NewStats: 3,261,650 , 8,174,649 topics. Date: Thursday, 29 May 2025 at 11:13 PM 2f4e4i

I know it might seem too early to start nursing this feeling but each day the signs keep coming.

I dated my wife for like 3 years before we marry. All this time she base in another city with her family while I based in another city but she do visits like twice each year.
While we were dating there is so many things that I saw in her or will I say she made me saw her that am not seeing again.

One, am this guy that love to help. Like am this type that have this dreams of helping the whole world(women and kids) if it is possible. While we are dating she made me see her like like mind , she share her dreams two of running NGOs for women and children, adopt and train orphans e.t.c. but to my greatest surprise now she is very very opposite. Most annoying is her dislike for kids coming close.
We share dreams of having large house with families always around but now she kick against every idea of anybody coming around, her family included.

Two, She made me see her like this ambitious and industrious lady, running couple of businesses then.
I having a fight with her because I said she will finish giving birth before talking about business or work when we marry. To make greatest surprise now that we are finally married she don't have this push nor the zeal to do anything, infact she kills every move to started up something for her.
In less than 18months of our marriage I have started two businesses for her she run it down .
Infact the first one never even start, I gave
her money to go buy her machines, she dn't buy them and money I didn't see.
Her excuse was that she is not interested in what she was doing before that she want to go into business.
Late last year I started for her another business myself, order the goods myself. That business did not see 31 Dec .
Is so painful because I planned of starting couple of businesses with her help and care in 2 or 3 years so that I can resign my work and come back home fully (My work take me away for most part of the year) , but it seems I dnt watch before jumping.
Right now am in the middle of the road not knowing what to do.
I don't know if this is sign of laziness/her style , fear of failing or just that she needs time.

Three, Sex life . She is totally a diffrent person now, like it is just too boring to make love to her now unlike before.
I have discussed it with her to know what changed she said nothing . Though she seems happy in and out because I make sure I treat her like a queen even though am just trying to survive
It doesn't look like she is lacking anything or not happy with the marriage
Less than 18 months into the marriage making love to her is just for purpose of procreation.

Last but not the least her money management is scaring.
You give her money to keep next time you ask about the money she can't give of the money nor point what she did with it.
I don't know what to think , though I trust her very much.
But my confusion now is I came across two transfers she made to this particular guy in just Feb while trying to use her phone.
I check her call log and notice that she is in constant communication with this guy. I check out the number on my whatapp and Facebook.
It happens that this guy, which she saved with one funny name in her phone, is a guy I knw his name becus it always come up . Infact in one of her visits while we are dating one day she spent close to 1hour plus with this guy on phone with me right there, I confronted her she told me that the guy is her ex friend but her good friend and colleague and that he is married with kids.
I don't know if it is a good idea to confront her again with the alert and constant communications with this guy or lay low, play along and monitor things.

N

You have a lot to "nip in the bud" before the outcome of these discoveries extinguishes your life's FLAME. So make haste or your hustles waste.

plan yourself and get a second wife along the line. women always feel comfortable when they're married with a man that's doing well. try and get a comforter and avoid the mental stress from her. hide your money from her don't initiate business plan with rather be using her to cure konji until you're ready to get a second wife by then her eyes go close

Did u copy this story from some where? I know why I am asking, because if u did and brought it here to catch cruise, I pray such fate surely befalls u, but if this story is true, I still wonder why u will tolerate ur wife (then fiancee) speaking with her ex for over an hour in ur presence, and now u are still asking us whether to confront her upon finding out that she sent money to this same ex. It is either something is still happening between ur wife and her ex, or even if something is not happening now, it is just a matter of time he will begin to sleep with ur wife.

The only mistake u made was not attending English classes ..

Ur in for a long thing

Difficult situations call for drastic measures my son.

That's life.

There are times that in order to achieve something of a greater purpose or benefit, some drastic or painful measures have to be taken.

How do you save a man who has a deep and infected wound in his hand from getting paralyzed as a result of the disease spreading to other parts of his body?

You cut the hand off!!!

If there's a terrorist invasion, how do you defend yourselves against them?

By fighting and even killing them if possible and necessary.

So that's life. Difficult situations call for drastic measures.

So I know the idea of a divorce may be serious and huge but if you know that there are greater purposes to achieve such as for you to have peace of mind and be free of all emotional torture, for you not to be implicated by her bad ways, and for your life not to be ruined by associating with someone with a potential to ruin it and so on, then go for it.

If you've tried to make her change but she's adamant upon failure and she's giving you too much than you can bear, then divorce her and move on with your life.

And let this experience serve as a lesson for you to guide you in your next attempt at marriage.

God help you.

By the way, everything I've said is on condition that all you've said is true cause we haven't heard her side.

