.

If he is abroad, he will be in a very hot soup.

Homeboiy:
Go give another woman belle first make that one born then you go dey fight for these ones



Try and be visiting them in their grandparents place once in a while

You de form city boy

All hope is not lost from the various comments I am reading coming from guys.

Regardless of his beef with their mum, he is their father and should perform his fatherly duties.

Afodot0022:
Pls just shot the hell up. You don't know what transpires but you already start judging. I don't blame you, it's either you are a single mother that is pained and using that to get back at me. You women believe you can always behave stupidly and get away with it. Someone took my kids to where I didnt approved. You didn't read the part I said I was taking responsibility of them before this situation. Pls just leave emotion and think logically. If she wants to have the kids, let her have them. Na she go suffer am

Ogbeni shut it with your bla bla bla talk. If e too pain you, go and collect your kids and take care of them yourself. And make sure you don't take them to your own parents while you go to work o... and don't get a nanny. You must bathe them, cook and clean up after them, wash their clothes, do school run etc all while you hold your 9 to 5 job. Sauce for the goose must be sauce for the gander after all!Failure to do all these things means you shut up and keep sending money for your children's upkeep.
Yen yen yen, na she go suffer am! Dead beat dad's like you have only one card to play which is withholding money. E too pain you say after you played your last card, she refused to be bothered that's why you came here to cry.
No one said you should go back to a cheating wife but if you can't play your part in raising your children, the only part which anyone really expects from a double standard hypocrite like you than shut up abeg and watch their grandpa be a better father to them than you will ever be.

So because your ex didn't tell you before she traveled, you now decided to withhold upkeep for your kids because they live with their grandparents? If she has been around since June and you didn't bother to call her before then, that means you didn't call her parents to talk to your kids all those times they've been there abi? Because you dey vex, you transfer your vexation to your kids well being and decided not to visit and see them? Deadbeats always showcase their stupidity everytime

She needs your approval before she travel for a work related course as per you are who? Is she not your ex, cos I'm not understanding the approval part, what makes you think you have a say in any aspect of her life since you're separated? So if you don't approve of her traveling, you expect her to stay put and listen to you as per na you be her oga at work abi wetin? Orisirisi

The only thing connecting you and her are those kids that's all, get that into your skull today, you can't dictate what she does with her life, that part is gone,

And no she isn't regretting anything, cos if she truly is, na she go dey call you every week, but you both didn't talk till you called her in June, na you sef dey regret but pride no wan make you see road, see the way you dey make mouth saying let her have the kids, you will go to court yen yen yen as if you're right, mister man, no court will you till you pay grandpa the complete money he used to take care of your kids.

This OP sef. Are you sure you wouldn't punish these girls due to your bitterness if they offend you when you keep them?

You don't love them as you try to claim.

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This is a clear case of human trafficking.

Any day you are ready to have your kids, you will go straight to his house to get your kids. Is there more to this?

The fact is that parents/grandparents must learn to respect themselves and stay off people's marriages and homes. The love they think they have for their grandkids means nothing compared to a father's/mother's love.

Your ex father in law failed to respect himself by not getting your consent or approval before accommodating (detaining) your kids. He has no right whatsoever over those children as far as the Nigerian Child Rights Act is concerned. No single right.

'

You have to hire an experienced kidnapper to kidnap your children back.

From the writeup, there are so many failings by both parents and the children are bearing the brunt.

The Ministry of Social Welfare should be involved, the grandparents would be made to present the minors.

How parents feel comfortable with restricting provision of care to their children because of issues with their (former) spouse, who is the other parent , is of mental health concern.

Your level of stupidity has beclouded your reasoning and exchanging words with you here is a waste of time. I wish all the male in your family and lineage to go through what I went through ok cos it's easier for you to open your mouth and spew dust

Mom007:


Ogbeni shut it with your bla bla bla talk. If e too pain you, go and collect your kids and take care of them yourself. And make sure you don't take them to your own parents while you go to work o... and don't get a nanny. You must bathe them, cook and clean up after them, wash their clothes, do school run etc all while you hold your 9 to 5 job. Sauce for the goose must be sauce for the gander after all!Failure to do all these things means you shut up and keep sending money for your children's upkeep.
Yen yen yen, na she go suffer am! Dead beat dad's like you have only one card to play which is withholding money. E too pain you say after you played your last card, she refused to be bothered that's why you came here to cry.
No one said you should go back to a cheating wife but if you can't play your part in raising your children, the only part which anyone really expects from a double standard hypocrite like you than shut up abeg and watch their grandpa be a better father to them than you will ever be.

My kids will never suffered in my hands cos I love them . She knows I love the kids so much reason why she is trying to use them to manipulate me.

Neptunium:
Good point. The kids will suffer in his hands. The wife and her parents should have the sense to not release them to him