NewStats: 3,262,228 , 8,176,521 topics. Date: Sunday, 01 June 2025 at 12:49 PM 73s1f

Good morning dear Nairalanders,

Thank you for being there in the past with your timely advise(s). I am here again just to get some more on a case.

I have a girlfriend which I plan getting married to as both families are all involved. My girlfriend has had a bad past. She was once abused and all but then I was able to help shape her when I got into her life. I have been there for her in my own little way but lately, she has not been behaving too well and I am not happy about that fact.I will itemize these:

1. She once borrowed her friend her school fees to rent an apartment with the promise the friend was going to pay her back before exams started. Her friend failed to pay her back and I had to provide her with the money in order not to miss her exams. Note, the said friend is a female.

2. Second semester, her pops gave her school fees which I saw the alert. Yea,she travelled down to see me from Lag and she spent some but then I told her she would not have spent her school fees to come see me. Infact at that time I never knew she was going to come because I was sick but she did. So I told her not to touch her school fees again that I was going to refund her the money. She left and I refunded. I paid her flight back to Lagos.

I later found out my girlfriend didn’t pay that school fees. She spent it and when it was time to pay she kept complaining. I was mad at her wondering what she must have used it for. I scolded her and gave her part of the money.(N100k)

3. I have paid several debts for her as she made some mistakes in her online business and was swindled. The most recent one now, she went to get loans from apps online. I don’t even know what would have made her do that as I try assist her when she’s in need. I have warned her severally against borrowing but she went to borrow and now she’s into debt.

I have asked what she used the money for but she can’t even point to one thing. She said she used the initial loan for her personal needs and when she couldn’t pay back, she had to borrow from another app to pay and all. That’s how she kept borrowing to pay another till she borrowed from over 15 loan apps and her debt is running into 350k as at today.

I honestly can’t pay such an amount as I have my own personal problems to carry. I was mad because in the past I have warned her against borrowing and all. Now she’s in trouble and they’ve been threatening her to pay back.

I have told her I don’t have such monies to pay back and even if I had I won’t pay back. I have advised she talk to her parents and siblings about it but she has been scared. I have that money but I can’t pay back as I have more pressing needs to attend to. Since she has refused to tell her parents, I am thinking of telling her parents. I am very close to her family.

This is someone I wanna get married to but with all I’m seeing, I am already having doubts.

She’s from a very good home. Deep down, I love her and she does too. But why these problems, I don’t understand.

Please I seek your advice on how to handle this as I can’t pay such debts. I have done several in the past

Thanks

if you marry her, u can never amount to anything. she is a canterworm & caterpillar.

Set financial boundaries. If she doesnt respect these boundaries then a strict discipline should be meted out. Enough is enough

First of all, borrowing of school fees is a scope.

If she was a man, I would've said maybe she's into gambling or drugs.
But, a gal, could it be drugs?
Is she d extravagant type?

Or does she always take herself out, probably with friends while she foot d bills?
Fashion freak?

Am confused too.

Op,are you sure Gf don't have mental issues ?,it still baffles me how someone can lend her schoolfees out,it seems her past is still affecting her,op i think you should report her to her family,let them sit her down and talk some senses into her if not if you marry her like that she would kill you with debts.

Do not marry a liability- a word is enough for the wise

Let her sell her belongings(phones, laptop, clothes, hair) to service that loan

Brother run , ref flag everywhere

You're the Problem.... You're the one that need Help.

Cutehector:
Set financial boundaries. If she doesnt respect these boundaries then a strict discipline should be meted out. Enough is enough

Thanks a lot

Sorry to say but your. Woman is promiscuous

VirileNelly2420:
First of all, borrowing of school fees is a scope.

If she was a man, I would've said maybe she's into gambling or drugs.
But, a gal, could it be drugs?
Is she d extravagant type?

Or does she mastrubate always, probably with friends while she foot d bills?
Fashion freak?

Am confused too.

Of all these, I can say she’s a fashion freak. I am more confused to be honest

virginprincess:
Op,are you sure Gf don't have mental issues ?,it still baffles me how someone can lend her schoolfees out,it seems her past is still affecting her,op i think you should report her to her family,let them sit her down and talk some senses into her if not if you marry her like that she would kill you with debts.

Thanks a lot. I may have to do that this morning. She has been pleading I do not but I sure can’t handle this problem

2special:
You're the Problem.... You're the one that need Help.

