NewStats: 3,263,201 , 8,179,388 topics. Date: Thursday, 05 June 2025 at 03:50 AM 5y473c

Because they are poor

AreaFada2:

The thing is a man's value diminishes in the eyes of his children and wife as he gets older, loses vitality and wealth. Children will always cherish the mother the most.

I know women who were not particularly good mother or wife yet 95% enjoyed children's attention. I one lady back then. It was a big family house they lived in. On Christmas and new year's day, her kids usually got food from their step-grandmom (wife of their father's father). Same on New Year. The lady will cook very unpalatable food later that even her kids will refuse. Her hubby also relied on his stepmom to cook his food. In fact the lady was all round totally useless and virtually everybody agreed on it. Let me not go into more details. The hubby, a very very good man who even refused to marry another wife despite being quite comfortable and respected, died many years ago. After his death, it was this lady enjoying the kids and grandkids. She died a few years back too.

I know a man that we all considered irresponsible for his excessive womanising and many kids outside. For years now, those kids he had outside, largely raised by their mothers, have all done well. Some baby mamas used to come "yare" at his house that he was a deadbeat dad back then. Those kids outside look after him very well now. Even the kids at home equally look after him well. If anybody deserved being abandoned in old age, perhaps it is a man like him. Many other men who were far better husbands and fathers, from what I have seen suffered. It is not exact science. Giving a lot to your kids and wife when young is no guarantee that they will reciprocate. Just do what you need to do as a man, hubby and father. Expect nothing and anything but plan for eventuality.

This life na luck. Men must weigh things carefully and plan for retirement. I used to despise polygamy but observation has shown me that monogamy is like putting all your eggs in one basket. Your wife of 40 years can change and decide to punish you for something trivial from 35 years ago. Her kids abroad now send her more money, she goes for omugwo, doesn't need you to raise her kids anymore, your pension from SG or FG is not even regular.

Polygamy has its many downsides of course but should not be totally ruled out. I used to rule it out.

**Giving a lot to your kids and wife when young is no guarantee that they will reciprocate. Just do what you need to do as a man, hubby and father. Expect nothing and anything but plan for eventuality.**

The above sums up everything my brother...
It's just pure luck and unexplainable...

YeeboMuslim:

Have you taught your worthless children sense ?
Aren't they beating you up daily for being a failure in your prime
May your worthless , good for nothing parents burn in the hottest part of hell for siring a failure like you ;
May your children be unfortunate for coming to this world through you .
Your father was a disciple of Anini and your mother an Italian Ashewo

Mofo!

Hahaha

You want begin cry? Never cry yet, smallie.

Ayam a medical doctor...doctor kill you there idiot.

Give us your hospital address you hungry baboon.

Openly and proudly selling yours and your children's destiny for a morsel and to people who give no flying Bleep about you.

You go learn manners and how to be a human being for my hand.

onumadu:
It is happening because it is the natural course of things in life, and there are bio-social reasons for it.
If there is any FIRM strike against monogamy, this is it.
In my ancestral Igboland, a man married as he aged.
Example, at 20 year old, he married his first wife who may be 15/16 yrs old.
At his 30 birthday, he married another woman... and so on until he gets to about 60-70 yrs old when he married a woman that (in Igbo language we say) "ga ene ya nka" (that would take care of him in old age). Go and see in the Bible where king David did exactly the same thing.
But today, clueless men herd other clueless men into a clueless marriage system that is almost anti-men, only to get discarded and abused in their old age.
This is why I keep advocating for a return to the ancestral Igbo marriage system by the Igbo.
Euro-monogamy comes with things you cannot handle.
When my beloved uncle died alone after raising children but was abandoned in old age, the handwriting on the wall became bright red for us his male relatives.
Argue with yourself if you like!

My brother, this your response is beginning to reset my brain. I'm beginning to think of following your advice before what happened in 1960 will repeat itself. Thanks for being real nwafor! Omena ala adihi anwu anwu!