============

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rtdCivilservant:
Did u copy this story from some where? I know why I am asking, because if u did and brought it here to catch cruise, I pray such fate surely befalls u, but if this story is true, I still wonder why u will tolerate ur wife (then fiancee) speaking with her ex for over an hour in ur presence, and now u are still asking us whether to confront her upon finding out that she sent money to this same ex. It is either something is still happening between ur wife and her ex, or even if something is not happening now, it is just a matter of time he will begin to sleep with ur wife.

I think he meant the guy is a friend of her ex.

You need to confront her definitely.
Your marriage seems to be on a long thing.

Delpeiro
The red flag is in your face already. Do not start having children with this woman. If both of you are childless I will advice you to pause when it comes to having children with her. It is better you escape now or cry endlessly later.

Many times I asked God how did you create women?

Today they want to get married, tomorrow they desire their single life back. They miss the life of when they use to have various dick in their vagina.

No man can please a woman. Any man that wants to please a woman will die before their time.

Women dont even know what they want

Another "content creator", same patterns!

Delpeiro
Do not confront her, just try to get more evidence for your exit

If you confront her, she will be more descret in her unfaithful game.

Just be wise and use wisdom in all things

Some people get ENDURANCE!!!
For me, anything short of happiness I'm doing away with it.
Why will someone intentionally choose to hurt another? And pretend as if all is well!!!

Oga, you don enter ........

But you sef sound like the type that will tell your wife whatever we tell you here when she open leg for you.
so I have no advice for you.

BTW ... 2 visits annually for 3years is 6 visits...
Oga, you didn’t date her for 3years, you married her after 6 visits..

Have a nice day

Delpeiro:
I know it might seem too early to start nursing this feeling but each day the signs keep coming.

I dated my wife for like 3 years before we marry. All this time she base in another city with her family while I based in another city but she do visits like twice each year.
While we were dating there is so many things that I saw in her or will I say she made me saw her that am not seeing again.

One, am this guy that love to help. Like am this type that have this dreams of helping the whole world(women and kids) if it is possible. While we are dating she made me see her like like mind , she share her dreams two of running NGOs for women and children, adopt and train orphans e.t.c. but to my greatest surprise now she is very very opposite. Most annoying is her dislike for kids coming close.
We share dreams of having large house with families always around but now she kick against every idea of anybody coming around, her family included.

Two, She made me see her like this ambitious and industrious lady, running couple of businesses then.
I having a fight with her because I said she will finish giving birth before talking about business or work when we marry. To make greatest surprise now that we are finally married she don't have this push nor the zeal to do anything, infact she kills every move to started up something for her.
In less than 18months of our marriage I have started two businesses for her she run it down .
Infact the first one never even start, I gave
her money to go buy her machines, she dn't buy them and money I didn't see.
Her excuse was that she is not interested in what she was doing before that she want to go into business.
Late last year I started for her another business myself, order the goods myself. That business did not see 31 Dec .
Is so painful because I planned of starting couple of businesses with her help and care in 2 or 3 years so that I can resign my work and come back home fully (My work take me away for most part of the year) , but it seems I dnt watch before jumping.
Right now am in the middle of the road not knowing what to do.
I don't know if this is sign of laziness/her style , fear of failing or just that she needs time.

Three, Sex life . She is totally a diffrent person now, like it is just too boring to make love to her now unlike before.
I have discussed it with her to know what changed she said nothing . Though she seems happy in and out because I make sure I treat her like a queen even though am just trying to survive
It doesn't look like she is lacking anything or not happy with the marriage
Less than 18 months into the marriage making love to her is just for purpose of procreation.

Last but not the least her money management is scaring.
You give her money to keep next time you ask about the money she can't give of the money nor point what she did with it.
I don't know what to think , though I trust her very much.
But my confusion now is I came across two transfers she made to this particular guy in just Feb while trying to use her phone.
I check her call log and notice that she is in constant communication with this guy. I check out the number on my whatapp and Facebook.
It happens that this guy, which she saved with one funny name in her phone, is a guy I knw his name becus it always come up . Infact in one of her visits while we are dating one day she spent close to 1hour plus with this guy on phone with me right there, I confronted her she told me that the guy is her ex friend but her good friend and colleague and that he is married with kids.
I don't know if it is a good idea to confront her again with the alert and constant communications with this guy or lay low, play along and monitor things.

She acted to he the kind of woman you ever wanted and pretend to share your dreams with you simply because she wants the marriage to be so that the real her will come out

All the whole time she pays you visits, she did all she does with pretense to keep you glued with her

Now whatever you see in her life is her real character

You showed her love and care and she is taking you for a fool

This time around you have to change towards her else she will make you a slave boss

Stop giving her money as you use to do because she is too lazy to labour so she won't know what it takes to struggle

For the time being, you can take her to her parents to stay with them for a while as you have to do so without her permission or knowing

Her parents will call you to renegotiate on the way forward

I hate women who can't help themselves neither their husband in the family front

Amb1045:
plan yourself and get a second wife along the line. women always feel comfortable when they're married with a man that's doing well. try and get a comforter and avoid the mental stress from her. hide your money from her don't initiate business plan with rather be using her to cure konji until you're ready to get a second wife by then her eyes go close

Thanks

This issue is very simple. Put your foot down oga, take charge of your home, warn her seriously about calling any male friends, if she disobey, let there be consequences.