How am I the problem??

She is not a wife material if u ask me.

A woman shd be a good manager of resources not lavishing it even more than the man.

And don't forget in so doing, lies and cover ups comes in. Someone who spends like that can't be truthful.

Bro, a painful conclusion from me is that look for another serious lady to marry

You don try... Report her this time, she go vex ,laslas she go calm down.

Nobody is perfect.
So before you go for her then you must be sure that she listens to you.

Maybe you not doing enough to warn her and beside not everyone is good at spending money wisely and that is why you are the perfect person for her.

Many men also have their wife as the person that puts a break on any of their reckless spending.
So I would say that you the perfect person help plan her finances but you must make sure she opens up to you and listens too

maikbanj:


How am I the problem??

She belongs to the street and she will definitely go back there which is obvious with what you wrote....but it seems you don't value your Peace... Please let her Go.

U better report to her family. The family should raise the money jare.
As country had so?

This is a red flag
I guess she believes she has an ATM machine that once she run into he will dispense at any given time
I will advise that you disappoint her this time around
Don't pay even 1 naira and report her to her parents unless maybe you are scared of her


Than for you to pay that money kindly send the 350k to your loving mother to add to her business or do anything she fills like and watch her pray for you more

Don't pay any money, let her look for it herself and pay, then she will know it's not easy to make money. Who she be self? She is taking advantage of your kindness cos she knows you will pay d money for her .

maikbanj:


How am I the problem??

He is right, you can't bail her out of every problem she put herself into just because you want to marry her, sometimes let her fight her battles herself especially the ones she put herself into against your advice, that way she would learn that there are consequences to certain actions and no one would come through for her all the time.

If you love her, keep her as a girlfriend but if you ever love your life and future, don't have plans with her.

Financial prudence and management is important in marriage. Don't make the mistake of planning a life with someone who can't manage money. It's like saving money inside a pocket with hole. It will never be full

tayo60:
Don't pay any money, let her look for it herself and pay, then she will know it's not easy to make money. Who she be self? She is taking advantage of your kindness cos she knows you will pay d money for her .

This is the problem you will face if you are a good man,you want to be Responsible and take care of your woman right? Well she will take advantage of that and milk you dry like a Cow.
Men y'all better receive sense now and start learning from the experiences of other men

B

Bro, u be real Gee

czarr:
He is right, you can't bail her out of every problem she put herself into just because you want to marry her, sometimes let her fight her battles herself especially the ones she put herself into against your advice, that way she would learn that there are consequences to certain actions and no one would come through for her all the time.

Women are adult children,you need to discipline them so they know the consequences of their Foolish Actions. But real men won't agree,real men like the op

omotoso1989:
Bro, u be real Gee

[quote author=omotoso1989 post=114777316]Bro, u be real Gee,red flags all around,run o

Brother lovina, the red flags are staring you in the face but you choose to be blind to it now because of the butterflies in your belly. wait until you marry her and she starts using your properties and valuables as collateral for debts and loans, that is when you'll know if you really love her or not.

A girl who is not disciplined with money can not manage a home well. If she can be running into debts for her own personal needs, imagine when she now has a family. She'll not only run into debts but start doing dubious and even whorish things to meet up or pay back.

Be guided. Don't let mere feelings get you trapped in a mess you'll live to regret for the rest of your life.

OscarJaden:
This is a red flag
I guess she believes she has an ATM machine that once she run into he will dispense at any given time
I will advise that you disappoint her this time around
Don't pay even 1 naira and report her to her parents unless maybe you are scared of her


Than for you to pay that money kindly send the 350k to your loving mother to add to her business or do anything she fills like and watch her pray for you more

Thanks a lot bro

cRobo:

Let her sell her belongings(phones, laptop, clothes, hair) to service that loan

Chai see advice Kala

Channah1:
Brother lovina, the red flags are staring you in the face but you choose to be blind to it now because of the butterflies in your belly. wait until you marry her and she starts using your properties and valuables as collateral for debts and loans, that is when you'll know if you really love her or not.

A girl who is not disciplined with money can not manage a home well. If she can be running into debts for her own personal needs, imagine when she now has a family. She'll not only run into debts but start doing dubious and even whorish things to meet up or pay back.

Be guided. Don't let mere feelings get you trapped in a mess you'll live to regret for the rest of your life.

I appreciate your kind advise