I believed most men condemning their fellow men here are single and I really pity una,you'll soon get there,when u get married and ur wife started dumping every bullshit on u,work from morning till night and u end up spending 90% of the money on ur kid and ur wife(and her family) but they later abandoned u when u are old and useless,when money is no more coming in,then ur brain will reset and you'll start asking yourself questions like "is this what my father went thru" but then,it'll be too late .

If u abandon ya papa,your own children will abandon you too

After they might have successfully brainwashed you that polygamy is bad, your eyes go kome clear for old age! God punish anybody telling me not to marry more than one wive... In Oba Solomon's voice... "Don't go polygamy ooo... Je ki won ma fi Bible tan e je Iku Pa e during old age"

Marry two or more wives

That's the only way out of women treachery.
That faith await every men who is married to only one woman

ejimatic:
It has been observed that many more crises are taking place in families nowadays. One of them is our focus here.

Many wives and children now abandon their husbands after the men retire. Some turn children against their fathers while some wives plan to kill their husbands so as to inherit their husband properties.

Why is it that wives want their husbands dead so as to inherit them? Why is it that when husbands are sicks WIves always try to know what is in the wills of their husbands? Why do wives abandon their husbands at the old age and pack to another apartment? Why do wives want to be in control of their husbands at the old age! Why do families crack when the old age is about to set in .

A man was abandoned by his wives and children so much so that he was crying for help in his apartment. When thean died the children slaughtered cows and painted the house.What do you think about this development? What is happening in the families now?

They pretended to forgive their husbands for past misdeeds cos women know its difficult to get another marriage when they've born.

So they stay put in their marriage but wait till old age when they exact their revenge.

Men need to spend more time with their kids. It creates a bond that no mother can break. I was close to my dad till he died. Nothing could have changed that even as he wasn't a perfect human being. No one is. Despite his busy schedule, he always created time to relate with us at home and during outings. He had personal files for each of us to monitor our progress and proffer advice or discuss problems as they arise. He paid the bills mostly through our mother who never denied same. Of course, our mum ed him as much as she could. He also never pretended that he was the sole financier.

However, men who honor side chicks while allowing their wives and children to suffer should plan for and expect anything. You can't have the love and respect of your family when you're paying the bills of mistresses and denying your family love and care. It's too emotionally, financially and physically tasking for a woman living under that condition. Of course the children see things oftentimes without being told.

Mothers should let their children show gratitude and respect their fathers. It's actually a spiritually rewarding thing for them. Hiding the fact that a father pays the bills (if he does) is grossly unfair. He loses the respect of the children while sacrificing so much for them. Mothers should separate issues between them and their husbands from the relationship between him and his children. They are two different things. It's never wise to use the children to fight battles between couples. It's probably one of the reasons why we have so many dysfunctional children these days.

A mother's attitude and actions has a great impact. Don't tell your children stories that will make them hate their father. If you feel terribly disenchanted, it's better to leave than to wait for revenge. It's a waste of valuable time and most unhealthy. Bitterness is a slow poison, avoid it.

Above all, both men and women should save towards their old age. A mix of investments makes it easy to have access to funds at all times. Even when the children are willing to do their bit, circumstances may make things difficult e.g. ill health that requires a lot of funds to manage. Whatever the child can provide should not be the main income source. Over dependence could hamper the child's progress too.

As Yorubas say, a jere omo. On the other hand, a ni woju omo ka to jeun. Amin (We'll reap from our children but we won't have to wait on them to be fed.)

God help us all.

ejimatic:
It has been observed that many more crises are taking place in families nowadays. One of them is our focus here.

Many wives and children now abandon their husbands after the men retire. Some turn children against their fathers while some wives plan to kill their husbands so as to inherit their husband properties.

Why is it that wives want their husbands dead so as to inherit them? Why is it that when husbands are sicks WIves always try to know what is in the wills of their husbands? Why do wives abandon their husbands at the old age and pack to another apartment? Why do wives want to be in control of their husbands at the old age! Why do families crack when the old age is about to set in .

A man was abandoned by his wives and children so much so that he was crying for help in his apartment. When thean died the children slaughtered cows and painted the house.What do you think about this development? What is happening in the families now?

