NewStats: 3,264,120 , 8,182,685 topics. Date: Monday, 09 June 2025 at 06:53 PM 63191w

Sadly, people's experiences have taught them wrongly and that's why many women will say lailai, but in reality, love is giving and sharing, so a marriage should be one where both people involved share everything. The woman does not have to put in all she earns but she can definitely contribute something every now and then or based on agreement between them.

Cheating can never be the solution to your problem. By your own ission you love your wife, but I doubt that it is true love. If it were you'd that marriage is for better for worse, for when she feels and sex and when she doesn't. What you shoulda done was to have had a heart to heart with her as to how you seriously needed to be intimate, bearing in mind also that after child birth some women go through unbelievable trauma. Communication is the key. No sane woman would want her husband cheating on her, she probably would have done her best to satisfy you.

unfortunately too true. So many even take loans to finance this unnecessary extravagance.

I quite agree that 2015 is the year of the real elections. For 2011, Jonathan is most likely to clinch.

She is really beautiful and she usually comes across as nice, humble and approachable.

ion007:

The sad truth is that even the educated Nigerian woman is scared stiff of CS. She thinks there's something immediately ominous about it and feels subnormal or even inferior to other women who deliver the 'natural' way. They wouldn't opt for a CS except there is a medically compelling reason to. In most cases, medically compelling often involves possible cases of fetal demise, and it is sad that sometimes they care less of themselves and are only bothered about what "THEY WILL SAY".
These events happen everyday with infuriating routine at the University of Nigeria Teaching Hospital where I am a final year med student.

Thats because there's something ominous about slicing anyone open.

Had my babies naturally but any way that will keep the woman and baby alive, is what I opt for.

I drive an automatic but sometimes I just wish for the old manual shift; it somehow makes the driving all the more fun.

You too be rich and hire your own maid to ask all those questions, abi!

Intercede if called upon, yes because it may be impossible to say no. But interfere, no. However everyone should learn to manage their affairs between themselves.

Samobi:

@Poster

What kinda marraige are we talking about here? If it is naija marraige, from what I have seen, it is based on multiplying like a grimlin. I don't care how much love and understanding there is in a marraige between 2 naija people. If the couple cannot reproduce babies almost immediately after marraige or after a few years after marraige, watch how quickly the marraige will crumble like a badly made soufle.

Thats a rather generalist statement. There are several several marriages in naija where couples live childless, loving each other till death do them part.

Siena:


Being an African does not automatically mean we'll all turn the other cheek. I think you should speak for yourself, not every African out there. I for one will not accept a slap from my MIL. If she was that much of a slowpoke to do so, she should be prepared to leave my home permanently, with a bust jaw, and probably loose teeth.

Slap me, and I should just sit there and accept it, all in the name of tradition, just because I'm African? Never heard of such a crazy reason to turn the other cheek!

So Mrs Siena's mum slaps you (God forbid)!, you're telling me you will slap her back. What will that make you? And how iwll Mrs Siena feel about that?

Well suffice to say, as you make your bed so you lie on it. However, now you need to assess yourself and your relationship with your wife. If you are ready to give up all that you are enjoying from your in-laws, then its time to put your foot down and insist on being the man in your home. If you have sincerely tried to reach your wife by having a loving, heartfelt discussion with her, then its time to put your foot down firmly on every issue that you don't agree with.

How about moving away, far away from where you live right now, that is sure to put an end to errands at least and other intrusions.

Whatever you do though, to tread carefully because of your kids. I'm sure that several people who have been in your shoes will tell you things usually don't end well except you take a stand immediately.

We are talking about child no 7 here so, I guess "he's been there done that", you know. And lets not forget that for some people, football is more than what it should be!

You need to be careful in teaching young ones about sex. When and how you teach them should enlighten them about questions they may have. It shouldn't make them want to experiment. So no porn please.

^^^^seconded.

The only thing I am against is "sending them to school and university to get a decent and hopefully well paying job". So not happening. I am and will continue to train them to be wealth creators in their own regard.

Both. There's a reason why it takes a man and a woman to make a child.

Men, thats sad. Sure to leave a bitter feeling in the guy's heart for a very long time. Think of all the issues that will arise, family will have to be told, no more wedding. All the rice and cow, ha, na wa o.

But all in all, probably most advisable thing to do will be to call off the thing and try to never set sight on each other again!

Love incorporates understanding. You cannot be in love with someone without understanding them. The problem we have is that many people equate physical attraction to love and hence the poster's question. True love, has all the aspects mentioned here: respect, understanding; tolerance, commitment, trust. and forgiveness. My humble opinion.

Oh Lord! that is sickening. This is one of the reasons I most actions taken to protect the lives of children.

On the one hand I feel like yeah they should be castrated even, but then you have to think about those who for one reason or the other are sucked into the whirlpool of this horrid lifestyle innocently and who sometimes come out of it better human beings. Its a dicey one for me really.
I think that what I really want to know is, is child bearing or rearing the major problem with this group of people? Are there other areas that need to be considered so that they may have healthier lives?

I am fairly certain none of the people advocating retaliation will do so. This is Africa and we are Africans. What the MIL did is totally uncalled for, but violence is not the answer because if the man slaps her back how will he defend his action to his own family when the matter is tabled before the family , because it will.
I think what begs an answer that the poster should please tell us is what did the wife do afterwards?

cant the title, but the one where he won a lottery ticket to . hilarious all the way. especially when he was dancing to Mr. Bombastic!

I think that above all poster should hold on to the most important thing a lot of people have said and that is do not pummel your wife's self esteem over this matter. And its not like there's no solution to the problem at hand, if its not practicable to go to catering school, then you both learn at home. There are a lot of recipes here on nairaland and you could also watch lots and lots of cooking shows together. Some people cant learn by reading recipes but some can and watching cooking programs will help. You sound like you love your wife and I'm sure you will do what's best for your marriage.
P.S. Do not send her back to her mother as that will be an effontery of sorts and an insult.

The pain of betrayal is one that hardly ever goes away, moreso your mom and husband to be! The lady in question should forgive her mom but forget getting married to this person. She will never have peace if she marries the guy who will still be seeing her mom from time to time. Plus she should tell her father and if possible move away from home and the next guy she wants to get married to, make sure she introduces to her father in the absence of the mother and ensure that they don't cross paths. She may even demand that the mother be absent from her wedding and life in general.