You're too docile for your wife, I'm sure you'll be nagging too which is very bad, what you should have done is to warn her just once and never talk about that particular issue again.. If she disobeyed let be serious consequences, stop talking too much, let your action speak louder than your words.

JudgeKronos:
Oga, you don enter ........

But you sef sound like the type that will tell your wife whatever we tell you here when she open leg for you.
so I have no advice for you.

BTW ... 2 visits annually for 3years is 6 visits...
Oga, you didn’t date her for 3years, you married her after 6 visits..

Have a nice day

Too much sense will not kill you

Mindlog:
Another "content creator", same patterns!

Might not be. When I needed advice from Nairalanders about family issues, I created a new moniker. I have lost the to that so if I ever need advice for a sensitive and personal issue, I will definitely be creating a new

Can't you guys just fuçking stay out of this marriage institution?

You've been scammed

You married a chameleon. Wrong species.

Hmmm...... there's a big difference between I will do and I am doing. Apparently, she knew those things you will like to hear and kept building her stories/dreams around them.

Delpeiro:


Last but not the least her money management is scaring.
You give her money to keep next time you ask about the money she can't give of the money nor point what she did with it.
I don't know what to think , though I trust her very much.
But my confusion now is I came across two transfers she made to this particular guy in just Feb while trying to use her phone.
I check her call log and notice that she is in constant communication with this guy. I check out the number on my whatapp and Facebook.
It happens that this guy, which she saved with one funny name in her phone, is a guy I knw his name becus it always come up . Infact in one of her visits while we are dating one day she spent close to 1hour plus with this guy on phone with me right there, I confronted her she told me that the guy is her ex friend but her good friend and colleague and that he is married with kids.
I don't know if it is a good idea to confront her again with the alert and constant communications with this guy or lay low, play along and monitor things.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the highlight of this story.

No need of reading everything.

I'm beginning to think this institution called marriage has something to do with luck, it's a black market, you never know what you will get once you go into it.

OP, the Lord is your strength.

Lovethaa:
The only mistake u made was not attending English classes ..

..
The message was well ed.

English kill u there.

Vyolet:
I'm beginning to think this institution called marriage has something to do with luck, it's a black market, you never know what you will get once you go into it.

OP, the Lord is your strength.

But it's always been a black market and the best any one can do is to choose with patience someone who is willing to work and walk with you.

Did she study Theatre Art?... Assuming this was a movie, I would have loved to see how she was performing this great 'Wayo" on you...I can just imagine her laughing and telling her friends as a single lady her acting skills while the famous courtship was going on ..

I will not be surprised if you guys met on dating site.... where u mentioned your likes and dislike and she capitalized on it...Did she also said she like bush walking as a hobby too ..

Hi, you are an exceptional man. You have no problem, you only need to take charge.

1. Seems your wife only married you because of money not because of love. Instead of loving who she got married to, she feels she ought to have married whom she loved. That is a great mistake most married people make. They don't know they were born to generate love. She love your money, she knows you are truthfull and kind.



2. She has refused to detach her emotions and mentality from her past so she looks like someone driving a car forward but has her eyes fixed on the side mirrors alone. She thinks all the glitters is gold.

3. She feels she has no focus and future plans.

4. All these and others you didn't mention are all done deliberately.


5. She is taking you for granted. Because you are not acting.


Brother. You need to sit up. Reset you life and marriage. Reprogram your strategies. How?

1Pray that God will lead you aright and rescue your marriage.
2. Confront her with the genuine evidences of her useless conversations with the so called ex.
3. Be somehow tough in your speech. Let her choose whom she will follow, you or the so called ex.
4. Ask her timelines of what she wants for a living without your financial assistance.
5. Be ready for any eventuality. Start to live as if you don't need love or sex. When the demand is not there she will suspect you and may sit up.
6. Threaten to send her to her parents to stay for six months or more until she is ready to be focused. Be ready to send your baby to the grandparents if need be.
7. Stop begging, stop talking with soft voice, be somehow harsh, set new rules in the house.


You need to do something fast, else she becomes your eternal cross. Yesterday, a man told me how he rose up to stop the stupidity and foolishness of his wife.

GboyegaD:


But it's always been a black market and the best any one can do is to choose with patience someone who is willing to work and walk with you.

OP was patient, his wife was willing to work and walk with him until she achieved her aim(marriage to the guy) and boom, story changed. This is where Luck comes in.