It's either

1. He married a bad wife

2. He was a bad husband and father

3. A good provider bt bad in communication and association.

I know many kids and wives who take or took care of their dad's.

Nobody abandons a good dad unless he married a bad wife who influences the children wrongly ans she can only do that cos he was absent in the direct relationship with his kids.

Ariketolu:
THIS HAS BEEN BOTH A COMMON CONCERN OF EVERY RESPONSIBLE MAN AS WELL AS A FAMILIAR TOPIC AMONG MEN THROUGH AGES, But unfortunately, it is a lost battle

Not long ago, I stumbled on a discussion in relation to how some women abandon their husbands at advanced ages and pitch their tents with their children under the guise of helping them to nurse their (children's) children. In some other cases, the men have been abandoned at old age by their wives because they felt it was 'pay back time' for unforgivable sins allegedly committed by the old man when he was younger. Such sins don't necessarily have anything to do with infidelity or taking a younger wife, but it's enough if the wife and the children all concluded he was too harsh with (or to) them when the marriage was younger or the children were growing up. They carefully elect to wait until the old man has retired and needs the company of his wife and the affection of the children most before they embark on a revenge mission!

In most, if not all, cases, the man must have worked day and night towards the physical, economic, and educational advancement of the family, most especially the children when they were growing up. Ironically, but for what the children now label as 'high-handedness', most, if not all, of them would have ended up as wayward children and unable to make anything worthwhile out of their lives. But they don't appreciate that!

The most painful part of it is that, the wife it was who used to obtain the children's submission to her 'dictations' by mentioning their Daddy's name each time they tended towards obstinacy! 'Your daddy is coming', 'your daddy will soon come', 'if you don't listen to me, I will report you to your daddy when he comes back', and so on. Expectedly, the children would not like to incur the wrath of their daddy, hence, they will 'maintain'! Where the children refused to listen to the mother and she was constrained to report them to the father, the father's reaction by way of punishment is what is now being used against the man as being too high-handed.

Another reason for the children's resentment towards their father is the mistaken impression that the father never contributed towards their education. While this can be true in some extreme cases where the father is irredeemably irresponsible, the truth is that in most other cases, because the father had to pursue money most of the time, he would give money for school fees and upkeep to the wife to go and settle whilst he goes 'hustling'. These facts are usually unknown to the children and the mother never told them it was their father who provided the money. Such children would later grow up and rebel against the father for his 'irresponsible' behaviours when they were growing up!

It will amount to over-generalisation to conclude that all women and children do this. Far from it! Recently, I was discussing with a former colleague in one of the banks where I previously worked. She told me that she was outside the country with Daddy. What for? One of their children just gave birth and both of them had travelled abroad to 'baby sit'! I think that's how it should be unless the old man elects not to travel!

Even in very extreme cases where the man had been beastly during the 'sinning' period, why should the woman wait until the husband's old age to 'pay him back'? Why not call it a day with the relationship when the man could still have been able to find someone with compatible behavioural patterns?

What Shall Men Do?

In the first place, a man must learn to be responsible and responsive in matrimonial homes! He must be actively involved in the children's affairs! Where some roles have been delegated to the mother, he should let the children be aware!

Second, no father must allow the woman to surreptitiously turn him into a masquerade in the estimation of the children. That you went out and you're returning home should be something that your children are looking forward to. If you continue to allow yourself to be portrayed as the family masquerade, in your old age you will definitely pay for it.

Furthermore, as a father, learn to correct your children in and with love. Let them know the reason a particular course of punishment was istered. Whatever level of punishment to be istered must be commensurate to the act of misdemeanour! Just like the Yorubas would say: 'Abéré ò gbudò sonù, ká lo gbé Ṣàngó síta'! Let the punishment fit the offence!

Finally, fathers must learn to provide for any 'incasity' at old age! In other words, learn not to eat with both hands. If you haven't been doing that before, start saving for the rainy day (old age) today. If your spouse and children decide to be ive at old age, all well and good, but if it turns out to be otherwise, there will be no regrets. Times are changing fast too! The children also have their own lives to live. If anything comes from them to the parents at old age, fine, otherwise try and be prepared! Whatever you have as savings would eventually go to them upon your inevitable departure anyway. No parent knows the art of raising or bringing up children. Only God does!

This battle of mother and children in relation to men, in most cases, is a lost battle for men. You cannot win it. The most deceptive belief a man can have is to think that he knows everything that goes on under his roof. This is because there's usually a lot of 'Má jé kí Daddy ẹ ó mò tàbí gbó o' in all homes! In other words, 'don't let your daddy know or hear that o'! This usually exists between the mother and the children to the exclusion of the father! They understandably spend more time together than men do, no matter how hard the fathers try! I think it's unconscionable for any woman to 'conspire' with the children to dub her husband a devil after using him as a tool to train the children to achieve greatness! God bless our homes, Amen!

Caleb Arogundade

Best response...the best.

Men should IN ALL THEIR DOINGS... "SAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR THEIR OLD AGE".

Bethanybethel:
Because he abandoned us with our sick late mother and now he is only reaping what he sowed. He will suffer until his last day on earth.

Lawd

Agunesinjaweola:
■**Giving a lot to your kids and wife when young is no guarantee that they will reciprocate. Just do what you need to do as a man, hubby and father. Expect nothing and anything but plan for eventuality.**
■The above sums up everything my brother...It's just pure luck and unexplainable...

1. Or you could marry a wife with whom you instead share responsibilities equally so you too can directly contribute your time and love — more than just materials and finances — towards raising of your own children so they can cherish you too. The reason children gravitate towards their mothers has to do, for the most part with, them getting the attention and time of their mothers more than they do their fathers. But in a situation where both parents, children bond almost equally with both.

2. Luck has nothing to do with it. Children almost always gravitate towards the one that spends the most time with— gives them more attention. It's how we humans are programmed.

yomi007k:
For kids to abandon fathers is unfair but very common. I was telling one dude the same thing but he just kept arguing blindly.

How can you force a human being to bond with someone who barely ever gave him/her attention? We, adults, are like kids in that we gravitate toward those who give us our time and attention more than we do those who don't. So before you blame those kids, find out the truth about the relationship that existed, assuming one did —beyond the typical sperm-donor-offspring relationship — that existed between them before they were supposedly abandoned.

onumadu:
■It is happening because it is the natural course of things in life, and there are bio-social reasons for it. If there is any FIRM strike against monogamy, this is it. In my ancestral Igboland, a man married as he aged. Example, at 20 year old, he married his first wife who may be 15/16 yrs old. At his 30 birthday, he married another woman... and so on until he gets to about 60-70 yrs old when he married a woman that (in Igbo language we say) "ga ene ya nka" (that would take care of him in old age).
■Go and see in the Bible where king David did exactly the same thing.
■But today, clueless men herd other clueless men into a clueless marriage system that is almost anti-men, only to get discarded and abused in their old age. This is why I keep advocating for a return to the ancestral Igbo marriage system by the Igbo. Euro-monogamy comes with things you cannot handle. When my beloved uncle died alone after raising children but was abandoned in old age, the handwriting on the wall became bright red for us his male relatives. Argue with yourself if you like!

1. There is absolutely nothing natural about the occurrences as it is instead a result of many of those men not spending time to build an actual relationship with their offspring.

2. David is an example of a man who did not spend time bonding with his children. His entire family is an example of dysfunction as a result.

3. As always, shift blame elsewhere. I wonder when you lot will start visiting wisdom.

all4zionlover:
I'm sure if the man was a good husband and father to his children, they will not abandon him in old age. Sow love, care and kindness now that you're a young husband and father.

The average Nigerian father thinks all he has to do is sit as breadwinner believing his kids would have to love him just for that. But that never works as people almost always bond only with those whose attention they are able to access and gain real value from. The same applies as far as children.

LadyRosa:
Very reasonable response.
Don't expect your children to cling to you when you are old ,esp when you didn’t cling to them in your prime.

Exactly!

Davidave:
Narcissistic people have good skills to Bleep everyone and then act like victims.
If your entire family abandons you, you probably have been the biggest asshole to them.

ROFLMAO

Ariketolu:
THIS HAS BEEN BOTH A COMMON CONCERN OF EVERY RESPONSIBLE MAN AS WELL AS A FAMILIAR TOPIC AMONG MEN THROUGH AGES, But unfortunately, it is a lost battle

Not long ago, I stumbled on a discussion in relation to how some women abandon their husbands at advanced ages and pitch their tents with their children under the guise of helping them to nurse their (children's) children. In some other cases, the men have been abandoned at old age by their wives because they felt it was 'pay back time' for unforgivable sins allegedly committed by the old man when he was younger. Such sins don't necessarily have anything to do with infidelity or taking a younger wife, but it's enough if the wife and the children all concluded he was too harsh with (or to) them when the marriage was younger or the children were growing up. They carefully elect to wait until the old man has retired and needs the company of his wife and the affection of the children most before they embark on a revenge mission!

In most, if not all, cases, the man must have worked day and night towards the physical, economic, and educational advancement of the family, most especially the children when they were growing up. Ironically, but for what the children now label as 'high-handedness', most, if not all, of them would have ended up as wayward children and unable to make anything worthwhile out of their lives. But they don't appreciate that!

The most painful part of it is that, the wife it was who used to obtain the children's submission to her 'dictations' by mentioning their Daddy's name each time they tended towards obstinacy! 'Your daddy is coming', 'your daddy will soon come', 'if you don't listen to me, I will report you to your daddy when he comes back', and so on. Expectedly, the children would not like to incur the wrath of their daddy, hence, they will 'maintain'! Where the children refused to listen to the mother and she was constrained to report them to the father, the father's reaction by way of punishment is what is now being used against the man as being too high-handed.

Another reason for the children's resentment towards their father is the mistaken impression that the father never contributed towards their education. While this can be true in some extreme cases where the father is irredeemably irresponsible, the truth is that in most other cases, because the father had to pursue money most of the time, he would give money for school fees and upkeep to the wife to go and settle whilst he goes 'hustling'. These facts are usually unknown to the children and the mother never told them it was their father who provided the money. Such children would later grow up and rebel against the father for his 'irresponsible' behaviours when they were growing up!

It will amount to over-generalisation to conclude that all women and children do this. Far from it! Recently, I was discussing with a former colleague in one of the banks where I previously worked. She told me that she was outside the country with Daddy. What for? One of their children just gave birth and both of them had travelled abroad to 'baby sit'! I think that's how it should be unless the old man elects not to travel!

Even in very extreme cases where the man had been beastly during the 'sinning' period, why should the woman wait until the husband's old age to 'pay him back'? Why not call it a day with the relationship when the man could still have been able to find someone with compatible behavioural patterns?

What Shall Men Do?

In the first place, a man must learn to be responsible and responsive in matrimonial homes! He must be actively involved in the children's affairs! Where some roles have been delegated to the mother, he should let the children be aware!

Second, no father must allow the woman to surreptitiously turn him into a masquerade in the estimation of the children. That you went out and you're returning home should be something that your children are looking forward to. If you continue to allow yourself to be portrayed as the family masquerade, in your old age you will definitely pay for it.

Furthermore, as a father, learn to correct your children in and with love. Let them know the reason a particular course of punishment was istered. Whatever level of punishment to be istered must be commensurate to the act of misdemeanour! Just like the Yorubas would say: 'Abéré ò gbudò sonù, ká lo gbé Ṣàngó síta'! Let the punishment fit the offence!

Finally, fathers must learn to provide for any 'incasity' at old age! In other words, learn not to eat with both hands. If you haven't been doing that before, start saving for the rainy day (old age) today. If your spouse and children decide to be ive at old age, all well and good, but if it turns out to be otherwise, there will be no regrets. Times are changing fast too! The children also have their own lives to live. If anything comes from them to the parents at old age, fine, otherwise try and be prepared! Whatever you have as savings would eventually go to them upon your inevitable departure anyway. No parent knows the art of raising or bringing up children. Only God does!

This battle of mother and children in relation to men, in most cases, is a lost battle for men. You cannot win it. The most deceptive belief a man can have is to think that he knows everything that goes on under his roof. This is because there's usually a lot of 'Má jé kí Daddy ẹ ó mò tàbí gbó o' in all homes! In other words, 'don't let your daddy know or hear that o'! This usually exists between the mother and the children to the exclusion of the father! They understandably spend more time together than men do, no matter how hard the fathers try! I think it's unconscionable for any woman to 'conspire' with the children to dub her husband a devil after using him as a tool to train the children to achieve greatness! God bless our homes, Amen!

Caleb Arogundade

Good write up based on experience it seems!

Mostly true but it's not a lost battle. Both men and women need a new orientation. The ways of the past won't work with today's generation who tend to overreact to every situation.

flourishing247:
Not all the time. I've seen wife and children abandon their dad but still ask him for money. Even on his sick bed. They still make demands. He had near death experience and none showed up at the hospital up till he recovered.

What was he to them before he became bedridden?

Choilila:
Because Men abandoned women during their youthful days chasing girls in the name of sidechicks.
So it's the responsibility of the chicks to look after the Men when their old age rocks.

You've watched too much of Zeb Ejiro"s movies and other Alaba market stuff

TheMostComplex1:


Your last statement wicked man lol

If you want no invest the wait for your pikin. Even if I no send my papa money en get X 100.
Don't put your hope on your kids or wife anything kind happen. Na woman get pikin no be man. Na just your name dem de answer

TheMostComplex1:


Your last statement wicked man lol

You go abandon them before them abandon you

Because men are only useful to those women as beasts of labour. The men that are smart will look out for themselves and put measures in place for their retirement.

ejimatic:
It has been observed that many more crises are taking place in families nowadays. One of them is our focus here.

Many wives and children now abandon their husbands after the men retire. Some turn children against their fathers while some wives plan to kill their husbands so as to inherit their husband properties.

Why is it that wives want their husbands dead so as to inherit them? Why is it that when husbands are sicks WIves always try to know what is in the wills of their husbands? Why do wives abandon their husbands at the old age and pack to another apartment? Why do wives want to be in control of their husbands at the old age! Why do families crack when the old age is about to set in .

A man was abandoned by his wives and children so much so that he was crying for help in his apartment. When thean died the children slaughtered cows and painted the house.What do you think about this development? What is happening in the families now?

Interesting topic

How do you marry a person so they can take care of you. That is a selfish reason to be married. What that person needs is a care giver not a wife. This is why some men get abandoned. They see others as tools for their own comfort. The motive is selfish and any human with emotions will notice soon enough. If you don't invest emotionally in people, you can't insist on getting theirs. It's playing victim. Alot of men leave the care of children to their mothers all in the name of I am a man. It is during such moment that children bond with their mothers. Cooking and cleaning are life skills everyone should have it. I love my Father more than my mother because he was more involved in our lives than my late mother. I actually dread the thought of him ing away. At 75 and a widower, he is so independent. We speak almost everyday. This is the same feelings my siblings have too. Men invest emotionally in your children, be emotionally able to your wife. Stop living your life to the fullest at the expense of your family and then turnaround to also demand for their own time.

Amumaigwe:


You must be single or newly married. Experience will teach you sooner or later

How?

They are reaping what they have sown. . . simple.
You abandon your wife and children in your 'hay' days and expect not to be abandoned in your old age?
Where are the young wives?

If you treat your family with respect and love, will you be abandoned?

Any man who is abandoned by not only wife, BUT CHILDREN TOO?
He must have been or still is a classical SOB!
Karma . . .

See evidence? SEE CHILDREN ABANDONED BY THEIR FATHERS? Now they are famous. . . the fathers are crawling back.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDm385HMLf0


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzvTQy4G-cw


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjCYPsGcTKo